brightonrock Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Eight year affair. I'm fifty this year, he's 44, his fiancée is 31. That's nearly a nineteen year age gap between me and her. Struggle with that sometimes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 You struggle with how you stack up against his fiance, but no qualms about cheating on your H for eight years?!?! 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 What is it that you want to happen? You both have been cake eating for a long time, why is this bothering you now? Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean. LOL I'm 15 years younger than MM's wife (she's older than him), but that doesn't really mean anything. Well...except that I'm 15 years younger than her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I'm more than ten years younger than both he and his wife. I definitely look younger than wife, BUT she has a slimmer body. Oddly enough, I don't even look at guys hs age on the online sites. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Who came into his life first? You or her? How long have they been engaged? How long have you been with him? Have they set a date? We both came into his life around the same time. They have been engaged for nearly four years, no date has been set. I've been with him for eight years. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Eight year affair. I'm fifty this year, he's 44, his fiancée is 31. That's nearly a nineteen year age gap between me and her. Struggle with that sometimes! I hear you on that. My xMM's wife was 5 years younger than me, 7 years younger than MM and that bothered me. I'm older than her, what would he ever see in me? I could never measure up. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 We both came into his life around the same time. They have been engaged for nearly four years, no date has been set. I've been with him for eight years. Wouldn't that make HER the OW then, at least initially? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Wouldn't that make HER the OW then, at least initially? Yes maybe it would. I'm getting the feeling that he isn't going to marry her as four years on they still havent started planning it. Much as I love him I just don't think I could sit back and watch them get married, its going to be the only thing that is going to make me wake up and move on but until then I guess it will just carry on. If he'd already been married when I met him that would be different so we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Does he want a family?...The answer to that will likely nudge him one way or the other I'd say....unless you stick around if he chooses to marry her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 He's already got five children from three different women. He doesn't see any of them. Twist to the tale is that one of his children, who is nineteen still lives with me as I fostered his child for eight years! She already has one child who has been bought up mainly by the father. She has since had a hysterectomy so no more children for her. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 He's already got five children from three different women. He doesn't see any of them. Sounds like a veritable prince. Makes me wonder about both you and the fiancée. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 He's already got five children from three different women. He doesn't see any of them. Twist to the tale is that one of his children, who is nineteen still lives with me as I fostered his child for eight years! She already has one child who has been bought up mainly by the father. She has since had a hysterectomy so no more children for her. He sounds like a real winner. So if he's not going to marry her then why doesn't he leave her and be with you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
proseandpassion Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm more than ten years younger than both he and his wife. I definitely look younger than wife, BUT she has a slimmer body. Oddly enough, I don't even look at guys hs age on the online sites. The exMM I was involved with was 17 years older than me, and yeah, I would never consider dating someone that much older. Oddly enough, though, my first boyfriend was 17 years older than me. I was 18, he was 35. Daddy issues much? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 He's already got five children from three different women. He doesn't see any of them. Twist to the tale is that one of his children, who is nineteen still lives with me as I fostered his child for eight years! She already has one child who has been bought up mainly by the father. She has since had a hysterectomy so no more children for her. This doesn't set off any red flags for you? Just curious. I would be running so fast in the other direction there would be skid marks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Eight year affair. I'm fifty this year, he's 44, his fiancée is 31. That's nearly a nineteen year age gap between me and her. Struggle with that sometimes! I"m not sure if the age difference is supposed to impact the A? Although that would make me nervous too, especially as time goes on. Two decades is a huge age difference especially as you get into the 50s and 60s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 He sounds like a real winner. So if he's not going to marry her then why doesn't he leave her and be with you? Yes, he's not much of a winner is he....we did talk about getting together but he backed out and told me that he was staying where he was. I'm not sure that he ever will marry her, he told me too many people would get hurt if he got with me.... eight years on he still texts me almost every day, we still meet sometimes but distance and work prevent this a lot of the time. I sometimes think he's waiting for me to give up first. I got so frustrated last year that I told his fiancee (and a friend of her sisters) about him meeting me, didn't give too many details as didn't want him to know it was me, but he guessed it was, was furious and became very distant but didn't stop. I eventually confessed that it was me that told her, and it isn't the first time I've blabbed to her and even then he didn't give up even though he cant trust me further than he can throw me. I know the whole thing sounds crazy but that's the way it is.... Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 He's twenty years older than I am. Weve discussed what it means in regards to our R but there's been no drama or significant concern surrounding that fact. I was slightly worried about how my mom would react (he's just a few years younger than her) but my mom loves him. I suppose the last hurdle is finding out how his friends react to me. I haven't met his family yet because they live out of state but they know about me and haven't raised too many concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 we did talk about getting together but he backed out and told me that he was staying where he was. So you know there is no "future" with him. What is it that you want to happen? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes, he's not much of a winner is he....we did talk about getting together but he backed out and told me that he was staying where he was. I'm not sure that he ever will marry her, he told me too many people would get hurt if he got with me.... eight years on he still texts me almost every day, we still meet sometimes but distance and work prevent this a lot of the time. I sometimes think he's waiting for me to give up first. I got so frustrated last year that I told his fiancee (and a friend of her sisters) about him meeting me, didn't give too many details as didn't want him to know it was me, but he guessed it was, was furious and became very distant but didn't stop. I eventually confessed that it was me that told her, and it isn't the first time I've blabbed to her and even then he didn't give up even though he cant trust me further than he can throw me. I know the whole thing sounds crazy but that's the way it is.... Are you still married, do you still love your husband. Do feel any guilt. I’m not judging you I had an affair myself. I just wonder how you do it 8 years is a long time to have an affair. Mine was only a few months and it was killing me I can’t imagine doing it for 8 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brightonrock Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Are you still married, do you still love your husband. Do feel any guilt. I’m not judging you I had an affair myself. I just wonder how you do it 8 years is a long time to have an affair. Mine was only a few months and it was killing me I can’t imagine doing it for 8 years. Yes I'm still married, 30 years this year and yes I do love my husband. There are no words to describe the guilt as its that great. I do believe that I'm caught up in some kind of narcissistic abuse and that's why I'm finding it so difficult to get out of. My rational and logical mind tells me what an arsehole he is but the other side seems to act completely out of character. Eight years is a long time, and what do I want to happen as he's told me he's staying where he is? I'm not quite sure to be honest. He loves to be hated and hates to be loved it seems...... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes, he's not much of a winner is he....we did talk about getting together but he backed out and told me that he was staying where he was. I'm not sure that he ever will marry her, he told me too many people would get hurt if he got with me.... eight years on he still texts me almost every day, we still meet sometimes but distance and work prevent this a lot of the time. I sometimes think he's waiting for me to give up first. I got so frustrated last year that I told his fiancee (and a friend of her sisters) about him meeting me, didn't give too many details as didn't want him to know it was me, but he guessed it was, was furious and became very distant but didn't stop. I eventually confessed that it was me that told her, and it isn't the first time I've blabbed to her and even then he didn't give up even though he cant trust me further than he can throw me. I know the whole thing sounds crazy but that's the way it is.... What did you husband say about this? Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes I'm still married, 30 years this year and yes I do love my husband. There are no words to describe the guilt as its that great. I do believe that I'm caught up in some kind of narcissistic abuse and that's why I'm finding it so difficult to get out of. My rational and logical mind tells me what an arsehole he is but the other side seems to act completely out of character. Eight years is a long time, and what do I want to happen as he's told me he's staying where he is? I'm not quite sure to be honest. He loves to be hated and hates to be loved it seems...... After 8 years, you're not caught up in it..you're making a conscious decision. Don't try to push the blame off on mental illness. This is your mess. This is your responsibility. You could stop hurting everyone if you wanted to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes I'm still married, 30 years this year and yes I do love my husband. There are no words to describe the guilt as its that great. I do believe that I'm caught up in some kind of narcissistic abuse and that's why I'm finding it so difficult to get out of. My rational and logical mind tells me what an arsehole he is but the other side seems to act completely out of character. Eight years is a long time, and what do I want to happen as he's told me he's staying where he is? I'm not quite sure to be honest. He loves to be hated and hates to be loved it seems...... Just another question who would you pick if the affair ever came to light. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Just another question who would you pick if the affair ever came to light. You're assuming now that she would have a choice, which is unlikely. Link to post Share on other sites
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