Autism. Anyone?

[Leigh 87]

Hey I have a sort of embarrassing problem.

 

I am wondering if anyone else here has the same problem and how highly functioning they are with it? Do you know anyone else with my problem? How do they manage it? Is it obvious they are "different"?

 

I have a very mild case of Asperger's syndrome. It is mostly find, but in my adult life I had to start with no friends at all out of high school, since I was bullied for looking and acting "different".

So after high school I had no one, and coupled with my slight social barrier of the autism, it was a nightmare to first start to venture out and make friends. I was determined to lead a normal life though and just do what it takes to integrate...

It was hard for me to get basic jobs which in turn, made matters worse as I felt bad about myself and retreated even more; when you are not around people, you can not make the mistakes you need to make in order to get past it.

 

I spend my early 20's trying to make friends and be normal. I did not know how to act around people and I had to learn by saying and doing embarrassing things, and then having people tell me about it.

Some people were downright nasty, telling me I was a weirdo and to f*ck off.

Fortunately, some people are nice about it and try to tell me in the nicest possible way that something I did or said offended or upset someone else; they say it with the idea that I can change it and they hope for my sake I can refrain from making similar slip ups in social settings.

 

 

 

 

 

I had a young girl tell me today of another incident. I recently started an advanced diploma of beauty therapy in addition to my college education, since I am 27 and the diploma is condensed into one year and therefore I can work full time as a beauty therapist while at college (rather than waiting until I finish the degree to start work).

(Yes due to my autism I have been a little behind at the whole getting a career, friends and a normal life thing. Along with other mental issues).

 

Well things in life are fine, I have managed to find some very good friends who are very cool/decent people. Of a high quality my friends are.

I also manage to find boyfriends easily and recently found the most wonderful guy for me I could ever have hoped for.

I am also doing event work part time whilst studying and I have managed to hold down this job as my autism is really under control the vast majority of the time these days.

 

Then I started this beauty course. The girls all liked me at first until I did/said a few off things.

The 17 year old girl, one out of the 6 girls in our class, came and told me on facebook of some issues.

See, I have ALWAYS sensed throughout my life, even as a young child, when I said or did anything off; I just "knew" and immediately felt a great sense of embarrassment.

Well I could tell something felt off with the girls in my course. Nothing major, they didn't think I was a horrible person but just a few things I said made them really mad at me.

The one girl I talk to the most came out and told me but she did it in a super nice way that didn't make me feel bad. I could tell she was doing it to be helpful. She also shared some personal things about herself (she has a learning disability that no one in the course knows about).

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate having this autism crap wrong with me, because while I prefer to be alone or with my boyfriend with one or two very close friends around for the occasion, I also enjoy travel and partying and meeting new people occasionally and it is majorly embarrassing when I do or say things that upset others.

On the other hand, my good friends like the fact I am a bit "different" and that I give off a different energy than most other people they have met.

My boyfriends love it; the ones who cannot handle me being "different" bail fast.

 

 

 

 

After I am told of the things I do wrong, I tend to now very well what I did wrong and I stop making similar mistakes.

I have only just met these girls and the course goes for a year, so I am hopeful that if I do everything right from NOW, the past week or two will be forgotten.

I was touched by how nice she was to me. She was only 17 and I do her favours by taking her home from the course since she has no car. I thought she was OKAY but I had a feeling she prob just uses me for the car rides and she tolerates me in the meanwhile.

 

She said I was a "beautiful person" and should not be so negative about myself in front of the others. That was the core issue at play; I would complain about having to take my make up off for class facials, I would say how awful my nose was and how I am going to get it fixed... It was making the others feel negative.

I also offended a few people when I said having babies scares me that it changed your body and etc and it is such a huge deal, only I said it is a way that sounded bad.

 

So yeah I am hoping that ^^^^ is not bad enough for the girls to just write me off as of yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Has anyone else gone through this? Please tell me I am not the only weirdo out there:(

And do you think if I am very pleasant and I am totally normal from now on, that the girls will at least stop being angry at me?

The above is all I did wrong and I never tend to make further mistakes once I have been told.

[Haydn]

YOU are not strange Leigh, merely human. Enjoy it.

 

Hey I have a sort of embarrassing problem.

 

I am wondering if anyone else here has the same problem and how highly functioning they are with it? Do you know anyone else with my problem? How do they manage it? Is it obvious they are "different"?

 

I have a very mild case of Asperger's syndrome. It is mostly find, but in my adult life I had to start with no friends at all out of high school, since I was bullied for looking and acting "different".

So after high school I had no one, and coupled with my slight social barrier of the autism, it was a nightmare to first start to venture out and make friends. I was determined to lead a normal life though and just do what it takes to integrate...

It was hard for me to get basic jobs which in turn, made matters worse as I felt bad about myself and retreated even more; when you are not around people, you can not make the mistakes you need to make in order to get past it.

 

I spend my early 20's trying to make friends and be normal. I did not know how to act around people and I had to learn by saying and doing embarrassing things, and then having people tell me about it.

Some people were downright nasty, telling me I was a weirdo and to f*ck off.

Fortunately, some people are nice about it and try to tell me in the nicest possible way that something I did or said offended or upset someone else; they say it with the idea that I can change it and they hope for my sake I can refrain from making similar slip ups in social settings.

 

 

 

 

 

I had a young girl tell me today of another incident. I recently started an advanced diploma of beauty therapy in addition to my college education, since I am 27 and the diploma is condensed into one year and therefore I can work full time as a beauty therapist while at college (rather than waiting until I finish the degree to start work).

(Yes due to my autism I have been a little behind at the whole getting a career, friends and a normal life thing. Along with other mental issues).

 

Well things in life are fine, I have managed to find some very good friends who are very cool/decent people. Of a high quality my friends are.

I also manage to find boyfriends easily and recently found the most wonderful guy for me I could ever have hoped for.

I am also doing event work part time whilst studying and I have managed to hold down this job as my autism is really under control the vast majority of the time these days.

 

Then I started this beauty course. The girls all liked me at first until I did/said a few off things.

The 17 year old girl, one out of the 6 girls in our class, came and told me on facebook of some issues.

See, I have ALWAYS sensed throughout my life, even as a young child, when I said or did anything off; I just "knew" and immediately felt a great sense of embarrassment.

Well I could tell something felt off with the girls in my course. Nothing major, they didn't think I was a horrible person but just a few things I said made them really mad at me.

The one girl I talk to the most came out and told me but she did it in a super nice way that didn't make me feel bad. I could tell she was doing it to be helpful. She also shared some personal things about herself (she has a learning disability that no one in the course knows about).

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate having this autism crap wrong with me, because while I prefer to be alone or with my boyfriend with one or two very close friends around for the occasion, I also enjoy travel and partying and meeting new people occasionally and it is majorly embarrassing when I do or say things that upset others.

On the other hand, my good friends like the fact I am a bit "different" and that I give off a different energy than most other people they have met.

My boyfriends love it; the ones who cannot handle me being "different" bail fast.

 

 

 

 

After I am told of the things I do wrong, I tend to now very well what I did wrong and I stop making similar mistakes.

I have only just met these girls and the course goes for a year, so I am hopeful that if I do everything right from NOW, the past week or two will be forgotten.

I was touched by how nice she was to me. She was only 17 and I do her favours by taking her home from the course since she has no car. I thought she was OKAY but I had a feeling she prob just uses me for the car rides and she tolerates me in the meanwhile.

 

She said I was a "beautiful person" and should not be so negative about myself in front of the others. That was the core issue at play; I would complain about having to take my make up off for class facials, I would say how awful my nose was and how I am going to get it fixed... It was making the others feel negative.

I also offended a few people when I said having babies scares me that it changed your body and etc and it is such a huge deal, only I said it is a way that sounded bad.

 

So yeah I am hoping that ^^^^ is not bad enough for the girls to just write me off as of yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Has anyone else gone through this? Please tell me I am not the only weirdo out there:(

And do you think if I am very pleasant and I am totally normal from now on, that the girls will at least stop being angry at me?

The above is all I did wrong and I never tend to make further mistakes once I have been told.

[Bruce Leigh]

I have heard the term Asperger Syndrome but as my cousin has a son who has the most common form, Autism Spectrum Disorder, i didn't think Asperger was a form of autism.

http://www.autism.org.uk/About-autism/Autism-and-Asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/What-is-Asperger-syndrome.aspx

As you say, you have a mild form of it but that can be a hindrance.

My cousin's son was diagnosed quite early on and is given a fair amount of leeway. He is still held responsible for certain things but somethings can't be helped with.

The biggest issue my cousin and his wife have is not with their son but the people they meet whilst out and about with him.

They don't want pity or sympathy, they want understanding and acceptance.

Do your friends know of your mild condition?

These other people, and i'm guessing here, have no idea about your mild condition, so they dont understand and therefore cannot accept the things you may say or do.

But these people could ask why you do or say certain things too. Not necessarily ask you but maybe one of your friends.

But which would you prefer? Be asked yourself or have a friends who understands your mild condition?

[ThaWholigan]

Was statemented at 5 and diagnosed at 20 with ASD and Aspergers. Would have been diagnosed at 5 but mum didn't want me to go to special school.

 

I know exactly everything you are going through right now. The fluctuating social life, the weird behaviors and habits, the off-kilter comments that leave people scratching heads, the occasionally harsh criticism from others etc.....

 

Been there, done that, wearing the T-Shirt right now .

 

I wish I had better advice for you regarding being autistic, but I dealt with it by researching ways to improve, and learning to relax and training myself to be emotionally and socially intelligent. Difficult skills to learn, but worth it. Stepping out of your comfort zone will always be a harsh lesson as you already know. Perseverance and acceptance is key, you just have to keep going. Eventually it gets easier to deal with.

 

If I were you, I'd learn some meditation techniques if you can. Or learn an instrument .

[Leigh 87]

Wholigan - I was hoping you would find this post.....

 

 

 

It actually took me years to get to where I am now. Becoming "attractive" was the catalyst, as lets face it, with Autism that people cannot detect (and rather, they just think you are "off"), there is little hope when you are also cubby, have loads of acne and have bad teeth.

 

I was really bad looking plus I had my "problem". Then I lost weight, got my teeth fixed and my skin cleared up.

 

Once I was "attractive" to a wider range of people, and not seen as "ugly to many people at all, THAT was the catalyst for me getting a boyfriend and friends.

 

I have met some genuinely decent people of a very high calibre and quality - that I am lucky to count as my close friends.

 

These people who appreciate me ^^^ actually favour the fact that I am a bit "different". I seem to give off different "energy" to most.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only way I have ended up with very decent friends, the ability to date a lot of men from all walks of life is due to me literally having to LEARN how to socialise.

I had to go out in society, watch people and learn how to act appropriately.

 

How I learnt how to fit in was also a story of bullying and abuse; it started with my ex.

He saw something was off and he wanted to help me. He was social and popular.

His friends made fun of me for not being attractive enough for him and for being strange. They verbally abused me and send me very nasty messages.

I was socially isolated for YEARS and then, when I finally got a boyfriend and started to talk to his friends, TWO of his "best friends" tried to kiss me/sleep with me.

When I spoke out and told my boyfriend, they lied and one guy abused me verbally and said I was far too ugly for him to bother/his then girlfriend also sent me long, abusive messages, telling me to kill myself and telling me how unattractive and offensive looking I was.

My first interaction with people in years then, turned out to be very trying for me; it is never nice to get abused and made fun of. I am NOT bad looking, not REMOTELY, so I was baffled that they made fun of my looks so much, as grown adults!

 

 

 

 

 

...so a few years later I ended up meeting friends and just pushing through the abuse and nasty behaviour.

 

I have high quality friends and a very, very good boyfriend. Plus I attract/can date guys from all walks of life now.

 

I am VERY happy. People don't realise how hard I have worked to become this way.

[Allumere]

I work with a guy who also has Aspergers. Smart dude and good guy! And he has been successful in the general areas...good job, married, and even fosters kids. The key I think to his success is knowledge and telling people. He is very self aware. He knows that one on one he can pick up on when he may be saying something off and can self-correct but he knows in large groups etc. and can be challenging. I think that fact that he gives the heads-up is very useful to folks he works with and his friends as they can then approach him if there is a problem verses cocking an attitude. He is in his 40s so this has been a lifetime of work but in the end it has all played to his advantage.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for the story. It makes me feel better hearing about people like him.

 

 

 

I don't want to tell people unless they are genuinely my friends. I only just old my boyfriend after over 3 months together and being madly in love for well before the time I chose to tell him of my... autism.

