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Guys: You want to hit on a girl, but you're intimidated because...

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
in General Relationship Discussion

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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Or else she would lower her standards and find one that is good enough.

 

Just imagine a woman who was single for 10 years and had had countless suitors yet she has turned them all down. Do you really think she doesn't want to be single?

 

If you're lowering your standards, that doesn't mean men all of a sudden become good enough lol. That's kind of a contradiction if you ask me :p

 

I have been lowering my standards my whole life because I enjoy being in relationships and being intimate with people (and getting laid on a regular basis of course lol!) and trust me, it is NOT better than being single.

 

Because all the relationships are disappointments. You don't really want them in the first place but go with the flow because you're tired of being single. You end up breaking up with this person cuz you eventually get tired of them, don't grow to love them or never saw a future to begin with, so when they get serious and you don't, things get rough.

 

I broke up with all my exes for this exact reason. I lowered my standards just to date, but when they wanted to get serious, I didn't. So we end up going our separate ways, and it's unfair to the guy because I knew all along I didn't want a future with them (cuz they don't meet my standards of what I would want in a long term partner) and yet they went in 100%. That's not fair to them.

 

I think it's better that a girl remains single with high standards than lowering them just to be in a relationship. Cuz eventually, if someone lowered their standards for you, they will either end up leaving you or dumping you the moment something better comes along.

 

So referring back to your point, many women are not single because they WANT to be. They just refuse to lower their standards, and I think that's much nicer than dating a guy "just cuz" and then breaking his heart when you knew all along this wouldn't go anywhere...

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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They aren't intimidated. They just aren't that into you.

 

 

I've never seen a guy fail to go after a woman he really wanted. The rest are just excuses.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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If you're lowering your standards, that doesn't mean men all of a sudden become good enough lol. That's kind of a contradiction if you ask me :p

 

I have been lowering my standards my whole life because I enjoy being in relationships and being intimate with people (and getting laid on a regular basis of course lol!) and trust me, it is NOT better than being single.

 

Because all the relationships are disappointments. You don't really want them in the first place but go with the flow because you're tired of being single. You end up breaking up with this person cuz you eventually get tired of them, don't grow to love them or never saw a future to begin with, so when they get serious and you don't, things get rough.

 

I broke up with all my exes for this exact reason. I lowered my standards just to date, but when they wanted to get serious, I didn't. So we end up going our separate ways, and it's unfair to the guy because I knew all along I didn't want a future with them (cuz they don't meet my standards of what I would want in a long term partner) and yet they went in 100%. That's not fair to them.

 

I think it's better that a girl remains single with high standards than lowering them just to be in a relationship. Cuz eventually, if someone lowered their standards for you, they will either end up leaving you or dumping you the moment something better comes along.

 

So referring back to your point, many women are not single because they WANT to be. They just refuse to lower their standards, and I think that's much nicer than dating a guy "just cuz" and then breaking his heart when you knew all along this wouldn't go anywhere...

Maybe you're better off just staying single.

 

Save everybody the trouble of getting dumped by you because they weren't good enough. I'd suggest wearing a wedding ring to keep guys away.

Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

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They aren't intimidated. They just aren't that into you.

 

 

I've never seen a guy fail to go after a woman he really wanted. The rest are just excuses.

 

I just love blanket statements like this, I really do.

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hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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Is there something wrong with white girls ?

 

 

Please... do educate us.

 

No, I don't have a problem with anyone's race. I just would think he'd be more selective, that's all.

mukkrakker Established Member

mukkrakker

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Fear of rejection.

 

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. (Elmer Fudd?)

 

My friends would start laughing at me before I even got half way to her, but three times out of ten I'd be laughing back at them.

 

More than likely she's a stranger, her friends are strangers, you'll never see them again, so who cares if she turns you down?

 

I'm sure this will upset a lot of people but if I had to do it all again I'd only go for the tens, I wasted too much time chasing sixes and sevens… I ended up with a few nines, two elevens and now I have a twelve! Why they all made do with a six, you'll have to ask them!

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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They aren't intimidated. They just aren't that into you.

 

 

I've never seen a guy fail to go after a woman he really wanted. The rest are just excuses.

 

Its certainly not as black and white as this.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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I've never seen a guy fail to go after a woman he really wanted. The rest are just excuses.

 

Then you probably dont' have many guy friends. I have seen plenty of men not go after women they really wanted, and all for a variety of different reasons.

