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Guys: You want to hit on a girl, but you're intimidated because...

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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If she is a 9 or above, I usually won't because something in the back of my mind kinda says " yeah right, because you can get with her /sarcasm "

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hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

To answer your question OP: Getting my ass kicked by a certain other girl is the big intimidation factor.

 

Other than that, if its in an everyday setting, Starbucks for example, then with friends is a no-go for me. That's the big one.

 

First, you have to impress the friends too. Second, the big reason you do it is to show off how confident you are. I think that's more appealing to a girl when she's alone than with company.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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Fear of rejection.

 

Same reason why women rarely approach men. They might give them hints but you'll rarely see a woman approach a man.

 

But that's precisely why it works. Because if 90% of men fear rejection, then merely having the stones to walk up to a stranger and be confident distinguishes you from the rest of the crowd.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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But that's precisely why it works. Because if 90% of men fear rejection, then merely having the stones to walk up to a stranger and be confident distinguishes you from the rest of the crowd.

 

That's great and all, but some men just don't operate that way.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Usually its because you feel she's too hot to say yes to you, and its pointless. Rejection hurts as it is, why put yourself through an inevitable one? Well, at least that's how I thought back then......

 

I have known quite a few girls that never get hit on who were beautiful, and if they did on occasion, it was usually in the most inappropriate manner :laugh:. Usually the first guy that musters up the courage to approach gets the date, as I've found. I was lucky enough to briefly date an amazonian goddess of a woman at one stage, where previous, I'd have shat myself attempting to talk to her :lmao:.

 

Intimidated by their beauty, and our own fear of rejection and insecurity about our own appearance.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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To answer your question OP: Getting my ass kicked by a certain other girl is the big intimidation factor.

 

Other than that, if its in an everyday setting, Starbucks for example, then with friends is a no-go for me. That's the big one.

 

First, you have to impress the friends too. Second, the big reason you do it is to show off how confident you are. I think that's more appealing to a girl when she's alone than with company.

 

Really? I would be more impressed if he approaches when a woman is surrounded by friends. Cuz it's no longer one person but a crowd. :confused:

 

Fear of rejection.

 

Same reason why women rarely approach men. They might give them hints but you'll rarely see a woman approach a man.

 

I wouldn't say women don't approach because of rejection though. The impression I have is that a woman is labeled either desperate or too aggressive if she approaches a man. I've tried approaching too and it scares them off, so I assumed its because I came off as one of the two (and I'm neither lol).

 

I was lucky enough to briefly date an amazonian goddess of a woman at one stage, where previous, I'd have shat myself attempting to talk to her :lmao:.

 

Intimidated by their beauty, and our own fear of rejection and insecurity about our own appearance.

 

lol! You make me laugh TW :)

 

About the second bolded point.... is that what all men are insecure about? Their looks? I'm surprised because many men are far cuter than they think they are. I always thought they had low confidence in approaching women not because of their looks, but because they felt they would be inadequate to satisfy her (financially, sexually etc). Hmmm...

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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lol! You make me laugh TW :)

 

About the second bolded point.... is that what all men are insecure about? Their looks? I'm surprised because many men are far cuter than they think they are. I always thought they had low confidence in approaching women not because of their looks, but because they felt they would be inadequate to satisfy her (financially, sexually etc). Hmmm...

 

Wouldn't think all men are insecure about their look, but a lot are. I certainly was - I believed I was ugly for a good portion of my adolescence. Being inadequate in terms of finance and sexually almost certainly does factor in quite a few times though. I currently do not date at all due to my poor financial position so it certainly matters. Just that circumstances differ and it may not be the prevailing mindset when one such woman is before you.

 

About that girl I dated? She ended up dating a dude who was in a far better position than I was financially. So I felt happy that I was able to date her at the time and wished her luck, and felt my initial decision not to date was vindicated.

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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

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Wouldn't think all men are insecure about their look, but a lot are. I certainly was - I believed I was ugly for a good portion of my adolescence. Being inadequate in terms of finance and sexually almost certainly does factor in quite a few times though. I currently do not date at all due to my poor financial position so it certainly matters. Just that circumstances differ and it may not be the prevailing mindset when one such woman is before you.

