Addictedtohim Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) 17 years ago, I thought I fell in love with my current partner. We had 2 beautiful children together. Shortly after having our kids, my partner just went cold turkey on me with any intimate relations. His sex drive was basically non existent. No he wasn't and has never cheated on me...he loved me dearly. I on the other hand have a high sex drive and believe sex to be a healthy part of any normal relationship. Trust me, I tried and tried and would only end up crying into my pillow at night. 2 years of NO sex, my mind started to wander. One night I went out on a very rare outing with my sister and met this man whom I connected on every level. I stupidly gave him my cell number at the end of the night. We never touched, we never kissed. Over the next few days he tried contacting me and I couldn't answer him. I felt so incredibly guilty but I also couldn't get him out of my mind. We met up again a few times out at bars but still had no physical contact. Eventually he knocked down my barriers, wooed me with his wit and charm and we made love, twice. It was absolutely incredible. He continued to pursue me but I ignored him out of my feelings of horrible guilt that I had cheated on my partner. I basically decided to never see him again and that hurt me like hell. I will tell you that this man was an extremely high profile prominent local and it was so difficult for me to see him on the TV, in papers, online etc. My partner and I decided to move out of the area, 8 hours away to be exact. I have always thought of this man and recently saw him again in a TV interview. I can't tell you how seeing him again made me feel. I was mesmerised by him, I had such an intense physical reaction to him, I had to walk out of the room I was literally shaking. I thought I was in love with my partner but I've never felt this way for him. I don't know what to do. I've been in this relationship now for 17 yrs and still very unhappy but he loves me and I don't want to hurt him. The other man has never had a long term relationship as far as I know. I so badly want to contact him again but I don't know if he would even feel the same way for me now. I've grown older and will look different. Do I stay in this loveless relationship or I do find happiness elsewhere? Edited March 3, 2014 by Addictedtohim Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Does you partner know how you feel? (How unhappy you are, I mean) Have you considered or tried counselling, either marriage or individual? I think after 17 years together, you owe it to your partner to give this a fighting chance. On the other hand, if you've exhausted all your options and still feel it isn't right anymore, then I would agree it's time to move on. Remember that the man you had an affair with represents an ideal of what you're looking for. It sounds as though you don't know him all that well. Don't forget he's got his flaws too; we all do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Addictedtohim Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 I've tried for 17 yrs and put more effort into this relationship than he has. I will never leave him if it's going to destroy him. He knows how I feel but would never willingly let me go. I realise what I had for this other man was in the past and there's a high possibility he wouldn't be interested in me at my age. And if that's the case he's not the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Perhaps counselling might be the answer. Thanks for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Tell your partner about your desires and how you decided to have an open relationship. If he had an affair, wouldn't you want to know? If your partner does not know about the relationship problems, how can he ever work on his part of the problems? If you did not use condoms, I hope you get tested for stds. Link to post Share on other sites
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