whirl3daway Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 This thread gets more and more entertaining each day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 The new checklist for dream guy: Has soul (eg: enjoys dancing, we enjoy music together, laughs at racist jokes though doesnt actually believe the stereotypes in them), willing to fight with me (in a mature way that isn’t hurtful or damaging, not sensitive when I am direct), tries to impress my family, shows initiative and creativity in planning time together (eg: tries to think of somewhere cool for a walk or daytrip, tries dancing), listens to my sht and gives me good advice, wants to hear my voice so calls sometimes, driven in his work but will take a spontaneous sickie sometimes to have time together in some circumstances (eg: I am going on a holiday). Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The new checklist for dream guy: Has soul (eg: enjoys dancing, we enjoy music together, laughs at racist jokes though doesnt actually believe the stereotypes in them), willing to fight with me (in a mature way that isn’t hurtful or damaging, not sensitive when I am direct), tries to impress my family, shows initiative and creativity in planning time together (eg: tries to think of somewhere cool for a walk or daytrip, tries dancing), listens to my sht and gives me good advice, wants to hear my voice so calls sometimes, driven in his work but will take a spontaneous sickie sometimes to have time together in some circumstances (eg: I am going on a holiday). How's the search going for such a man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You're just super picky. Nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Okay, so its quite specific but there is basically nothing superficial there and i could be way pickier, i actually culled a lot of things. I'm only 23. Can't i afford to be this picky? In any case, if an awesome guy came along I met with, i'd be willing to compromise on the list. Its just what I ideally want.. Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Okay, so its quite specific but there is basically nothing superficial there and i could be way pickier, i actually culled a lot of things. I'm only 23. Can't i afford to be this picky? In any case, if an awesome guy came along I met with, i'd be willing to compromise on the list. Its just what I ideally want.. I don't think you're very realistic with what a relationship entails. It's a give and take. I don't think any quality guy would date you based on how demanding you are (unless, of course, you're more pleasant and sweeter in real life). Also, as far as the bolded goes, I know some very pretty girls that are your age and have just as much, if not more, going for them that don't have these kinds of crazy demands. For the record, I'm a 27 year old good-looking, successful, educated guy with options that is actually looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage in the near future. To be honest, I wouldn't date you based on how you present yourself here, no matter how physically attractive or young you are. Not trying to mean. Just trying to give you a little perspective. Good luck in your search. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I don't think its really a good idea to go into this with a laundry list of expectations, because one or more will ALWAYS be unfulfilled. Just date the people you like, and if something doesn't feel right, you'll know it isn't. If I made a list, no girl would ever be able to meet it. I think its a lot better to let a relationship develop organically rather than going in with premade expectations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The new checklist for dream guy: Has soul (eg: enjoys dancing, we enjoy music together, laughs at racist jokes though doesnt actually believe the stereotypes in them), willing to fight with me (in a mature way that isn’t hurtful or damaging, not sensitive when I am direct), tries to impress my family, shows initiative and creativity in planning time together (eg: tries to think of somewhere cool for a walk or daytrip, tries dancing), listens to my sht and gives me good advice, wants to hear my voice so calls sometimes, driven in his work but will take a spontaneous sickie sometimes to have time together in some circumstances (eg: I am going on a holiday). I think the word "checklist" should be removed from one one's vocabulary when looking for a partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Okay, so its quite specific but there is basically nothing superficial there and i could be way pickier, i actually culled a lot of things. I'm only 23. Can't i afford to be this picky? In any case, if an awesome guy came along I met with, i'd be willing to compromise on the list. Its just what I ideally want.. You can't come up with a long checklist of very specific standards and systematically judge each suitor against them. That's not how love works. You're choking the fun and spontaneity out of dating. A better strategy would be to scrap the lists, come up with a general type, just go out and have fun. It seems like you like Caucasian guys who are white-collar and educated. That's at least workable. You can find bars that cater to that audience, attend professionals events/happy hours, learn swing dancing and go to swing socials (that's where the geeky, white dancers are at). If you're athletic, you can join groups that do running, cycling, triathlon...they also have leagues with every sport imaginable that cater to professionals. Also, you're so young. You haven't had enough life experience yet. Who knows? Maybe the type you're attracted to isn't who you thought it was. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Wow, interesting. I honestly never believed I was picky, but after hearing the concurrence between you all, maybe it is true I grew up watching sex and the city, and then read the rules, and figured Mr Perfect FOR ME does exist. These things also taught me, I just have to be the best I can be, and apply certain rules in dating (such as letting guys know when they dont meet your expectations and ending relationships if they dont change to meet these), and it will all work out. I guess, mr perfect doesn't exist. How upsetting. All the wonderful guys I have sabotaged relationships with, because of my stupid standards :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Also: appreciate hearing from the young guys. How humbling to know you wouldn't date me No really, its actually making me realise...I'm not...all that. And maybe even though i've worked hard to become what I think guys want, its not going to mean **** because what i thought they want..is so friggin far from the truth! Also, hilarious you mentioned going out and having fun and going swing dancing, as that is where the white collar educated guys are. I actually really music/dancing, and after this recent breakup decided, screw it, i'll go out and try it. I'm having a blast! Also spending most weekends at clubs and just generally, trying to go out and do more stuff in life that makes me happy and at the same time is social. No white collar educated guys at swing dance though However, an asian version of this totally has the hots for me at the class. LOL. Im starting to find myself attracted too. Weird. Didn't think that would ever happen! Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Wow, interesting. I honestly never believed I was picky, but after hearing the concurrence between you all, maybe it is true I grew up watching sex and the city, and then read the rules, and figured Mr Perfect FOR ME does exist. These things also taught me, I just have to be the best I can be, and apply certain rules in dating (such as letting guys know when they dont meet your expectations and ending relationships if they dont change to meet these), and it will all work out. I guess, mr perfect doesn't exist. How upsetting. All the wonderful guys I have sabotaged relationships with, because of my stupid standards :/ Oh God, that "Rules" book? It's a one way ticket to spinster land. And if your birth year was 1991, you shouldn't have been watching SATC. You would have been about 10. Watch "Girls" instead. That's your generation. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The new checklist for dream guy: Has soul (eg: enjoys dancing, we enjoy music together, laughs at racist jokes though doesnt actually believe the stereotypes in them), willing to fight with me (in a mature way that isn’t hurtful or damaging, not sensitive when I am direct), tries to impress my family, shows initiative and creativity in planning time together (eg: tries to think of somewhere cool for a walk or daytrip, tries dancing), listens to my sht and gives me good advice, wants to hear my voice so calls sometimes, driven in his work but will take a spontaneous sickie sometimes to have time together in some circumstances (eg: I am going on a holiday). Yes to the bolded. So many guys hate and avoid confrontation. I want to be able to say when something bothers me without being accused of causing drama. I often feel better once we talk it out but I have noticed that guys feel worse and tend to withdraw and hate such talks. It's like I always have to be breezy, happy, positive, cheery or they feel hassled Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowx Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I guess, mr perfect doesn't exist. How upsetting. All the wonderful guys I have sabotaged relationships with, because of my stupid standards :/ No one is perfect 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowx Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes to the bolded. So many guys hate and avoid confrontation. I want to be able to say when something bothers me without being accused of causing drama. I often feel better once we talk it out but I have noticed that guys feel worse and tend to withdraw and hate such talks. It's like I always have to be breezy, happy, positive, cheery or they feel hassled I guess I really did win the boyfriend lottery then, mine always wants to know when something is bothering me and we both feel great after figuring out a problem. If it's something downright unfair/unreasonable I'll get called on it and we'll figure out why I felt that way and how whatever it is is unfair to him and him just understanding how I feel makes it 29038467x better Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The thing with expectations is that everyone has them, but most throw them out the window when they are attracted to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes to the bolded. So many guys hate and avoid confrontation. I want to be able to say when something bothers me without being accused of causing drama. I often feel better once we talk it out but I have noticed that guys feel worse and tend to withdraw and hate such talks. It's like I always have to be breezy, happy, positive, cheery or they feel hassled Yes, I appreciate a man who can solve problems without trying to run away from them. We Need to Talk 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Those we need to talk discussions often feel like police interrogations to a man and for some reason they always come at the worst times. A guy is about to have a good day and then all of a sudden she drops that bomb on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Even worse - my ex. He'd say we had such great communication, he was glad we could talk about issues. He would embrace it! But each time I'd initiate a discussion about something that bothered me, he'd withdraw and never come back the same. The ex before that. God, I loved our fights. We'd cry, shout, get tired, sleep, wake up and keep fighting. Then have passionate makeup sex. I loved it. haha. Sounds terrible though! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Even worse - my ex. He'd say we had such great communication, he was glad we could talk about issues. He would embrace it! But each time I'd initiate a discussion about something that bothered me, he'd withdraw and never come back the same. The ex before that. God, I loved our fights. We'd cry, shout, get tired, sleep, wake up and keep fighting. Then have passionate makeup sex. I loved it. haha. Sounds terrible though! I will be quite honest and say this does not sound the least bit appealing to a man who has his stuff together. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madgirl1991 Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 Yeah, I know its not appealing at this age (23). I guess I liked it in my late teens/early 20s because it was so passionate. Now, I prefer that to someone who just runs away from confrontation. At least they care enought o be involved in a confrotat Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Even worse - my ex. He'd say we had such great communication, he was glad we could talk about issues. He would embrace it! But each time I'd initiate a discussion about something that bothered me, he'd withdraw and never come back the same. The ex before that. God, I loved our fights. We'd cry, shout, get tired, sleep, wake up and keep fighting. Then have passionate makeup sex. I loved it. haha. Sounds terrible though! Wow that sounds like so much fun! You're just another f*ckwit chaser with a laundry list, like most women and at all ages... Not just young ones. Lucky is The guy that ends up being your stable provider Topics like this really make me thankful for my girl. So rare is one that hasn't been poisoned by sex and the city! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Wow that sounds like so much fun! You're just another f*ckwit chaser with a laundry list, like most women and at all ages... Not just young ones. Lucky is The guy that ends up being your stable provider Topics like this really make me thankful for my girl. So rare is one that hasn't been poisoned by sex and the city! Very true. Most single bitter women that I've met created their own problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Even worse - my ex. He'd say we had such great communication, he was glad we could talk about issues. He would embrace it! But each time I'd initiate a discussion about something that bothered me, he'd withdraw and never come back the same. The ex before that. God, I loved our fights. We'd cry, shout, get tired, sleep, wake up and keep fighting. Then have passionate makeup sex. I loved it. haha. Sounds terrible though! You're single because nobody would want to live like this if they have their act together. Anyone of sound mind would walk away from this for the sake of their own happiness and sanity. The only people who will ever tolerate your antics are those who struggle with serious inner-demons. You are attracted to dysfunctional relationships that involve demeaning other people. You clearly love the conflict. You also have a history of mistreating spouses, being compared to individuals who inflict terrible abuse, and just all of your messages reek of desperation. We cannot drag you kicking and screaming to reach deep within yourself and search for the motivation to make changes. Do not mistake anger and violence for love. Anger has a built-in reward system. After an outburst a sense tension is let go, people feel relieved or almost high, and then life continues. But this euphoric relief is a poor substitute for genuine happiness. You will always continue to pursue conflict and more frequently in order to achieve this very same bliss you enjoyed from the aftermath of all your fights. This is the reason why people do experience anger management problems in the first place and why you will continue to belittle, demean, or lash out at the people closest to you until your motivated to approach life in a different way. Edited March 13, 2014 by ThatMan 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Yeah, I know its not appealing at this age (23). I guess I liked it in my late teens/early 20s because it was so passionate. Now, I prefer that to someone who just runs away from confrontation. At least they care enought o be involved in a confrotat why would you WANT to be involved in a confrontation with your SO? Link to post Share on other sites
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