Doomed to be single despite being a good catch. Tell me why?

[madgirl1991]

I guess the drive for marriage and partnership is some people is stronger than in others. For me, the idea of being alone forever is scary, not cuz i dont think i can handle it, but because i really like the idea of being a 'we.' Having a best friend to do life with that I can also makeout with hehe.

 

Also, you have a great circle of family and friends. I have aspergers, mildly, so i suck at making friends and only have a few. And my only family is my parents, who will die in 10 years as they are very old. Not to be a downer. lol. You're lucky tho, totally jealous! Wish i had your life in that respsect!

[Teraskas]

I think the problem with OLD terekansas, is that everyone is too friggin scared to say that they are seeking a relationship when that is the case. Everyone, and all the online advice, tells you to just say you want to have fun, meet people etc. It just causes confusion and makes it hard for the people looking for something serious to actually find each other!!!

 

I have to say though: when I started telling people online,, i am looking for commitment, it did weed out A LOT of the timewasters. And that's how i met my ex, who was also very seriously looking for a potential wife. Just a tip

 

Yeah, sadly that seems to be quite prevalent these days. :/

I mean don't get me wrong, on OLD, I have no deceptive intentions.

I even CLEARLY state on my profile page that I'm looking for someone who's interested in a relationship.

Yet, that seems to be more of a deterrent than anything, lol. ^^

On another note, in the 1 year and a half that I've been doing OLD now I've only gone on 4 dates. (Out of the hundreds of messages that I sent out up to this point.)

 

- The first just got out of a relationship.

(Why you would even bother to do OLD when you're not healed up, thus wasting people who are GENUINELY looking for something more, is beyond me.)

- The 2nd dropped off the face off the earth and even removed me from FB.

- The 3rd stood me up, also removed me from FB for no reason.

- The 4th rejected me because there was apparently 'no spark', yet she didn't come to terms with her overly busy life and thus didn't see that she couldn't possibly have time for a boyfriend with everything on her plate.

 

I guess I can say I'm cursed as well.

Ironically, that was also the name of the first thread I made on here.

'Convinced I'm cursed'. lol

[Leigh 87]

I am a 5 - 6 out of ten in the face (7 to 8 with professional make up) and a 6 or 7 out of ten body wise.

 

Yet I have the most wonderful, loving boyfriend ever.

 

Before him, I didn't find a guy who was as decent and who I had as much chemistry with in one package. I would either feel intense chemistry with a guy who wasn't into me or I would get a "nice guy" who was crazy about me yet who I felt no passion for.

 

However; I have NEVER had a problem getting dates.

 

I compensate for my average looks and figure by making myself appealing and desirable.

I dress VERY well, have a great sense of style, know how to make my body shape look ten times better than it really is, have perfect hair and make up that best compliments me.

I have also lived overseas and travel a lot; I am very curious about the world and every topic imaginable and I love to read.

I think the world travel thing as well as the fact I am super friendly and I have large eyes that stand out and get guys attention.

 

I have large, very light coloured grey/blue eyes. If your eyes stick out a lot it is easy to get guys attention.

 

And the guys I have found all thought I was gorgeous even though I am obviously very plain (I have pictures up).

 

I am not a professional yet either due to issues life has thrown at me but I will be soon after college and stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is luck, how you best bring out your desirable side and your natural chemistry you create. I have chemistry with a wide range of men of all walks of life.

my model friend who is slimmer and is an 8.10 look wise with an 8/10 body wise, she is a beautiful person yet cannot feel chemistry with men. She has only ever felt chemistry with one man.

 

 

 

That is the only explanation I can think of, as to WHY average gals like me who are not even working full time can get decent men and have no trouble getting dates and keeping them around.

Edited March 7, 2014 by Leigh 87

[Teraskas]

I am a 5 - 6 out of ten in the face (7 to 8 with professional make up) and a 6 or 7 out of ten body wise.

 

Yet I have the most wonderful, loving boyfriend ever.

 

Before him, I didn't find a guy who was as decent and who I had as much chemistry with in one package. I would either feel intense chemistry with a guy who wasn't into me or I would get a "nice guy" who was crazy about me yet who I felt no passion for.

 

 

However; I have NEVER had a problem getting dates.

 

 

Don't downplay yourself, Leigh...

You're easily an 8.5 on both minimum as far as I'm concerned.

Then again, on the flip side, I have trouble gauging my own score, to be honest.

[pickflicker]

I guess the drive for marriage and partnership is some people is stronger than in others. For me, the idea of being alone forever is scary, not cuz i dont think i can handle it, but because i really like the idea of being a 'we.' Having a best friend to do life with that I can also makeout with hehe.

 

Also, you have a great circle of family and friends. I have aspergers, mildly, so i suck at making friends and only have a few. And my only family is my parents, who will die in 10 years as they are very old. Not to be a downer. lol. You're lucky tho, totally jealous! Wish i had your life in that respsect!

 

Being good at dating is a lot like being good at making friends. You should practice that. Try meetup.com

[kaylan]

Kaylan, that is all well and lovely..in a world where there is no competition. However there IS competition. Why would a guy setle for me, with my past, if i reveal it, instead of leaving me for a girl on equal level to me, WITHOUT the past, or who isnt going to admit it? I hate to be a liar, i hate to hide things. But its a necessity to compete. Just like at a job interview, you downplay your flaws. That's what i need to do.

There are women who think like me, in which case there are def single guys with pasts similar to yours that those women rather not date. In which case, why not date a guy with a similar past who will understand you, rather than lie.

 

Building a relationship on dishonesty is never smart and can hugely backfire. Because there are guys who will give you a shot despite knowing your past, but will break up with you if they found out later on that you'd lied to them.

[madgirl1991]

Thanks for the tips Leigh. I appreciate you are trying to be helpful. But really its making me more depressed. Because, well, I hate to say this, but its because you're blonde and white! and you probably have a white boyfriend?

 

I do all the same stuff as you and its not working :/

 

Maybe its the whole race thing. I like white guys, but im not white (see avatar).The guys who like non-white girls, are typically, the lower quality white guys (i guess they couldnt get hot white girls, so they go for coloured ones instead?) so my pool of guys is crappier, so its harder to find a nice guy like you did.

 

PS: lucky btch!!

[GoreSP]

My body is an 8-10 and my face is also an 8-10. I am a professional, stable, make good money, I own my home, I have no issues of any kind, no kids home, I am fun, open minded, full of energy, and I have been single for 8 years. Every day I come across people asking how come a woman like me is single. I have NO freakin clue!! I go online 5 minutes and I can book 3 dates just like this but nothing ever comes out of it.

 

I have concluded I am too simple. Men suffer from what I call the Batman syndrome. They need to save their lady and I don't need saving. I am in total charge of my life. How boring is that.

 

I hear ya sister!

 

Women like bad boys and men like crazy bitches so there are a ****load of nice guys and sane girls out there standing on the side lines being all wtf dude?

lol

[Teraskas]

Maybe its the whole race thing. I like white guys, but im not white (see avatar).The guys who like non-white girls, are typically, the lower quality white guys (i guess they couldnt get hot white girls, so they go for coloured ones instead?) so my pool of guys is crappier, so its harder to find a nice guy like you did.

 

 

Those aren't necessarily lower quality guys.

If anything, they're open minded because they're willing to think outside the box. Something which a lot of people are afraid of.

3 years ago, my best friend (white guy) decided to give coloured women a go, because he was tired of constantly encountering the same generic white women.

They've had their ups and downs, but despite that, they're still together.

[Leigh 87]

Don't downplay yourself, Leigh...

You're easily an 8.5 on both minimum as far as I'm concerned.

Then again, on the flip side, I have trouble gauging my own score, to be honest.

 

 

:o:o:bunny:

 

 

 

Well that is a very nice thing to say, thanks. Sincerely.

 

I have a friend who is a supermodel, and two model friends. I like beautiful looking things and I notice very beautiful people often.

Also having lived overseas in a major city and seeing the supermodels there all the time, I have a very down to earth view of what truly beautiful people look like. I am not one of them:lmao: But my boyfriend 100% views me as one.

 

Lets try to keep it real:lmao:

 

I cannot see your photo clearly but you look nice in it. And don't forget, plenty of stupid losers who are average looking get boyfriends/girlfriends and they seem really happy.

 

 

 

 

Maybe the nice people like us often look for the wrong people, while the people at our level are also meeting all the wrong people.

The result? We don't meet our equals because we are getting rejected and burnt by the wrong people we keep coming into contact with.

 

Seriously. I have NEVER had a truly decent boyfriend before until now at age 27. 27 it took me to find a guy who was wonderful AND who I had chemistry with. Like geez.

It sucks to see all these women who are prettier than a girl like me yet who struggle so much to find men decent men who are into them:(

My model friend is such a lovely person! She is a little religious and doesn't sleep around, doesn't drink, is a podiatrist and a model part time.

She just wants a nice guy, she isn't looking for a model look alike.

 

 

 

It surely MUST come down to the chemistry you create and give off.

I am a very "sparky" person who stands out and forms sparks and chemistry easily...... I have mild autism, huge very pale eyes and I just stand out a lot and get noticed, both for the way I stand and my eyes and I also have very full lips.

 

 

 

 

Again, so many better looking women than myself just cannot find a guy they truly spark with and who is also into them AND a decent guy to boot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have noticed that the fact I seem to spark with men has been a bad thing, in that they are very drawn to me and then they realise I am indeed a little "weird" and "different" and they bail:lmao: rather fast thankfully so I don't waste my time on them.

[madgirl1991]

Terekansas: okay true, but see how he 'decided to give coloured women a go' after being burned? it wasn't his natural instinct to persue them first. ie: they were second best.

 

Pit and Leigh: I like your ideas about chemistry and social skills playing a large part in dating success. This does help to explain why some more average girls get great guys and awesome model babes with their stuff together cant get anyone!

 

I am trying to improve in these areas, it will take awhile though haha. Not the most social person, i mean i love being with people, but its so hard to build rapport and become friends. another thing for me to look into!

[madgirl1991]

Leigh - maybe you could share with everyone some tips on how you create this insane chemistry/connection with the opp sex?!

 

And your story is kinda inspiring/cheery There is hope!!!!!

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for the tips Leigh. I appreciate you are trying to be helpful. But really its making me more depressed. Because, well, I hate to say this, but its because you're blonde and white! and you probably have a white boyfriend?

 

I do all the same stuff as you and its not working :/

 

Maybe its the whole race thing. I like white guys, but im not white (see avatar).The guys who like non-white girls, are typically, the lower quality white guys (i guess they couldnt get hot white girls, so they go for coloured ones instead?) so my pool of guys is crappier, so its harder to find a nice guy like you did.

 

PS: lucky btch!!

 

 

 

 

Wow, I think you are really attractive! Your body is pretty darn sexy.

 

My boyfriend has very similar features to myself; large blue eyes, same skin and hair...

 

We even both have similar shaped noses. His friend joked that it was creepy that we looked similar!

 

 

 

 

They say like attracts like and there are some scientific studies that show that for some people, attraction and chemistry is more intense among mates who are of the same colouring as yourself.

 

 

 

A FWB I had last year was dark. He said I was the first blonde he was really attracted to.

He said he was surprised he found me very attractive since I am not of his usual type.

He spoke of his natural desire for brunettes; that he was MUCH more drawn to them sexually than us blondes.

 

 

 

 

Are you looking for white guys? I know just as many men who prefer latino or just ethnic/darker women to blondes.

[Teraskas]

Terekansas: okay true, but see how he 'decided to give coloured women a go' after being burned? it wasn't his natural instinct to persue them first. ie: they were second best.

 

Well, lemme put it this way:

Practically his entire life, from birth, he was surrounded by white women.

Even during secondary education, he didn't run into any coloured women.

Then at one point, as he evolved during puberty and matured into an adult (and 2 relationships with white women), he wrote down the qualities which he was looking for in a partner, and started observing all kinds of women.

He concluded that women from other ethnicities (particularly Latina, African-American) displayed the exact qualities that he was looking for in his potential girlfriend / wife. To him, skin colour didn't matter. Underlying personality on the other hand, did.

And I share the views of judging someone on personality first, looks second.

 

On a personal note, I'm fine with both either way, I don't have a preference as it all depends on her personality. ^^

[Leigh 87]

Leigh - maybe you could share with everyone some tips on how you create this insane chemistry/connection with the opp sex?!

 

And your story is kinda inspiring/cheery There is hope!!!!!

 

 

There is definitely hope. I see women like you and lesser attractive than you all the time who have loving boyfriends who are madly in love with them.

 

I am 27 and I was honestly in the same boat as you; waiting for a decent guy who I was crazy about and who felt the same way towards me!

 

It took until age 27 to find him. I hope things last.

 

It is sort of the luck of the draw, finding a guy who you have similar values to in areas that count, having sexual chemistry and genuinely enjoying their company.

 

It is hard for ANY person to find all those things!

 

I just am lucky in that I truly do tend to have chemistry with a rather large number of men. I have something a little off about me that can be a bad thing (see my autism thread in the self improvement section if you want me to elaborate on my strangeness).

 

The off thing about me combined with my intense eyes seemingly creates instant chemistry/attraction. There is something about me that is a little different to most people walking the streets who you see every day.

 

Getting guys attention is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Most of them weren't the right guys for me.

 

I had to go through *counts on hand* two long term partners lasting over two years each, two guys I was really into yet who disappeared on me after a week to a month, as well as a guy I met in Berlin last year who happened to live near me here in Aus who I was really into, yet who changed his mind about me.

 

And I think I am one of the luckier ones regarding the relatively small number of men I have been hung up on/gotten over before meeting who I feel is "the one" for me.

 

A friend of mine has never dealt with sh*theads. She met a guy at age 17 who was crazy about her yet he was a tad lacking in empathy in general.

After am intense 3 year relationship she left him after she found "the one".

She is good looking but I don't think that is her luck; she has very veryyy intense brown eyes and she has a "different" vibe. She is down to earth and cool, as well as intelligent.

 

 

 

 

 

My 23 yr old model friend, a Russian, is seeing me soon and I feel.... really blessed and somewhat baffled that I found such a great guy while she is perpetually single.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Madgirl: in the past 2 years I have been on + 100 first dates. Most were not worth a second date, a big chunk of them faded away after 3rd date and a couple of them only I dated for a few weeks.

 

I have a friend who went online and the 3rd man she met was the one. They are now married and have a beautiful little boy. He's a great guy! Everyone adores him.

 

I believe it's like throwing dices. Third time she thew the dice she got her double 6. For some of us we'll have to throw the dices many many times before we get it. One thing is certain, if we stay home no prince charming will come knocking at our door.

 

Wow you have been living my life. That's exactly how it's been for me since my LTR ended 2 years ago. I do beleive it's mostly luck. My friend is engaged to the second guy she met through OLD. Go figure.

[hasaquestion]

When i was 18 and 21, i had two long term relationships. Those guys LOVED me so much. Yet i was a selfish *****, didn't pay for anything, didn't put in effort, cheated on them and even told them about it! They stayed with me anyway.

 

Since 21 (im now 23), i have been single and worked to fix these issues. I believe i'm a great friend, trustworthy in relationships. On top of that, i'm in wonderful shape, take great care to look my best, finished my college education and been in full time work. My body is probably an 8/10, and face 5/10.

 

I'm starting postgrad study. I have enough savings for a house (20% deposit). I actively date, using the internet. a lot. I also attend social clubs and church regularly, though I have no been able to make friends or attract any men.

 

Why can't i find a bf now that i'm everything a guy should want in a girl? But when I was younger and terrible, i could get guys easily? On the dating sites, I can get dates easily but the guys always arent serious about a relationship or there is no mutual interest.

 

I just want to settle down and progress my life. I see other girls who are more screwed up than me with guys. Please help me understand whats wrong with me?

 

Girl you need to slooooooooooow down. You're 23

 

The guys you are meeting love being single. That's why they aren't putting in effort - they expect you to "prove to them" why they should commit to you, not the other way around.

 

Sucks? Yeah it does. But you're young and smart and good looking. Most people who are comparably young, smart, and good looking aren't as ready to "settle down and progress" as you are.

 

No need for urgency. Just have fun and meet people. The crowd's expectations will catch up to yours soon enough.

[Gaeta]

Madgirl: Look at you, you are gorgeous! Maybe you don't fully grasp how attractive you are. Sexiness is a lot about attitude. Women don't need to be a 10 to attract attention, you just need to believe you're hot and act like you're hot....and you will come across as hot! I am 48 and most men chasing me are 12 years - 15 years younger. How do you think I accomplish that? All sand in the eyes lol, I just have more confidence in my sexiness than women 15 years younger.

 

All that being said all this confidence didn't bring me any good man, just a bunch of MILF seekers.

[Allumere]

you are 23...for your own sake, stop focusing on this and live a little....see the world, learn new hobbies etc. Why? Because when you do get married and have kids there is no "me" and the chances of doing most of those things goes down dramatically. STOP GROWING UP....I'm being dead serious. Responsibility and owning stuff is over-rated in comparison to experiences. I know you feel what you feel and want what you want, most folks have been there at some point.

[Gaeta]

But you're young and smart and good looking. Most people who are comparably young, smart, and good looking aren't as ready to "settle down and progress" as you are.

Maybe Madgirl is ready to settle. At 20 I was married and at 21 I was a mother.

 

Madgirl: Have you tried to seek older men? in your case late 20s, young 30ish?

[Gaeta]

Wow you have been living my life. That's exactly how it's been for me since my LTR ended 2 years ago. I do beleive it's mostly luck. My friend is engaged to the second guy she met through OLD. Go figure.

When I started reading this I thought there was like a happy ending like then you met a wonderful man and both of you rode toward the sunset...no eh? lol

[J21]

I think it just comes down to finding someone you have chemistry with.

 

I have seen people who have less (in terms of money, looks, education, material things, or whatever) yet they have found the love of their lives. I don't mean that to be a condescending statement at all; just a mere observation.

 

23 is still young! you need to slow down!

[hasaquestion]

Maybe Madgirl is ready to settle. At 20 I was married and at 21 I was a mother.

 

Madgirl: Have you tried to seek older men? in your case late 20s, young 30ish?

 

I get that and I respect it. I'm just saying that its going to limit your options. Because...

1) a lot of people that age are not ready to settle.

2) the distribution of men that age who are not ready to settle is skewed heavily towards the "catches".

 

My point is that "doomed to be single" isn't the case at all. Its just a matter of timing.

[Gaeta]

I get that and I respect it. I'm just saying that its going to limit your options. Because...

1) a lot of people that age are not ready to settle.

2) the distribution of men that age who are not ready to settle is skewed heavily towards the "catches".

 

My point is that "doomed to be single" isn't the case at all. Its just a matter of timing.

That is why I am suggesting she seeks older more mature men. When I got married at 20 my husband was 28. He had been around, done this thing and he was ready to settle and start a family. As for me I had always been more mature for my age. I was the oldest of my family, I had been trusted with lots of responsibilities from a young age, I had strong family values, I was coming out of college, for these reasons I felt ready to marry at a young age.

[Gaeta]

learn to be feminine .... google is your friend

 

if i was you, id stay away from the advice of the other women posters on this thread, they dont have good histories to teach you the right path

And you do? and your best advice to her is to be feminine? LOL