 

All of the reasons have two things in common though, fear and assumption.

peruano99 Established Member

peruano99

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Well the majority of men are afraid to approach the women they like because they think she is too good for them, when in reality she might be waiting for that guy to approach and she is insecure to approach as well.

topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

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I just love blanket statements like this, I really do.

 

She's right though....

topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

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Then you probably dont' have many guy friends. I have seen plenty of men not go after women they really wanted, and all for a variety of different reasons.

 

All of the reasons have two things in common though, fear and assumption.

 

One could argue that if a man's fear is stronger than his desire for the woman, then he really isn't all that interested.

 

I've been intimidated by women in the past. I went after them anyway.

Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

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Its a fine line between reasons and excuses though, often tied into a person's personality and attitude.

One persons reason is another persons excuse.

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GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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One could argue that if a man's fear is stronger than his desire for the woman, then he really isn't all that interested.

 

Yes - and this isn't a bad thing. For those of us that have this kind of "nice guy" problem, what would we do if we could attract pretty much any woman we wanted? We would do what most women already have the luxury of doing -- before committing to someone for an LTR, we'd be very picky and only commit to someone we thought was "the best". I think that many of the women with whom we would feel the strongest connection would be ones who have already inspired us to overcome our fear of approaching. It's just that we get so fixated on being able to attract women in general, we get into a quantity = quality mindset and beat ourselves up.

  • Like 1
mukkrakker Established Member

mukkrakker

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I've never seen a guy fail to go after a woman he really wanted

 

Well I did that once and always regretted it - I was pretty young and stupid - I find it's always the things I didn't do that I regret, where as the dumb stuff I did do is just experience.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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I just want to know what intimidates guys. Lots of beautiful and successful women that I know rarely get approached, and they're all smiles and giggles too. They've gone out in groups and alone, but they rarely ever get hit on.

 

My question to the guys is... well... why? What intimidates you about a woman if shes very open and friendly?

 

 

i have realized I am mostly only attracted to women that have shown first that they are attracted to me. I see great looking women everywhere, day to day and it never crosses my mind to go after them unless I get a vibe from them that they might just be interested in me.

 

Open and friendly is just...whatever. I'll be friendly right back at you! Have a nice day:confused::):confused:

 

Lustful and attracted is something else. I'll actually respond to that in a romantic manner and try to connect ;):D:love:

 

I don't really get intimidated, because I almost only go for women that have pre-selected me. I don't fly blind.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Yes - and this isn't a bad thing. For those of us that have this kind of "nice guy" problem, what would we do if we could attract pretty much any woman we wanted? We would do what most women already have the luxury of doing -- before committing to someone for an LTR, we'd be very picky and only commit to someone we thought was "the best". I think that many of the women with whom we would feel the strongest connection would be ones who have already inspired us to overcome our fear of approaching. It's just that we get so fixated on being able to attract women in general, we get into a quantity = quality mindset and beat ourselves up.

Yeah, it's easy to forget that women approach dating with a completely different mindset than most men do.

 

When I'm starving for female attention, it's ridiculous to hear women talking about rejecting lots of guys because the ones that present themselves to her aren't good enough.

 

I imagine myself as a homeless man who hasn't had a good meal in months then I look inside a restaurant and there is some woman sitting at a table. Food that she doesn't have to pay for is constantly being brought to her, she looks at it, maybe takes a bite, then waves it away and another dish is brought in front of her. This continues for the entire evening.

 

She's looking for the perfect meal. I'm just trying not to starve.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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I just returned from vacation, and I found it odd how often I got approached- something that rarely happens when in my familiar surroundings.

 

It happened at the beach, at the bar, the grocery store, while strolling down the street, at the mall, in the airport- even on the plane... I don't know what's with that! Yes, I was alone, but I often go out alone at home and it rarely happens here.

 

I could assume men believed I was ripe for the picking because I was alone, or maybe the tropical atmosphere played a part in the lowering of inhibitions. It was just strange to get cold approached more times in 6 days than the last 5 years combined.

 

I find at home, men will often stare, and sometimes circle like they are gathering the courage to approach, but they rarely follow through.

 

I bet you were looking around at these men a lot more and thinking "romantic" thoughts about them. Not just trying to pretend you have no interest and it's all on them if they approach.

 

Sometimes I see women that I get a feeling they like me, but they try to hide it. I usually leave them alone too because I am not here to change their mind or play the fool.

 

You like me? Show it in some oddball low risk manner if you want. I like you too? I approach and talk with you. I still like you? I ask for your number or ask you out on the spot. You still like me? Accept.

