CurlyIam Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I was thinking about this as my bf came to my place for one week... whether we like it or not, as soon as they move in, we take the place of their mother. Oh, sure, he may clear the table once in a while, maybe even do laundry, but then, he is getting sex with the lady of the house too. So please, share, how do you devide the responsabilities? I had a raw this week end, I just don't want to be the only one to cook. So what if he can't? IT's always his time on the tv, his time on the net, his time on the puter, his time with the guys. We are not gonna be able to live on frozen food if we ever decide to have kids, you know? I refuse to take it. If I end up an old spinster, so be it. I refuse to shave just because he decided to drop by one week end, I refuse to clean just because it's nice. These little habits turn into routine and then it's over. Maid for life! Sorry, not for me. Must be my freaki' education makin' me feel guilty for it I'm mad. I'd really like to hear about a very nicely balanced couple where none of them feels or is used, please! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Let him starve for some time. He'll come around. OMG, I sooooo know what you mean. I think I got lucky this time....uh, so far anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Details, please . I really am frustrated here. And when I remember how Stupid I was during my last relationship, I feel like kicking myself, LOOL! Curly (Starvation is not an answer, since I don't want to cook either, we'd both be starving to death) Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 As I guy who cooks, is more than willing to hand over "the wand of power... a.k.a. the remote", and who insists on doing the dishes... I can't really relate. Heck, I get in trouble for cleaning up at my girlfriend's place when she cooks. But having friends like mine, I can tell you this. Letting them starve, just not cleaning, etc... does only one thing; your place will go to the dogs. The only way to deal with it is talk to them about it. And then keep after them. Don't nag, just offer compromises (and don't use sex as a reward.) He clears the table and puts the dishes in the washer, then you'll watch some "guy flick" with him. And if he doesn't respond to that, then make it clear what is yours and his and regulate his use of your belongings. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 This is truley pathetic but Greg and I have a chore list. If it's my day to cook he does the dishes. If it's his day to cook he usually gets take out but it isn't supposed to be drive thru or pizza. This works well for us because we're both really busy and neither of us have time to do everything. As far as TV when Footballs on he gets the livingroom TV when a chick flick is on I get the livingroom tv. Set some ground rules for your home Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 That's the BEST idea ever! Even if he's at my place! Cool! What about laundry, sweeping the floor, vacuuming? His stuff all over the place? It sounds silly, but this kind of stuff take time. And it's so nice feel that you're not alone fighting these chores! Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 chore lists are great! and if he cannot cook, well he can do the dishes, and there is take out. personally, i like how i clean, so i do the cleaning, and i do not really trust him to do my laundry, plus i have three times the clothes...so i do that too. but i do not usually do the garbage or the recycling....unless it is out of control. you just need to work out some things. which is why it is nice to have that chore list, at first at least. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 If it gets really bad you can do 'every man for himself'. You fix yourself something for dinner and he does the same. But definitely set some ground rules for living in the same home, it's not your job to do all the work! Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 That's all on the chore list. I think my day to vaccume is Wendsday and Saturday his are other days. I do my own laundry sometimes I'll throw a couple of his shirts in but only to make a full load. I won't let him touch my clothes becasue he doesn't wash or fold them right. but he cleans the sheets, towels ect. Oh but I NEVER EVER take out the garbage or recycling... that's just a mans job!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 Ok, it's official! It's stupid, I don't live with my bf, but boy do I feel happy about finding one "solution" to that. He's nice enough to cooperate, so putting it into action won't be such a problem. Next week end!!!!! Coool Have he greatest week, girls!!! People say it will finally snow in Paris! Good news everywhere! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 You can also go to <URL removed> and read about how to discuss sharing chores. You don't have to be married to use <removed> advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted January 25, 2005 Author Share Posted January 25, 2005 Well, all the French sites (even cnn I think) said: "heavy snow" and nothing. Not a flake. Moi, today I got the confirmation that it's not his bad will that stops him from getting more involved in the housework. Here's what happene: I left him at my place - he's been at my place for over a week, left this evening - sleeping. I went to school really early and on my way home - around 19 h, I call him. He hadn't eaten all day and was starved to death. Was waiting for me to have dinner together. Breakfast in his case. That's my boy, LOOL!! Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Why don't you guys take a cooking class togeather, it will be fun and then he will have no excuse not to cook, plus cooking can be good quality time Link to post Share on other sites
Author CurlyIam Posted January 25, 2005 Author Share Posted January 25, 2005 Ok, Stone, I'll tell you the truth. He is currently looking for a place in Paris to move in as for now he lives outside the city. I am just starting my worrior fight (Goooooooo Curlyyyy) to get an internship. So timing really sucks. I'd love to take diving lessons just for me. The last month I didn't even got to swim ! Plus... we're speaking France here: France is responsable for half the world's "production" of chefs. Those are damn expensive. I don't know about amateur cooking classes, that's true. Anyway... it's kinda my fault. Because... I love to cook for him. Ok, ok, I am guilty. But just because I love to do that for him doesn't excuse him from at least being able to feed himself (or cook something decent) once in a while. So there you go. I'm a very good cook and I totally melt when I see how happy he is when I make his favourite dish... So I kind of did it with my own hand, LOOL! Anyway, it's a couple of hectic months. I'll make the chore list and put it in place and I promise to keep you post it . Link to post Share on other sites
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