He is locked up but now I feel GUILTY...

[HoNeYCHicA]

My b/f and I got along so good at 1st and for the past 2 months he has been crazy obsessed and jealous about me and started hitting me and not letting me leave his house--during these rages he would intermittantly stop and kiss me and say he hated himself because he was doing this to me...that he loved me etc etc....well the 1st two times it was SOMEONE else calling the cops on him cuz they heard me getting hit and crying in pain....this last time I called them...I told the cops everything and he is locked up and probably won't be out for at least a year....his Mom,who introduced us,hates me now....ALL his family hates me...everyone in MY family is saying how stupid I was to LET this happen to me(no sympathy)... fact is, I STILL LOVE HIM...I feel so awful that he's in jail because he always said he couldn't take it and would rather die than go....on the other hand I am glad because he can't hurt me anymore AND this will maybe be his chance to stop his drug addiction(to crack-cocaine)PLUS, I kind of feel a sense of justice for the horrible way he treated me...but SO GUILTY TOO!! I AM stupid...this whole thing is killing me inside and I miss him alot(when he wasn't flipping out fiending for crack that is)....any advice would be helpful---I am feeling so alone and depressed---THANK YOU......

[Tony T]

There is a lady I've heard lots about who had a husband just like your boyfriend. And she loved him very much, just like you do. She had two of his children. He used to beat her all the time and she always took it. She had a reason, I guess...he lived in a big house and threw lots of money around.

 

Her name is Nicole Brown Simpson. One day her guy surprised her in the dark and sliced her up beyond recognition with a knife. She bled to death. She will never breathe, play, see her children, eat a great meal, enjoy her hobbies, etc., ever again. She is GONE!!!

 

Now, let's talk about you. If you really love a guy that beats you, you can go to a gym and learn to be boxing partners for many guys who may one day be famous. But they are trained to know when to stop. You are given special protection equipment to wear. If you start yelling in pain, they will discontinue. At worst, if they knock you out, they will stop and you will get medical help.

 

For you to feel guilty because neighbors called the police on a man who was beating you mercilessly to a pulp and could have easily killed you would be like me getting mad because I won the lottery. Now I know you must have taken this because he had lots of money, a big mansion, a maid, a cook, etc., and he made life great for you in other ways...but is that worth paying for with your life???

 

Now, let's talk about why you love someone who beats the hell out of you all the time. You know, that is a crime...people get killed that way...people get disfigured that way...it's not really a natural way for people in love to live. So you must be used to being beaten all the time, maybe by your father. If you miss these beatings, there are sections of town where you can find people who will be happy to beat the hell out of you until your guy gets out of jail.

 

And I promise, when he gets out, he will beat you into the ground in retribution for the neighbors calling the police after hearing your screams. That's the great guy he is. So they will most likely let him out just before Christmas because they do that for people who are just about ready to get out. Then, he can get you punch drunk for the holidays.

 

I think any man who strikes a woman is the lowest form of vermin (that's like worms, termites, maggots, slimey crawly things like that). Yes, a man who hits a woman repeatedly until her screams trouble the neighbors is even below the lowest form. I can see why you love him. Guys like that are very rare. I mean you have to really work hard to find a guy who comes from below the sewer.

 

I don't understand why he would stop beating you every so often and kiss you. Maybe that was his way of expressing his gratitude for you just taking it like a man and letting him try to kill you without putting up a fuss. Actually there is a word to describe insane people who do this, it sounds like "sadism" but we need not go into that here. You are the first lady I know who had to earn affection by being beaten. There is another word that I've heard of, I think "masochism". You might look that up in a search engine on the Internet. It's about enjoying people beating us up all the time and loving them for it.

 

Oh, yes, his parents. They hate you because their son was beating the hell out of you and you were just so inconsiderate and disrespectful that you cried out in pain. I mean how could you do this? When someone is trying to kill you, especially someone you love, you are supposed to stay totally quiet until you completely lose consciousness. Once you get there, you don't even feel it when you breathe your last breath and you are dead. To make noises expressing pain was really out of line. His parents probably beat each other all the time (that's where he learned the wife beating techniques from) and his mother learned to keep her mouth shut. That may be why his dad has let her live so long.

 

I'm really sorry his parents hate you now. Maybe while your guy is in jail, you can go over and let them beat you some to make it up to them. You know it shows you are extremely ungrateful to not permit their son, to whom they introduced you, to beat you to death and end your life. I mean how low could you go?

 

Now I really do feel sorry for him to, being in jail where he said he could never take it. I mean a guy who gives it to you until you can't take it certainly doesn't deserve to be somewhere unpleasant. Hopefully they have a boxing team in prison. When other inmates, who have disrespect for women, find out he actually beat you but let you live, they are liable to beat the hell out of him every day to let him see just how it feels for a victim to be allowed to live. Then again, if he's smart, he'll team up with a protector who will guard him closely in return for sexual favors.

 

Now I know you just can't wait for him to get out of jail so he can make up for all the days he was away from you and letting you live in peace and harmony and without fear for your life. But, I really hope you will think long and hard about whether or not you want to live a long life. You know, then you die or when you get a blood clot lodged in your brain or heart from a beating, if you don't die you are usually pretty much a vegetable. You want to think long and hard if you want to live the rest of your life just sort of moving your head around not even knowing who you are or where you are while this guy continues to beat on you.

 

You also want to consider that when he kills you, he will have beaten you so brutally that your organs will be disfigured and ruined so much you won't be able to donate them to others who have been maimed in a similar fashion.

 

I hope in this coming year you decide there may just be a chance you would like to live. Yes, it would be terribly strange to find a man who respects you, who doesn't commit felony crimes everyday by beating you, who brings you flowers and romances you, who does special things to make you feel like a woman. But maybe you can get used to that. Maybe you can get used to the idea that it would be nice to live a good, long, wonderful life without getting clobbered all the time.

 

Now you are feeling guilty, but he is the one who broke the law. Now that makes a lot of sense. I hope you will go see some social workers in your town and arrange for you to see a counsellor. Working with them can help build your self esteem so maybe you won't feel good about getting beaten all the time and they can give you techniques on how to ease your guilt for getting the man who was trying to kill you put in jail. That is really the way it's supposed to work in the real world.

 

You also ought to be planning to somehow live where this guy can't find you when he gets out of jail. If you absolutely must, there are lots of guys who will love you and who will use padded gloves on you and stop hitting you when you start to cry. But this guy will KILL YOU, I absolutely guarantee, within a short time after he gets out.

 

Please get some help. I do not want you to go through what Nicole Brown Simpson did, although I guess getting sliced up with a knife is a faster death than getting beaten up slowly until you can't breate. And I don't think O.J. kissed her between slices, what a jerk! A counsellor will help you to appreciate more this only life you will ever have and help you understand this guy is a threat to your survival.

 

You really need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. But I really won't need to say much about that because my bet is that others who read your post won't be as soft on your sleezey, good for nothing, bum, jailbird, woman beating boyfriend as I have been. I have an idea they are going to be really a lot more upset about this than both of us.

 

PLEASE READ WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. If they haven't posted already...come back. There will be stuff here for you to read.

[Rogue]

You've got to find another place to live, somewhere he can't find you. That's the number one priority right now. You will never be able to be happy ever again as long as he's around.

 

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to be gutsy. This is yours. You have to ignore your feelings of guilt and ignore your emotional attachment to this guy, and leave the whole bad situation behind. Trust me, the first nice guy you'll find, will make you kick yourself for having spent too much time on this guy as you have.

 

I suggest you write him a goodbye letter, or tell him goodbye in a prison visit. Do it nicely, and sincerely. Try to explain to him what sorrow he put you through. Then tell him it's over, forever.Wish him luck. Leave, and never look back.

 

Just leave. There is nothing for you to hold on to, nothing for you to hope for in this relationship. He probably won't beat his crack habit, and you know that. This guy will end up hurting everyone around him. Let his family take care of him if they thinks it's so easy.See how they like it when they're the ones being abused.

 

I'm telling you to cut your losses and move on.I'm not telling you this to punish him, I'm not saying this to teach all the batterers in the world a lesson. I'm saying this because it's the only option left to you. You've got a right to live, and live happy. He's made his decisions on how he will lead his life, now you make yours.

[Laurynn]

hi there....

 

i want you to know i've been in your shoes and i really do know what you're feeling.

 

7 years ago, just 2 weeks before my 1 year wedding anniversary, my husband [at the time] smacked me around for the very last time.......and in a nightmare story, i managed to get out of the house and drive to the police station.....and he was charged w/ assault and unlawful confinement. i could not take his abuse any longer. i loved him dearly but the abuse was ongoing, and no matter how many times in the past that i'd threatened to have him charged, he'd just laugh.......and the abuse continued. he did have his good points. he was charming, funny, hard working, good looking, etc........but the hits and smacks and kicks and hair pulling and spitting in my face and kicking me in the chest and locking me out of the house when it was 40 degrees below and locking me in our house and bathroom was just too much. i was sick of having to constantly walk on eggshells...always afraid i'd say the wrong thing to set him off.......i was living in a prison..physically, emotionally and mentally. he also had a drinking problem, and since leaving him, he apparently had a problem with cocaine.

 

after having him charged, i felt horrible. i felt tremendous guilt. he never ended up going to jail, just ended up going to court, pleading guilty and being put on one year probation/suspended sentence..and ordered to go to anger management counselling with other abusive men [which he got nothing out of].

 

he made me feel so bad for having had him charged. he told me initially, that if he ended up going to jail, he'd put a gun to his head. this made me feel horrible. he even tried to convince me to have the charges dropped [something i possibly could have done, but it would have been tough]......he blamed me for ruining our marriage by doing this. but the fact of the matter was.....he is the one who ruined our marriage....by using me as a punching bag....by calling me every filthy name in the book..........by keeping me a prisoner in our own home....by constantly controlling me...........by causing me to always be 'on edge'...afraid, crying, upset, discouraged.

 

i was raised in a catholic home where divorce was 'not an option'...so when i finally realized that he did not realize he had a problem, i filed for divorce......and received it. it took me a good year to get over the guilt.

 

and yes, his family hated me with all the hatred you can imagine. his mom threw in my face that because her sonny boy now had a criminal record, he could never fulfill his lifelong dream to be a cop -ROFLMAO-..yeah, like this angry guy would make a great cop...can you imagine a guy like that who'd be allowed to carry a gun ??? i didn't ruin his future...he did that himself....all by himself. he ruined his alleged future by laying his mitts on me time and time again.

 

what's worse, i worked in a small hospital where his mom and aunt worked. they did their best to badmouth me to all the staff there...told them all how i'd ruined their son/nephew's life.........how i was making it all up [right....the pictures on file at the police station with the black and and bruises and ripped clothes were bogus..uh huh].........going to work was a living nightmare. all the 'stares' from people...this was a small town, and his family had lived there forever, and his mom and aunt had worked in this hospital for over 25 years. i was an outcast. looking back, i have no idea how i managed to stay sane.

 

finally after a year of being separated, i got the hell out of that town, moved as far away as i could and i started my life over.

 

from what i've heard, my ex husband has never changed. he remains abusive and has a horrible temper. everyone is afraid of him. though i didn't know this when i was married to him, he'd grown up with a very abusive dad..who beat the crap out of my husband, his mom and my hubby's sister. he grew up with abuse and went on to perpetuate it. his role model was a man who had no respect for women......so part of me feels sorry for him, because part of him didn't know any better. but the other part of me knows that we can'tmake excuses for those who beat and batter. i too grew up in a very physically abusive home [my mom].....and i am so opposed to abuse that i would never lay a hand on anyone. i despise abuse.

 

i highly suggest you do as i did.........find the local battered women's shelter in your town/city.........and go and talk to the women there. you can even just talk to them on the phone if you want to remain anonymous. to find the number, call up your local hospital and ask them for it. or look in the yellow pages of your phone book for 'shelters' or 'victims'.......these women have been victims of abuse in the past.....they -know- the feelings of guilt, sadness, still loving the guy, anger, regret, etc etc. they have been in your shoes, honestly.

 

when i went through all this, my family didn't understand. they thought i was a total idiot for having put up with this guy for as long as i did. i had no friends because they all thought i was an idiot, and those who didn't, they didn't want anything to do with me because they were afraid of my husband and were afraid for their safety. my own mother couldn't understand..hell, she was no better than this guy [while i was growing up]. the only people i had to turn to were the women at the shelter.

 

be proud of yourself, that you took a stand for -you-........this guy is not a healthy man. and please believe me when i tell you, violence always escalates. it starts out with hurtful words, then slaps, then punches, then could lead to death.

 

abusive men need intensive therapy.........months and months of intensive therapy.....to get at the root of why they abuse....why they can't handle their anger. your man isn't probably going to get the help he needs in jail, unfortunately. i hope for his sake he does, but don't count on it.

 

you deserve a man who will love you and treat you with respect.

 

please contact the local battered women's shelter........talk to them about how you're feeling........they really -do- understand and they won't judge you.

 

hugs,

 

laurynn

[HoNeYCHicA]

Harsh Tony...whoa! Thanx (I think)...but I DO value myself which is why I pressed charges AND he DARED...no....HAD THE BALLS, to call me from jail to ask me to lie about what happened so he would get a lesser sentence!! I reported him...he has lost his phone privleges(I'm kinda proud of myself for that) so I am not as mental as you seem to think...I am just TOO compassionate and caring, maybe a little naiive as well...by the way, my father(before he passed away(1991)) NEVER, EVER, beat me or anyone else...I have NEVER been treated like this before in my life--my problem is I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW anyone can do this or WHY they do it...I am all done with him of course, but I need to go thru all the typical "emotions" of people who have been domestically assaulted...spoke to an advocate today so I know all these mixed emotions are TOTALLY normal...and I am just praying for God to give me strength to testify and stand up for myself....and so far, so good....

There is a lady I've heard lots about who had a husband just like your boyfriend. And she loved him very much, just like you do. She had two of his children. He used to beat her all the time and she always took it. She had a reason, I guess...he lived in a big house and threw lots of money around. Her name is Nicole Brown Simpson. One day her guy surprised her in the dark and sliced her up beyond recognition with a knife. She bled to death. She will never breathe, play, see her children, eat a great meal, enjoy her hobbies, etc., ever again. She is GONE!!! Now, let's talk about you. If you really love a guy that beats you, you can go to a gym and learn to be boxing partners for many guys who may one day be famous. But they are trained to know when to stop. You are given special protection equipment to wear. If you start yelling in pain, they will discontinue. At worst, if they knock you out, they will stop and you will get medical help. For you to feel guilty because neighbors called the police on a man who was beating you mercilessly to a pulp and could have easily killed you would be like me getting mad because I won the lottery. Now I know you must have taken this because he had lots of money, a big mansion, a maid, a cook, etc., and he made life great for you in other ways...but is that worth paying for with your life??? Now, let's talk about why you love someone who beats the hell out of you all the time. You know, that is a crime...people get killed that way...people get disfigured that way...it's not really a natural way for people in love to live. So you must be used to being beaten all the time, maybe by your father. If you miss these beatings, there are sections of town where you can find people who will be happy to beat the hell out of you until your guy gets out of jail. And I promise, when he gets out, he will beat you into the ground in retribution for the neighbors calling the police after hearing your screams. That's the great guy he is. So they will most likely let him out just before Christmas because they do that for people who are just about ready to get out. Then, he can get you punch drunk for the holidays. I think any man who strikes a woman is the lowest form of vermin (that's like worms, termites, maggots, slimey crawly things like that). Yes, a man who hits a woman repeatedly until her screams trouble the neighbors is even below the lowest form. I can see why you love him. Guys like that are very rare. I mean you have to really work hard to find a guy who comes from below the sewer.