  • Like 1
AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Im not attractive so its a waste of both our times

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Then you probably dont' have many guy friends. I have seen plenty of men not go after women they really wanted, and all for a variety of different reasons.

 

All of the reasons have two things in common though, fear and assumption.

 

Incorrect. I have a number of very good male friends AND I've worked around men my entire adult life. Because I'm a woman, they tend to confide in me.

 

If there is a will, there is a way.... and when I've seen guys hold back, it is because.... deep down... they just aren't that into her or there is somebody else nearby they like better.... whether that 'somebody' is a real person or somebody they hope to meet.

  • Like 1
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Yeah, it's easy to forget that women approach dating with a completely different mindset than most men do.

 

When I'm starving for female attention, it's ridiculous to hear women talking about rejecting lots of guys because the ones that present themselves to her aren't good enough.

 

I imagine myself as a homeless man who hasn't had a good meal in months then I look inside a restaurant and there is some woman sitting at a table. Food that she doesn't have to pay for is constantly being brought to her, she looks at it, maybe takes a bite, then waves it away and another dish is brought in front of her. This continues for the entire evening.

 

She's looking for the perfect meal. I'm just trying not to starve.

 

 

Oh, I dunno. Women have lots to lose by accepting just any man. Their reputation at best... at worst, maybe even their safety or their life. Men don't have these concerns.

  • Like 2
suladas Established Member

suladas

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Incorrect. I have a number of very good male friends AND I've worked around men my entire adult life. Because I'm a woman, they tend to confide in me.

 

If there is a will, there is a way.... and when I've seen guys hold back, it is because.... deep down... they just aren't that into her or there is somebody else nearby they like better.... whether that 'somebody' is a real person or somebody they hope to meet.

 

Depends on the investment. Simply seeing a girl I see attractive? Nope not worth the risk, don't know her well enough. But if it's someone you see over and over and really like (with at least some interest from her) will go for it despite being shy and quiet.

  • Like 1
topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

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Depends on the investment. Simply seeing a girl I see attractive? Nope not worth the risk, don't know her well enough. But if it's someone you see over and over and really like (with at least some interest from her) will go for it despite being shy and quiet.

 

After years of making cold approaches, I'm inclined to agree with this. It's just too much work and too much of a time investment for too little of a return.

 

If you get to know the girl and like her, then that's a little different.

  • Like 1
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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Posted (edited)
After years of making cold approaches, I'm inclined to agree with this. It's just too much work and too much of a time investment for too little of a return.

 

If you get to know the girl and like her, then that's a little different.

 

Too little return? What if she's distracted and doesn't even notice you in the first place?

 

What if this woman could be the perfect partner for you? You're not gonna even approach and say hi?

 

I dunno, the way I think is that you never know. There's not harm in smiling at a guy I like, or starting a conversation. And there's no harm in approaching a woman you barely know. You might never ever see this woman again and just by saying hi you could have potentially made a life together.

 

Yes, not likely, but of the 100 approaches, for example, 2 or 3 of these women could have been a great match. And a man won't approach just because he hasn't seen her around more often? I think that's silly.

 

We meet people by randomly talking to them. That's how you make friends, connections. It's how you network. You can't just expect "getting to know each other" to happen on it's own before you approach. That's kind of naive...

 

Besides, not everyone has the time to frequent the same place on a regular basis. Maybe this woman is so busy with other things that this was a huge compromise (to come out and spend the time), and yet not one man approaches and she's too busy to be a "regular" for men to warm up to her and hit on her.

 

It's no wonder successful women are usually single.

Edited by Hopeful30
Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

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Yes, not likely, but of the 100 approaches, for example, 2 or 3 of these women could have been a great match.

 

Besides, not everyone has the time to frequent the same place on a regular basis. Maybe this woman is so busy with other things that this was a huge compromise (to come out and spend the time), and yet not one man approaches and she's too busy to be a "regular" for men to warm up to her and hit on her.

 

100 approaches, 2 or 3 matches, this isn't online dating we are talking about here ;)

 

In my experience, people will go to a place more regularly if they think or know that some person they like will be there. I thought everybody does this?? No matter how old you are !!

Everyone i know has done this at some point in their lives.

And it is true that some men do need to " warm up " and gather enough courage to put themselves forward.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Oh, I dunno. Women have lots to lose by accepting just any man. Their reputation at best... at worst, maybe even their safety or their life. Men don't have these concerns.

I didn't say just any man.

 

There is a difference between looking for a good match and waiting for Mr. Perfect.

 

Men also have to worry about their reputation and safety. That's why I at least consider myself above eating out of the trash.

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