How to confront someone without being accusatory?

[candyharlot]

HELP! Whenever I try to bring up a concern I have to my partner, what comes out of my mouth is usually what I want to say, but the problem is that it always comes out sounding rude and like I'm blaming the other person for what's wrong.

 

I'm not sure how to resolve this; I've tried nearly everything that people have suggested (writing down my thoughts first, using "I feel" instead of "you did", asking questions instead of assuming things, etc.) But I was hoping for some more suggestions because nothing I am doing is working. I always sound like such an ******* whenever I try to express negative feelings to my partner. He always gets offended by how harsh I am and feels like I am attacking him every time. It's ruining my relationship. How do I confront him in a calm, rational, responsible manner? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you,

 

-Amanda

[lovelysharma]

I think you need daily Meditation in the early morning so that you can surpass your problem. be happpy

[Canucklehead]

Sounds like you are attaching yourself to the emotions you feel rather than just having a discussion.

 

Try discussing things more like you would with a regular friend and keep things light

[darkmoon]

mention the matter using no more than one sentence, srsly, stop confronting

[FitChick]

"Can you help me understand the reason why you__________ because I am confused."

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter what or how you say it, though, they will still be pissed off.

[Mr.Milked]

"Sometimes it doesn't matter what or how you say it, though, they will still be pissed off."

 

Especially, if the are strung on Prozac, or some other anti-depressant, that has already destroyed anything salvageable to the relationship for them to not always be "pissed-off" to what you say. Mostly when they are manic.

[Mr.Milked]

HELP! Whenever I try to bring up a concern I have to my partner, what comes out of my mouth is usually what I want to say, but the problem is that it always comes out sounding rude and like I'm blaming the other person for what's wrong.

 

I'm not sure how to resolve this; I've tried nearly everything that people have suggested (writing down my thoughts first, using "I feel" instead of "you did", asking questions instead of assuming things, etc.) But I was hoping for some more suggestions because nothing I am doing is working. I always sound like such an ******* whenever I try to express negative feelings to my partner. He always gets offended by how harsh I am and feels like I am attacking him every time. It's ruining my relationship. How do I confront him in a calm, rational, responsible manner? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you,

 

-Amanda

Nobody likes criticism at all. Gotta read the Book...

[Heatemyheart89]

Well there isn't much more than you have said you own the feelings ' I am feel very upset over x' then see what he says. Basically keep saying it if he doesn't agree, be polite though. Say ' I can understand what you are saying but..'.Other than that don't worry about it, is it worth it?

[melell]

I just find that you can't go in to a personal discussion expecting the other person to agree with your point of view. All you can do is try to have the other person see where you are coming from, whether they agree or not.