krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 There have been a few discussions where "The Sisterhood" topic has been brought up. A while ago, I promised to start a thread about it and just got busy and distracted, so as they say, better late than never! This discussion is open to anyone, and can be about anything related to the belief or lack thereof in "The Sisterhood" and how it may or may not include such things as sleeping with another womans man. When did you first hear of the sisterhood? (yes, saying "this thread" is an appropriate answer) What are your thoughts on "The Sisterhood"? Do you think it really boils down to general respect, the golden rule, morals, or something else entirely? Anything else that ties in? Please keep it respectful... Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I'd love to believe that there is some sort of worldwide sisterhood that exists, but there isn't. Women are the meanest to other women... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 I'd love to believe that there is some sort of worldwide sisterhood that exists, but there isn't. Women are the meanest to other women... I have experienced that as well. There seems to be a competition going among some women for everything...not just men but money, jobs, looks...even just hair. I was taught "The Sisterhood" because of the struggle women have faced thruout history. Even despite that, I went thru a phase where I would size up and rank the appearance of other women around me in school, at work, etc. I still catch myself doing this sometimes andimmediately force myself to stop. I also believe every woman can be beautiful if she takes care of herself...yet still have this competitive thought process I have to fight... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 The sisterhood is rare under the age of 40 and unheard of under 30. By time my daughter is my age I shudder to think 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I have experienced that as well. There seems to be a competition going among some women for everything...not just men but money, jobs, looks...even just hair. I was taught "The Sisterhood" because of the struggle women have faced thruout history. Even despite that, I went thru a phase where I would size up and rank the appearance of other women around me in school, at work, etc. I still catch myself doing this sometimes andimmediately force myself to stop. I also believe every woman can be beautiful if she takes care of herself...yet still have this competitive thought process I have to fight... Exactly. I do it too. I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to all of the women around me. My first reaction to another female's good fortune is to be jealous, instead of congratulatory. It's sad really because I consider myself to be a very good person. Social media doesn't help. You rarely see FB pages of day to day life..it's always accomplishments and bragging..or annoying whining. The only thing I really stress to my daughter is to be kind. Just be nice. That's all. You don't have to be the prettiest, the smartest, the best artist...the best ANYTHING, I don't even care...but damn, be the nicest! Because that is really all that matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 The sisterhood is rare under the age of 40 and unheard of under 30. By time my daughter is my age I shudder to think I am in my 30s but I think you may be onto something, as my gma was the one who taught me...and she was older for a gma even 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Exactly. I do it too. I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to all of the women around me. My first reaction to another female's good fortune is to be jealous, instead of congratulatory. It's sad really because I consider myself to be a very good person. Social media doesn't help. You rarely see FB pages of day to day life..it's always accomplishments and bragging..or annoying whining. The only thing I really stress to my daughter is to be kind. Just be nice. That's all. You don't have to be the prettiest, the smartest, the best artist...the best ANYTHING, I don't even care...but damn, be the nicest! Because that is really all that matters. Me, too. I teach my kids kindness and honesty...and how there are no redos in life so think before action when possible. And social media is a crazy "Look at me" storm. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 It was one of the things that bothered me the most about what I did - I broke the girl code and the Mom code. We need to have each other's back and I didn't, as a woman OR a mom. If she was like me when she became a BS she couldn't function as a mother. And my actions caused that. It was one of the hardest things to forgive myself for. The night my husband met OW1 he showed everyone around him a picture of me in a bikini - they all oohed and awwed I guess. "Game on," I'm sure she thought -she emailed him that night. We've had a few conversations about how women compete with each other since then. I'm very conscious of it now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 ??? I don't know anything about "The Sisterhood". I treat all people with respect and decency. Of course, that would include not sleeping with a friend's man. It's about your own integrity. You do the right thing for yourself, so you can sleep at night and be happy for the person you are. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
nais Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) I do not intend to cross boundaries with the people I know personally or intimately- remorse was there in the beginning of my affair with a MM but as time moved on I lost the need to feel guilty. It no longer was about her at all- In high school would be where I first heard of it. I was told by a coworker from Africa that there is a saying for married woman who become upset regarding a relationship outside of the marriage... "That was not cut just for you" Edited March 5, 2014 by nais too many spaces between statement and last sentence Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 The sisterhood is something I only see talked about on LS and in my opinion if there is one, it is wrong and discriminatory. Why should I treat someone better because of their gender? We should treat everybody equally. No better, no worse. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 I do not intend to cross boundaries with the people I know personally or intimately- remorse was there in the beginning of my affair with a MM but as time moved on I lost the need to feel guilty. It no longer was about her at all- In high school would be where I first heard of it. I was told by a coworker from Africa that there is a saying for married woman who become upset regarding a relationship outside of the marriage... "That was not cut just for you" Assuming "that" is his junk...I think the issue most bs have is that the one who you trusted lied to you and betrayed you. There is no integrity in that, and really no justification in it. Regardless of who the dingaling has been dancing with. You know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 ??? I don't know anything about "The Sisterhood". I treat all people with respect and decency. Of course, that would include not sleeping with a friend's man. It's about your own integrity. You do the right thing for yourself, so you can sleep at night and be happy for the person you are. Thats basically the gist of it...thinking about it it is kinda sad that there is a girls code, or a need to focus women on treating other women with respect... Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 When did you first hear of the sisterhood? (yes, saying "this thread" is an appropriate answer) I first heard of the "sisterhood" when I asked about common decency on this forum. It was used as a negative connotation. I however would classify it as two different items. 1. Friendship 2. Common decency amongst women. What are your thoughts on "The Sisterhood"? If taken in a positive light....great. Don't sleep with your friend's men. Don't stab a stranger in the back. Do unto other women as you would have them do unto you. Do you think it really boils down to general respect, the golden rule, morals, or something else entirely? Perfectly categorized. The golden rule and morals all rolled up into one. Common decency. Anything else that ties in? Just stop knocking each other down. Life hits hard enough by itself...why help it out. Please keep it respectful... see bolded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 What Is the Meaning of Sisterhood - Ask.com The link above gives some definitions of sisterhood. Has anyone heard of these situations termed as sisterhood? The statement given that best decribes my understanding is "united we stand, divided we falll" Women used to have a gross disadvantage comparred to men...and these days...guezs what we still are at a dosadvantage but it is not as focused on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 see bolded. AGREE WITH EVERYTHING. sorry, on phone and it bolded...but I agree. It does really boil down to treating others hpw you want to be treated...aka golden rule....just an emphisis on women due to the times women were in, perhaps? Where do you all think women are at now? Equal, or do we still have some work to do? Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 ??? I don't know anything about "The Sisterhood". I treat all people with respect and decency. Of course, that would include not sleeping with a friend's man. It's about your own integrity. You do the right thing for yourself, so you can sleep at night and be happy for the person you are. I love this, but I would change it to: Not sleeping with ANY man legally attached to someone else 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 AGREE WITH EVERYTHING. sorry, on phone and it bolded...but I agree. It does really boil down to treating others hpw you want to be treated...aka golden rule....just an emphisis on women due to the times women were in, perhaps? Where do you all think women are at now? Equal, or do we still have some work to do? I personally think we are equal and sometimes stand on even higher ground the men. Just my personal view. I think that because we are on equal footing...women think they need to knock each other down in order to gain the edge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krazikat Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 I personally think we are equal and sometimes stand on even higher ground the men. Just my personal view. I think that because we are on equal footing...women think they need to knock each other down in order to gain the edge. In my experience we have leaps and bounds to go before we will be equal...for example, men still get paid much ore than woman very often...for the same work...and I have seen this first hand and very recently... Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 When there is an inequality of power amongst the classes, those with lesser power, as in women, begin to emulate the WORST traits of the ruling class (men); they value and judge other women on their youth, beauty and physical attributes; they compete and gossip and vilify other women and often vie for the alpha males as a way to enhance their worth. It's sad, no? It keeps us down and it is designed to do so. I think it is more about respect and treating others the way you would wish to be treated. Either you give and command respect, or you don't. Either you have class and integrity, or you do not. It really cannot be taught. Either you are highly competitive and judgmental of other woman, or you are not. There are MANY women that I would not want as acquaintances, let alone friends. Forget "sisters." They don't get the Golden Rule. They don't play by it. They compete with me. I feel sorry for them because they believe confidence comes from externals, not from within. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 People remain an enigma to me, so I can only speak for myself. I don't feel any extra sense of kinship or sisterhood towards any other women beyond what I feel towards other human beings. I really believe that we should treat others the way we wish to be treated ourselves, and that means no cheating and, if I were single, no getting involved with a married person. It doesn't matter if the was a friend. Relative or total stranger. The fact that I don't know her wouldn't make the a any less painful for her, and it would be every bit as damaging to the both of us. Dishonesty hurts the one being lied to, and the one doing the lying both. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 When did you first hear of the sisterhood? (yes, saying "this thread" is an appropriate answer) Um... First time I heard it used with regularity was this forum. Outside that, random reality shows like "Jersey Shore." What are your thoughts on "The Sisterhood"? It's baloney. To expect a female to treat you one way because of this common thread at being female? Don't buy it. Do you think it really boils down to general respect, the golden rule, morals, or something else entirely? Anything else that ties in? Please keep it respectful... I tend to treat people with the respect they've earned. I think everybody has kind of a default level of respect, but respect beyond that default level, it has to be earned. Regardless, I don't think this is an issue of people automatically respecting a BS enough to not cheat. That choice to do it or not do it has to do with the people in it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I had never really heard of the concept of "sisterhood" until I came here to LS. No one ever taught it to me either. I learned the idea from interacting with my female friends. I knew what I thought was acceptable and what wasn't. For example...After my high school best friend kissed a guy she knew I was crushing on, I learned that it hurt me and I wouldn't ever do that to someone I felt was a good friend of mine. Regardless of whether she was right to do it or not (he hit on her and wasn't interested in me), I felt that it was wrong for her to do that and then hide it from me. It was a series of experiences like this that had led me to believe that women just cannot be trusted. I learned quickly that women are catty and hard to get along with. I felt like my female friends would stab me in the back way faster than any of my male friends would ever dream of doing. Male friends weren't busy talking behind my back about petty stuff and were much more likely to be up front with me. Women on the other hand made a point of talking smack about each other and didn't think twice about being two faced. All sweet to my face and talking crap behind my back. So where is this supposed sisterhood? I've never really witnessed it... most definitely not with females that don't really know each other that well but not even with the ones that were supposedly my good friends. It was definitely worse when I was younger, but even older women are not against gossiping, being nasty to and about each other and certainly not against the idea of bedding a man who is already involved in a relationship. Even to this day, I still prefer male friendship. It brings a LOT less drama. At 43 years old I have only come across one true female friend that is straightforward and honest to my face and is truly my best friend who accepts me as is but lets me know when I'm screwing up. She would NEVER do anything to hurt me intentionally. I've had many female friends over the years and every single one of them would likely have thrown me to the wolves if it got them what they wanted. It would be really nice if we all brought each other up instead of trying to drag each other down like crabs in a bucket but I have yet to truly see anything remotely close to a sisterhood among women. Some talk of it, but rarely do they follow through on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Come on not sleeping with another one's man. Women are bad for that because women give other women the tools to get their man. The go into detail about how good he is or sexually how good he is. Men just want to find a woman like that. Women just want that man Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 The underdog understands another underdog. Women were underdogs in western society for millennia, even by and large amongst the upper classes. You see someone suffering in a similar way to yourself you feel the urge to help. You pulled together to help with a difficult birth, you would take of the children of a sick or postpartum mother, you shared childcare. You supported a grieving woman, mad with worry about how to care for her children, when her man had been killed or badly hurt. Because next time it might be you. Suffering promotes understanding because it is survival. Feminism played with that trope but once a society had the leisure to care about isms, it no longer has the need for any real sisterhood because for most of us most of the time, life just isnt that brutish or scary. I don't care about women more than men. I perhaps share experience with women more than I do with men so maybe I understand them a little more. But that doesn't translate to sisterhood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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