Tephros Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I've been with my wife for 10 years, married for 5 of them, and we have no kids. She's always done everything for me and shows me love in so many ways. She's done nothing wrong. But I just don't feel it anymore. I don't enjoy being kissed by her. I don't want to have sex with her. We were friends first and there was never this huge attraction on my end, but the sex used to be good anyway. I find myself going and doing things with my friends or taking on extra work instead of seeing her for the past 6 months or so. This has not gone unnoticed, but she wants to work it out and says she will fight for us and would love me no matter what. I really feel like I should want to work it out, but I don't know if I do. I feel like if I stay with her I'll wonder why I spent my whole life in a relationship that wasn't quite right. But if I leave, I'll lose my best friend and might regret it. How do I know what I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
ebor Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Your past post says that you had a date on Nov 2013, I am not an expert on marriage but isn't that cheating? You either write the full story or no one can help you here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tephros Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Your past post says that you had a date on Nov 2013, I am not an expert on marriage but isn't that cheating? You either write the full story or no one can help you here. Yes and she knows about that and the behavior stopped. It was nothing that ever progressed to sex, but it was cheating anyway. We got past that, though she did verify I was actually with friends when I said I was a few times after that. And though we got past it I wouldn't assume the posters here would understand so wanted to ask for advice based upon what I originally described. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Well, based on your opening post, the problem is within yourself. You even admit that your wife would do anything to make you happy, but ...... inside you just aren't feeling it. It's not your wife's responsibility to completely fulfill you internally....you have to do some of that heavy lifting yourself. Stepping outside your marriage isn't the answer nor is it failing to meet your obligations and vows as a husband. I get that the two of you have moved past your discrepancy but I would suggest internal counseling for yourself to find out what exactly you are so unhappy about. Look into mid-life crisis, this happens a lot to both men and women when they just do not feel fulfilled in life or their current situation. It's really not their spouses fault in many cases, the person is just internally unhappy and doesn't know how to soothe themselves and feel fulfilled again. Worst case scenario, you could lose your marriage to your best friend who you don't "feel quite right about now" and find out later in life that it was the best part of your life that you threw away. Perhaps a counselor could help you figure out what you are truly unhappy about and how to change the negative thought pattern. If you read some of the other threads, you'll find many women here that feel this same way about their husbands. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
familygone Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I wish i could get my wife back,who cared like yours!! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Do you know how many men would love to have a wife like yours? If you have one appreciate her and if you can't then let her go so she can find somebody that does. If men want women like this and we always say we do we need to appreciate them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) Questions: Do you love her? Could you imagine life never ever seeing her again? (As that would be the best recommendations she will receive in order to heal from the tramatic event of a husband that is "just not feeling it" anymore). How would you feel seeing her at the mall, holding hands with another man? Yas' Prediction At this point, you have detached from her. When or if she learns you want a divorce, she will go through the stages of grief and loss. You think it is ok to live without her because you are in a detached stage - way ahead of the grieving of a loss she will encounter during the divorce. Post-Divorce she will begin to come closer to acceptance of a new life, and finally recovery. Post-Divorce, sooner or later, you know what is going to happen to you when she is really gone? YOU Sir, will experience a LOSS. (You don't see that now.) Mark my words - it may be a year, or 15 months, but the sense of loss and a grieving period will come. She'll no longer be yours and you will be alone. There is no way she will risk any more time with you, as there is still time to find another to have a long fulfilling marriage. I hope this doesn't happen to you. But it has happened to many men that did not appreciate what they had until it was truley gone. Yas PS. Have u been to the doctor? Testosterone levels? Blue pills? Take your wife on some great adventures and make her feel special, wanted - rather than taken for granted? Some sexy lingerie coupons for Victoria's Secret might send her a message. What did she get for Valintine's? Here's a killer: Get some very "special" dipilatory, (not Nair), and wisper, "you want to experiment with a bare you know what?". OK? You get me? The point is, what can you do to spice things up? Edited March 5, 2014 by Yasuandio 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tephros Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Questions: Do you love her? Definitely in some way, just doesn't feel like the way I'm supposed to. Things certainly used to be more passionate, but I'm not sure if there was ever a time I had no doubts about us. Could you imagine life never ever seeing her again? (As that would be the best recommendations she will receive in order to heal from the tramatic event of a husband that is "just not feeling it" anymore). I think so. How would you feel seeing her at the mall, holding hands with another man? Ambivalent. A little sad, a little liberated. Yas' Prediction At this point, you have detached from her. When or if she learns you want a divorce, she will go through the stages of grief and loss. You think it is ok to live without her because you are in a detached stage - way ahead of the grieving of a loss she will encounter during the divorce. Post-Divorce she will begin to come closer to acceptance of a new life, and finally recovery. Post-Divorce, sooner or later, you know what is going to happen to you when she is really gone? YOU Sir, will experience a LOSS. (You don't see that now.) Mark my words - it may be a year, or 15 months, but the sense of loss and a grieving period will come. She'll no longer be yours and you will be alone. There is no way she will risk any more time with you, as there is still time to find another to have a long fulfilling marriage. I hope this doesn't happen to you. But it has happened to many men that did not appreciate what they had until it was truley gone. Yas PS. Have u been to the doctor? Testosterone levels? Blue pills? Take your wife on some great adventures and make her feel special, wanted - rather than taken for granted? Some sexy lingerie coupons for Victoria's Secret might send her a message. What did she get for Valintine's? Here's a killer: Get some very "special" dipilatory, (not Nair), and wisper, "you want to experiment with a bare you know what?". OK? You get me? The point is, what can you do to spice things up? We're going to try spending more quality time together. She's started counseling, and I'm going to as well. Might try couples counseling. And I have a lot of thinking to do, but there's no huge rush. We'll see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
shoppingdiva Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I think you should stop robbing her of complete happiness. You are not in love with her. Don't be selfish. It would hurt her no doubt, but you are just basically putting her hurt on "credit" for later down the line, because it seem you are unfulfilled and that you really want to move on with your life, with someone else. I think you feel like you are missing out on something, so no regrets. Go out and find whatever it is you are reaching for, cause I don't think it's gonna get better than what you got right now. But you will probably have to find that out for yourself and it's a risk, but it sounds like it's one you're up to taking. Let her go so she can find the person who wants to give her everything and feels like she is everything to him, cause right now you are cheating 'your best friend' out of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts