honestanswers Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Friends, I am kind of confused and would appreciate your inputs. I started communicating with a guy I met online and my emails seems to be a little longer than his but he always apologize for not writing as much as he would want to by saying things like, “Also, I wish I had the volume of words that you have to e-mail me. Please do not think that because my e-mails are shorter that I value your thoughts any less, ok!” Again, in his last email he concluded with: Please, please, please excuse the fact that (1) I could not respond timely yesterday, and (2) this response will not be as long. As always, your words are extremely treasured. I drew upon them yesterday, and it really made a difference. Therefore, I wanted to let him know that it is totally fine with me and I understand, which is why I replied: By the way, you should stop feeling pressured to write me as much as I do. Matter of fact, writing is one of my hobbies and I have fun doing it. And please, if at any point, you do not wish to continue communicating, feel free to let me know and I will stop. Otherwise, I will keep writing so long as I have the time and am sure you would always respond at your earliest convenient. True friendship is about enjoying each other just the way they are without subtly manipulating them into what we want them to be." So as I got back from school this night I read the following words from him: "Your words almost sound as if you are coming from a friend, but I now understand that you just like to write. Well keep writing, because I actually enjoy reading it. Please do me a favor though. I know this will sound weird, but try not to personally encourage me anymore, so that I will not read anything into it that is not there (i.e. like you personally care). I understand you like writing, so keep on, because you are doing excellent!" Now, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around what triggered such response and how to handle it. Based on my understanding so far, we are communicating as friends and working on getting to know each other more but his last words do sound to me like I might be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Well, you put your foot in your mouth somehow. You meant well, he meant well. But there's a lot of untold stuff up in the air. He tried - his own way - to reassure you about his interest in you, how much he's enjoying your letters and looking forward to them even though he's not able to reciprocate to the same extent. I too can write him 2 pages while he just writes me half a page. Men and women can have different ways with words and expressing feelings or describing things. So, his words had the effect of reassuring you like: "don't think that because I write less than you do, I'm putting less effort or I'm not into this or less interested than you are..." You answered with: "writing is one of my hobbies and I have fun doing it" and it might come across as "don't think much of it if I write to you", he thought he was special and you sort of diminished the value he was giving to it. And I don't exclude that he has hopes with you, that maybe the whole thing can turn into something different... I don't exclude and actually I could bet on it: he likes you. Anyway, you're just friends for now. It looks like he was feeling as if the relationship was getting intimate somehow, like sharing personal stuff, but after your statement, you put him back to his place creating a bit of distance, and he's telling you not to encourage him back to that "too personal" area where it seems you really do care about him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Time to start talking by phone too? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts