Is he interested or brushing me off?

[roksi001]

Okay here's my dating dilemma. It seems like a common issue. And the truth is, advice out there is polarizing and downright confusing. There's a lot of detail here...so it's a bit of a read..however, I thought better more than less!

 

I've been on two dates with this guy. He's cute, chatty and very funny. So I'm quite interested in him, however I don't know whether he's equally interested in me.

 

I met the guy online and he initiated contact – we seemed to have a bit in common: film and travel – so he speedily asked me out. He asked if our first date should be drinks or movie followed by coffee to discuss. We laughed over a shared perspective that movie dates were ironic because you sit next to a total stranger and don’t get a chance to talk = awkward.

 

Right we agreed to meet. First I had to cancel due to an unforseen family incident. We rearranged, but he later messaged to tell me an air hostess friend of his was visiting from dubai and would it be okay to reschedule- but offered to still keep the date because he had made plans with me first. I told him to see his friend as I’ll be around but visiting friends are not permanent...and that it was only fair since i cancelled on him the first time!

 

We arranged to finally meet at a relaxed bar. He was gorgeous, I think I was a little stunned at first. Although he was talkative he seemed a little nervous as he kept bouncing his knees. He apologised for being fidgety but was eyeing a table because he didn’t think talking at the bar was very comfortable. We finally moved tables, and about 10 minutes after that his knees stopped bouncing…after I think we started to be a bit more relaxed with our conversation.

Note he bought both rounds of drinks, and when I said thank you he said ‘you’re welcome’.

 

The strange thing is he kept asking some interesting/weird questions. Like, would I date someone white (I’m not white)..? To which I was bewildered seeing I was on a date with him presently! He also asked if I had dated both average looking and hot guys or do I only go out with hot guys. Again he asked what sort of guys I’m generally into…he said “like your ex or something’. I thought it was not etiquette to bring up the ex during a first date…so I tried to vaguely respond without too much detail. I responded to assure him that what someone looks like matters only little and only up to the point their personality shows. I told him I like my men witty and intelligent – which he was: funny, charming, conversational and well read.

 

As the night progressed, he asked if I was still intending to drive home…and proposed to sober me up for out for coffee and share a cheesecake. No cheesecake shop was open by the time we left, so we had a rushed coffee instead (cafes closing). He popped me into a taxi, hugged me and said “nice to meet you. I’ll be in touch”. Within half hour he sent a message reading

“Hey. Hope you got home okay. I think the taxi was a good idea. Had fun hanging out…Goodnight :-)” (yes, smiley face included). I responded I had a great night and was nice to meet him too.

Three days later, I hadn’t heard, so I thought I’d write him. I shot him a text about a film he mentioned seeing, asking if he had seen it yet.

 

My text: Hey. Hope you’re having a good weekend. Quick q – have you seen FILM X?

Him: Hey ;-) my weekends been fun and busy so far. No I haven’t seen it yet. Why, were you thinking of going?

Me: Yea I am. As a film enthusiast it’s tragic I haven’t seen it yet!

Him: There’s a session at 8:50 tonight if you want to go?

Me: Sure, sounds good!

 

At the time I was thrilled he responded so quickly, and suggested a night that was that night as opposed to later in the week. After all, I didn’t suggest when I wanted to see it. We arranged to meet 5 minutes before the movie started, so I knew there would be no prelude …and chatting after was unlikely as things would be shut by the time we got out.

 

We met, chatted while in the queue…was all fine…he even told me about some work things, and how in a raffle a girl at his work won first prize and his mates teased him about a set up. I laughed at his noting he was bringing up other women on his radar. I get it. We’ve only just started seeing each other (not even) and I have other guys on my radar too…we chatted about movies coming out that we’d love to see etc. When the movie started THEN it got awkward. As movie dates are. I thought since we had chatted so well on the first date that it wouldn’t be so awkward.

 

Anyway, he walked me to my car again. Lingered talking about my car…bidded me farewell with another hug. This time he said: “Have a good week. We’ll keep in touch”.

 

I was mortified and utterly disappointed. I blew it.

So the next day I sent a quick text to thank him for the night. I apologised for the late night and that not much conversation happened. I made a light hearted tease about being too stunned by his looks, and that next time we could just chat instead?

 

This was a Monday morning, so I wasn’t expecting a reply until later in the day. But an hour later I got a reply.

 

He says “Hey Roxy, Sizzling good looks haha, haven’t heard that before. As I said before movie dates can be awkward as there isn’t much opportunity for chat. Chatting next time will be fine! Chat soon.”

 

Today is Tuesday. So only a day after…but as girls go, this is driving me a little nuts. So I want some thoughts/advice.

 

So now, I’m a little confused and bewildered. So given all this detail (sorry if it’s too much…but I had vague questions without context)….. here are my questions:

 

1. Is he even interested in me? Personal questions and immediate text on the first date seemed like yes. But no contact within 3 days seems like no. However, his immediate reply to my movie text seems like yes.

2. Is “chat soon” a polite brush off? Or a polite way of keeping his options open? Or do you think he means it, and will actually chat soon?

3. Is he trying to play it cool and take it slow? Or maybe just busy and wanting to take his time?

4. Should I write him off? Or do you think he’s keen but for whatever reason isn’t being super aggressive or chasing too hard?

 

Any help or insight would be much appreciated. Would help ease my mind as I'm really into him.

[babycakees]

This guy is sending mixed signals. I think I would wait for him to contact me first this time. It's one way to tell if he is truly interested. If he wants to see you again, he will contact you.

[OhThatGirl]

Yep. Wait to see if you hear from him. Waiting sucks and I'm impatient too but you'll be able to find out when you see the effort he puts forth in contacting you and wanting to see you again.

[devilish innocent]

I don't think he was brushing you off. He made a point of bringing up the fact that he'd talk to you again the last time you spoke when he didn't have. I think he really does intend to keep in touch. It's only a few days between hearing from him and you've just started hanging out. I wouldn't sweat it. If things start to get more serious, you'll probably want to make sure he's not seeing other girls during the days you're not hearing from him. For now, though, I'd just chalk it up to him having a busy life or not wanting to rush a relationship. Try to relax about it. Good luck!

[acrosstheuniverse]

Usually, if you feel like somebody isn't interested, they probably aren't. I don't think he is hugely interested. Note that on the second date you wouldn't have met unless you had initiated mentioning something you could hang out together doing. Also texting him and apologising for a bad date, and joking it was because you were stunned by his looks, was a really, REALLY bad move... it makes you look super insecure and as though you think he's better looking than you!

 

Sometimes two people just don't feel the same chemistry about each other. When you texted him asking him about 'next time', he didn't try and pin you down with a date. He just said 'that'll be fine, bye!' essentially.

 

Sorry to sound so pessimistic but I don't think this is a goer.

[starrynightz45]

To me it sounds like a bunch of mixed signals, and that he might not be super interested.

 

The first issue is him not contacting you for 3 days after the date. I don't know, but I think most super interested guys will contact you pretty soon. At least that's been my experience.

 

Also, you totally initiated the 2nd date. Otherwise, it wouldn't have happened.

 

Again, he didn't text you after the 2nd date. Was there any physical contact during this date? Anything at all?

 

I would absolutely NOT text him again, no matter how much time passes. Wait and see if he contacts you. That's the only way you'll ever know.