 

I am fairly self away in that I always tend to know when I say off things.

 

One on one it is BETTER than being in groups! That so applies to me...

 

In groups I feel suffocated and uncomfortable.

 

In groups is when I am at my worst in terms of doing/saying things that creep people out or whatever....

[Harradin]

I'll share:

 

I'm autistic, diagnosed at 4, got a statement since I was 5 and had learning support all my life. I'm 21 now. I couldn't tell you whether I have autism or asperger's, I chose not to know.

 

I was "different" when I was young, throughout first and primary school, I was accepted and I had quite a few friends. I got picked on in secondary school (in my school though anyone who acted somewhat differently was picked on.) Mine was only verbal as I was really slow witted but at the time I was a national judo champion so no one ever pushed me very far !

 

I'm open about my autism, if people ask then I tell them but I won't go shouting round about it. I've been told I don't give off a "different vibe" unless I do something "autistic" or awkward. I can be a bit socially awkward but other then that I have friends, and if they know they don't care about me being autistic and value my friendship more.

 

Other than being bullied a bit in secondary school I had no real issues with fitting in etc, I guess I was lucky. There were things that were "weird" that I did but if was only the people who bullied me who used to give me crap for it!

 

In terms of dating though, I've only had one serious relationship and it only lasted 3 months or so. I just wasn't interested, I liked girls etc but I didn't want a relationship but whenever I tried to chase girls, no girls really gave me a chance. I don't develop crushes very easily, and its not exactly fair to string a girl along! I get with girls in clubs/house parties etc, especially this year at uni for some reason. I would like a chance at a serious relationship though, providing I liked the girl!

 

In terms of social interaction, I'm fine in groups, on my own, I feel uncomfortable turning up to something on my own or if I'm out somewhere and I don't know anyone if my friends are busy but other then that I'm fine!

 

I hate having this autism crap wrong with me

 

This stood out to me the most.

 

Being in the special needs department in every school I've been to, I grew up making friends with special needs and the thing that they always complained about was how much their special needs hindered them.

 

I'm the opposite, I really couldn't care less. To me autism is just a word, it doesn't make me who I am. I'm my own man, it makes no difference to me whether I'm autistic or not!

 

Besides I've found that people who blame their special needs are essentially forming an emotional crutch to fall back on when they fail, instead of working to see why they failed and use it to move on. Not directed at you but I've noticed it being tossed around a lot!

[Leigh 87]

I hate my autism. It is probably not mild. I just got kicked out of my beauty therapy diploma due to the students not liking me.

 

This doesn't always happen. I am normally pleasant, positive and I make friends easily; SOME of the time.

 

Other times, I say or do weird things. I can't find jobs because of it.

 

I was seeing a therapist but I exceeded my limit recently and now have to pay full rates. Which I cannot, since I am a college student with only weekend event work.

 

 

 

I need more therapy to help better gain control of my disorder, as it stops me from getting work, it has taken me years just to find this part time event work.

 

 

 

I am now only doing ONE college course, as I was going to do full time beauty therapy (an advanced diploma in it) for one year, and then work as a beauty therapist full time (easy to get work as one) whilst studying at college full time.

 

 

 

NOW I am freakin stuck with ONE Uni course until next semester. And weekend work.

 

 

 

 

 

I am depressed but still love my life a lot of the time.... but I feel pretty down, I hate how my autism hinders me from getting jobs and staying in courses.

 

 

It is so unfair how I cannot get full time jobs due to my autism and yet I get NO HELP on how to make the situation better for myself. I get charged the full fee for psych appointments.... yet I have autism bad enough to stop me getting work so I have no hope of getting a job until college finishes in FOUR YEARS from now.

 

 

 

..With a degree I should be more likely to get a job, but with waitressing and retail, ANY one can get those jobs, so they don't high a "different" seeming person like me when there are so many other applicants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am depressed. Yet another thing I had to go and act all " unfavourable" or "different" in. I honestly cannot help it.

 

 

 

I wish I could afford more therapy.

[FrostBlaze]

You are not alone, a lot of people have this.

I probably have some form of asperger's/autism but i never went to the DOC to get it checked out.

Everything you say in your main post applies to me.

Have a hard time finding basic jobs simply because i never manage to say the right things, often people get mad at me for stuff i say, even if it was not my intention.

Friends are also a problem, after high-school most of them moved away/out. Now i have almost noone, just a few, and most of them are online friends ...probably weirdo's like me, i can't seem to make friend's at home ^^, because i'm just odd.

 

I researched autism/asperger's last night actually, and i fit most of it's description, whatever, good thing i don't get put down easy.

But i do have this fluctuations in feelings very often, from happy to depressed because of my "social" problems.

 

I'm glad you are getting past it somewhat, managing it.

I have yet to get anywhere because of it.

[Leigh 87]

You are not alone, a lot of people have this.

I probably have some form of asperger's/autism but i never went to the DOC to get it checked out.

Everything you say in your main post applies to me.

Have a hard time finding basic jobs simply because i never manage to say the right things, often people get mad at me for stuff i say, even if it was not my intention.

Friends are also a problem, after high-school most of them moved away/out. Now i have almost noone, just a few, and most of them are online friends ...probably weirdo's like me, i can't seem to make friend's at home ^^, because i'm just odd.

 

I researched autism/asperger's last night actually, and i fit most of it's description, whatever, good thing i don't get put down easy.

But i do have this fluctuations in feelings very often, from happy to depressed because of my "social" problems.

 

I'm glad you are getting past it somewhat, managing it.

I have yet to get anywhere because of it.

 

 

 

I am sorry you haven't managed to figure it out more yet. My therapist diagnosed me.

 

I am self aware enough to know when something is "off".

 

I would say I am highly functioning as I have GOOD quality friends, a few of them, and a really decent boyfriend; I never had issues getting dates once I learnt how to control my Asperger's, either.

 

It just rears its ugly head occasionally in group settings. I mean, I can go to college or go and do a course and I will be FINE half of the time.

 

Some of the time though, I will just say or do something that is not all that acceptable or appealing to others.

 

I have gotten kicked out of courses and lost jobs, even though I am mild mannered, hate confrontation and never gossip or bitch or do anything "mean".

 

Ironically, the lack of awareness as to what to say/don't say around people has made me MORE self aware than most people I know.

 

The fact I have had to monitor myself so much, and also having learnt from past mistakes; the times I DO function well I seem to function Very well, since I have truly picked up how to act the most favourably.

 

Can you please give me a few examples about how your suspected Asperses has caused conflict or discomfort for you?

 

Do you have many instances where all you wanted to do was to get alone well with others, only for it to blow up in your face?

[FrostBlaze]

I am sorry you haven't managed to figure it out more yet. My therapist diagnosed me.

 

I am self aware enough to know when something is "off".

 

I would say I am highly functioning as I have GOOD quality friends, a few of them, and a really decent boyfriend; I never had issues getting dates once I learnt how to control my Asperger's, either.

 

It just rears its ugly head occasionally in group settings. I mean, I can go to college or go and do a course and I will be FINE half of the time.

 

Some of the time though, I will just say or do something that is not all that acceptable or appealing to others.

 

I have gotten kicked out of courses and lost jobs, even though I am mild mannered, hate confrontation and never gossip or bitch or do anything "mean".

 

Ironically, the lack of awareness as to what to say/don't say around people has made me MORE self aware than most people I know.

 

The fact I have had to monitor myself so much, and also having learnt from past mistakes; the times I DO function well I seem to function Very well, since I have truly picked up how to act the most favourably.

 

Can you please give me a few examples about how your suspected Asperses has caused conflict or discomfort for you?

 

Do you have many instances where all you wanted to do was to get alone well with others, only for it to blow up in your face?

 

Based on descryption and symptoms. I suck at starting conversations, if i manage that, i can't keep it alive. Small talk in general is hard to me, i can't flirt, if i do i do by accident, i don't realize when i do or really understand how to do it.

My language can get repetitive at times, i have routine's i hate being broken...get's me unconfortable.

^---supposedly these are all symptoms

I say stuff people find odd and rude that i wouldn't of considered so, if i did i wouldn't have said it.

Most of the time i'm trying to make a joke or say something good and it end's up badly. Just not aware of what is socially accepted and what is not.

There are quite a few i said that i am ashamed to exemplify here...at the time i didn't think it through.

However i am very empathetic, to much really.

 

More on this later i guess, gtg as i type ^^.