Ex has asked to meet - she dumped me

[Never Again]

I'm not going to see you, but I'm going to suggest you not go.

 

"Knowing" is overrated.

 

I held myself together (mostly) at my breakup, but when my ex asked to meet up a few days later...it tore me apart. Hurt worse than the breakup itself.

 

I convinced myself I had no expectations, but I did. I wanted to work it out with her, and when she delivered a carefully rehearsed speech, it felt like I'd been stabbed.

 

Do NOT meet up with her. Trust me.

 

A simple, "You know what? I've been thinking about it, and I agree that the breakup was for the best. I wasn't happy either, and I don't really think there's anything to be gained by us meeting up. Take care." will do WONDERS for you. You may not believe what you're saying, but by putting it out there yourself, you'll feel better.

 

And honestly, that's all that matters right now - doing what it takes so that YOU feel better.

[erklat]

How long you were apart? NC?

[iDrumKing]

IT'S A TRAP!

 

No but all jokes aside, if you truly feel like you need to then go ahead.

 

As much as I want to sound very wise and tell you to sway away from meeting her, I can't because I myself met up with my ex GF to get a better understanding.

 

And you know what? It helped. It helped me get my head around things and pushed me to move forward. But that's MY situation.

 

Don't go to get back together..... just don't.

 

If you honestly to god think your gonna move on better with some questions answered, then have at it. But keep in mind that this girl walked out on you.

[Chi townD]

Okay, here a bit of reality. The gloves are coming off and I'm starting to swing the 2x4.

 

 

This is from your other thread.

 

 

"Its been just over a month.. and she has text/messaged/called me 18 times (starting a conversation).

 

I have been out most weekends since with mates, to get my head off this stuff. And every weekend she has text me asking how was my weekend in "blah or blah" and if i hooked up."

 

This isn't the first time that she's asked you if you've hooked up. Now, what girl that had a loving and caring relationship with you and hopes to have that again would ask about your sex life? What girl would be remotely interested in hearing about who you slept with especially if they had a deep emotional connection with you and so soon after your break up? That would be NONE!!!

 

 

So, why is she asking? Because SHE HAS!!!! And she's feeling guilty about it! That's why she keeps asking you! If she finds out that you have been sleeping with other girls then in her warped little mind, she can ease her guilt about what she's doing!

 

 

Sorry to be harsh, but it is what it is and you need to know what's going on. No nice way to say that.

 

 

I think it would be best if you skip the meet up. and move on.

Edited March 6, 2014 by Chi townD

[Simon Phoenix]

This is a horrible idea. Unless she wants to talk about getting back together and she says that's what the meeting is about, this is going to end badly. You have to stop being such a wuss and actually stick with No Contact. You are getting smacked around like a tennis ball because you don't have the discipline and strength to just go dark.

[organizedchaos]

So why does she want to meet?

 

* Closure - if she sees that i'm okay and have seemed to have moved on then she wont feel guilty

 

* to see if she still has feelings - if we meet again will her feelings come back and make her feel like she made a mistake

 

* She wants to get back together - doubt it though, if she wanted to she would already?

 

* She wants to be friends - friendzoned!

 

* she wants to tell me something - new guy?

 

* See if im still hooked - ego stroke?

 

* Boast about her great life at uni?

 

She was the one that text me and wanted to meet me. i dont really understand.

 

Frankly, and im going to get slammed for this but, im going to go. Id rather go and know than not go and never know. Im just trying to figure at least a little bit out.

 

I also know that i have to go with no expectations.

 

I"m just gonna throw this out there...thinking out of the box...but here goes...

 

Why don't you ask her why she wants to meet up before you go???

[Chi townD]

I agree, ask her what's it about.

[ponchsox]

This will not go as you expected. Chances are she wants to remain as friends for her own good only.

[FrostBlaze]

Pretty sure you don't care about anything on that list you mentioned, none of them are a good reason for YOu to go meet her, except the possibility of reconciliation, and that's why you are going.

I doubt it is about that, and if it is, think abou it.

Why did you break up btw? If it's something minor, maybe go for reconciliation.

She went for someone else? Then don't.

 

The thing is, with this forum and most people, they still do as they please, they rarely take the advice given.

So, have fun on the meeting xD.

Edited March 6, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[a708]

Thanks for all the replies.

 

Its tough guys.. Like i understand its not the best idea to go and see her. But this will be the first time weve seen each other face to face since the split.

 

I think atm, So what.. if i meet her and nothing happens who cares. Im still in the same position. I dont think itll necessarily knock me back.. I think shes completely changed from the person i was with already. Its going to be just a drink.. if i feel uncomfortable or feel that it wasnt the right thing.. i can explain that to her. I can explain that this is the way i feel about the situation still and ask her to leave me alone.

 

I do agree with what you all say though.. I am being stupid. I know LOGICALLY, she is at uni for 2 more years and its stupid to think that we would last anyways. EVEN LESS now shes split up with me (if we got back together).

 

I really appreciate what everyones said.. I do need to think about it still. Ive got time. its the 28th of this month when she asked to meet up. Still time to think.

[lvroflife]

She put an exact date!! Which is in about 3 weeks!! That's a little iffy!!

 

When my ex missed me and wanted me back number she said the words "I miss you and want you back". Secondly she asked me when did I have to talk and can we talk now .

 

REALLY BE CAREFUL!

 

MATTER OF TACT: like others have said , ask her. Either way, if it is no the outcome you want you're going back to square 1. So would you rather start at square 1 now or be antsy an anxious for the next few weeks wondering what this meet up is for? Or ask her right now and start today (at least you'll be a few weeks into healing)?

 

You're afraid to ask

..MAN up!!

[a708]

True, i will ask her.

 

Yeah set a date because of her coming back from uni.

[BC1980]

She has me want to reconcile, and I'm sure that you want to on some level. Don't go. I've seen this story several times on LS. Ex wants to meet up, dumpee can't help themselves and goes, ends up more heartbroken than before.

[a708]

I do want to reconcile. Im so fed up of feeling sh*tty and down. Overall, its totally not worth this for one girl.

 

Like i said, Logically, this relationship was never going to work out. 2 years left of her at uni. So much can happen. I've been at this point for a while now. I know this is the way its going to be. I'm do still have these feelings for her, but they're no where near as strong anymore.

 

By meeting, im hoping it can give me some sort of closure. I KNOW IM GOING TO GET SLAPPED FOR THIS BY YOU GUYS!

 

But, like i said 3 weeks yet. Got loads of time to change my mind.

 

let me know what you think? Chi townD & LvrofLife, hit me with it

[a708]

my brother this shouldn't be a problem, you just have to be patient with her, that is girls mentality,mine was worst but today i am happy to be with her. let me introduce you to the solution,a love spell caster help me and today am happy to have made the decision. my love was bide to her that she couldn't look any other man.thanks to dr shakar mail him and explain your problem,he is ready to help

email: [email protected]

 

 

Errr.. thanks.. but no thanks.

[David87]

I do want to reconcile. Im so fed up of feeling sh*tty and down. Overall, its totally not worth this for one girl.

 

Like i said, Logically, this relationship was never going to work out. 2 years left of her at uni. So much can happen. I've been at this point for a while now. I know this is the way its going to be. I'm do still have these feelings for her, but they're no where near as strong anymore.

 

By meeting, im hoping it can give me some sort of closure. I KNOW IM GOING TO GET SLAPPED FOR THIS BY YOU GUYS!

 

But, like i said 3 weeks yet. Got loads of time to change my mind.

 

let me know what you think? Chi townD & LvrofLife, hit me with it

 

Can I hit you first? Do you want to become the third musketeer ? The other to are Vincente and Bandido.

 

You are at page 5 of your thread and you pretty much ignored all the advice we gave you. I'm going to tell you this only one time DON'T MEET UP WITH HER.

[Chi townD]

I do want to reconcile. Im so fed up of feeling sh*tty and down. Overall, its totally not worth this for one girl.

 

Like i said, Logically, this relationship was never going to work out. 2 years left of her at uni. So much can happen. I've been at this point for a while now. I know this is the way its going to be. I'm do still have these feelings for her, but they're no where near as strong anymore.

 

By meeting, im hoping it can give me some sort of closure. I KNOW IM GOING TO GET SLAPPED FOR THIS BY YOU GUYS!

 

But, like i said 3 weeks yet. Got loads of time to change my mind.

 

let me know what you think? Chi townD & LvrofLife, hit me with it

 

 

 

 

The thing is, you've been accommodating to everything SHE wants. She wants a break up, now she wants to meet up and talk or whatever.

 

 

Put the ball in your court for once, reaffirm the date and ask her what's it that she wants to talk about. If she says she "just wants to chat and catch up." then YOU can decide for YOURSELF if you want to go to a pointless meet up or not. Finally YOU get to decide. Take back the power!

 

 

If it's something that you're not interested in doing then cancel with her. But, to be honest, I've seen it time and time again on here where Ex's want to meet up and folks get filled up with false hope only to have their Ex's bow out at the last second.

 

 

So, I wouldn't be shocked if she cancels on you at the last second. They weren't really interested in meeting up with you. Only for the ego boost that's provide to them KNOWING that you were willing to meet up with them.

 

 

It kind of eases their guilt. If you were willing to meet up with them, then you can't be that mad at them for breaking your heart. Therefore, they become disinterested in meet with you and give you some lame ass excuse not to meet. "Sorry, my friends cat is about to have kittens and I promised to sit with her. We'll reschedule for a later date."

 

 

Then you come back on here all kinds of pissed off. LOL! Unfortunately, I've seen it happen.

[a708]

Late last week. Things changed.

 

I took everyone's advice.. I called her. I asked bout the meeting and she said about just meeting to catch up.

 

I said no. I said I still had feelings and it would just be going over old ground.

I told her how I felt.. Going to friends is too hard, still feel the same way.

 

I said that whilst it upset me, I didn't blame her for breaking up.. As I've said logically it would not work out with her with 3 years left at university. I said I feel like I don't want to let go and keep the "friends" messages.. But actually it was really hurting and it was my turn to push her away. I said I think I have the right to. I have the right to get back to my normal self. She agreed.

 

I asked why she text me about hooking up. She basically said she just needed to know. I said it was weird. I said I assume you have.. To which she got upset and started crying. Telling me she had. Although had not slept with anyone.

 

It was a big wake up call. I told her I felt like I had been fully committed and she hadn't. Like I had been 100% and her 75 knowing it wasn't going to work out. I told her I felt like an idiot. And had been taken for a ride. I said I did not want to talk for a few months.. I said let's see in the summer and if we both want to then we will if not we won't.

 

Although it sounds horrible.. I was a total gent in my opinion.. Worded everything correctly.. She agreed with everything I said and got upset when I challenged her about hooking up. I left the call by saying I'm going to go as things got kind of silent.

 

A couple of days later I got a message that tried to shift the blame back to me. She was annoyed at me. Trying to get the ball back into her court.

 

I did not reply and am still at total NC.

 

Thoughts would be great please :-))

[flightplan]

You handled it well under the circumstances. I know it sucks, but you did the right thing. It sounds like she can't stand it that you are strong enough to take control. Good job, hang in there.

[a708]

Cheers man. Appreciate it.

 

The message back was along the lines of you've been out of order to me. Even though she split with me.

 

It would be good to hear what other people think too please (:

[Lifegoezon]

Sounds very much like all the predictions made in this thread were spot on. You handled it well in the end though. Keep on NC and let's hope all the predictions for that being the cure turn out to be as accurate!

[David87]

Yep you did good alright. You handled the situation very well.

 

Just imagine what would have happened if you met up with her. Maintain NC and you'll be fine.

[a708]

Thanks guys. I should have done this earlier to be fair.. but its done now.

 

It was definitely the right thing to do.

 

The annoyed text back made me kind of second guess myself a little bit, friends completely thought i did the right thing though and that she shouldn't be getting her back up just because i told her how it is. Like i said i did it in the right way and wasnt mean.

 

I mean she agreed with everything and got upset in our conversation over the phone.

 

I guess it was just her way of trying to defend and make herself feel better about being in the wrong right?

[a708]

Another thing i thought that was worthwhile mentioning to people is that, by telling her how you feel and then leaving it give you a great feeling.

 

Its a line in the sand that i have made for myself. I guess this is an underlying message of NC.

 

@ David87, although it took me quite a long time to get to this point.. everything mentioned before was right. Its amazing how it was sort of like a switch that went off.

[jphcbpa]

Thanks guys. I should have done this earlier to be fair.. but its done now.

 

It was definitely the right thing to do.

 

The annoyed text back made me kind of second guess myself a little bit, friends completely thought i did the right thing though and that she shouldn't be getting her back up just because i told her how it is. Like i said i did it in the right way and wasnt mean.

 

I mean she agreed with everything and got upset in our conversation over the phone.

 

I guess it was just her way of trying to defend and make herself feel better about being in the wrong right?

 

DO NOT second guess yourself. DO NOT reply. Stay NC and give it another 90 days and then see how you feel.