blackczerny Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Just before Christmas, I broke up with my partner. We are still living together, though he should be moving out soon. At around the same time, I met someone else who I really clicked with. We're in the same boat - he's just broken up with someone too, but we both liked each other SO much we ended up dating a little bit anyway. Last week he texts me and says that he's just not ready to start seeing someone else yet. I feel the same way too, I guess, but just before he told me this, we had sex. He rang me later that night and told me that I was absolutely lovely and that he wasn't going anywhere. He hoped I wasn't either, and that we just need to take some time apart to heal. When we're ready, he said, then we should begin something new. He wants to stay in touch and we're meeting for a coffee this week. Do you think his intentions are honourable or just a get-out clause after a quick shag? Be frank people, I need your advice! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 i guess that would depend on what you're willing to let him get away with. if he's interested in something more at some point, the fact that you don't have sex with him again before that shouldn't matter. he can say he's not ready for a relationship but is ready for sex. you can say you're not comfortable with sex until you're in a relationship. either way, if you're not seeing eye-to-eye, it may not work out the way either of you want. find out first how he feels and what his intentions are. and if you have no problem with non-relationship sex, then go for it. if you do have a problem with, screw it. you're no one's easy lay. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 well you is this how you feel? "he texts me and says that he's just not ready to start seeing someone else yet. I feel the same way too" what are your reasons for jumping his bone so quickly? you will not figure his reasoning out, since you really do not know him, so you should look at your reasons and see where you are at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 I guess my reasoning is that he's 9 years older than me, and I'm perhaps a little more impetuous. That's not to say that either of us were uncomfortable with having sex....we both wanted it, it was great. But I think I haven't started to process my ex, and nor has he. Perhaps having sex has brought that home to both of us. My intentions are to have a relationship with him. There's something between us that's more than just physical...I'm just hot-headed and want to know right now what he wants. But I guess taking things slowly and healing ourselves, BY ourselves, is what the doctor's ordered..... Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 definitely, rushing is good. You cant accelerate things anyway. The only thing you could achieve is to push him away by being too impatient. But on the other side you still should show that you are interested in him. Dont be pushy, but be attentive. By the way - where does your nick come from? "czerny" means black in Czech, and i am Czech Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 it's a get out clause Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 25, 2005 Author Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by very-confused-girl definitely, rushing is good. You cant accelerate things anyway. The only thing you could achieve is to push him away by being too impatient. But on the other side you still should show that you are interested in him. Dont be pushy, but be attentive. By the way - where does your nick come from? "czerny" means black in Czech, and i am Czech Hmmm, I think you are right. He's suggested meeting up for a drink this week to talk, and I think that that's going to be good for me to understand where he's coming from, and to mirror that against where I am, too. I've never been through a split like this, especially one where I've lived with my ex, so obviously I need time to heal too. My nickname - Carl Czerny was a pianist who developed all kinds of techniques to help with performance, and as a music student, I liked the name! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackczerny Posted January 25, 2005 Author Share Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale it's a get out clause Are all men like you? I've read quite a few of your replies now, and although by posting my problems on this forum, I am asking for advice and views, your opinions do seem to follow the view that men see women as sex objects, nothing more. Do you not think it's possible that by waiting until each of us have got over our exes, it is feasible to have a relationship? Wouldn't you say that it's best to get over one thing before getting into another? After all, if it was just sex he wanted, he had it. He didn't have to text me, or ring me, or suggest meeting up. Link to post Share on other sites
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