I've been told I'm bad at ? You agree?

[malloryor]

I received a message from a guy that I have little to no contact with on facebook the other day. Generally speaking, what does that mean, if a guy messages a girl he doesn't really talk to, on facebook?

 

This guy and I, both go to the same school, live on campus, and work on campus with the same organization. Aside from having one class with each other last semester, seeing each other at work related events, and the occasional smile, and wave of acknowledgement--with perhaps a few how are you's--are interactions are pretty non-existent. It's not that we ignore each other when we do see one another, its just that we don't really cross the same paths or run within the same social groups; so that minimizes our ability to talk.

 

With that being said, I was really surprised to see him message me on facebook. In his message he said "Hey! Long time no talk, how are you?" Which was weird, because like I said, we don't actually talk like that. Originally, I thought nothing of it, I figured maybe he was looking for a shift to be covered, but he wasn't. My friend told me, he was flirting with me. But, to me it didn't come across that way, as he wasn't flirty in his message, nor very conversational. It was rather dry. It was like he messaged me with really no purpose. He didn't ask for a work or school related favor or question, he didn't flirt or overtly "hit on me", he simply asked how I was doing--but why care, we don't have that foundation of any relationship?

 

I did my best to keep the conversation going, and although he didn't respond with one word replies, his responses didn't leave much for me to build upon. So what's the deal guys?

 

Why do men do this? My friend seems to think he was interested. Her logic is that a guy doesn't bother messaging a girl--that he hardly speaks to--just by happen stance. I don't think he was looking for a bootycall because well we don't even talk and he wasn't particularly flirty. But I'm just at a lost. Do you think he's interested, and if so why did he let the conversation fizzle out and act uninterested?

 

Also, I asked him if he'd like to have lunch with me and he said sure but made a joke about the possibility of being trapped inside because of the snow storm--I thought he meant he'd be stuck working (we're RAs, so snow days usually require us staying put in our residential halls), he said no he meant the snow, I replied and he never responded back...as a result, because the conversation ended so abruptly, I didn't get a chance to set confirmation on lunch. It's been a couple of days, still no response from him.

 

What happened?

[PegNosePete]

Why do men do this?

Without a crystal ball or some serious mind-reading powers, I don't think anyone can answer that for you. There are a million and one possibilities. Maybe he was just bored. Maybe he wanted to make his wife jealous. Maybe his account got hacked by Nigerian scammers. Maybe he was stoned and thought you were someone else.

 

Do you think he's interested, and if so why did he let the conversation fizzle out and act uninterested?

Well there is one person in the world who can answer that... him! Why not ask?

 

It's been a couple of days, still no response from him.

Oh well sounds like you just answered your own question. No response is a response.

[johndoe13]

I see three possibilities:

 

1) He was obviously thinking of you.

2) He saw your profile, was bored and just decided to write something.

3) He made a mistake initially

[Chi townD]

I like to think that there are two possibilities(or a combination of both).

 

 

1. He likes you and he finally mustered up the courage to talk to you.

 

 

2. He likes you and he needed a little liquid courage to talk to you.

 

 

If it was number 2, then he could have regretted what he said after he sobered up a little and is embarrassed about what he said.

 

 

Hell, I don't even know if you're interested in him from your post!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If it was 1, he could still be embarrassed about what he said because he may have thought he came across as a tool.

 

 

Another possibility is that he could have gaged your response and may have gotten the vibe that you're not interested in him.

 

 

Hell, I don't even know if you're interested in him from your post!

[malloryor]

I see three possibilities:

 

1) He was obviously thinking of you.

2) He saw your profile, was bored and just decided to write something.

3) He made a mistake initially

 

Oh god, it's interesting you mentioned the 3rd, because that's what I wondered when he first mentioned me. We've talked in the past, but it's always been on a more acquaintance, co worker, classmate sort of level.

 

But if you could be so ever kind: This was the whole conversation. The first one fizzled and then I initiated the second message. What's your read on the situation now?

 

Him-Hey! Long time, no talk!

 

2/27, 7:10pm Me- Hey! Yeah, how are you??

 

2/27, 7:13pm Him- I'm well. Super busy lately.

 

2/27, 7:17pm Me- Oh yeah? Reslife asking a lot of you? Are you doing interviews tomorrow?

 

2/27, 7:19pm Him- Yeahhhhh

 

2/27, 7:19pm Me- I know, I'm starting to feel like an incredibly incompetent RA lol

 

2/27, 7:23pm Him- (In response to the interview question) Nah, I finished them last week

 

2/27, 9:31pm Me- Sorry I was at the Spoken Word event but you're very lucky. I'm stuck with interviews all day tmrw

 

2/28, 5:55pm Him- Bummer that is very unfortunate

 

2/28, 6:11pm Me- Yes. Yes it was lol

 

(New message; which I initiated)

 

3/2, 9:56pm Me- Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to get lunch or hang out tomorrow since we don't have class?

 

3/2, 10:12pm Him- Sure! I guess that just depends if I can leave my building tomorrow lol

 

(Campus had been closed the night before because we were expected a "blizzard")

 

3/2, 10:26pm Me- Oh are you on duty?

 

(Whenever there's a snowday and campus is closed, RAs that are scheduled for duty have to remain in their residential hall or apartment)

 

3/2, 10:50pm Him- No, I meant the snow lol

 

3/2, 11:41pm Me- Lol oh sorry. I'm a bit skeptical about this snow and the amount lol

 

End of conversation. What do you think happened? We never grabbed lunch because, well the conversation just died out.

[malloryor]

I like to think that there are two possibilities(or a combination of both).

 

 

1. He likes you and he finally mustered up the courage to talk to you.

 

 

2. He likes you and he needed a little liquid courage to talk to you.

 

 

If it was number 2, then he could have regretted what he said after he sobered up a little and is embarrassed about what he said.

 

 

Hell, I don't even know if you're interested in him from your post!

 

 

 

If it was 1, he could still be embarrassed about what he said because he may have thought he came across as a tool.

 

 

Another possibility is that he could have gaged your response and may have gotten the vibe that you're not interested in him.

 

 

Hell, I don't even know if you're interested in him from your post!

 

What was said or done to make him feel embarrassed?

And no, I'm not so sure how I feel about him. Despite what my need to analyze the situation says, I never truthfully thought of him in that light. I think he's attractive, but I always assumed he had a girlfriend, and the fact that he's white and I'm black made me think he wouldn't be into me in that way.

 

And although I've been told I'm pretty and I hear quite often how so and so likes me, those tend to just be hearsay, with me never hearing from the guy. So, to be honest I tend to never think of people having crushes on me. However, my friend told me that she thought he may be interested because of his random message; so I thought I test her theory, and now I'm beginning to think I'm really bad at reading whether a guy is interested or not. (So that's the main purpose of this post really)

 

(If a guy smiles or makes conversation with me, etc I just think he's being nice...never flirting)

[todreaminblue]

your last message left no where to go on from .....message him ask him what day is good for lunch for him,and see if you can set a date and time.... if you are truly interested that is he already said sure..if you arent interested let it go...

 

 

 

 

text messages suck try veering text to talk ...he could be just being friendly you wont really know unless you actually get to know him better, the only way to do that, is spend time with him talking not texting.......as a rule of thumb i take any interaction with males as friendly until proven otherwise...in other words....they say hey i want to date you...luckily for me .......the guys i normally date are upfront with what they want from the beginning....i hate games....good luck.......deb

[Damaged217]

I've had a couple of these instances where guys I was facebook friends with, but didn't really know/talk to messaged me out of nowhere. Both were years after becoming facebook friends. Of course, both guys messaged me a few days after I changed my relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single." They made small talk at first but it didn't take long for them to ask me out.

 

 

I think this guy may just be friendly. That or he's shy. I wouldn't make any more contact. I wouldn't ask him about the lunch anymore. You already asked him to lunch and he let the conversation drop. If he likes you, he'll reach out to you. I would just forget about it for now. I think you're stressing yourself out by overanalyzing the message.