 

I don't understand why he would stop beating you every so often and kiss you. Maybe that was his way of expressing his gratitude for you just taking it like a man and letting him try to kill you without putting up a fuss. Actually there is a word to describe insane people who do this, it sounds like "sadism" but we need not go into that here. You are the first lady I know who had to earn affection by being beaten. There is another word that I've heard of, I think "masochism". You might look that up in a search engine on the Internet. It's about enjoying people beating us up all the time and loving them for it. Oh, yes, his parents. They hate you because their son was beating the hell out of you and you were just so inconsiderate and disrespectful that you cried out in pain. I mean how could you do this? When someone is trying to kill you, especially someone you love, you are supposed to stay totally quiet until you completely lose consciousness. Once you get there, you don't even feel it when you breathe your last breath and you are dead. To make noises expressing pain was really out of line. His parents probably beat each other all the time (that's where he learned the wife beating techniques from) and his mother learned to keep her mouth shut. That may be why his dad has let her live so long. I'm really sorry his parents hate you now. Maybe while your guy is in jail, you can go over and let them beat you some to make it up to them. You know it shows you are extremely ungrateful to not permit their son, to whom they introduced you, to beat you to death and end your life. I mean how low could you go? Now I really do feel sorry for him to, being in jail where he said he could never take it. I mean a guy who gives it to you until you can't take it certainly doesn't deserve to be somewhere unpleasant. Hopefully they have a boxing team in prison. When other inmates, who have disrespect for women, find out he actually beat you but let you live, they are liable to beat the hell out of him every day to let him see just how it feels for a victim to be allowed to live. Then again, if he's smart, he'll team up with a protector who will guard him closely in return for sexual favors. Now I know you just can't wait for him to get out of jail so he can make up for all the days he was away from you and letting you live in peace and harmony and without fear for your life. But, I really hope you will think long and hard about whether or not you want to live a long life. You know, then you die or when you get a blood clot lodged in your brain or heart from a beating, if you don't die you are usually pretty much a vegetable. You want to think long and hard if you want to live the rest of your life just sort of moving your head around not even knowing who you are or where you are while this guy continues to beat on you. You also want to consider that when he kills you, he will have beaten you so brutally that your organs will be disfigured and ruined so much you won't be able to donate them to others who have been maimed in a similar fashion. I hope in this coming year you decide there may just be a chance you would like to live. Yes, it would be terribly strange to find a man who respects you, who doesn't commit felony crimes everyday by beating you, who brings you flowers and romances you, who does special things to make you feel like a woman. But maybe you can get used to that. Maybe you can get used to the idea that it would be nice to live a good, long, wonderful life without getting clobbered all the time. Now you are feeling guilty, but he is the one who broke the law. Now that makes a lot of sense. I hope you will go see some social workers in your town and arrange for you to see a counsellor. Working with them can help build your self esteem so maybe you won't feel good about getting beaten all the time and they can give you techniques on how to ease your guilt for getting the man who was trying to kill you put in jail. That is really the way it's supposed to work in the real world. You also ought to be planning to somehow live where this guy can't find you when he gets out of jail. If you absolutely must, there are lots of guys who will love you and who will use padded gloves on you and stop hitting you when you start to cry. But this guy will KILL YOU, I absolutely guarantee, within a short time after he gets out. Please get some help. I do not want you to go through what Nicole Brown Simpson did, although I guess getting sliced up with a knife is a faster death than getting beaten up slowly until you can't breate. And I don't think O.J. kissed her between slices, what a jerk! A counsellor will help you to appreciate more this only life you will ever have and help you understand this guy is a threat to your survival. You really need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. But I really won't need to say much about that because my bet is that others who read your post won't be as soft on your sleezey, good for nothing, bum, jailbird, woman beating boyfriend as I have been. I have an idea they are going to be really a lot more upset about this than both of us. PLEASE READ WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. If they haven't posted already...come back. There will be stuff here for you to read.

[Tony T]

Wow, I am totally relieved that you are not real screwed up like your first post sort of indicated. You do sound like you have your head on your shoulders pretty well.

 

Your second post hardly resembles your first. So you got over your guilt pretty fast and you seem a lot more clear headed. Wow, what a difference a day makes.

 

I feel so much better to know you will not be around for him to beat up on somemore. Don't ever ever ever let anyone treat you like this ever ever ever again...please!!!

 

You sound like a real sweet and caring lady. There's a guy who posted up above here who only finds mean women. He's a real nice guy. Maybe the two of you could get together???

[HoNeYCHicA]

Wow, Laurynn...my jaw has hit the floor--4 real...your story is almost IDENTICAL to mine...he did the exact same things to me and his family is doing the same, I have NO friends, my family thinks its my fault cuz I was stupid to go back to him after the 1st hit....I am moving(was planning on this before the abuse started anyways)cuz I gotta get away from my Mom for my own emotional health...he definitly WILL NOT know where I live--I read a statistic that battered women who are also "held hostage" have an 85% chance of being murdered---it is a warning sign of possible death from the abuser...I guess I am strong for doing this ---but man!! it's eating me up inside... I am a nervous wreck...and the night before he forced me to drive 30 miles to the "city" to get crack and his dealer and him were both arrested in an undercover operation...thing is, 3 weeks ago I threatened his dealer that if he continued to sell my man crack he would have a problem involving police....now I am constantly lookin over my shoulder and paranoid...whole scene sucks ass!!! I think of all the money wasted cuz of his habit and abuse...all my broken jewelery and torn brand new(bought that day) clothing, the friends I have lost, the danger I am now in, it makes me sick----

 

BUT..you are 100% right about talking to the women at the support service, omg, I felt SO MUCH BETTER afterwards, she's gonna send me literature and represent me in court if I choose to do that...she was really cool, I am so glad I called....I'm still feelin the bruises and lumps, and after his call to me today they hurt even worse, but I know I'll be ok...getting my own place(excited about that!!!) and starting a new life(a safe life)is the prize I am keeping my eyes on...thank you so very much for your reply...I don't feel so alone now, that's important

 

God Bless--HoNeYCHicA:)