 

About that girl I dated? She ended up dating a dude who was in a far better position than I was financially. So I felt happy that I was able to date her at the time and wished her luck, and felt my initial decision not to date was vindicated.

 

 

But you should date in a poor financial position!

Do you want a woman who would overlook you for not being wealthy?

 

It's an opportunity to find a rare gem of a woman, someone who will love you for who you are, and not what you can give them materially, now or in future...

Silver93 Established Member

Silver93

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In my case if I see a beautiful girl I like, I don't want to blow my chance so I keep putting off my attempt and then I probably end up doing nothing.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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But you should date in a poor financial position!

Do you want a woman who would overlook you for not being wealthy?

 

It's an opportunity to find a rare gem of a woman, someone who will love you for who you are, and not what you can give them materially, now or in future...

 

While this is true, part of what makes a man attractive is that he can be financially stable and on his own two feet. Woman are attracted to power and status, and there's nothing wrong with wanting good values AND stable income from a man. After all, what future would a woman have if her man couldn't even pull his own weight?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted
But you should date in a poor financial position!

Do you want a woman who would overlook you for not being wealthy?

 

It's an opportunity to find a rare gem of a woman, someone who will love you for who you are, and not what you can give them materially, now or in future...

 

You are rather new here, so I'd encourage you to read a few hundred threads, and then you'll understand the reasoning.

Revolver Established Member

Revolver

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For me it's not so much fear of rejection(even though this is big) as its fear if getting embarrassed in public. I've seen women tear dudes head off for having the audacity to approach them. After it happened to me in front of some of my friends years back I've always been hesitant. I don't really approach anymore anyway

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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But you should date in a poor financial position!

Do you want a woman who would overlook you for not being wealthy?

 

It's an opportunity to find a rare gem of a woman, someone who will love you for who you are, and not what you can give them materially, now or in future...

It depends. If the opportunity arises and she wants to date me now then sure! But I am quite ambitious myself, so it matters to me. It helps if the woman I'm with is not only capable of nurturing me (not in a mother-like way :laugh:) but of challenging me to be and do better. I respond to it well.

 

I hear you though ;).

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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For me it's not so much fear of rejection(even though this is big) as its fear if getting embarrassed in public. I've seen women tear dudes head off for having the audacity to approach them. After it happened to me in front of some of my friends years back I've always been hesitant. I don't really approach anymore anyway

This is also a factor. I've had some pretty harsh and public putdowns when attempting to get better at approaching/flirting. So much so that some of them have since apologized to me for being rude :laugh:.

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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

Posted
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While this is true, part of what makes a man attractive is that he can be financially stable and on his own two feet. Woman are attracted to power and status, and there's nothing wrong with wanting good values AND stable income from a man. After all, what future would a woman have if her man couldn't even pull his own weight?

 

Okay, but you can stand on your own two feet, pull your own weight and lead a decent life without much power or status. I'd rather be with a woman who was supportive of me if I were going through a tough spell without a job, rather than one whose attraction for me would dwindle because I had lost my power and status.

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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For me it's not so much fear of rejection(even though this is big) as its fear if getting embarrassed in public. I've seen women tear dudes head off for having the audacity to approach them. After it happened to me in front of some of my friends years back I've always been hesitant. I don't really approach anymore anyway

 

The worst I ever saw was my buddy getting it from this bar skank once. He was being friendly and asking her about music or something and she basically started laughing and ridiculing him. But the worst part was she tried to drag half the crowd into it, pointing at him and saying stuff like "OMG can you believe this guy" etc. I had to drag him off he got so pissed, he was ready to smack a b.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
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The worst I ever saw was my buddy getting it from this bar skank once. He was being friendly and asking her about music or something and she basically started laughing and ridiculing him. But the worst part was she tried to drag half the crowd into it, pointing at him and saying stuff like "OMG can you believe this guy" etc. I had to drag him off he got so pissed, he was ready to smack a b.

