How to keep going??

[Marblex3]

Hi all. I just broke up with my bf of 2 years. We have been on and off for quite some time. He has always been very verbally abusive towards me, and this past weekend it came really close to physical. So when I kicked him out, he took it out on my property and damaged it. I know he is bipolar (undiagnosed bc he doesnt think he is and wont go to a dr), he has anger issues, and is an alcoholic. I just want to know how to heal. How to live every day and get thru this horrible, horrible time of mixed emotions. The sadness, betrayal, anger, lies, hurt, missing, loving, and worrying, all consuming every second of my life 24 hours a day. I don't know how to be OK, and I am just emotionally drained. I don't even want to date anymore, I feel ok being alone forever now, which is 100% NOT me, I was always the one wanting a family and kids. I just don't know how to be anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Zahara]

Hi all. I just broke up with my bf of 2 years. We have been on and off for quite some time. He has always been very verbally abusive towards me, and this past weekend it came really close to physical. So when I kicked him out, he took it out on my property and damaged it. I know he is bipolar (undiagnosed bc he doesnt think he is and wont go to a dr), he has anger issues, and is an alcoholic. I just want to know how to heal. How to live every day and get thru this horrible, horrible time of mixed emotions. The sadness, betrayal, anger, lies, hurt, missing, loving, and worrying, all consuming every second of my life 24 hours a day. I don't know how to be OK, and I am just emotionally drained. I don't even want to date anymore, I feel ok being alone forever now, which is 100% NOT me, I was always the one wanting a family and kids. I just don't know how to be anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

Slow down, OP. You just had a break-up and you're emotional. Don't add to your stress by worrying about dating again, kids, family and what the future holds. It's unrealistic to go off on that tangent. One thing at a time.

 

Toxic relationships are much more difficult to release yourself from because abuse conditions you. It breaks you down and you are victimized. You're going to feel sorry for him, then you're going to hate him, then you're going to feel like you did the right thing, then you're going to feel you need to give him another chance...and you'll have a tormenting battle in your head because the hooks are imbedded so deeply.

 

You were courageous in your decision to kick him out. I can tell you most that are abused, stay abused. The ones that choose to say no, come out stronger and empowered. You may not feel that way now but you will in time.

 

Can you visit a counselor/therapist and have some sessions? I find therapy helps me see rationally and it definitely does help to hear a different perspective versus the emotionally riddled one that you are drowning in.

 

You just ended so it's natural for you to be all over the place. Breathing exercises. Journal your thoughts -- the good, the bad. Go for a walk. Do some light exercise. Eat well. Meditate. Set a couple of goals and start working towards them. See a therapist. Head to the library and find some self-help materials. You have to set aside time where you focus on you, where you focus on healing you. You have take the focus off him. You have to try.