hi there.... i want you to know i've been in your shoes and i really do know what you're feeling. 7 years ago, just 2 weeks before my 1 year wedding anniversary, my husband [at the time] smacked me around for the very last time.......and in a nightmare story, i managed to get out of the house and drive to the police station.....and he was charged w/ assault and unlawful confinement. i could not take his abuse any longer. i loved him dearly but the abuse was ongoing, and no matter how many times in the past that i'd threatened to have him charged, he'd just laugh.......and the abuse continued. he did have his good points. he was charming, funny, hard working, good looking, etc........but the hits and smacks and kicks and hair pulling and spitting in my face and kicking me in the chest and locking me out of the house when it was 40 degrees below and locking me in our house and bathroom was just too much. i was sick of having to constantly walk on eggshells...always afraid i'd say the wrong thing to set him off.......i was living in a prison..physically, emotionally and mentally. he also had a drinking problem, and since leaving him, he apparently had a problem with cocaine. after having him charged, i felt horrible. i felt tremendous guilt. he never ended up going to jail, just ended up going to court, pleading guilty and being put on one year probation/suspended sentence..and ordered to go to anger management counselling with other abusive men [which he got nothing out of]. he made me feel so bad for having had him charged. he told me initially, that if he ended up going to jail, he'd put a gun to his head. this made me feel horrible. he even tried to convince me to have the charges dropped [something i possibly could have done, but it would have been tough]......he blamed me for ruining our marriage by doing this. but the fact of the matter was.....he is the one who ruined our marriage....by using me as a punching bag....by calling me every filthy name in the book..........by keeping me a prisoner in our own home....by constantly controlling me...........by causing me to always be 'on edge'...afraid, crying, upset, discouraged. i was raised in a catholic home where divorce was 'not an option'...so when i finally realized that he did not realize he had a problem, i filed for divorce......and received it. it took me a good year to get over the guilt. and yes, his family hated me with all the hatred you can imagine. his mom threw in my face that because her sonny boy now had a criminal record, he could never fulfill his lifelong dream to be a cop -ROFLMAO-..yeah, like this angry guy would make a great cop...can you imagine a guy like that who'd be allowed to carry a gun ??? i didn't ruin his future...he did that himself....all by himself. he ruined his alleged future by laying his mitts on me time and time again. what's worse, i worked in a small hospital where his mom and aunt worked. they did their best to badmouth me to all the staff there...told them all how i'd ruined their son/nephew's life.........how i was making it all up [right....the pictures on file at the police station with the black and and bruises and ripped clothes were bogus..uh huh].........going to work was a living nightmare. all the 'stares' from people...this was a small town, and his family had lived there forever, and his mom and aunt had worked in this hospital for over 25 years. i was an outcast. looking back, i have no idea how i managed to stay sane. finally after a year of being separated, i got the hell out of that town, moved as far away as i could and i started my life over. from what i've heard, my ex husband has never changed. he remains abusive and has a horrible temper. everyone is afraid of him. though i didn't know this when i was married to him, he'd grown up with a very abusive dad..who beat the crap out of my husband, his mom and my hubby's sister. he grew up with abuse and went on to perpetuate it. his role model was a man who had no respect for women......so part of me feels sorry for him, because part of him didn't know any better. but the other part of me knows that we can'tmake excuses for those who beat and batter. i too grew up in a very physically abusive home [my mom].....and i am so opposed to abuse that i would never lay a hand on anyone. i despise abuse. i highly suggest you do as i did.........find the local battered women's shelter in your town/city.........and go and talk to the women there. you can even just talk to them on the phone if you want to remain anonymous. to find the number, call up your local hospital and ask them for it. or look in the yellow pages of your phone book for 'shelters' or 'victims'.......these women have been victims of abuse in the past.....they -know- the feelings of guilt, sadness, still loving the guy, anger, regret, etc etc. they have been in your shoes, honestly. when i went through all this, my family didn't understand. they thought i was a total idiot for having put up with this guy for as long as i did. i had no friends because they all thought i was an idiot, and those who didn't, they didn't want anything to do with me because they were afraid of my husband and were afraid for their safety. my own mother couldn't understand..hell, she was no better than this guy [while i was growing up]. the only people i had to turn to were the women at the shelter. be proud of yourself, that you took a stand for -you-........this guy is not a healthy man. and please believe me when i tell you, violence always escalates. it starts out with hurtful words, then slaps, then punches, then could lead to death.

 

abusive men need intensive therapy.........months and months of intensive therapy.....to get at the root of why they abuse....why they can't handle their anger. your man isn't probably going to get the help he needs in jail, unfortunately. i hope for his sake he does, but don't count on it. you deserve a man who will love you and treat you with respect. please contact the local battered women's shelter........talk to them about how you're feeling........they really -do- understand and they won't judge you.

 

hugs, laurynn

[HoNeYCHicA]

HEHEHEHE....you are too cute Tony....I'm gonna stay solo for a while though, just me and my cat(Chloe) Thanx

Wow, I am totally relieved that you are not real screwed up like your first post sort of indicated. You do sound like you have your head on your shoulders pretty well. Your second post hardly resembles your first. So you got over your guilt pretty fast and you seem a lot more clear headed. Wow, what a difference a day makes. I feel so much better to know you will not be around for him to beat up on somemore. Don't ever ever ever let anyone treat you like this ever ever ever again...please!!! You sound like a real sweet and caring lady. There's a guy who posted up above here who only finds mean women. He's a real nice guy. Maybe the two of you could get together???