hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 my bf seems to be angry alot these days. I know he has a temper i have spoken with him mom on this but he seems to show it more within these last few months...could it be he is more comfrtable with me so his true colours are showing.....or are these bad signs of u know what. He tells me he misses, loves and cares for me all the time. And usually about 1 hour after he calls back feeling horrible.....but im beginining to worry....with his temper and lack of sexual contact ....red flags? Or maybe lots of stess? which i know he said he is having Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Huge red flags. You don't need a bad-tempered person in your life. As for 'stress' - life is full of stress. You don't need someone who turns into a beast every time he's 'stressed'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 we love eachother that i do know...........he just gets upset easily when he has lots on his mind.... do u think hes cheating? I want to help him understand and control his temper not walk out on him...we have been toegther 2 yrs Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 hnk, when I was younger, I had a boyfriend of several years, that after so long, developed agressiveness (physical and emotional). But it wasn't until atleast a year or two into the relationship that the abuse actually came. He had always said that his father was abusive to him and his mom...and that he would never hit a woman. Take a good look at what's going on. If you're being abused, please seek help and consider leaving, no matter how much you love him, or how much he says he loves you. You don't treat love like a punching bag. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 do u think hes cheating? Screw cheating, start worrying if he's abusive in nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 ohhhhh noooooooooo i gave the wrong impression he isnt abbusive at all he is very loveing............just gets a bit snappy ....never down right mean.... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 It always starts out subtly. And I spent months wasting my life trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that my ex wasn't abusive, that he was just stressed and snappy. I may be paranoid, but something seems fishy. As in, even if he isn't cheating on you with a woman...he could be cheating on you with drugs. (I should know, dumbass who fell off the wagon that I am). Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 this has been in the last while....he says his parents are on his back...he is broke, everyone needs him to do side jobs and im always on his about time with me and there just isnt enough tim in the day.....not to mention he could loose his job and is trying to finsih a course so his dad doesnt kick him out while trying to hide the fact that he is taking it cause he failed it from his boss (his uncle) Jesus he would never hurt me.....he just gets upset easliy i wanna know how i can help him. I hope its not drugs............he just started to quit smoking a few weeks back Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 he just started to quit smoking a few weeks back HAH! There's your answer, sweetie. Stopping smoking made me the uber-bitch of 2003. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 oh lord really! hahaha alright im happy for him but how long does this last ...it started when he stoped smoking Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I've heard it depends on the person, but there is a theory that it takes 21 days to kick a bad habit. I'd be more inclined toward (for myself) the 4-6 weeks mark (depending on the length and severity of the addiction). Like I relapse all the time with smoking and buy a pack, and then I either end up throwing it away or just finishing the pack and then it's maybe a week or two before I get back to not having the occassional urge to smoke. With drugs, of course, and pot, too, it's worse..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 no he doesnt do drugs..... but smoking ya he relapses then tries again and its a vicous cycle cause he is torturing himself...he uses a smoke to relieve his stress Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 when he wears a patch hes good when he doesnt which is more times then he does its gets to him....so i say wear it Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Well hopefully after he gets off the nicotine he'll go back to normal. It always starts out subtly. And I spent months wasting my life trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that my ex wasn't abusive, that he was just stressed and snappy. I wouldn't say that everyone that gets in a bad mood and snaps at their partner is destined to be a wife-beater. My dad is getting close to 60 years old and has had two wifes and three kids and I've seen him get in some bad moods and be snappy at us, but he has never beaten any of us. Some people are abusive by nature, other people just get in bad moods from time to time. There's a big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 i agree...........he is sooo loving and caring and just gets in his moods.....never face to face only on the phone. He never is really in a mood when im with him mostly over the phone....he does get in his moods and i do too but i play a different face with everyone...if someones making me mad im only moody with them....he has a hard time leaving his moods with the person who made him miidy....he would never hurt me..............gawd he is sooo loving i just hate when he is in a mood drives me nutts Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 when i was cheating on my ex-boyfriend (ya i know, evil me--i don't do it to this one!) i would feel so guilty sometimes that i would find reasons to get angry at him so i didn't feel as bad. other times, i would feel so bad about it that i would make it a point to show more affection because i thought he was owed it by me. it was like a tug of war, one extreme or the other. he never understood why, until i came clean about it and then it all made more sense. just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 i dont see any other signs............he is wonderful to me and does what he can, says he loves me and stuff just the moods are what i have trouble with cause he lets things get to him. And he has never given me a reason to not trust him. He was cheating on before twice and says that he would never hurt me....just spoke about it last weekend....he wouldnt do that he says and says that its has happened to him and its terrible Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 As for how long it takes to kick a habit, there's a reason why rehab is 28 days long... but thats just to clean you out. Mentally, it could take a lot longer... especially given stressful cirmcumstances. Or it could take a lot less. All depends on your outlook on things and how badly you want to change... Jeez... I should follow my own advice...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 ya he gets frustrated easlily i can see.....and gives up on himself a lot....i know he owes it to himself to do alot of things....like takes care of himself more he just needs to see that on his own....so this could be a long battle with the habbit...i support him though Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 It's hard to be with people like that. I always get so tired being with them. I can't be someone else's self-esteem on top of my own! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 ya its tough cause i am insecure about myself but he is good at making me feel good about myself but it is soemthig i have to work on for myself and him for himself i try to make him feel good as much as i can. Its just he is a giver upper when things get messed up and he needs to learn to get up brush off and try again Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 he was cheating on before twice and says that he would never hurt me....just spoke about it last weekend....he wouldnt do that he says and says that its has happened to him and its terrible for your sake, i hope you're right...it just rang a bell with me. keep in mind, though, that few people say to their SO's "i will cheat on you and i will hurt you" things wouldn't work out too well if they did... maybe he's just a miserable sh*it...in any case, i would just refuse to deal withhim when he's like that. he obviously knows he's acting that way, so if it's on the phone, hang up. say "i will talk to you at a better time. please call me when you've settled down" and then wait for him to call you...after he's settled down. if you're not what's bothering him, there's no reason for him to take it out on you, and if you deal with it, you're letting him. good luck, i hope it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 GirlDown, I realize that that is a silly thing for me to say i guess. But I guess what i mean to say is that I can tell but certain things he says and the way he feels about working something out rather than walk away and how strongly he feels about if he is not happy he would speak up rather than complicate things more by looking for happiness outside. I worry im going to get cheated on cause i have been before., I guess i have to learn to trust again Link to post Share on other sites
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