tom23 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Hello all! I'm a long time reader of the forum, but this is my first post I understand that I won't ever get a conclusive answer to this question, but I'd appreciate anything you can offer me to help. In short, I'm a 23 (almost 24) year old guy (In England) and I have never really had a girlfriend. Basically my question is... what is worng with me? what am I doing wrong? Now, over the last 2 years I have become good friends with a 2 couples who live near me (all in their mid 30's). Ever since I have become friends with them, both of the women have always said to me how they cannot understand how I am single and that I am such a good catch for a girl. But I just can't agree with them because how can I be? having been single my whole life? And its not that I haven't tried. I do like to think though that I am a good person. I am well educated (I have an engineering degree, with honors), I have a good job, I'm popular and outgoing, I have lots of hobbies (for example, I play piano), I'm mature, I'm over 6ft tall and I'd like to think I am not at all bad looking. Personality-wise I'm kind of a friendly giant haha - I have literally never fallen out with anyone. I'm down to earth and nearly all of the time I'm happy. I do all I can for the people I love and I have alot of love to give. But clearly something puts girls off. I've never been overly confident with girls in the 'real world' so I have been online dating for nearly 2 years. This has really helped my confidence. On my first ever date I was a nervous wreck, but over time I've become completely comfortable with girls on a date in terms of making conversation and being myself. Now, all in all I have met about 8 girls from online... most of which haven't gone very far. I'm not going to go into much detail, but the one that stands out was last year. I know what went wrong with her - we got too attached before ever meeting and after we did meet, I was too keen. I felt very hurt when I realised nothing was going to happen with her and I stopped OD for about 6 months. Having learned from that mistake I decided to start OD again in January. I had a date 2 weeks ago with a girl that seemed really, really nice. She is very local to me and seemed perfect. We got on really well before meeting and even better when we did meet! We went for a first date a week after first talking kissed at the end. She text me after the date on the same night saying she had a great time and asked me out again. she couldn't do anything the next weekend as she was visiting family so we arranged to go out tonight (friday). Since then it has been good too. she has been texting me every couple of days and nothing has dried up at all. Until this morning.... she text me to say that she needs to be honest with me, she met an old friend last week who she has decided to start seeing!!? We only spoke on wednesday about plans for tonight... she even double checked that I still wanted to see her!!? I just don't understand why women do this? Clearly there is something wrong with me but I just don't see it. I feel so utterly dissapointed and hopeless right now. Is it that I'm too nice? I have heard from alot of women about how all men are scumbags and how badly they treat women... but I experience the complete opposite! Has anyone got any idea what it is that is wrong with me? I'm happy to provide anymore information about myself if it helps. Thanks for reading... Tom Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't! I'm in the same boat, 25, single, an attractive guy. (so I've been told) I'm looking for a relationship I message lots of girls online with humourous messages specific to their profiles, they'll visit my profile but not reply. The one girl I did get a date with has just blown me out! Which site are you on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
craigisback Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Wow same thing for me. I've been talking to this woman on okcupid for 6 months, we have even spoke on oovoo, 3 weeks till our disscused date. Gone account dissabled, I got attached to her very quick, she said the same she started to grow feelings for me. I dont understand how people can do this, I never even got to meet her :-( . Looks like we are all in the same boat. Online dating can be a very weird thing, some woman get off on stuff like that like a fantasy dream guy they only message and have no real intent on meeting. Ive learned my lesson im stopping off those sites. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 OLD is a crap shoot at best. It still has elements of not being "real" meaning that some people don't view people they met through the internet as being as important as people they know in real life. I have no proof of that; it's just my personal sense of things. Anyway, you mentioned the females halves of couples you are friendly with. Since they have told you that they can't believe you're single ask them if they have any friends they would like to introduce you to. Also if you are very concerned about this OLDs, discuss what you posted here with them. They have an advantage over us; they know you. Link to post Share on other sites
ctxinfl Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Wow same thing for me. I've been talking to this woman on okcupid for 6 months, we have even spoke on oovoo, 3 weeks till our disscused date. Gone account dissabled, I got attached to her very quick, she said the same she started to grow feelings for me. I dont understand how people can do this, I never even got to meet her :-( . Looks like we are all in the same boat. Online dating can be a very weird thing, some woman get off on stuff like that like a fantasy dream guy they only message and have no real intent on meeting. Ive learned my lesson im stopping off those sites. Why did you talk over OKCupid for six months? Was it a distance thing? You should be setting up a face-to-face date extremely quickly. I usually trade a few messages back and forth through the site, exchange numbers for texts/calls, and have a date set up within one day; two or three at the most. There is only so much you can learn about a person through email/text. You need to meet face-to-face as soon as possible. That's the ONLY way to truly begin to learn what a person is like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
craigisback Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Kind of yeah. She lives in newcastle, but went to kuwait for 4month to see her dad and brothers, was all going well, I dont understand why she would just do that. She said she very shy around men and had only been with one guy, so im guessing she got cold feet and backed out. I really liked her aswell we had a lot in common :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom23 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Anyway, you mentioned the females halves of couples you are friendly with. Since they have told you that they can't believe you're single ask them if they have any friends they would like to introduce you to. Also if you are very concerned about this OLDs, discuss what you posted here with them. They have an advantage over us; they know you. Funnily enough they joke about that alot, saying they wish they had a younger sister to set me up with! The problem is, as mentioned, they are in their mid thirties and I am 23, so their friends - single or not - are likely too old for me and I'm likely too young for them. Its the date thats fallen through for today that I'm most upset about at the moment... I really had such a great vibe from this girl and Ive been looking forward to seeing her again all week and its gone from that, to likely never seeing her again full stop. It makes me feel so bad about myself, and I hate it because I'm normally such a happy laid back guy, and because of somebody else, I feel like s*** about myself. I hadn't particularly developed feelings for this girl yet, but its such a knock to my pride that its really hurt me... and each time this happens, it hurts even more. Link to post Share on other sites
nebulae Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I know how you feel. I'm 23 and have had no luck with OLD, it's been a total disaster! Link to post Share on other sites
Silver93 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Hello all! I'm a long time reader of the forum, but this is my first post I understand that I won't ever get a conclusive answer to this question, but I'd appreciate anything you can offer me to help. In short, I'm a 23 (almost 24) year old guy (In England) and I have never really had a girlfriend. Basically my question is... what is worng with me? what am I doing wrong? Now, over the last 2 years I have become good friends with a 2 couples who live near me (all in their mid 30's). Ever since I have become friends with them, both of the women have always said to me how they cannot understand how I am single and that I am such a good catch for a girl. But I just can't agree with them because how can I be? having been single my whole life? And its not that I haven't tried. I do like to think though that I am a good person. I am well educated (I have an engineering degree, with honors), I have a good job, I'm popular and outgoing, I have lots of hobbies (for example, I play piano), I'm mature, I'm over 6ft tall and I'd like to think I am not at all bad looking. Personality-wise I'm kind of a friendly giant haha - I have literally never fallen out with anyone. I'm down to earth and nearly all of the time I'm happy. I do all I can for the people I love and I have alot of love to give. But clearly something puts girls off. I've never been overly confident with girls in the 'real world' so I have been online dating for nearly 2 years. This has really helped my confidence. On my first ever date I was a nervous wreck, but over time I've become completely comfortable with girls on a date in terms of making conversation and being myself. Now, all in all I have met about 8 girls from online... most of which haven't gone very far. I'm not going to go into much detail, but the one that stands out was last year. I know what went wrong with her - we got too attached before ever meeting and after we did meet, I was too keen. I felt very hurt when I realised nothing was going to happen with her and I stopped OD for about 6 months. Having learned from that mistake I decided to start OD again in January. I had a date 2 weeks ago with a girl that seemed really, really nice. She is very local to me and seemed perfect. We got on really well before meeting and even better when we did meet! We went for a first date a week after first talking kissed at the end. She text me after the date on the same night saying she had a great time and asked me out again. she couldn't do anything the next weekend as she was visiting family so we arranged to go out tonight (friday). Since then it has been good too. she has been texting me every couple of days and nothing has dried up at all. Until this morning.... she text me to say that she needs to be honest with me, she met an old friend last week who she has decided to start seeing!!? We only spoke on wednesday about plans for tonight... she even double checked that I still wanted to see her!!? I just don't understand why women do this? Clearly there is something wrong with me but I just don't see it. I feel so utterly dissapointed and hopeless right now. Is it that I'm too nice? I have heard from alot of women about how all men are scumbags and how badly they treat women... but I experience the complete opposite! Has anyone got any idea what it is that is wrong with me? I'm happy to provide anymore information about myself if it helps. Thanks for reading... Tom Don't give up, I think the best way to meet a girl is to find a hobby you like and join a club or society that has a lot of girls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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