topaMAXX Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Please explain. Btw, the last bf flat out told me I was intimidating because I was in shape, knew more about cars than him. Yes, there are some, or perhaps many guys, who can't deal with equality. It's funny that you responded to that. You were the one that I had in mind when I mentioned the "women here that didn't show a blatant personality flaw YET". Anyway, I work as a military medical officer. I'm surrounded by highly independent, strong women. They all either are married or were married. The few that never were have issues way beyond being successful and independent. These women also have difficulty getting along with people (though, they don't even realize it). They lack self-awareness. At the very least, the OP and another poster here have shown in this very thread to be the cause of their problems, just like many of the women that I've met in real life. I'm sorry that your ex-boyfriend said that to you, but I don't believe it is the norm. Many guys would be fine with an equal relationship. For me, personally, I do prefer a more traditional relationship. However, that is a preference and I have dated women that are equals to me (I've yet to meet a woman that has the entire combination of having a better career, more life experiences, better traveled, and in better shape than I am that I also happened to be attracted to). So it's certainly not something that I'd be opposed to. The only things that I'm opposed to is my list of deal breakers that I wrote in a previous post on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 One person's "good catch" is another person's..............Nah It's all debatable really 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Its just a dumb thing to say because it disparages women for doing what they want to do. What's wrong with sleeping with people you find attractive? Some people want to have sex. Big F-ing deal. They're not "spoiling" anything for anyone. They're getting what they want. Men who allow themselves to become "spoiled" by the antics of women, are making excuses for poor behaviour because of inherent selfishness. If a women wants to sleep around, that's her prerogative. If the men they sleep with change their attitudes and treat women like whores, that's on them. Selfish people will treat others however they want because they are selfish. But it's up to the other person to decide if it will change them. If they will allow their heart to harden or their attitudes to change. If they will tolerate it. What I said was that women who easily have sex with men (of course cause they want it, I'm not saying anyone is forcing them to do it) are spoiling men in the sense that 1) they get used to this kind of behavior and they expect this from every woman they meet and 2) they feel they don't have to try to win a woman's heart and make the effort to get to know her cause they can find what they really want (sex) in other women so easily. With this I'm not judging easy women who have sex cause they want it, it's their right and good for them. But the fact that this has changed the way the society functions doesn't change. I didn't say men are treating women like whores, that's totally irrelevant and another issue. If a woman doesn't want to feel like a whore, she won't, that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 It has not "changed the way society works", Iguanna. People have been having uncommitted sex dawn of time. Nothing had changed about how humans interact. A large proportion of men on the OPs age group week be horny little buggers because it's biological. The only difference, is that people's sexual behaviours are far more out in the open. The idealistic notion that society was better in the 50s & 60s because men were gentlemen and women were ladies is false. We have changed very little. Ever seen Mad Men? The difference is as simple as the internet - what was once unspoken, is now public knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 This is the same question women have been crying about for ages! Its pretty simple I bet you that when you getting online dating message and the guy is just average looking you don't respond, you're probably like all the other women who wants to date a supermodel or date someone out of your league. I see this at work all the time average girls who want to date a 10 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Ive met some women in real life that also claim this. They all have something in common. Either they are too picky, not nearly as good looking as they think they are, or have major personality issues and chips on their shoulders that turns normal men off. Mosy. This is the most accurate response Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 It has not "changed the way society works", Iguanna. People have been having uncommitted sex dawn of time. Nothing had changed about how humans interact. A large proportion of men on the OPs age group week be horny little buggers because it's biological. The only difference, is that people's sexual behaviours are far more out in the open. The idealistic notion that society was better in the 50s & 60s because men were gentlemen and women were ladies is false. We have changed very little. Ever seen Mad Men? The difference is as simple as the internet - what was once unspoken, is now public knowledge. Why are there still men who don't take an easy woman seriously and women who don't want to have sex with a guy in order to take them seriously? Cause this mentality still exists. I'm sure our grandmothers wanted to have sex before marriage, but they didn't cause that's what was the right thing to do. I'm sure our grandfathers wanted to have sex with every woman they liked without stings attached, but they didn't cause that's what society was like back then. So men HAD to get engaged or married to a woman to have sex with her and women HAD to wait until engagement or marriage to have sex. I'm sure both men and women were hiding their true needs and that was not a good thing, but that was the way society used to work back then. Don't you see that society has changed nowadays? Isn't it obvious? Women and men have sex without commitment and they don't depress their needs and that's great. But this way men have gotten used to the fact that they don't NEED commitment to have sex, so that's what they do. That's not "fair" for women who want commitment, that's what I'm saying. But I guess not everyone can have everything they want. I'll still be the woman to seek for commitment and I'm sure there will still be men who want only serious women to have a family with. I'm not lost, I'm sure I'll find my other half. Easy women and easy men can do their thing and I'll do mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Women and men have sex without commitment and they don't depress their needs and that's great. But this way men have gotten used to the fact that they don't NEED commitment to have sex, so that's what they do. That's not "fair" for women who want commitment, that's what I'm saying. But I guess not everyone can have everything they want. I'll still be the woman to seek for commitment and I'm sure there will still be men who want only serious women to have a family with. I'm not lost, I'm sure I'll find my other half. Easy women and easy men can do their thing and I'll do mine. And thankfully, not ALL men are like that, despite the dogmatic popular view which society imposes these days. Ironically, the same disposition of it being "fair" to women can also be inversed for men, as you've indicated. Everyone's different, and at my age (despite what everyone says to 'live it up, have fun, etc.') I ALREADY encounter nothing but women who shy away from commitment. Who's to say that won't change as I get older ? ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Why are there still men who don't take an easy woman seriously and women who don't want to have sex with a guy in order to take them seriously? Cause this mentality still exists. I'm sure our grandmothers wanted to have sex before marriage, but they didn't cause that's what was the right thing to do. I'm sure our grandfathers wanted to have sex with every woman they liked without stings attached, but they didn't cause that's what society was like back then. So men HAD to get engaged or married to a woman to have sex with her and women HAD to wait until engagement or marriage to have sex. I'm sure both men and women were hiding their true needs and that was not a good thing, but that was the way society used to work back then. Don't you see that society has changed nowadays? Isn't it obvious? Women and men have sex without commitment and they don't depress their needs and that's great. But this way men have gotten used to the fact that they don't NEED commitment to have sex, so that's what they do. That's not "fair" for women who want commitment, that's what I'm saying. But I guess not everyone can have everything they want. I'll still be the woman to seek for commitment and I'm sure there will still be men who want only serious women to have a family with. I'm not lost, I'm sure I'll find my other half. Easy women and easy men can do their thing and I'll do mine. Oh my dear girl - society WAS like that. The truth was just suppressed under a religious and societal yoke. Society hasn't changed. Some families were happy, some were unhappy. Some marriages experienced infidelity. There was drug abuse, and physical abuse. Unwed pregnant women were hidden away, because young men got then into "trouble". What we KNOW about society has changed. The only change between that time, and this one, is technology. Human nature is pretty much the same. It was just kept hush hush. Dirty laundry wasn't aired. Edited March 10, 2014 by pickflicker 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 So what I'm getting from this site is that when a woman is having trouble finding a SO, she is too picky or has personality issues. Yet when a man has trouble finding a SO, it's the women's fault for being too picky or have personality. ............ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 So what I'm getting from this site is that when a woman is having trouble finding a SO, she is too picky or has personality issues. Yet when a man has trouble finding a SO, it's the women's fault for being too picky or have personality. ............ That's what that's have you believe. Meh, dating is just one of those things you have to try and have fun with, not take so seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 That's what that's have you believe. Meh, dating is just one of those things you have to try and have fun with, not take so seriously. Oh I know. But if others are going to make idiotic assumptions based only on what they personally observed, so can I! I am actually aware the men on this sites are a minority (thankfully!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 After some thinking, I think the OP really doesn't want to date. Between the cheating and the super high standards, I think OP just wants to go through the motions of dating without committing. OP has had two long term relationships and young ages, which is more than some of us here can say. Then she sabotages them. Then OP comes with a laundry list of standards. She must know on some level that she is looking for a very narrow segment of the male population, depending on local demographics. I dont think the op has problems finding and keeping people other than the ones she creates. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Its just a dumb thing to say because it disparages women for doing what they want to do. What's wrong with sleeping with people you find attractive? Some people want to have sex. Big F-ing deal. They're not "spoiling" anything for anyone. They're getting what they want. I agree with this. And Iguana seems a bit bitter toward women in general. I wonder if there's some insecurity or jealousy here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Throw those standards out. Find a kind, hardworking man who makes you laugh and is willing to communicate with you to solve problems. That's really all you need. Anything else is just a bonus IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I agree with this. And Iguana seems a bit bitter toward women in general. I wonder if there's some insecurity or jealousy here? Maybe there is. But what mostly annoys me in the society as it is now is that we all talk about people having free choices, but when it comes down to it, everything we do or don't do is being judged. I mean, I have the choice to stay at home and raise my kids but if I do people will call me lazy or worthless. I have the choice to make a huge career and make lots of money but then people will call me greedy and insecure. I have the choice to sleep around and enjoy my sexuality but then people will call me slut and easy. I have the choice to wait till I have truly met someone to have sex with him but then people will say I want him for his money or something. I know sometimes I judge people too - and it's a bad thing to do, I regret it. I just feel I live in a confused and complicated society where people have many choices to make, and all this frustrates me. That's why I would prefer to live 60 years ago. At least then my life would be predefined and I wouldn't spend time wondering "what if...?". I know this all doesn't make lots of sense, it's ok, I'm sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Maybe there is. But what mostly annoys me in the society as it is now is that we all talk about people having free choices, but when it comes down to it, everything we do or don't do is being judged. I mean, I have the choice to stay at home and raise my kids but if I do people will call me lazy or worthless. I have the choice to make a huge career and make lots of money but then people will call me greedy and insecure. I have the choice to sleep around and enjoy my sexuality but then people will call me slut and easy. I have the choice to wait till I have truly met someone to have sex with him but then people will say I want him for his money or something. I know sometimes I judge people too - and it's a bad thing to do, I regret it. I just feel I live in a confused and complicated society where people have many choices to make, and all this frustrates me. That's why I would prefer to live 60 years ago. At least then my life would be predefined and I wouldn't spend time wondering "what if...?". I know this all doesn't make lots of sense, it's ok, I'm sorry. Nuff' said. I also responded to you in General Relationship discussion:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Maybe there is. But what mostly annoys me in the society as it is now is that we all talk about people having free choices, but when it comes down to it, everything we do or don't do is being judged. I mean, I have the choice to stay at home and raise my kids but if I do people will call me lazy or worthless. I have the choice to make a huge career and make lots of money but then people will call me greedy and insecure. I have the choice to sleep around and enjoy my sexuality but then people will call me slut and easy. I have the choice to wait till I have truly met someone to have sex with him but then people will say I want him for his money or something. I know sometimes I judge people too - and it's a bad thing to do, I regret it. I just feel I live in a confused and complicated society where people have many choices to make, and all this frustrates me. That's why I would prefer to live 60 years ago. At least then my life would be predefined and I wouldn't spend time wondering "what if...?". I know this all doesn't make lots of sense, it's ok, I'm sorry. You have another choice, too. You have the choice to not care or be bothered with it. You have the choice to focus on the freedoms, options and advantages and being grateful for them. You have the freedom to create the environment for you to flourish in. 60 years ago, you didn't have that choice. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 So what I'm getting from this site is that when a woman is having trouble finding a SO, she is too picky or has personality issues. Yet when a man has trouble finding a SO, it's the women's fault for being too picky or have personality. ............ Exactly.... but us men dont complain about it as much. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Throw those standards out. Find a kind, hardworking man who makes you laugh and is willing to communicate with you to solve problems. That's really all you need. Anything else is just a bonus IMO. And the guy has to be head over heels for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Exactly.... but us men dont complain about it as much. Errrr WHAT?! Have you read the posts on this forum? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Errrr WHAT?! Have you read the posts on this forum? lol I apologise. (Mine are more about sharing an opinion and personal experience rather than actual complaining, but I digress, lol. ^^) Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Errrr WHAT?! Have you read the posts on this forum? lol LOL, that's true, but this is an anonymous Internet forum. IRL, guys tend to keep these sort of concerns private; women are much more open about them. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 LOL, that's true, but this is an anonymous Internet forum. IRL, guys tend to keep these sort of concerns private; women are much more open about them. That is the case for me. Outside of me posting about my lack of dating success here, I never bothered mentioning it much elsewhere. Most people that does know me is aware I am single. Maybe not for all of my life but they do know I am single right this very moment. For example, when I went to work Sunday night/Monday morning, an employee who has a girlfriend noticed my new hair cut and mentioned that I may be a threat to take his girlfriend. I had to tell him before I clocked out for my lunch break that I am no threat to try that since I wasn't attracted to her. Even if I was, I don't go after taken women so it wouldn't have happened anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 LOL, that's true, but this is an anonymous Internet forum. IRL, guys tend to keep these sort of concerns private; women are much more open about them. Oh! I see! lol Link to post Share on other sites
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