Would affairs be as common without texting??

[SweetClover]

I was not trying to say texting CAUSES the affair. Only that it's easier to communicate often with texting.. Easy to keep up communication, easier possibly even to say some things in the beginning you wouldn't have otherwise.

 

I'm sure in the situation I'm in now, we would be involved with or without texting but it definitely made a difference in the very beginning of the affair. I just would never have said the things I ended up saying to him to his face right at first. The conversation was started via text and then progressed to face to face, emails. Letters and phone calls after, but texting is still the main way he can talk to me while with his wife.

[MissBee]

I was not asking if there was affairs before texting because I know there was of course.. Even we communicate in lots of other ways besides texting, but the sheer volume of texts a day has definitely made a difference in how things have been carried out.

If he was to write me letters or phone me, it would be a lot harder to do that in a down low way where nobody was noticing. I feel like lots of affairs might burn out after shorter lengths of time when contact isn't easy to make. I see people here talk about it lots, the rush of contact in the beginning that slows down. It probably becomes hard to keep it from getting suspicious. Going into the other room to make a call is not as east as sending a quick, "I love you" by text

 

You asked if affairs would be as common without texts, hence the point that affairs have been common and present ever since and it wasn't like they were rarer before texts.

 

I think maybe what you mean is not is it common, which implies it was something uncommon before, but rather is it easier now to stay in contact with your affair partner or something and to that question yes, but text itself doesn't make affairs "more common", people have been having affairs and that's quite a common thing, except now they can communicate a lot easier. I was gonna say it's less easier to detect with text, but that's not even always true. But certainly it's easier to stay in contact throughout the day with having a personal phone and text versus having to use a house phone, pay phone or set aside a time for a phone call.

 

But the actual commonality of affairs hasn't changed IMO, simply how people go about it.

[SweetClover]

[QUOIE=janedoe67;5569857]David and Bathsheba managed to have an affair with no technology.

 

Facebook, texting, internet, do not CAUSE affairs. People who choose affairs may use them to facilitate communication, but inanimate objects and software do not cause affairs.

 

 

I am curious though. Why is there (typically, not always) a constant stream of texting and/or emailing in an A? My H and I and my friends and I text to convey info but rarely just to chat. But my xAP and I did a lot of texting. Seems to be the norm in an A. Why?

 

Because even when we are face to face we are often still not completely alone. So we have to be careful of how we say things to each other as well as what we say.

Texting is the only way unless we are completely alone where we can say exactly what we want to each other and we do talk about everything that way quite often. Nothing beats face to face obviously but if you are trying to keep things hush hush.. Texting is a silent way to communicate just about anytime or place.

[SweetClover]

I guess I tend to think there has been more chance for affairs to start because of texting. Not like they didn't happen for hundreds of years, only that now when someone is attracted or something.. They can send a fishing text to see if the other feels the same way and boom.. it starts.

[violet1]

I guess I tend to think there has been more chance for affairs to start because of texting. Not like they didn't happen for hundreds of years, only that now when someone is attracted or something.. They can send a fishing text to see if the other feels the same way and boom.. it starts.

I think there's a lot more EA's because of cell phones and the internet. As far as physical affairs go, nope, they've been around since the beginning of time.

[janedoe67]

I do think you have a point there.

 

The problem I have seen on various forums (especially one) is this idea that if my spouse has no facebook, no internet, no email, no smart phone....they will be faithful. That just isn't the case. That is why the outward whitewashing way of dealing with affairs does not work...or only works if the BS desires to be a gatekeeper for the rest of their M (and some do). Cheating has obvious outward effects, but it is an INWARD problem. You don't address the inside, you're just dealing with an A by putting a hairbow on a pig, as my preacher used to say. If CHARACTER and THINKING and the mode of dealing with EMOTION doesn't change, what you have is a "dry cheater" kind of like a "dry drunk."

 

That isn't recovery.

[sunburned]

I guess I tend to think there has been more chance for affairs to start because of texting. Not like they didn't happen for hundreds of years, only that now when someone is attracted or something.. They can send a fishing text to see if the other feels the same way and boom.. it starts.

Oh God, I just cringed. Exactly how it started for me. I certainly don't blame texting. There was obviously something broken in me to respond. But I agree, sweetclover. Text and email probably have enabled, fostered and perpetuated many an A.