mtnbiker3000 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) Still struggling quite a bit. Different than before but still very difficult. Daily. Want to be done with this. With her. So tired of rehashing. Nothing feels right. I feel broken. Just want to be happy again. I'm afraid this goes much deeper than this breakup. Just the tip of the iceberg... Edited March 7, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Im so sorry, its an aweful feeling. Very empty and l know it hurts alot. I guess if you find the strength to dig deeper, maybe once your resolving whats beyond the breakup or underneath it rather, your mind will be more engaged on those things and help shift focus. Sigh, its just hard to wanna peel back layers and sometimes you simply just want those happy days with her back, like none of this nightmare ever happened. Hang in, maybe talk to a professional and get sorted out if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 IN your corner friend. No need for the towel. Keep moving. Still struggling quite a bit. Different than before but still very difficult. Daily. Want to be done with this. With her. So tired of rehashing. Nothing feels right. I feel broken. Just want to be happy again. I'm afraid this goes much deeper than this breakup. Just the tip of the iceberg... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
craigisback Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I know the feeling, my ex broke up with me 1 and a half years ago, I would of done anything for her, it takes time. Your heart never fully heals, but does learn to love again. Its happening to me again, been talking to someone for 6 month on a dating site, messaging everyday 3 weeks till our agreed date and pooof, account dissabled no more contact. Im beginning to think there is somthing wrong with me. Anyway I hope things get better for you Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Still struggling quite a bit. Different than before but still very difficult. Daily. Want to be done with this. With her. So tired of rehashing. Nothing feels right. I feel broken. Just want to be happy again. I'm afraid this goes much deeper than this breakup. Just the tip of the iceberg... I know how you feel im at one year also while im not crying my eyes out anymore that void is still there the pain they caused is still deep and its not really going away. I guess that's what happens when you have truely loved someone and they leave it sticks in some way idk how else to describe it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Still struggling quite a bit. Different than before but still very difficult. Daily. Want to be done with this. With her. So tired of rehashing. Nothing feels right. I feel broken. Just want to be happy again. I'm afraid this goes much deeper than this breakup. Just the tip of the iceberg... I don't think you can go back to the way it was before. For a long time, I just wanted to be my old self again, but I realized that won't happen. People who go through traumatic events (most everyone at some point) don't get back to where they were. You can only hope to evołve. You can't forget it. It's never going to be completely okay or never hurt. You try to become better and find a way to live with it constructively. Even if you fall in love again, it doesn't negate any of this hurt. I think my grief has been so bad because the breakup triggered the feelings I have always had that I'm inherently not worth being loved. I really do feel that way deep down, and I've had to do so much self work to understand it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 I think my grief has been so bad because the breakup triggered the feelings I have always had that I'm inherently not worth being loved. I really do feel that way deep down, and I've had to do so much self work to understand it. Yes. I've realized I have these same types of feelings. All of my life I've desperately sought approval and validation, yet have never received it. Just wanted someone, anyone, to tell me I'm good, they care about me or they love me. And mean it. This has really messed up every corner of my life. Family, social circles, career and romance. All failure after failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 She gave me all of these things. I literally couldn't believe it. Then she took them all away... Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 If she took them away then it was not validation. I understand what you are going through. But your support here has been invaluable to many people. hate to see you so down. She gave me all of these things. I literally couldn't believe it. Then she took them all away... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrappedWanderer Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 She gave me all of these things. I literally couldn't believe it. Then she took them all away... Same here. I gave up a LOT for him, more than my rational, independent self normally would have, because he validated me. He loved me for me. It was so empowering to have that support and caring. Though, now I know, that was a smokescreen. It wasn't really real. But man, it was so incredibly nice the short while it lasted. I don't want to go back to desperately wanting that again...I want to live and love and be happy. 4.5 months out and there's a glimmer of light, but the sun is still quite far away. I'm surrounded by happy couples and I'm happy for them...but don't know why I can't have the same 3 Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Maybe you need to find something that is uniquely yours to build your sense of self-worth back up? I know for me, I took on exercising and built a sort of new identity for myself. It took a long time for me, but eventually I got to a point where I felt even better than I did when I was still in the relationship. Regardless, keep on pushing! You'll get there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 Maybe you need to find something that is uniquely yours to build your sense of self-worth back up? I know for me, I took on exercising and built a sort of new identity for myself. It took a long time for me, but eventually I got to a point where I felt even better than I did when I was still in the relationship. Regardless, keep on pushing! You'll get there. Yes!! I feel like I just need to find something to get behind. Something to push myself. Something to believe in. Something besides another person... Not sure what that will be or what that looks like. Hope it's out there though, cause I need something... Anything... Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 If she took them away then it was not validation. I understand what you are going through. But your support here has been invaluable to many people. hate to see you so down. Know that you are validated by the support you give here. It's worth a lot. Deep down, we all want to be accepted. Breakups speak to that very real fear that we are not good enough. Now is the time to decide whether you accept that or realize you are worth more simply because you are you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Yes!! I feel like I just need to find something to get behind. Something to push myself. Something to believe in. Something besides another person... Not sure what that will be or what that looks like. Hope it's out there though, cause I need something... Anything... Where are all in that boat, I kinda think it is just life. It is difficult to find something that we see as meaningful that we can believe in long term. I know for me I look to anything that makes me feel like I am living. And it helped tremendously pushing my perspective towards being humble, generous, and appreciative- a better person. So I guess in a way personal growth was my new form of validation. I am 9-10 months out of a 7 year relationship, and I can honestly say the hardest part was learning to get validation from myself, rather than someone else. My ex did want me back soon after, but regardless I am at the point where I don't think about them anymore, the past just seems like a haze. I wouldn't have moved so quickly if it weren't for me focusing on building my sense of self rather than focusing on the past. Keep going op, focus on what you can do for yourself and others, it will get better! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Still struggling quite a bit. Different than before but still very difficult. Daily. Want to be done with this. With her. So tired of rehashing. Nothing feels right. I feel broken. Just want to be happy again. I'm afraid this goes much deeper than this breakup. Just the tip of the iceberg... You're not checking in on her social media are you? Are you total nc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 You're not checking in on her social media are you? Are you total nc? No way. Not once since the BU and even quite a while before. Never been a big fan of social media... Yes total NC. 1 year deep... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 You're not checking in on her social media are you? Are you total nc? No way. Not once since the BU and even quite a while before. Never been a big fan of social media... Yes total NC. 1 year deep... Sometimes I am fine, not thinking about her or our RS or anything. Other times, I feel like I am drowning in my thoughts surrounding the BU and RS... Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 No way. Not once since the BU and even quite a while before. Never been a big fan of social media... Yes total NC. 1 year deep... Yeah, I was pretty sure if this. Mtnbiker is the NC WARRIOR!! Seriously, you are super strong and someone we all look up to as far as pushing forward and remaining dignified! Keep going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah, I was pretty sure if this. Mtnbiker is the NC WARRIOR!! Seriously, you are super strong and someone we all look up to as far as pushing forward and remaining dignified! Keep going. Just wish I had better results at this point... Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Just simply wishing you the best of luck. read a few of your threads, you're a good guy and one day it will change, I assure you. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnTheRightPath Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Just an observation. Not that I think NC is entirely wrong.....it is needed to some degree. However, there is a differnce between NC and being stubborn. I believe it is important to be vulnerable at times and holding on to NC seems a bit to me like holding on to being hurt and a bit like being stubborn. Mtbiker, I honestly feel your pain............but it seems to me like you are still hurt. Her actions may always be "hurtful" to you but try not to stay hurt. I think forgiveness has an amazing effect on your well being. You don't have to tell her that in person but in your heart try to let go of the negative and forgive for yourself. Just a suggestion...........I know it works wonders for me. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Just wish I had better results at this point... I read something recently (can't remember where) that every day we (broken hearts) are healing and we don't even realize it. What I got from that is we are getting stronger every day but it progresses so f@$&ing slow that it doesn't even seem like we are healing.. . . . but we are. . . even if it's only a tiny bit. I bet you have better results than you realize only because it moves at such a glacial pace. LOL!! Someday, probably sooner than you think Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Mtbiker, I honestly feel your pain............but it seems to me like you are still hurt. Her actions may always be "hurtful" to you but try not to stay hurt. I think forgiveness has an amazing effect on your well being. You don't have to tell her that in person but in your heart try to let go of the negative and forgive for yourself. Just a suggestion...........I know it works wonders for me. Thought I forgave her long ago, but who knows... Hard to measure and always fluctuating... I bet you have better results than you realize only because it moves at such a glacial pace. LOL!! Someday, probably sooner than you think LOL!!! I know. You're absolutely correct. Think I have said the same thing 100 times to others on here. Easy to give advice, difficult to apply it... Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Thought I forgave her long ago, but who knows... Hard to measure and always fluctuating... LOL!!! I know. You're absolutely correct. Think I have said the same thing 100 times to others on here. Easy to give advice, difficult to apply it... So true. When I try to give encouraging words to people on here I can "just tell" many of them are totally awesome people. . . I'm like . . . why can't they see how great they are??? But when it comes to my own life??? I don't know??? Maybe I'm not so special after all. Then again, maybe I am and the best thing I can do is just forgive myself. haha!!! sounds so simple Anyway, sending you and all other L shackers the best in your recovery!!! Love you guys! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robbysurfs Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I have been hardcore nc for about a yr I checked her FB page once and saw she had moved on it really hurt me deeply so I feel you man. There is hope tho just hear me out. You can rid yourself of this pain if you want to you have to really focus on the now and look at life around you. Yeah I know it sounds like im a kook. The moment you are in and the self preservation of her is already in the past. You actually fuel your ego, thought, and emotional stability with the past not the present. No mind and no pain your thinking is causing you this pain. You are not your mind and your thinking is not your being. Life is really a marvel you have to watch and you will feel you being present then that fantasy will slowly disappear as you become more involved with the now. "the power of now" is a great book you should read it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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