How do you move on and let go?

[Hope4thefuture]

Right now I am miserable. I try to look at the good that can come out of going through this separation and divorce. I hear from others that it will take time. I hear that I need to keep busy. I hear all of those things, but it is hard to sometimes believe them. Especially when I seem stuck. He is moving on, and I just can't seem to do that.

 

I talked with my family, and they are supportive. But many times they will say you can't dwell on it. Pick yourself up and move forward. It may be great advice, but it easier said than done.

 

How do you let go of the anger, hurt, and love and move on?

[craigisback]

There is no right or wrong way to help the heart heal. I went through the same thing a year and a half ago. My ex broke up with me. 7 years and 2 kids. She moved on within a month, jyst shows what I ment to her. To help the anger I started the gym, the hurt I cried untill I had no more tears to cry with, to mend the love well thats the one thing im still working on.

[Survivor12]

You start doing just what your screen name says...you start by looking toward the future. It's your opportunity to start thinking about how you want to live it. It's not a good idea to make any big decisions until you've had time to adjust to being on your own and recovering from what you have lost, but it's never too early to start dreaming!

 

Chances are that there are some things you have always thought about doing that weren't possible while you were married--now is your chance! Visualize. Embrace independence. Do you like to travel? Research places you'd like to visit. Have you considered a new or different career path? Check out what courses are offered at the nearest college (or online). Is there a hobby that interests you?

 

Also, learn to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you wanted to make happy. Pamper yourself with long baths, good food, and other comforts. Explore new routines. If you used to "always" do something (like laundry, cleaning or grocery shopping) on a particular day, change the day. Get in touch with friends you haven't had time to see in a while. Organize a girls' night. If you have kids, have a family game night. Change your style--change your hairstyle or buy something to wear that you really love.

 

You will be less affected by change if you affect it instead of allowing it to affect you.

 

I was married for 27 years and have been divorced for nearly 13. It took me a while to really start rebuilding my life. I wasted a few years feeling frustrated and stifled and focused on what I had lost. A few years ago, I decided that I may as well use the wasted energy it took just to survive to make my life better. Since then, I have landed a job that I never dreamed I would find, I've got a better retirement plan than I had when I was married, and I'm in the market for a home of my own. I'm still single--by choice! I can honestly say that I love my life. I have good friends that enrich my life and a son, dil & grandkids who give me all the love I could ever ask for, but much of my happiness comes from living my life the way I want.

 

You'll get there. It takes time, but you will. Give yourself time to grieve but keep one eye on the future.

 

Good luck!

[Tom amoss]

Hi

 

This is just my take on it, and is said with all respect.

 

All advice like go to collage, do your hair, just do stuff you always wanted, is great advice, but in fact you look at these things and find it all so pointless.

 

And that’s where you are I think. Because what has happened to you, and the effect it has had on you is massive.

 

It’s a serious life changing event, “Moving on” is just a buzz word, sounds good, but I think you can forget it for now.

 

To find meaning in life, first starts with finding meaning of your self. It’s first respecting yourself, which will lead to self love.

 

You cannot fall in love with someone unless you at least respect, admire, and prove to them they are worthy of your love. And that goes for your self.

 

You are dealing with a lot in your head, you are shift through every thought and emotion, and most of it negative, but you are dealing with it.

 

That is heavy stuff for anyone to cope with, plus all the divorce stuff. But you are dealing with it.

 

Give your self one big pat on the back, you are still here,and living through this.

 

The more you cope with this, the more you are proving to your self that you have what it takes, and that is a very lovable quality.

 

Don’t be in a rush, be patient. And be as loving to your self as you can be.

 

And do not compare your life with his. If he has the appearance of moving on, well good for him.

 

That is of no concern of yours. Your only focus is getting through another day. Proving your self, to your self.

 

You can do this. You WILL get though this, and when you do,your be one hell of a woman.

 

Tom

Edited March 7, 2014 by Tom amoss