Doomed to be single despite being a good catch. Tell me why?

[madgirl1991]

When i was 18 and 21, i had two long term relationships. Those guys LOVED me so much. Yet i was a selfish *****, didn't pay for anything, didn't put in effort, cheated on them and even told them about it! They stayed with me anyway.

 

Since 21 (im now 23), i have been single and worked to fix these issues. I believe i'm a great friend, trustworthy in relationships. On top of that, i'm in wonderful shape, take great care to look my best, finished my college education and been in full time work. My body is probably an 8/10, and face 5/10.

 

I'm starting postgrad study. I have enough savings for a house (20% deposit). I actively date, using the internet. a lot. I also attend social clubs and church regularly, though I have no been able to make friends or attract any men.

 

Why can't i find a bf now that i'm everything a guy should want in a girl? But when I was younger and terrible, i could get guys easily? On the dating sites, I can get dates easily but the guys always arent serious about a relationship or there is no mutual interest.

 

I just want to settle down and progress my life. I see other girls who are more screwed up than me with guys. Please help me understand whats wrong with me?

[pickflicker]

You're 23. What's the rush?

 

"Progression" in one's life is not necessarily measured by nailing down a relationship. Now, it's clear from your last relationship, you exhibited a lot of emotional red flags. So perhaps these are things that need to be resolved?

[Gaeta]

My body is an 8-10 and my face is also an 8-10. I am a professional, stable, make good money, I own my home, I have no issues of any kind, no kids home, I am fun, open minded, full of energy, and I have been single for 8 years. Every day I come across people asking how come a woman like me is single. I have NO freakin clue!! I go online 5 minutes and I can book 3 dates just like this but nothing ever comes out of it.

 

I have concluded I am too simple. Men suffer from what I call the Batman syndrome. They need to save their lady and I don't need saving. I am in total charge of my life. How boring is that.

[pickflicker]

My body is an 8-10 and my face is also an 8-10. I am a professional, stable, make good money, I own my home, I have no issues of any kind, no kids home, I am fun, open minded, full of energy, and I have been single for 8 years. Every day I come across people asking how come a woman like me is single. I have NO freakin clue!! I go online 5 minutes and I can book 3 dates just like this but nothing ever comes out of it.

 

I have concluded I am too simple. Men suffer from what I call the Batman syndrome. They need to save their lady and I don't need saving. I am in total charge of my life. How boring is that.

 

That's not true. There are men out there who like strong-willed, opinionated, emotionally together women.

 

Question: when it comes to dating, do you let a man lead?

[madgirl1991]

Not sure who you are asking PitFlicker? But i'll answer anway.

 

Back when I was younger, I absolutely would not text a guy first or make any sort of move. I'd play hard to get until we were in a relationship. Even then, I would always keep them on their toes.

 

After those long term relationships ended, i was pretty keen for another relationship. I dated the same way, but by now my standards were higher because i was looking for someone i could be with long term (eg: they had to be certain education level etc). I got burned by all these guys wanting fun.

 

So eventually, i got sick of all the time i'd waste, playing coy, and started taking things into my own hands so I could meet as many guys in person and filter out the timewasters fast. I also started to see relationships as a two way street anyway. So I would initiate 50% of the time. I'd pay 50% of the time.

 

With my last boyfriend, I was extremely into him, and took the lead after the 2nd date. He lost interest pretty quickly. He once complained i'm too self sufficient and he wants to be able to look after a girl. Lesson learned. So if you were going to make a point about me and the girl above with me with the 8 face, being unlikely to let the guys lead, please go ahead. You are probably onto something..

[Gaeta]

That's not true. There are men out there who like strong-willed, opinionated, emotionally together women.

 

Question: when it comes to dating, do you let a man lead?

Yes I do, I lead all day long at the office, when I get home I am more than happy to let someone else lead.

 

OP: there are tons of nice looking women that cannot find *the one*. At your age though you have nothing to worry about. You have plenty of time to break some hearts and have your broken.

[madgirl1991]

Also to add to the above:

 

I'd let a guy lead - if he would bloody do it! Im tired of waiting..and guys don't call, they text. They don't invite me on a nice date, they invite me to their house! Screw that! Guys these days are just lazy!

[Gaeta]

He once complained i'm too self sufficient and he wants to be able to look after a girl. .

So I am not too far off with my men suffer from Batman syndrome.

 

I was dumped once after 3 months dating and the man said I was too rational. Huh? really! I thought being rational was a good quality !!

[madgirl1991]

Basically, unless you are a supermodel, have an amazing personality or are willing to lower your standards - you will be left on the shelf.

 

Guys dont need to accept our flaws, and give us the commitment we want, because of the economics of sex.

 

There are plenty of women willing to sleep with them. So mine and 8-face girl's prices (what we demand in exchange) are too high, evidently.

[pickflicker]

Not sure who you are asking PitFlicker? But i'll answer anway.

 

Back when I was younger, I absolutely would not text a guy first or make any sort of move. I'd play hard to get until we were in a relationship. Even then, I would always keep them on their toes.

 

After those long term relationships ended, i was pretty keen for another relationship. I dated the same way, but by now my standards were higher because i was looking for someone i could be with long term (eg: they had to be certain education level etc). I got burned by all these guys wanting fun.

 

So eventually, i got sick of all the time i'd waste, playing coy, and started taking things into my own hands so I could meet as many guys in person and filter out the timewasters fast. I also started to see relationships as a two way street anyway. So I would initiate 50% of the time. I'd pay 50% of the time.

 

With my last boyfriend, I was extremely into him, and took the lead after the 2nd date. He lost interest pretty quickly. He once complained i'm too self sufficient and he wants to be able to look after a girl. Lesson learned. So if you were going to make a point about me and the girl above with me with the 8 face, being unlikely to let the guys lead, please go ahead. You are probably onto something..

 

Actually, I was talking about the fact that your last ex likened you to his abusive mother.

 

No one is "doomed" to be single unless they let cynicism and bitterness stand in their way. Once you let go, and embrace dating and relationships as fun, and not a "life task" that needs to be realised, you'll find it easier. Believe me, it is a hell of a lot better being single than being in a substandard relationship.

[Gaeta]

They don't invite me on a nice date, they invite me to their house! Screw that! Guys these days are just lazy!

Those you pass. If a man invites me to his house I say: Sorry buddy, if you can't make the effort of putting your pants on and driving to a coffee shop to meet me then you're not worth my attention. Good bye.

[pickflicker]

Also to add to the above:

 

I'd let a guy lead - if he would bloody do it! Im tired of waiting..and guys don't call, they text. They don't invite me on a nice date, they invite me to their house! Screw that! Guys these days are just lazy!

 

Doesn't happen to me. If a guy wants to see me, he takes me to dinner. He pays. He's attentive. He follows up.

 

I never initiate contact with a guy. I let them to it. The guys that don't, get left behind.

[pickflicker]

Basically, unless you are a supermodel, have an amazing personality or are willing to lower your standards - you will be left on the shelf.

 

Guys dont need to accept our flaws, and give us the commitment we want, because of the economics of sex.

 

There are plenty of women willing to sleep with them. So mine and 8-face girl's prices (what we demand in exchange) are too high, evidently.

 

Nope, you're just investing too much in the wrong guys.

 

If a guy won't lead, don't prompt him, walk away. Next.

[madgirl1991]

You guys are cool, and right.

 

Gaeta, these guys invite me to their houses after 1-2 dates. They just stop trying you know? I dont accept 1st dates at guys houses, you are totally right. They need to be putting pants on for me to go out with them, lol We should talk. Too rational? My god! Guys complain all the time that women are so emotional etc. Then they find a girl with a good head on her shoulders, and dump her for being too rational? INSANE.

 

Pit: Maybe you are a beautiful woman, or have a sparkling personality. Or are just lucky. There are only so many quality guys out there. I'm jealous you can attract them. I don't. I have to deal with what I can attract. So yeah, i go out with the best i can get, which in most cases, is the crowd who will invite me over theirs after 2 dates :/ You are on the money with the whole, dont be cynical thing. But its just so damn hard. I just want to give up dating now and let whoever (if he exists!) come to me! I'm tired of looking for him.

[madgirl1991]

Next? Lol but arent you scared there will be no next. I look at my life, i've had one guy friend interested in me...my entire life. I've been hit on, maybe twice in my life, outside of a nightclub.

 

If that's the past, when i was young, now im older..why should it get any better? why should my chances of meeting the one increase? i need to panic and lower my standards. Just like in that book, marry him: the case of marrying mr good enough

[pickflicker]

You guys are cool, and right.

 

Gaeta, these guys invite me to their houses after 1-2 dates. They just stop trying you know? I dont accept 1st dates at guys houses, you are totally right. They need to be putting pants on for me to go out with them, lol We should talk. Too rational? My god! Guys complain all the time that women are so emotional etc. Then they find a girl with a good head on her shoulders, and dump her for being too rational? INSANE.

 

Pit: Maybe you are a beautiful woman, or have a sparkling personality. Or are just lucky. There are only so many quality guys out there. I'm jealous you can attract them. I don't. I have to deal with what I can attract. So yeah, i go out with the best i can get, which in most cases, is the crowd who will invite me over theirs after 2 dates :/ You are on the money with the whole, dont be cynical thing. But its just so damn hard. I just want to give up dating now and let whoever (if he exists!) come to me! I'm tired of looking for him.

