4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 So for those who are familiar with my story, I am finally back in my home country after a devastating breakup. I have been through the worst time of my life, and even got physically sick. My life is a total mess right now, and I am still trying to pick up the pieces. Some people here advised me to get some professional help since the impact of the breakup was so strong. So I did. Talking to a therapist made me feel worse, it's like going through the breakup all over again. She was asking about all kinds of details and it made the memories so vivid in my head that I broke down crying in the street after the therapy session. It was an awful experience. Also, the cost in very high, so I didn't think I will be going back! I think the help you can get online is as valuable as a therapist, so think carefully before wasting your money. An interesting thing that the therapist told me was that "it's okay to hold on to hope". Although so many people here stated the dangers of holding on to hope. She stated that as long as my ex didn't abuse me, then it's okay to hold on to the hope of reconciliation. I don't know how to let go, and time and distance do NOT make it any easier. Here I am, across the planet, thousands of miles away from him, with no physical reminders whatsoever, with strict NC for weeks and weeks. I am still not even a little bit over it. I am still holding on to the hope of him coming back. He did not break NC, he does not care, he moved on and forgot that I even exist. But I still cry every day and still cannot let go. What is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Nothing is wrong with you. You are human and you loved deeply. You are right where you need to be in this process. Trust the process. Lean into your feelings. Proud of you for going to a therapist. It is good that you cried afterwards. It is a great release. Hopefully you can find a way to continue with the therapy. Hugs and Prayers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Nothing is wrong with you. You are human and you loved deeply. You are right where you need to be in this process. Trust the process. Lean into your feelings. Proud of you for going to a therapist. It is good that you cried afterwards. It is a great release. Hopefully you can find a way to continue with the therapy. Hugs and Prayers! Thank you! I just want to feel normal again, I want to be happy again. It's been months and it still feels like day 1. I don't know what to do anymore. Also, the fact that he moved on so fast and so easily is killing me. No Contact is so easy for him because he simply doesn't care. After all these years, after all the promises, the memories, and the love we shared? how is that even possible?!! Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 If that's you in the pic you won't have any issues finding another man that deserves you:) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Thank you! I just want to feel normal again, I want to be happy again. It's been months and it still feels like day 1. I don't know what to do anymore. Also, the fact that he moved on so fast and so easily is killing me. No Contact is so easy for him because he simply doesn't care. After all these years, after all the promises, the memories, and the love we shared? how is that even possible?!! You are powerless over him....what he does or does not do. Him moving "on so fast" is his problem and issues. It is a reflection of him You have power over your thoughts and actions. You got this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 If that's you in the pic you won't have any issues finding another man that deserves you:) Thank you somecamel. I never had issues meeting men, I got asked out so many times after the breakup (and I even went on dates). But for some reason I don't want anyone else on this planet. I just want him. Even when I was with him, I felt like the luckiest woman on this planet (so I am not idealizing him after the BU). All my friends are surprised that I couldn't move on yet. I hate hearing the "you can get anyone you want" phrase. It makes me sick to my stomach, because I can't get the ONE and ONLY man I want. He has taken over my life, my mind. I don't know how to let go. I've done everything the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Thank you somecamel. I never had issues meeting men, I got asked out so many times after the breakup (and I even went on dates). But for some reason I don't want anyone else on this planet. I just want him. Even when I was with him, I felt like the luckiest woman on this planet (so I am not idealizing him after the BU). All my friends are surprised that I couldn't move on yet. I hate hearing the "you can get anyone you want" phrase. It makes me sick to my stomach, because I can't get the ONE and ONLY man I want. He has taken over my life, my mind. I don't know how to let go. I've done everything the right way. Keep going...this is NOT a race. You might be healing other wounds too...as far back as childhood. This is your time to rebuild yourself to be the best woman your higher power has always wanted you to be. Do not rush this learning process. Do not distract yourself. Take this time for you...be it 6 months or a year...does not matter. What matters is that you are the best version of you afterwards. Take time out from dating...read, learn, grow, ask questions Do not feel pressure from your friends. This is your journey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4everalones Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Take time out from dating...read, learn, grow, ask questions Do not feel pressure from your friends. This is your journey. Yes, dating was definitely a big mistake. I'm not ready at all to date anyone right now. I am sticking to NC, reading self-help books, and trying to keep myself busy with healthy activities. It's not at all working so far (it's been 2 months). Maybe it will get better some day. But for now, I'd rather die than endure this much pain Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Talking to a therapist made me feel worse, it's like going through the breakup all over again. She was asking about all kinds of details and it made the memories so vivid in my head that I broke down crying in the street after the therapy session. It was an awful experience. Also, the cost in very high, so I didn't think I will be going back! I think the help you can get online is as valuable as a therapist, so think carefully before wasting your money. Of-course you felt worse. In therapy (the psychoanalytic kind), a good therapist, is able to hold up a mirror and let you see things that you were not able to see yourself yet. Things you probably also do not like to see (as it often is really old learned behaviour). In that way it gives you the chance to learn more about yourself and eventually it will give you alternative perspectives that you can use in the future. But therapy isn't a magical treatment that makes you immediately feel better, therapy is confronting and takes time. What your therapist said about hope is I think a personal judgement, and not a really well thought one if I might say. It is good to have dreams and to desire things. Holding on to broken dreams is something different. You would be justified to hope if had he given you something to look forward too - and even than - but he didn't. In your case hoping means waiting for the unknown without anything in your power to do something about it. In other words this hope leaves you powerless and attached. I do not think your therapist likes to recommend that. Keep going on, you are doing great! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 About therapy.... The first few/many sessions will hurt. It will rehash all your previous pain, but it is so the therapist can at least get a handle on what they're dealing with. The good sessions will come(assuming your therapist is decent). I've been in counseling for 2 years and I absolutely would recommend it to anybody. Btw, I was one of those people who frowned upon therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
LauBee20 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Yes, dating was definitely a big mistake. I'm not ready at all to date anyone right now. I am sticking to NC, reading self-help books, and trying to keep myself busy with healthy activities. It's not at all working so far (it's been 2 months). Maybe it will get better some day. But for now, I'd rather die than endure this much pain Hey, if you want to talk more, I'm here. You can email me: [email protected] Your posts sound like mine and my thoughts. One day at a time. I could use a friend too who is dealing with this, so I look forward to your email. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts