seeker1123 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) Hey All, I haven't posted anything in LS for a few years.. it was super freaky reading my past posts. That girl had since begged me back and we dated again for another year or so before she dumped me and i moved on completely (she still e-mails me to this day and i just ignore out of REAL indifference). This is a different situation I was hoping for some outside perspective on: In short, my ex chose to walk away from a fiery 6mo relationship with me for what i believe to be reasons of not being over her ex completely, about 7 months ago. I initiated "no contact" and was shattered but kept NC and mostly kept my composure as I licked my wounds and began trying to move on with my life. My ex continuously contacted me via facebook and text wanting friendship but I told her I could not be her "friend". I believe that although I was sometimes heated, for the most part I remained kind and was just looking out for my own well being. I started dating a beautiful girl casually and my ex had caught drift of it via facebook, then showed up at a bar where the new date and i had planned to meet one night, then proceeded to text me for the rest of the evening about how "special" i was, wanting friendship "at the least", and then asking me to come over and talk - which I declined. She's contacted me sporadically since then, asking questions she could easily just Google, sending me articles on deep topics, and recently "liked" my new profile picture on facebook (several days after i put her on my fb "restricted" list, and at 3am, after her birthday night, undoubtedly when she was drunk). I have initiated NO contact since the breakup, and have been polite but unattached when she contacts me, at times not responding at all if i think i can get away with it and not look like an *******. Wtf? Is she hiding her ego behind the guise of "friendship" because she knows she ****ed up and wants me back, or is she just really zealous about my friendship in a super socially awkward way? I still love her but I'm afraid, and I want to make sure I'm loving and protecting myself too. I kind of think she should be the one to REALLY reach out to me if she wanted back (as in say "i miss you. i made a mistake" or something like this .. not just some facebook BS). Isn't that fair? Edited March 4, 2014 by seeker1123 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Just ignore her if you don't want to get back together. She's jealous thats why she's acting like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeker1123 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks David.. . I would love to get back with her, to be honest. I've been in love with her this whole time, although I've been deliberately pushing myself to let go. I just am curious as to if getting me back is even what's on her mind at all.. . or if she just can't stand the thought of losing me from her life (platonically). I also wouldn't want to get back with her unless I knew that she was in a place where she could love and value me in the way I would need in a relationship. I haven't reached out to her because I don't want to devalue myself. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Hey All, I haven't posted anything in LS for a few years.. it was super freaky reading my past posts. That girl had since begged me back and we dated again for another year or so before she dumped me and i moved on completely (she still e-mails me to this day and i just ignore out of REAL indifference). This is a different situation I was hoping for some outside perspective on: In short, my ex chose to walk away from a fiery 6mo relationship with me for what i believe to be reasons of not being over her ex completely, about 7 months ago. I initiated "no contact" and was shattered but kept NC and mostly kept my composure as I licked my wounds and began trying to move on with my life. My ex continuously contacted me via facebook and text wanting friendship but I told her I could not be her "friend". I believe that although I was sometimes heated, for the most part I remained kind and was just looking out for my own well being. I started dating a beautiful girl casually and my ex had caught drift of it via facebook, then showed up at a bar where the new date and i had planned to meet one night, then proceeded to text me for the rest of the evening about how "special" i was, wanting friendship "at the least", and then asking me to come over and talk - which I declined. She's contacted me sporadically since then, asking questions she could easily just Google, sending me articles on deep topics, and recently "liked" my new profile picture on facebook (several days after i put her on my fb "restricted" list, and at 3am, after her birthday night, undoubtedly when she was drunk). I have initiated NO contact since the breakup, and have been polite but unattached when she contacts me, at times not responding at all if i think i can get away with it and not look like an *******. Wtf? Is she hiding her ego behind the guise of "friendship" because she knows she ****ed up and wants me back, or is she just really zealous about my friendship in a super socially awkward way? I still love her but I'm afraid, and I want to make sure I'm loving and protecting myself too. I kind of think she should be the one to REALLY reach out to me if she wanted back (as in say "i miss you. i made a mistake" or something like this .. not just some facebook BS). Isn't that fair? Seeker, I know it's tough, but you have got to take the "game" out of it. Make everything in dealing with her black and white. Flat out ask her "why are you contacting me"? If she answers "I want to be friends at least" tell her thanks but you have enough friends. Playing games will do nothing but tug on the emotional hell strings. You are absolutely correct that she should be the one to reach out. If she wants you back, she should be absolutely clear about it and don't be afraid to tell her that. If she says shes confused, doesn't know, her head is spinning, etc. Tell her when her head is screwed on straight to let you know. Then continue to live your life your way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeker1123 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thank you for your response. I think you're probably right. I suppose this is difficult for me because I feel as if i've already clarified my position when we first broke up and then again when the incident happened where she showed up at the same bar as my date and i. i hate thinking of having to make myself vulnerable to her again by saying something like "i'm still moving on so could you not contact me unless yada yada.." I feel like that just gives her that ego stroke when again I am the bold one when she is the one who should be being bold, and by reminding her that i'm still loving her in some capacity. maybe sometimes we have to be vulnerable in order to be strong enough to make educated decisions on our own behalf. this is hard :/ i have no idea what she's thinking.. but i suspect she wants me back. but i'm afraid she just wants me available to her. who knows. anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Winter blue Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) I'm in a similar position OP and my ex has also contacted me numerous times in the last two months. She would send me gifts without attaching note to it, block and then unblock me on fb within a month, not to mention random emails and texts.. It gets me really confused as to what her real intention is, just like you. Unfortunately she still has not spell it out, and I really start to think she is just coward and not sincere about wanting me back. Appears to me that she still doesn't know what she wants. I have this belief if they really want you back they will make it clear. Right now it sounds like she just enjoy playing mind games with you (just like mine). And it's not your job to go out your way to fix it, and you should never to make yourself vulnerable to her again as you will risk on giving away all your healing in the past six months. She is the dumper, she needs to repair the broken relationship, take the risk of rejection, if she ever wants to try again. Not by making some lame excuse and meaningless contacts. I would say keep ignoring and moving on, you have a new girl in your life, why do you want to risk being hurt again? Edited March 7, 2014 by Winter blue Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeker1123 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Thanks, WB. And gifts? Jeeeesus. Yea, the point where my ex really blew my mind was when she took it upon herself to waltz right up to my new ladyfriend and start a conversation while LF was waiting for me for a date. How is that not awkward? I can't see walking away from someone and then putting in all this effort to keep contacting them and prodding them.. it seems to me to be very selfish, or at the least just emotionally very obtuse. I've always wanted to remain "friendly" with exes, but in the scenarios where I was the one who let go first, I never found myself chasing them down.. mostly because I wouldn't want to give them false hope, and secondly because i tend not to have a dire interest in them if I walked away in the first place. And even though I'm not currently dating anyone, of course I've just kind of ignored the recent prods.. just messes w your head, yknow? Talk about "too little too late" - it's kind of insulting. Edited March 8, 2014 by seeker1123 Link to post Share on other sites
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