mr_dave Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Sorry, this will be long... Last year in July I broke up with my first girlfriend of 4 years. She left me for another guy. I was crushed, my family watched me cry for the best part of a month afterwards. And I never cry. In the aftermath I pleaded with her and tried to reason with her, but in September, after two months, I realised I was being stupid, and that even if she came back then, that it wouldn't work out, so I stopped the pleading, and wished her well with him. During this period, my sister waded in on facebook, criticising my ex girlfriend after she had posted pictures of the new guy and herself online. I was angry at first - I sat my sister, mum, and brother down and said whilst I understood their concern I explicitly told them I wanted no outside influence in it whatsoever. I wanted to see to what extent my ex would try and reconcile, how sorry she was etc, so that maybe in five, ten years time if our paths crossed again, if she had changed and if I still had residual feelings, whether I should act on them or not, even though I wouldn't take her back anytime soon. So... after 2 weeks no contact on my part, she started saying she'd rather be with me, and would I take her back. I refused, saying not now. My family had believed me to be in no contact with her, she was asking if I'd take her back, I was letting her down gently, still talking to her but making it clear that I wouldn't have her back. My family found out she was contacting me, I explained the nature of it. My mum decided she would wade in and use my sister to speak to the ex-gf's sister and get the message across that my ex should leave me alone, that she would never be welcomed by my family or allowed in the family home. In this conversation my ex-gf's sister also said I was welcome to see her son (whom I adored) whenever I wanted, but I knew this already, it was a very minor detail. So my mum cheerily informed me the day after, "your sis was talking to your ex's sis, and she said you're welcome to see her son whenever you like." And left out the rest of it. Eventually my sister admitted what had really happened, but I was the last to know about it, I was alerted by my ex-gf's family. I'm a placid guy, but I felt so angry and betrayed! My mum never apologised, gas-lighting me saying I had lied about being no-contact, but surely that's my choice whether to contact her or not? Am I right to feel this way? This is the only time I've ever really opened up to them, yet they didn't respect my wishes at all. I feel now like I could never confide in them without them sticking their oars in. So although I'm dating someone else now, I'd rather their suspicious minds think I'm seeing my ex again, than share my business with them. Any thoughts? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Sometimes the well intentions of family is unwelcoming to an adult. You sound reasonable in your privacy to relations/dating. In the kindest of ways directly convey what is your line of tolerable factors. If they are concerned, hear them Out. If though they are meddling then ask them to step aside . You are a gent and deserve regard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Keep your family out of your personal business if you can. It can get way too messy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr_dave Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Thanks guys. I'll keep my romantic affairs private in future. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I know the feeling. After me and my ex broke up, my mum was communicating with my ex and begging him to ask me back. I was happy to move on and this was humiliating, the worst of it was that my ex thought I was telling my mum to do it. I only found out about the extent of their contact when my mum nearly died and I took her phone to notify her friends what happened. There I was confronted with allll the back-and-forth texts to my ex behind my back Still, you got to put it in prospective. I know that my mum had good intentions. She thought she was doing what was best for me. I am sure that your family was supportive and loving through various stages of your life... Nobody is perfect and even family will mess up. The best you can do is to tell them how you feel in a calm manner in regards to future breaches of privacy and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Fighting like this on FB is like going to the middle of the street and in full view of the block start bitching and whining and fighting with some other family. Try to get your family to understand this, if you can't ... well, not much you can do. But a boundary has to be set if it bothers you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts