Omg: Old!

[D.Mc.]

OK I'm a female on OLD who needs to vent: have been in OLD for 3 months, so far I've gotten:

 

The Shirtless Photo: nice, but...what ELSE do you do besides go to the gym?

 

The Photo w/kids: POF has a video for men that specifically states not to do that, besides if they're young kids, don't you care enough to shield them from the prying eyes of (perhaps) crazy strangers (and me too).

 

The Group Photo: unless you specify "that's me in the middle" how am I supposed to know what you look like? Also, it's usually one of you all hoisting alcoholic beverages: Party on Dude, just don't expect me to message you.

 

The photo w/another Woman: unless she's in a Disney Princess costume or the like at an attraction you visited on vacation, my 1st instinct when seeing this is "who's that Bhotch & why are you hugging her?" If your pic shows you having fun w/a woman then you don't need a dating site..

 

What I haven't gotten yet: a date.

[organizedchaos]

OK I'm a female on OLD who needs to vent: have been in OLD for 3 months, so far I've gotten:

 

The Shirtless Photo: nice, but...what ELSE do you do besides go to the gym?

 

The Photo w/kids: POF has a video for men that specifically states not to do that, besides if they're young kids, don't you care enough to shield them from the prying eyes of (perhaps) crazy strangers (and me too).

 

The Group Photo: unless you specify "that's me in the middle" how am I supposed to know what you look like? Also, it's usually one of you all hoisting alcoholic beverages: Party on Dude, just don't expect me to message you.

 

The photo w/another Woman: unless she's in a Disney Princess costume or the like at an attraction you visited on vacation, my 1st instinct when seeing this is "who's that Bhotch & why are you hugging her?" If your pic shows you having fun w/a woman then you don't need a dating site..

 

What I haven't gotten yet: a date.

 

To be fair, other than posting topless photos, women do the same thing.

[pickflicker]

Relax. Online dating is going to be 99% sh*t, 1% someone you'd actually date. Learn this now and save a lot of grief.

 

I'm surprised in 3 months, you haven't had 1 date. Your profile should consist of:

 

Half a dozen really great photos of you. Try not to use selfies, unless you're really good at them (my friend had a gift for the perfect selfie. Bitch).

 

Next, half a dozen bullet points assuming you up. Pick your best attributes and sell it. That's it. If your profile had a wall of specific text, delete it now. It doesn't work.

 

And live with the shirtless fools. It's like being hit on by undesirables at the bar - you just cop it on the chin and move on.

[irc333]

Yeah, and if you're a man on an online dating site, you're lucky enough to get a response....if you attempt to actually arrange a meet/get together, then they go off the radar or say, "I'm not ready for that yet, let's chat some more" and they only live 5 minutes away. lol

 

 

 

Relax. Online dating is going to be 99% sh*t, 1% someone you'd actually date. Learn this now and save a lot of grief.

 

I'm surprised in 3 months, you haven't had 1 date. Your profile should consist of:

 

Half a dozen really great photos of you. Try not to use selfies, unless you're really good at them (my friend had a gift for the perfect selfie. Bitch).

 

Next, half a dozen bullet points assuming you up. Pick your best attributes and sell it. That's it. If your profile had a wall of specific text, delete it now. It doesn't work.

 

And live with the shirtless fools. It's like being hit on by undesirables at the bar - you just cop it on the chin and move on.

[JourneyLady]

I guess I'm lucky (?) to have had a few dates in the last three months.

Six of them were with one person I thought it might work out with, but didn't due to red flags (like he was still looking).

 

One with a guy who acted as if he was going to ask me out again and didn't.

 

Another with someone who again, I thought I had something with -- but he started to find it too much trouble to chat with me and again, didn't actually ask me for a second date though it was hinted at. I really liked him, but he stopped putting any effort in and wasn't really eager to see me again. I needed to end it so I'd stop waiting around. Problem is I have lost my own enthusiasm in the process.

 

Last night I was texting with a guy I hadn't met yet and he starts asking for another picture with shorts on... phhhttt... After sending me a shirtless pic.

 

Yeah, I'm about to give up as well for the moment.

[JourneyLady]

Yeah, and if you're a man on an online dating site, you're lucky enough to get a response....if you attempt to actually arrange a meet/get together, then they go off the radar or say, "I'm not ready for that yet, let's chat some more" and they only live 5 minutes away. lol

 

Heck if someone wanted to meet me bad enough to ask, I would (and have). My problem is more the casualness of the men in my area who hint at further dates and then don't follow through...

 

I should expect that though; it may be the nature of the area I live in. Even home repair people take their jolly time in responding to inquiries and getting out to get work done. Everyone is on a slower time frame here.

 

I've only turned down one date and that was because I'd been chatting with the other guy and was too much into him too soon, and it would have been a problem going out with someone else. I'm supposed to get back to that offer if it didn't work out (which it didn't) but I kinda feel that's not really fair. I know wouldn't like it if I was the second choice. I may just not be ready to date anyone else just yet. It wasn't a solid match, but it feels like a break-up for some reason. I've got emotions left over.

[Targetlock]

well i've been on OLD for over a year now, and have never had a date, as with irc333 said i keep ending up in the same situation of them just disappearing on me. perseverance is the key i guess.

[Teraskas]

Well, now that you've experienced this as a woman, picture yourself the situation from the perspective of a guy who's genuinely looking for something more.

97% of the time, when we write a coherent message which actually has content to it, rather than the deplorable 'OMGURHOT', 'HAIUSECKSAY' one liners, we get no response at all.

Presumably because it's lost in the avalanche of non-sensical crap messages as mentioned above.

However, when we DO get a response, (god forbid) they vanish off the face off the earth when I try to get a conversation going.

 

Out of the nearly 1,5 years I've been on OLD, I've only had 4 dates:

- The first just got out of a relationship. (Why you would even bother to do OLD when you're not healed up, thus wasting people who are GENUINELY looking for something more, is beyond me.)

- The 2nd dropped off the face off the earth and even removed me from FB.

- The 3rd stood me up, also removed me from FB for no reason.

- The 4th rejected me because there was apparently 'no spark', yet she didn't come to terms with her overly busy life and thus didn't see that she couldn't possibly have time for a boyfriend with everything on her plate.

 

As other posters have said, it's a numbers game.

Yet from personal experience I constantly run into women who shy from commitment and CONSTANTLY reject me whilst not even their own irrational standards into consideration.

 

So much for decent guys on OLD looking for something more lol. :/

Edited March 6, 2014 by Teraskas

[Disillusioned]

OK I'm a female on OLD who needs to vent: have been in OLD for 3 months, so far I've gotten:

 

The Shirtless Photo: nice, but...what ELSE do you do besides go to the gym?

 

The Photo w/kids: POF has a video for men that specifically states not to do that, besides if they're young kids, don't you care enough to shield them from the prying eyes of (perhaps) crazy strangers (and me too).

 

The Group Photo: unless you specify "that's me in the middle" how am I supposed to know what you look like? Also, it's usually one of you all hoisting alcoholic beverages: Party on Dude, just don't expect me to message you.

 

The photo w/another Woman: unless she's in a Disney Princess costume or the like at an attraction you visited on vacation, my 1st instinct when seeing this is "who's that Bhotch & why are you hugging her?" If your pic shows you having fun w/a woman then you don't need a dating site..

 

What I haven't gotten yet: a date.

 

You didn't get hit on by any who show off the fish they just caught?

 

Ha ha... I think we're seeing the tables turn. The OLDSs are the ones who are starting to get desperate.

 

Hiring talking heads to post fake female profiles for them... astroturfing... the DDoS attack against Meetup a couple of days ago (not sure OLD was behind it, but it sure sounds like something they'd hire their ghostwriters to do)...

 

When I look in my crystal ball (see avatar), OLD looks like it's only going to be around for 5, maybe 10 years before it goes bye-bye.

[GoreSP]

OK I'm a female on OLD who needs to vent: have been in OLD for 3 months, so far I've gotten:

 

The Shirtless Photo: nice, but...what ELSE do you do besides go to the gym?

 

The Photo w/kids: POF has a video for men that specifically states not to do that, besides if they're young kids, don't you care enough to shield them from the prying eyes of (perhaps) crazy strangers (and me too).

 

The Group Photo: unless you specify "that's me in the middle" how am I supposed to know what you look like? Also, it's usually one of you all hoisting alcoholic beverages: Party on Dude, just don't expect me to message you.

 

The photo w/another Woman: unless she's in a Disney Princess costume or the like at an attraction you visited on vacation, my 1st instinct when seeing this is "who's that Bhotch & why are you hugging her?" If your pic shows you having fun w/a woman then you don't need a dating site..

 

What I haven't gotten yet: a date.

 

I'll see your 'no date' and raise you half a dozen pictures of penises (sent privately of course...)

[haribogumsnickers]

People actually think they'll get dates using these OLD sites? It's just to pass the time. Everyone is too picky and even the site advised me to be more "choosier" with my personal preferences questionnaire bs. I just liked EVERYONE guys, girls, married, single and still...not one real response. I think they're all bots or I'm just ugly.

[ctxinfl]

I get dates off of OLD. In two months I've probably seen seven different women. One lasted a month, though fizzled. Most of the remaining just didn't click with me. I feel very good about the one I'm seeing now.