 

This is why you have lady friends. You can't hit a woman, but your lady friend sure can :D

 

There are also a small group of women that hide behind being a woman in order to be a terrible person. If a guy tried to do what that girl did, there would be blows.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

Nothing intimidates me but there is a marked fear that she's married and won't be immediately forthcoming with that information. Too many past experiences which verify that fear. Hence, my immediate response is, internally, to examine for signs of another MW on the prowl. Rinse and repeat for non-married women. Once I've confirmed her marital status, normally 90% being married and most of the rest 'involved', then I can relax and be friendly in a platonic way without any pretense or fear. Another disaster averted.

 

I very rarely, and I mean very rarely, meet single women who are open and friendly. No reflection on the women at all. I understand why. It's bad enough being hit on when married but the demographic leaves single women overwhelmed. Sometimes they'd like some peace. I respect that. The last single woman who was open and friendly to me, save of course longtime female friends and family members, I married :D

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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For the past ten years or so men have gotten lectured about street harrassment and how women just want to be left alone and many men listened.

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Sivok Established Member

Sivok

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Well OP - you've got the jist of it in this thread. Guys fill their heads with BS logic instead of embracing the reality infront of them.

 

Instead of "Wow that girl's attractive - I'm going to smile and say hello" they go

 

"Wow that girl's attractive - but she's way too attractive for me, She'll laugh at me for even attempting to approach, she'll get angry and insult me, she might have a boyfriend, she might be married, she's reading a book in the coffee shop and probably doesn't want to be disturbed, she's in a coffee shop so that's an inappropriate place for me to approach her, she's surrounded by her friends so i'll look like a fool, etc etc etc"

 

Guys need to stop looking for their Manic Pixie Dream Girl (look it up) to come out and rescue them from their crippling self doubt.

 

See a girl you find cute? Approach. Worst that can happen? You're still single. Best that can happen? Instead of masturbating to the fantasy of her, you made that cute girl earlier in the day laugh and give you her number. Congrats.

 

Guys need to get out of their heads, approach, and not take rejections personally... But then again, that'll just give guys like me more competition ;)

Edited by Sivok
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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=

 

I very rarely, and I mean very rarely, meet single women who are open and friendly.

 

Huh? That's retarded. Those kind of women are ruining it for the rest of us!

 

It should be a compliment if a man approaches you. I've always felt good being approached. Sure its a bit disappointing when it's the ugliest guy in the room, but I automatically respect him for approaching because that already means he has the audacity and confidence that no other guy in the room has (even if it stems from the "what have i got to lose" mentality).

peruano99 Established Member

peruano99

Posted
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I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

 

 

Nothing intimidates me about approaching beautiful women...they are in fact human like the rest of us and can be very nice,smart, and great conversationalist. :)

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FrostBlaze Established Member

FrostBlaze

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I don't fear aproaching a woman i like because she is to beautifull or anything related to HER.

I often fear aproaching them because of my inexperience, i'm like "i so suck at this and gonna **** it up, but here it goes". And more than often i make a fool of myself.

Really messes with my self esteem, but i tend to get over it quickly by rubbing my ego with women online ^^ and get a refill.

Then i'm like.."Yeah i'm fine, look at these internet women go for me, pff, them club girls don't know what their missing". :))))

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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Posted
Huh? That's retarded. Those kind of women are ruining it for the rest of us!

 

It should be a compliment if a man approaches you. I've always felt good being approached. Sure its a bit disappointing when it's the ugliest guy in the room, but I automatically respect him for approaching because that already means he has the audacity and confidence that no other guy in the room has (even if it stems from the "what have i got to lose" mentality).

Generally, I would agree but I sincerely think it's demographic-driven. I've seen evidence of it when, historically, being out and about with single female friends and having men hit on them right in front of me; not a problem (I didn't mind!) but I watched how their friendly demeanor (with me) turned into 'bitch-face' for the other guy. Not always, but enough that it caught my attention and I would inquire why the change. The answer generally was they were tired of being accosted by strangers. Back to demographic. More men than women, generally, though some age groups do appear, by census information, to be more equal. Unfortunately, my running demographic isn't amongst them.

 

The last friendly single (I think!) woman I met was 72 and a widow. Friend of my best friend's sister. There appear to be more single women in that age group (60's-70's), probably due to men dying off and them not actively pursing another relationship. I must admit, though, it was very relaxing to converse with and hug a woman where I knew, having known her for a few years now, that what was there was authentic. No fear of a husband lurking somewhere. Like :)

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