Should I break up?

[Apolo777]

Hi I need a solid advise I don't know what to do. I was dating this girl for 6 months, I know her family every one loves me and I respect and love her family as well. I spent many nights with her when she was sick and treated her very well. She keeps telling we are life partners, any wayes lets cut to the chaise I love my girlfriend but I am dealing with my insecurities about recently discovered her sexual past. She was with 6 guys before me and 4 of them are one night stands. That really turns me off as I think of her of being "easy" and kind of slutty to go and hump random guy( I think sexual intimacy shouldn't be given away to random stranger I also find it very dirty). I discovered this 1 month back after 6 months relationship. I love her but now I cant look at her the same. What is worst I borrowed her laptop once and went thought her pics (I know snooping is never a good idea for a healthy relationship) what I discovered is a bunch of naked dudes and her naked pics(as she sent to me previously as if its "only" for me) and all the sexual txts she sent to them(she called them txt muchies what ever that means) I am really don't know what to do now, the thoughts of break up is constantly going across my head now days. I am old fashioned guy from Easter Europe small town and we have very bad views on girls who do this kind of stuff I was raised in the society to see it like that. I dont mind her having 6 bfs but one night stands is really big turn off for me. We called those girls "used" were I came from I know terrible terrible and sexist.( I got exact same view for men who does same thing) I got other girls who are interested with me and now I am having thoughts to go for it as I find one girl very atractive and break up with my gf before hand. But worst part my parents love my gf as well, so it becomes sooo complicated for me to do any thing I am soo lost please need advise my friends telling me to break up and I deserve better etc etc... for past month I was upset and depressed and every time I try to ignore it but if that idea comes up in my head I become upset and depressed and thinking of finding a differnt girl but than I cant garantee she wont be same as my current girl with extra bonus as of 100 one night stands, I am born in a wrong era... I have thoughts of going back to my country and finding a "proper girl". Need a solid advise and some good critical thinking as I am definatly too driven by emotions right now and not being rational and I still love her but I am completely torn. Sorry for my spelling mistakes I am not native English speaker

Edited March 7, 2014 by Apolo777

[lolablue17]

All I can say is if she turns you off, Do her a favor and break up with her.

 

She deserves a better guy who will love and value her according to what she really is, and not one who will judge her for her past. Do it for her sake.

[johndoe13]

My goodness sounds a lot like my story;except I am not eastern European.

 

I've been going on with my girlfriend for a year and a half and still find it difficult. I have attachment issues. My girlfriend is probably much worse than your girlfriend; She told me (after I wanted to know the extent of her past) she slept with 2 guys (she met in the same week) in a one week vacation trip; that crushed me. I asked her how many the first time she said 10-15; however I found a list of at least 15+ I knew of 6 other guys not in the list mine is obviously over 20. She had no problem rotating lovers (1 week one then another one the next). She also had black men as lovers which I think she found physically attractive only. In my life i've seen 9 women; about 5-6 of them prostitutes (last prostitute about 6 years ago; each time I was just supper horny after years of no sex at all) which I found gross and stopped because each time I was not satisfied and felt like gross/ an like a loser afterwards! I had many chances to sleep with women before meeting my girlfriend/and after which I declined because I know I would have feelings involved/and I was in a relationship; if I slept with them and I do not respect women that are straightward and say want sex!

 

It's crazy but after I found out how promiscous my girlfriend was; I felt like an idiot! Why did I hold out for what! I was also holding out because I wanted it to be special; which is not for my girlfriend because at first after sex she would just get out of bed clean herself up and lay there without cuddling (like a man!). Signs she has detached sex from emotion. She also held out when she was younger and after a break-up "had her fun". Had I known her past from the beginning I would have NEVER gone out with her because there are definately phychological issues with women that behave like this (DADDY ISSUES ANYBODY); however, they will deny at first that it was because of low selfesteem (they don't consider themselves pretty) and need for attention they never had.

 

My questions are how did you find out? Does she exhibit any behaviours that made you dig deeper or did she just tell you.

Do you think she behaves in a way (generally) that does not fit into what you are looking for (secretive, does not connect, flirtatious, looks around a lot, easily distracted, not touchy feelly)? Do you find she is settling because you are a good guy? How old is she and you?

 

It is a difficult question because you ask yourself if you will ever forgive her for being so easy with other AND trust her since you won't know how she will behave with another man when her brain is stimulated sexually. I would say that if you click together she supports you; She shows that she can be trusted 100%; she is crazy for you (the fact that she say she is a life partner and her family loves you is a great sign) and is really into you (sexually and non sexually). I would continue and that disgusting feeling that you feel will slowly fade away.

 

However, if you find you can't trust her, she is not connected to you and she is not that crazy about you; if you have the courage now, JUST BAIL for your own sake!

Edited March 7, 2014 by johndoe13

[Damaged217]

@johndoe13...Wow. You slept with PROSTITUTES and you are grossed out by your girlfriend? There is such a double standard here! Why are men allowed to sleep with the entire world and they are considered studs while women who do the same are considered sluts? Makes no sense to me.

