Doomed to be single despite being a good catch. Tell me why?

[Copelandsanity]

I also think that if you stick too hard to a laundry list of standards and requirements that it's easy to get into a never-ending GIGS mindset. And it takes away from the fun of dating because it becomes more about digging to see if one's met this requirement and that requirement.

 

Of course...I'm not against having standards. But when I'm dating, my goal is moreso finding out who you are and what you're about. What's your purpose/mission in life? What steps are you taking to pursue it? How do you treat myself and others? How open and honest are you? What is your personality like? What interests do we have in common? Am I attracted to you? What is our romantic chemistry? That's the information I use to see how we may fit into each other's lives. Perhaps we don't, perhaps we're friends, perhaps there's the potential for more.

[Phoe]

OP, over the past few years I went through periods of time where I felt like I was doomed to be single forever as well.

 

I was single for 6 years. I've been on just 7 first dates.

 

 

My entire life I just struggled to get interest from the opposite sex. I didn't understand at all.

 

 

I'm an average/decent looking normal personalitied girl. I'm calm, rational, logical, reasonable, just very normal, with very reasonable expectations and desires in life.

 

 

I could not get a date until I finally went on OLD. I got lucky to find an awesome one on OLD and now have a boyfriend.

 

 

But it sure took some time and luck to get to this point.

[Rainbowx]

It takes a mature women to realize that her dating problems are not because of the men, but because of herself.

 

I think it was a long mental process. I'm 25 years old and it wasn't like I had a standards blueprint of any guy, I just simply wasn't attracted to anyone "decent" at the time. It's like one day something clicked in my head and I won the boyfriend lottery! I suppose it's something that comes with age and maturing? Because it's nothing against the guys I was with in the past, but they simply weren't mature enough to know what they really wanted either, and one day they'll hit the same plateau and probably end up meeting someone great too.

 

If it helps, my boyfriend is 31, I'm 25 and the guys I was with when I was ~23ish etc were like 20-21-22.

Edited March 9, 2014 by Rainbowx
New thought

[pickflicker]

Another ridiculously picky woman. You're standards are so high that almost no guys will meet them. A range of just 4 inches in height? WTF is that? And that perfect boyish face. You want a male model with a whole lot of additional requirements. You reject every guy you date. What do you expect? You'd reject me instantly like I'm nothing. Yet it's the same complaint, there's no good guys. You've rejected them.

 

He's right, OP. If you have certain standards, you must be prepared to date less because of those standards. Which means you must cultivate a life where if you don't meet someone, you are still reasonably content. You need to ensure emotional fulfillment comes from your friends.

 

If however, this is unacceptable, you need to find a way to give on your standards. Having said that, for a 23yr old, your standards are exactly what I would expect with your maturity level.

 

The height, the age range, the boyish face, that can all be ditched now. Look for someone with similar interests, similar goals in life, someone who is emotionally fearless, same moral outlook, etc.

 

This may be a ridiculous standard, but for me, I want a guy who is as passionate about music as I am. I know if I ever get married, I will care about 2 things - the cake, and the music. I want my guy to be the same. I want us putting the same level of thought into the playlist as women do picking the dress. It may be silly, but it's my personal "standard".

Edited March 9, 2014 by pickflicker

[Eternal Sunshine]

I wasn't aware that I was that picky or had high standards. But when I looked around at guys my friends are dating; they would all miss in some very important areas and I wouldn't even consider them a prospect.

 

Now I am aware that my standards are very high. Not for who I would go on one or few dates with; but transitioning into relationships they have to meet a lot of criteria in the absence of many deal breakers. There are very few men that I am interested in. I am prepared to stay single though; relaxing those standards only made me miserable in the past.

 

Having said all that, I have recently started seeing a man that meets all the standards and then some. We will see how that goes

[joystickd]

 

Since 21 (im now 23), i have been single and worked to fix these issues. I believe i'm a great friend, trustworthy in relationships. On top of that, i'm in wonderful shape, take great care to look my best, finished my college education and been in full time work. My body is probably an 8/10, and face 5/10.

 

What else do you truly have to offer other than looks and education? Honestly looks matter to men but it's not in the way women think it does to men. You want a relationship but have nothing but superficial things to offer. This matters. It is the difference between you being a girlfriend and potential wife, just an FWB or a pump and dump.

 

I look at the woman I am dating the thing that attracted me more than her good looks and nice body was her devotion to family. She took care of her sick dad. It's easy to ship someone off to LTC so they can take care of them but she made the sacrifice to take care of him. That to me made her look better than anyone I had ever known. I know on some level if she was dedicated to him she possibly make a great wife and mother.

[GoreSP]

I'm not sure whether I should print this thread and read it every day or completely ignore it and pretend I need to saved…lol

 

I think we should all organize a meet up for people like us. To goal would be to get all the nice men that get overlooked by women and the sane, strong women who get overlooked by men.

 

I think it's more than time we all end up in the same room, don't you think?

 

[preraph]

Stop dating online and spend more free time going out and doing the things you most love doing to find a person who shares your interests. And there is certainly no hurry. If you're really in a hurry, then you may be coming off as desperate, which is a big turnoff. Just spend time with friends, keep expanding your friend community and being social and that will also expand meeting men, plus do things you enjoy to make sure it's the right men. And remember, you are too young to be trying to settle down, and most men your age will not be interested in settling down. This is the time to date and have fun and make friends.

[topaMAXX]

I'm not sure whether I should print this thread and read it every day or completely ignore it and pretend I need to saved…lol

 

I think we should all organize a meet up for people like us. To goal would be to get all the nice men that get overlooked by women and the sane, strong women who get overlooked by men.

 

I think it's more than time we all end up in the same room, don't you think?

 

 

The only thing wrong with this statement is that women don't actually get passed by for being strong and independent. That's a cop out (just like the whole "I'm too much of a nice guy" thing is).

 

Ive met some women in real life that also claim this. They all have something in common. Either they are too picky, not nearly as good looking as they think they are, or have major personality issues and chips on their shoulders that turns normal men off.

 

Most of the women that have complained on this thread have already showed this to be true in this very thread. I'm sure the other ones will too at some point.

 

Again, many of the guys that have trouble attracting women are no different. They just present differently.

[GoreSP]

The only thing wrong with this statement is that women don't actually get passed by for being strong and independent. That's a cop out (just like the whole "I'm too much of a nice guy" thing is).

 

Ive met some women in real life that also claim this. They all have something in common. Either they are too picky, not nearly as good looking as they think they are, or have major personality issues and chips on their shoulders that turns normal men off.

 

Most of the women that have complained on this thread have already showed this to be true in this very thread. I'm sure the other ones will too at some point.

 

Again, many of the guys that have trouble attracting women are no different. They just present differently.

 

I disagree. While you are right to a certain extent, there are basket cases out there, there are also a ****load of perfectly eligible singles out there (male or female) who are in this situation and I consider myself one of them.

 

You can hardly judge someone's 'dateability' by what they are posting here...

[Woggle]

The only men who pass women up for being successful and intelligent or strong are male chauvinists most women would not want anyway. Usually these statements are an excuse for negative personality traits that make sharing a life with them a very unattractive idea.

[Chubbi]

It's okay to have the list of standards, but perfection does not equal attraction.

[Iguanna]

My body is an 8-10 and my face is also an 8-10. I am a professional, stable, make good money, I own my home, I have no issues of any kind, no kids home, I am fun, open minded, full of energy, and I have been single for 8 years. Every day I come across people asking how come a woman like me is single. I have NO freakin clue!! I go online 5 minutes and I can book 3 dates just like this but nothing ever comes out of it.

 

I have concluded I am too simple. Men suffer from what I call the Batman syndrome. They need to save their lady and I don't need saving. I am in total charge of my life. How boring is that.

 

I just loved you from that post (in a friendly way, don't get offended or something ). I love a person who can criticize themselves and make fun of it, instead of whining and being miserable.

 

But wanting to comment on what you are saying, maybe you are right. Women have suddenly become too powerful and independent and men don't know how to handle it. Their fathers' advises don't work, not only the men but the women too are in the phase of figuring this new lifestyle out. I would bet nowadays there are the most means of advises ever existed in all the years humans exist. Men are used to be the savior, you are right, they want to feel they are needed, they are not only important but vital in a woman's life. Women on the other hand want to prove they can make it on their own, they don't need a man, they don't need a savior, they are the savior of their lives. Maybe in 200 years or so all this mess will have been figured out, but for now I'm just confused to no end, I swear to God. I wish I could go back like 50 years and live the life my grandmother lived. Maybe there were other things that made her life miserable, but at least if I lived back then I would not feel bad for having so many choices and not being able to make an actual choice. Life back then was simple and predictable. Nowadays you are not allowed to have a simple and predictable life cause you are being judged as lazy or worthless. "Do you like the routine? Doing every day the same things? How dare you?". I feel so alone in this world sometimes...

[Iguanna]

Also to add to the above:

 

I'd let a guy lead - if he would bloody do it! Im tired of waiting..and guys don't call, they text. They don't invite me on a nice date, they invite me to their house! Screw that! Guys these days are just lazy!

 

If you could have a gift delivered at your house, would you walk 10 miles instead to get it? No you wouldn't. That's why easy women have spoiled guys and made them lazy, as you said. No need to put an effort, if I don't have sex with him, there are dozens of women who will.

