Hope4thefuture Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I grew up living with both my parents. I went to college and had roommates. I moved back home for a few years after that. I met my STBXH and moved in with him. We got married and lived together for 11 years. He moved out 7 months ago. So for the first time I am alone. I have my boys, but no special person to go to with my thoughts and feelings. I stay busy so I don't feel so alone. If I don't have the kids for the weekend, I am out with friends or with family. I know that is helpful and I feel supported. However eventually I have to feel comfortable enough to be on my own. I am so scared of being on my own forever. I don't want to rely on others to make me happy. I know I will have to do that for myself. I just don't know where to begin. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I didn't have kids but I got a pet. I felt less alone. You won't be alone forever. You just have to go through this. It will help you figure out who you really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 In the same boat here. For 33 years, I've always had a roommate, my brother, lived with my parents, or my wife and kids. I now live alone......at least you have your kids. I find myself with all kinds of spare time, and it's not all what it's cracked up to be. Stay positive, and keep busy. My life isn't that bad, I've got a great job, 2 great kids, a supportive family and friends, etc. It's a rough road to travel, but it will get better in time. Link to post Share on other sites
MsOptimist Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 You've already begun. Keeping busy is a good thing. I don't think that being with friends or family is relying on others for your happiness. You're still very much in the healing phase and strengthening and building friendships will help you heal. If you were out trying to date anyone that looked your way, then there would be room for concern You won't be alone forever. I remember having those same fears. As you move further through this phase you'll see that the future can be whatever you want it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
dumped2013 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I grew up living with both my parents. I went to college and had roommates. I moved back home for a few years after that. I met my STBXH and moved in with him. We got married and lived together for 11 years. He moved out 7 months ago. So for the first time I am alone. I have my boys, but no special person to go to with my thoughts and feelings. I stay busy so I don't feel so alone. If I don't have the kids for the weekend, I am out with friends or with family. I know that is helpful and I feel supported. However eventually I have to feel comfortable enough to be on my own. I am so scared of being on my own forever. I don't want to rely on others to make me happy. I know I will have to do that for myself. I just don't know where to begin. I used to be like this years ago. It takes time but once you get used to it, it's actually nice. I enjoy being by myself. Just my cat and I. Trust me, you will learn to like it and eventually you will meet someone. I have met more women in the last 6 months by not even looking for anyone. Get a hobby. Go for a walk at the park when the weather gets better. Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I am similar to you. Went from home to to my husband. Once divorced I bought a house and have kids. When they weren't around my bf was. It wasnt until we broke up that i realized how much time I was alone. It was really difficult at first, but now Im kind of getting used to it. I do get lonely sometimes when the kids aren't home, but I also like that I can watch what I want on tv, go anywhere I want to go whenever I want to, I can go lay in bed early and read if I like. I can pick up and go out of town with friends last minute. Im finding those things are kind of nice. Dont get me wrong, I'd like to have a partner around, but since I DONT. I will look at the positive side of this while I can. You can do it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I am so scared of being on my own forever. Don't think so far ahead, that's what puts fear there too. You will eventually meet someone else but right now it's best to focus on today and in the now. Worrying about the future is too scary anyway, so why add more anxiety into your life when you don't know what will happen in 1-5 years down the road. You'll always have people around you to help you and to rely on, so on that level you're not 'alone'. I can totally understand being lonely and missing the companionship of a partner, having someone around to confide in, to look after you when you're not feeling well. It'll just take time to get used to things and adjust to the changes. Embrace your "you" time. Pamper yourself. See it as a positive rather than a negative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hope4thefuture Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks for all the great advice. I agree I have to focus on what is good in my life. I have tried writing in a journal all the things I am thankful for each day, but I have gotten bad about writing in there. Some days are better days than others. If I even break it down further, some minutes are better than others. Posting here has helped too. I get my thoughts out and everyone is so supportive. Some days are great being by myself. I can watch whatever I want on tv. I can exercise when I get a chance. I can eat dinners I like to make. Those are the good things. Sometimes I just feel like I don't know anything about household items that break. Or my snowblower that keeps stopping on me. Or financial things to do with the house or taxes. That is when I get down on myself because I don't know about those things. Ask me about my kids and I can tell you about everything. It's the other stuff that gets me down. Plus the lonely nights and mornings sometimes. Those can be the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Just got to stay busy. It really never leaves your mind, or at least it hasn't for me. I've gone to a gym and lost 40 lbs and I'm in the best shape of my life. I take my kids lunch once a week. I go to ALL of their events now, I don't care how big or small they are. I make every single game, practice, school party, and social event that involves them. I used to "let my wife take care of running them"......forget that. I pick up my daughter 3x/week from school now just so she doesn't have to go to daycare and bring her back to the office just to hang out. It's the little things. I don't sit around and watch TV. I constantly call friends, neighbors, or mutual friends with kids to have my kids something to do. The kids are the focus, along with myself. Do I miss the female companionship? Yes. But I work with 7 women who think I'm the bomb and they give me 7 different perspectives. I can only control what I can control. My XW chooses to hang out with folks that she has never hung out with before during her midlife crisis. Those people will drop her as soon as they have something better to do. The nights and mornings do suck. I go to starbucks everyday and have become friends with the baristas. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Sometimes I just feel like I don't know anything about household items that break. Or my snowblower that keeps stopping on me. Or financial things to do with the house or taxes. That is when I get down on myself because I don't know about those things. Plus the lonely nights and mornings sometimes. Those can be the worst. Oh do i know where you're coming from!!! I HAVE had issues with those things. Last year my AC went out, my furnace went out, my microwave went out. Geez, besides the cost of everything, I had no idea what to do. Luckily I have a brother to call. He had no clue. lol. He advised just to call an expert to have it looked at. Thats what I did. You just take it as it comes day by day. i feel the same way about cars and yardwork. Im used to someone taking care of those things for me. Same thing, take it as it come. You have no choice but to work it out. As for the mornings/nights. thats the hardest thing for me to get over. I so missing snuggling at night, and a kiss and "love you" at 4 am when he went to work. I sleep with a body pillow now. I still sleep on my side of the bed. Unfortunately, i really dont have a choice but to take each thing that comes my way and deal with it. You can do it too. It will just take time. Link to post Share on other sites
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