 

As a whole OLD is frustrating. The vast majority of emails sent are never replied to. Sometimes I'll have a woman initiate contact with me to which I reply and then never hear back. Those are the most confusing to me. What was the point of initiating contact if you subsequently ignore me?

[Jethro]

OLD is humiliating for a guy. Seriously humiliating. Let me ask you something- if you were to go to a pet store to buy a puppy, you would buy the cutest puppy there, wouldn't you? Well that's OLD. If you aren't tall, extremely fit, make over 6 figures, drive a Maserati and look like Brad Pitt then you are basically doomed. It doesn't matter that you are a kind, generous, loving person with good morals and background. None of what actually makes you YOU matters. Only the costume you wear.

[organizedchaos]

I get dates off of OLD. In two months I've probably seen seven different women. One lasted a month, though fizzled. Most of the remaining just didn't click with me. I feel very good about the one I'm seeing now.

 

As a whole OLD is frustrating. The vast majority of emails sent are never replied to. Sometimes I'll have a woman initiate contact with me to which I reply and then never hear back. Those are the most confusing to me. What was the point of initiating contact if you subsequently ignore me?

 

I've had similar experiences. Little over 3 years ago I joined Match. Within the first month I had 3 dates. The last of which turned in to my now ex girlfriend of 3 years.

 

3 1/2 months ago I started on Tinder. Have had about 10 different dates and now have just had my 6th date with the same girl I met off there a month ago and looks like it will turn in to a relationship.

 

I'm no model. But have things going on in my life, can carry on a conversation, have a good career and I'm in shape. I also still meet women in real life too - it's a tool, and I don't rely on it for my happiness.

[Allumere]

OLD is humiliating for a guy. Seriously humiliating. Let me ask you something- if you were to go to a pet store to buy a puppy, you would buy the cutest puppy there, wouldn't you? Well that's OLD. If you aren't tall, extremely fit, make over 6 figures, drive a Maserati and look like Brad Pitt then you are basically doomed. It doesn't matter that you are a kind, generous, loving person with good morals and background. None of what actually makes you YOU matters. Only the costume you wear.

 

 

Funny, none of my dates had ANY of those qualities and although things did not work out they were awesome.

[kodakgirl]

OLD is humiliating for a guy. Seriously humiliating. Let me ask you something- if you were to go to a pet store to buy a puppy, you would buy the cutest puppy there, wouldn't you? Well that's OLD. If you aren't tall, extremely fit, make over 6 figures, drive a Maserati and look like Brad Pitt then you are basically doomed. It doesn't matter that you are a kind, generous, loving person with good morals and background. None of what actually makes you YOU matters. Only the costume you wear.

 

Sure, if I'm going to a pet store to get a puppy I want a cute one. But "the cutest one" isn't going to be the same for everyone. There's dog breeds I don't find very cute that others adore. And how about when you have a bunch of ones that are just as objectively cute-- there is usually going to be one out of the five lab puppies that stands out to you, for whatever reason, right? It's not that the other ones aren't great and wouldn't make good pets, you and this one just connect a certain way. The other twenty puppies in the store are almost certainly going to find someone else who they have that with, just for whatever reason it isn't you.

 

Also, if we're going to go with this "pet store" analogy-- the cute puppies aren't the only ones there, right? And if you're looking for a puppy but don't find the right one, you aren't going to take a fish instead. You're going to wait to get a puppy or find one somewhere else. Maybe a kitten will capture your heart unexpectedly and you'll end up happily with that instead of the puppy, but a fish just isn't going to do it.

 

So, if you wanna talk metaphors...!

 

In more plain terms, all right, maybe there are some girls who won't consider you if you don't have those kind of superficial traits. But why would you want that kind of girl anyway? If they reject you for not having a fancy car or looking like a model (I never understand why Brad Pitt is always the example, I think he's ugly. See, different tastes in "cute puppies"!), you've dodged a bullet I think. The men I've dated from online usually didn't have cars, were often students or in the earliest stages of careers that would never pay that great anyway (but that they loved), and often were 5' 7" or less. Funny enough, they were all "kind, generous, loving [people] with good morals and background." And I'm a pretty good catch... I'm not a "hot" party girl but I'm considered pretty attractive, I'm sweet and kind and intelligent and friendly and all that good stuff. There is something else at play than just "what women want."

 

Anyway, sorry to be all off-topic OP! OLD discussions seem to go this way all the time... it gets frustrating. I totalllly agree on all those counts... what the hell is up with the "pic of me and a gorgeous woman" thing??? What are they trying to say?? (if women do this too, I don't understand either).

[ctxinfl]

Jethro might have exaggerated a tad much but over a thousand messages over 7 years and nothing much and this from an over 6 foot guy who makes almost 6 figures.

 

There's more to it than height and how much you make. I don't even share how much I make. I let them know what I do, though salary is never shared.

 

The biggest difference for me has been conversation. With those that flamed out or didn't even have a spark there was little to no conversation. Everything felt forced and contrived. Two others felt completely natural and comfortable from the beginning. I'm still seeing one of them and I would have liked to continue seeing the other had the timing been different.

[normal person]

I'm always amazed when I hear of guys (or girls) who struggle with OLD because I've had a pretty different experience. I usually go on a few dates month. Is it really that hard to figure out? The basic principle is to just recognize the redundant, inefficient themes of the whole process and do things that intrigue other people and/or make you stand out.

 

My advice:

 

1). Don't use free sites. If someone is serious, they'll pay $30/month to find someone who's also serious. You get what you pay for.

 

2). Update your profile and pictures frequently. You'll get highlighted and then you can just let the messages roll in.

 

3). Have good 5+ pictures that clearly show your face, some that show your whole body, and some of you doing fun things. Avoid shots from far away, wearing sunglasses, and in a group of people. Make the captions hilarious.

 

4). Avoid writing the same crap everyone else does ("I love traveling and going out with friends.") Try and explain what really makes you tick. What are your defining character traits? What makes you different than everyone else? And for God's sake, make it funny. Write enough that people get the essence of who you are, but concise enough that you don't give it all away. Maintain some mystery. Plus, most people don't want to read that much. If you were reading someone else's profile, how would want it to be? Now write that for yourself.

 

5). Spare yourselves a lot of smalltalk in messages. There are only so many times people can answer "What's up" or trivial stuff like that, I know I'm getting pretty tired of it myself. Keep it to a minimum and just meet up somewhere, it's more fun and much more interesting. People get bored quickly. When I get messages like that I can tell instantly the girl isn't trying or can't think of any way to differentiate herself from everyone else.

 

6). Don't expect to like everyone you meet. I find that I end up liking the percentage of girls that I meet online that I do in person. Just go in with an open mind. That being said, I've thought I was I going to like some girls a lot only to find out that they where dull or not at all my type. Sometimes I just said "what the hell, why not?" and met a girl only to find her to be way better than expected.

[pickflicker]

Yeah, and if you're a man on an online dating site, you're lucky enough to get a response....if you attempt to actually arrange a meet/get together, then they go off the radar or say, "I'm not ready for that yet, let's chat some more" and they only live 5 minutes away. lol

 

Truthfully, I'm not surprised you don't do well. The excruciating analysis you do of women and their profiles isn't helping you. Ditch the cynicism.

[Chubbi]

In the first month I did Okc, I got 300 high ratings and 170 messages. I respond 30 to 40% of the time, so people can see that I do respond. I've went on ten dates.

 

Do it with your friends. If you do online dating with your friends, it becomes fun and you guys can emotionally support each other and laugh together.

 

I have the dreaded bathroom selfie for my profile picture. Obviously it works.

 

The best way to do it is to make your profile reader-friendly.

 

Your profile doesn't have to make sense as a whole as long as the parts are clear. Like

 

" I like berries.

Sometimes birds scare me.

I fall out of hammocks.

I don't mind chest hair."

 

My profile is very similar to this. I just write random, honest short sentences. Subject-verb-object.

 

Try to talk about things that you know guys are also interested in. Like:

 

I like burritos.

I like South Park.

I prefer my burritos with South Park.

 

Don't say that you don't like certain things. Only say what you expect: "I'm not looking for casual sex. Thank you." And "I will respond to decent messages."

 

If you have something wierd about yourself, write it: I once did a drag show as Kurt Cobain.

Edited March 6, 2014 by Chubbi

[Bruce Leigh]

I guess I'm lucky (?) to have had a few dates in the last three months.

Six of them were with one person I thought it might work out with, but didn't due to red flags (like he was still looking).

 

I haven't tried OLD but as i understand it, multi-dating is quite normal.

Unless they make it clear they are no longer looking?

[pickflicker]

When women don't respond there's an awful lot of time to analyze.

 

No. No response means no interest. Nothing to analyse. Next.

[pickflicker]

Wrong. There is something to analyze. Guys go months or even over a year without a response. That's a lot of time to analyze.

 

Online dating is just like ordinary dating. Most will reject you, and it's not something to get bogged down analysing. Save that for the LTR that ends.

 

If you don't get a reply, just assume she doesn't want to date you. That's why you keep emailing ad many women as possible.

Edited March 7, 2014 by pickflicker

[mrs rubble]

A woman can write whatever she wants and get responses. Not a guy.

Question- have you updated your profile in the 7yrs? and Does it have any humour in it?

[organizedchaos]

Wrong. There is something to analyze. Guys go months or even over a year without a response. That's a lot of time to analyze.

 

Then YOU'RE doing something wrong. Hasn't been my experience in the least bit.