[organizedchaos]

Thanks for the tips Leigh. I appreciate you are trying to be helpful. But really its making me more depressed. Because, well, I hate to say this, but its because you're blonde and white! and you probably have a white boyfriend?

 

I do all the same stuff as you and its not working :/

 

Maybe its the whole race thing. I like white guys, but im not white (see avatar).The guys who like non-white girls, are typically, the lower quality white guys (i guess they couldnt get hot white girls, so they go for coloured ones instead?) so my pool of guys is crappier, so its harder to find a nice guy like you did.

 

PS: lucky btch!!

 

This is so full of ignorance and racism. Good luck in your endeavors.

[pickflicker]

If you could have a gift delivered at your house, would you walk 10 miles instead to get it? No you wouldn't. That's why easy women have spoiled guys and made them lazy, as you said. No need to put an effort, if I don't have sex with him, there are dozens of women who will.

 

"Easy" women have not spoiled guys. What a ridiculous statement.

[pickflicker]

The only thing wrong with this statement is that women don't actually get passed by for being strong and independent. That's a cop out (just like the whole "I'm too much of a nice guy" thing is).

 

Ive met some women in real life that also claim this. They all have something in common. Either they are too picky, not nearly as good looking as they think they are, or have major personality issues and chips on their shoulders that turns normal men off.

 

Most of the women that have complained on this thread have already showed this to be true in this very thread. I'm sure the other ones will too at some point.

 

Again, many of the guys that have trouble attracting women are no different. They just present differently.

 

I attract guys all the time because of my no-nonsense independence. I agree. It's the "nice guy" opt-out for women.

[Iguanna]

"Easy" women have not spoiled guys. What a ridiculous statement.

 

Do you have an argument to accompany the fact that you called my opinion ridiculous?

[hasaquestion]

Do you have an argument to accompany the fact that you called my opinion ridiculous?

 

Its just a dumb thing to say because it disparages women for doing what they want to do.

 

What's wrong with sleeping with people you find attractive? Some people want to have sex. Big F-ing deal. They're not "spoiling" anything for anyone. They're getting what they want.

[Chubbi]

This is so full of ignorance and racism. Good luck in your endeavors.

 

I agree.

 

Op, listen to yourself. If white guys are racist towards you, why would you want to date them?

 

"The only ones who date me are second-class." "I'm their second pick."

 

Are you going to guilt them into liking you? That's not gonna work.

 

You threw some shade at Leah too. "Oh Leah, the only reason you found a your guy is because you're white too, it's easier for you; it's harder for me and I'm a perfect person; I'm just not-white. White men are all racists; that's why they (the ones I want) don't date me."

 

Such arrogance and shadiness all around.

[topaMAXX]

Its just a dumb thing to say because it disparages women for doing what they want to do.

 

What's wrong with sleeping with people you find attractive? Some people want to have sex. Big F-ing deal. They're not "spoiling" anything for anyone. They're getting what they want.

 

Sleeping with someone that you find attractive without commitment, to me, screams of an instant gratification mindset.

 

I can't judge a woman that had a past with this kind of behavior (because I used to do this too). But I now realize that my mindset in the past was incorrect.

 

If I meet a woman now that seems perfect in every other aspect, but is still having casual sex, then she is not the one for me.

[pickflicker]

Do you have an argument to accompany the fact that you called my opinion ridiculous?

 

Men who allow themselves to become "spoiled" by the antics of women, are making excuses for poor behaviour because of inherent selfishness. If a women wants to sleep around, that's her prerogative. If the men they sleep with change their attitudes and treat women like whores, that's on them.

 

Selfish people will treat others however they want because they are selfish. But it's up to the other person to decide if it will change them. If they will allow their heart to harden or their attitudes to change. If they will tolerate it.

[hotpotato]

The only thing wrong with this statement is that women don't actually get passed by for being strong and independent. That's a cop out (just like the whole "I'm too much of a nice guy" thing is).

 

Ive met some women in real life that also claim this. They all have something in common. Either they are too picky, not nearly as good looking as they think they are, or have major personality issues and chips on their shoulders that turns normal men off.

 

Most of the women that have complained on this thread have already showed this to be true in this very thread. I'm sure the other ones will too at some point.

 

Again, many of the guys that have trouble attracting women are no different. They just present differently.

 

Please explain.

 

Btw, the last bf flat out told me I was intimidating because I was in shape, knew more about cars than him. Yes, there are some, or perhaps many guys, who can't deal with equality.

[Esoteric Elf]

I never initiate contact with a guy. I let them to it. The guys that don't, get left behind.

Correct on this one all the way.

[Targetlock]

yep, that is true and a shame in my opinion.