 

I'd consider myself square in the average camp re: looks. But I won't lie, I am quick witted and very intelligent. I meet people very easily and have been told on several occasions that I'm easy to talk to.

 

I get my fair share of riff-raff. I just don't buy into it.

[Gaeta]

Madgirl: in the past 2 years I have been on + 100 first dates. Most were not worth a second date, a big chunk of them faded away after 3rd date and a couple of them only I dated for a few weeks.

 

I have a friend who went online and the 3rd man she met was the one. They are now married and have a beautiful little boy. He's a great guy! Everyone adores him.

 

I believe it's like throwing dices. Third time she thew the dice she got her double 6. For some of us we'll have to throw the dices many many times before we get it. One thing is certain, if we stay home no prince charming will come knocking at our door.

[kaylan]

Ill be honest OP, certain guys wont get serious with a woman who has a history of cheating. Im one of those guys. Once I find that out about a girl, she immediately becomes someone I will only have fun with, but not commit to.

 

Everything else sounds great about you, but the way you conducted yourself in past relationships is a huge deterrent. And they arent too far in the past for me to think youve had time to change.

[madgirl1991]

Oh man Gaeta, you have noooo idea how....its an awkward word to use because i hate to rejoice in someone else's misery...but i feel happy that i'm not the only one going through this?

 

I have been on 100ish dates too! And the same thing happened to my best friend. i recommended her try online, after her bf and her broke up. The first guy, she has now been with for three years!!!

 

So unfair lol.

 

But then i think about it. She's the kind of girl that attracts guys easily. They always want to be her friend, even when we are out guys attach themselves to her all ngiht and buy her drinks, even though she tells them SHE IS TAKEN! And i'm single and alone lol..no one buys me drinks so annoying!

 

SO maybe...its not just luck. I hate to say that hey. But...its not just luck.Its something else and we just need to figure it out.

[Teraskas]

It's ironic, because you just described the female version of myself.

(Minus the cheating traits, success on OLD and immediate desire to jump into a relationship again.)

That said, there are plenty of good guys on OLD.

Sadly, there are too many douches also using OLD.

Thus making the experience for guys who are genuinely looking for something extremely painful.

 

Personally, I have YET to invite a girl to my house for a date.

Doesn't ever get to that point as they vanish off the face off the earth, found someone else, etc.

Nor do I suffer from the 'Batman syndrome.'

If anything I'm more of a Bane. xD

 

Like I said many times before in my prior posts: The door to commitment is MORE than open on my end, yet I continuously run into women who shy away from that, don't know what they're doing, just got out of a relationship, etc.

[madgirl1991]

Kaylan, i feel what you are saying. I too, wouldnt attach myself to someone with a past of cheating etc.

 

That is why i hide it now. I would only tell someone once we were seriously together and committed. So its not my past problems that is keeping guys away now.

 

Good thinking tho

[pickflicker]

Next? Lol but arent you scared there will be no next. I look at my life, i've had one guy friend interested in me...my entire life. I've been hit on, maybe twice in my life, outside of a nightclub.

 

If that's the past, when i was young, now im older..why should it get any better? why should my chances of meeting the one increase? i need to panic and lower my standards. Just like in that book, marry him: the case of marrying mr good enough

 

No, I'm not scared. Why should being alone be scary? I have friends and family and opportunity. I'd rather be alone and loved by the people already in my life, than let fear drive me into the arms of someone unsuitable.

[kaylan]

Kaylan, i feel what you are saying. I too, wouldnt attach myself to someone with a past of cheating etc.

 

That is why i hide it now. I would only tell someone once we were seriously together and committed. So its not my past problems that is keeping guys away now.

 

Good thinking tho

Why hide that? Because Id likely bail on you once I found out. I dont like important things like that being kept from me. And I ask early on and dont like lying. Honesty means a lot to me. Its better for you to be honest and find a dude who can accept you as you are and have faith that youve changed.

[madgirl1991]

I think the problem with OLD terekansas, is that everyone is too friggin scared to say that they are seeking a relationship when that is the case. Everyone, and all the online advice, tells you to just say you want to have fun, meet people etc. It just causes confusion and makes it hard for the people looking for something serious to actually find each other!!!

 

I have to say though: when I started telling people online,, i am looking for commitment, it did weed out A LOT of the timewasters. And that's how i met my ex, who was also very seriously looking for a potential wife. Just a tip

[madgirl1991]

Kaylan, that is all well and lovely..in a world where there is no competition. However there IS competition. Why would a guy setle for me, with my past, if i reveal it, instead of leaving me for a girl on equal level to me, WITHOUT the past, or who isnt going to admit it? I hate to be a liar, i hate to hide things. But its a necessity to compete. Just like at a job interview, you downplay your flaws. That's what i need to do.