 

Anyway, @Apollo777, it seems to me like you're not really in love with this girl. When you truly love someone, you accept all of their flaws (which includes their past). You seem more concerned about what your families will think if you break up and you are already noticing other women and admit to finding one attractive. I think you should break up and give this girl a chance to find someone who loves her for her, not her past. Just sayin'

Edited March 7, 2014 by Damaged217

[Apolo777]

@johndoe13 Well I found out when we had a conversation with her friend and she mentioned that she had one night stand which she apologized to my gf as she didn't meant to say it. So after I asked her if she had any more of those occurrences and she admitted to me that she did. Well she is very touchy when she drinks she did it with my guy friends it didn't bothered me at all but than she called me one night and said that a guy almost kissed her when she went out to the bar with her friend.(that was 3 months into a relationship and we had a big talk about it.) I don't know if she settling with me is because I am nice guy( I would consider my self that way, but I have my insecurities apparently but than again no one is perfect) I am 24 and she is 23

 

That is exactly it I wouldn't know how she would behave if she had couple of drinks and get some sexual desire.( she also tried some drugs(cocaine and mushrooms and ecstasy but it doesn't really bother me even though I would prefer not to know that but she came from small town were teens do that to keep them self's of occupied and dying from boredom) as well when she was in her late teens) I rarely drink and stay away from alcohol but she like 2 have few drinks now and than. We do click together and she does supports me all the way, I can see it and feel it. I do trust her that she wont cheat on me or does any thing crazy that would break our relationship but I really cant get over the fact of her being promiscuous in the past. May be I need therapy I can see future with her together if I ignore that fact, but I am afraid if that thought going to hunt me for ever we will end up breaking up any ways.

 

@Damaged217 ur absolutely right, but I still feel strong attachment to her still and I just look at those females I have no feelings for them. I just don’t know if psychologically I would be able to get over this fact of her past and love her for who she is as I really do; or will this thought will hunt me forever and make me miserable and will cause the break up at the end. I don’t know if I should see therapist or something because I know I will regret for breaking up with her as we do click in so many ways and I don’t know if I find same girl like her again.

[johndoe13]

@johndoe13...Wow. You slept with PROSTITUTES and you are grossed out by your girlfriend? There is such a double standard here!'

 

It is a double standard but it is a valid one I believe! Most men I know; I know many guys! cannot just sleep around even though they would like to admit to it; the ones I know that do bang with any girls are either great looking individuals (dumb as ****) or just amazing talkers and some are even gay but don't know it! The get laid without even knowing it or liking it sometimes!

 

However many regular girls I know sleep around when they are falling for someone hard!

 

A Few girls I know (mostly the ones that are very attractive overall or have a nice ass/huge tits but plain ole and/or boring CYNIC girls) get a lot of attention from men and they go for it because they don't have to do anything OR TALK MUCH; these girls are plain bored nad lack self-esteem! THEY Call it liberating because the do something nasty; get ****ed by someone that does not give a **** about them. What I gather from this is that these girls end up manipulating men with their assets; the attention is given for something other than their personality therefore they just say **** it I'll take it anyways and **** the guy for something in return; attention, $, or a baby. However, when a guy ejaculates he thinks so clearly it is not even funny! He says sayonara to these girls!!!

 

To me it is not a double standard. Most men want a girl that would seen by all men as a catch, smart and kind woman not a hoe that needs attention. Also, they want to make sure that the girl under any circumstance or bad stretch in life keeps their integrity and composure and do not just succumb to temptation!

[Apolo777]

"Most men want a girl that would seen by all men as a catch, smart and kind woman not a hoe that needs attention. Also, they want to make sure that the girl under any circumstance or bad stretch in life keeps their integrity and composure and do not just succumb to temptation"I think it is kind of objectifying the female gender but I see it exact same way and I don't like the fact that she was that kind of person in the past as I am sure she wanted attention as her parents were separated and she has younger brother who was getting all the attention that was her way of being noticed. I find it very weak and low as she is very intelligent and I thought she would had a higher thought on that.( she also tells me that she had no feelings for that as if I had to feel better about it and that she feels more threatened as I had solid relationships b4 and was attached to the girls I dated in the past...).

[johndoe13]

I think alike. My girlfriend' father was really critical of her and was not in her life for her later years. She always found herself not as pretty or the physical shape she wanted to have had (she has a really curvaceous body and big butt). What I understand from her history is that she dated a nice guy at first for several years and she was not ready to settle down for some reason eventhough she was crazy about him. He dumpted/cheated on her for a girl that did want to have kids. She then went to whoredomville for 5 years ****ing guys at FWB arrangements (dated two guys several times without some guys knowing it), resorts, bars, internet and friends of friends...tried a few serious relationships which did not work out (the guys bailed on her or did not feel it) and then ended up with me at the end she is over 32.

 

So basically a guy like me is afraid that we are being settled for because they never found what they were looking for and want to have a family eventually!!! She told me at the beginning that that she did not feel a sexual connection when we had sex (ok I was nerveous and not totally erct)! She told me she was not usually into emotional guys or insecure guys, she liked manly men who were leaders...so much for reassurance!!!

 

Also what is crazy is that I have a really super hot/smart but again crazy girl who is crazy about me and looks up to me (she is 27 years old); she still texts me and wants to meet up constantly! This girl ****s around 360 degrees with major players and makes them go crazy (I introduced her to a major player friend of mine and he seems confused about her) and then rotates guys... whoever she has super integrity; she tells all guys that she is seing multiple people and DOES not want a relationship; so I respect her for it! I keep her as a friend because I think she is fun and genuinly like me and likes my company! This girl is not settling and I could do whatever I want with her if I wanted...but I choose my girlfriend that seems uninspired with me!

[No Limit]

Pretty easy. If she turns you off, or even disgusts you, break it off.

[Hello_is_it_me]

She doesn't sound like she fits with what you're looking for in a girl. So what's the problem here? Just break up with her. There are other people out there more compatible for her that won't judge her or snoop on her, and those for you that have a less promiscuous past.