ThursdayChild Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone Can I get your opinion please? Recently I emailed a whole bunch of friends and family members a link for an article I found online about parents spending too much time on technology instead of quality time with their children. I also told them a story of when I was a child how my dad would pay attention for my entire gymnastic lesson all the way up until I made it to state competitions and how now I do the same for my children because these are the moments that make life worth living and that everyone can learn from the article. I was surprised when I got some negative responses to it. Most people ignored it, a couple said some positive things and I got a few responses like "you do what you gotta do and so will everyone else...thanks" and another response was "I'm happy for you that you have the time and money for that...not everyone does". I also got a response saying in a nice way to mind my business. I'm kind of confused- was I honestly in the wrong? Would you be upset if I emailed that to you? Thanks so much! Edited March 7, 2014 by ThursdayChild 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Maybe you implied they all suck at parenting and you are a wonder at it? And it's funny you e-mailed it to everyone; in the sentiment of your argument you should not have mailed it but brought this subject up for discussion at a gathering. And I said discussion, not a monologue Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Maybe you implied they all suck at parenting and you are a wonder at it? And it's funny you e-mailed it to everyone; in the sentiment of your argument you should not have mailed it but brought this subject up for discussion at a gathering. And I said discussion, not a monologue Is that how it comes across? Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Sorry, yes, it does. I'm sure you did not mean it that way but that's the trouble with this online thing; no matter how many smileys you include it has a habit of coming across much different than was intended. What was your reason for sending the mail anyway? Did you expect applause in return? Are you concerned about some of the friends' parenting styles? Did you want to start a discussion? If that was me I would have forwarded it to only one or two close friends who I know would agree on the article and otherwise I would have maybe mentioned the article at the watercooler or at a dinner party to start a discussion and to hear other people's opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) What was your reason for sending the mail anyway? Did you expect applause in return? Are you concerned about some of the friends' parenting styles? Did you want to start a discussion? If that was me I would have forwarded it to only one or two close friends who I know would agree on the article and otherwise I would have maybe mentioned the article at the watercooler or at a dinner party to start a discussion and to hear other people's opinion. Yeah I basically just wanted to share it. I thought people maybe could learn from it and find it enlightening. I sent it to about 50 friends and family members I knew were all parents so it wasn't directed at a particular person. But It was received poorly by some like I mentioned in my OP and I didn't understand why Edited March 7, 2014 by ThursdayChild Link to post Share on other sites
Kizza Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Parenting is not easy. You sent this thing to 50 or so people. The odds are you will catch a couple in a bad spot who really didn't need your email at that time. Their reaction to your email is their business as was yours sending the email to start with. For those who chose to react I can assure there were some who thought a bunch of negative stuff and chose not to react and a few, even who will talk about it to others. At the end of the day you sent a delicate email to a broad audience of your friends and family. You are naïve to not think that there will be a range of reception from negative to positive to ignoring it entirely. The subject of parenting can be much like the subject of Politics and religion. Amongst those with children it is a sensitive and broad debatable subject where beliefs, feelings and pride are involved. As previously said it would have been smarter to engage what you learned in conversation with those receptive than send it out like some kind of "bulletin email" ... that just may have been how it came across... and some of the recipients have reacted badly. I wonder ... "why are you so surprised"? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I thought people maybe could learn from it and find it enlightening. People are generally not receptive to unsolicited advice. To some people, it probably came across as a holier-than-thou lecture. Would I be upset if you emailed that to me? I wouldn't be "upset" per se, but I'd probably wonder why you thought I needed to be reminded to be a good parent. Your intentions were good, but it's just such a touchy subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Ok this is good for me to hear. I also sometimes send emails to my family/extended family/inlaws pictures of my kids at their activities saying how good they're doing and how proud I am and how I have the best and easiest baby to deal with. I had thought maybe they'd want to see this- but do you think that would be annoying and if they want to know they will ask? Some don't respond when I send them. Edited March 8, 2014 by ThursdayChild Link to post Share on other sites
Tailor2000 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I just don't get any of this. Not doubting it at all. Just people. You meant something as a discussion, as an interesting article I would imagine, and people read stuff into it you didn't say. I don't see why that should stop you from expressing yourself. If they want to read things a different way, that's their problem. Ironically, these are probably the people who are happy to give advice themselves and get offended when you don't follow it. I've had friends who are happy with their lives, have the most amazing holidays, good careers, good fashion. But as soon as I whip out my latest gadget to show them what it does, they think Im looking down my nose at them. We're turning into a society that increasingly keeps themselves to themselves because we don't like people talking to us about things that matter. If you shared the latest recipe for a cake Im sure it would be fine, or the latest gossip on some celebrity. I don't think you should give yourself a hard time over it at all. You haven't criticised them have you? If they have a problem, they should address it with you directly in a mature manner instead of giving flippant and rude remarks. Why do they have to do that? Can't they be happy for you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 What was your reason for sending the mail anyway? Did you expect applause in return? Despite your intentions I agree it could come off like you are seeking applause and validation. You also said you email people who don't respond about your children's accomplishments and how good they are. I also don't think it's a matter of people not being happy for you-people have their own stuff going on and if you are a good parent, which I'm sure you are, there isn't a need to keep informing people of this. I agree with the PP in that people are really into being solitary and to their own- but if you want to get on with others that needs to be accepted and respected and with such a touchy subject it might alienate others. Something definitely better off NOT using technology and asking people's opinions in a face to face discussion:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 If they have a problem, they should address it with you directly in a mature manner instead of giving flippant and rude remarks. Why do they have to do that? Can't they be happy for you? Thanks Tailor. Well they did address it directly with me to my email only, but yes some did make some comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I think there's a big difference between emailing and tweeting or posting something on FB. When you email, the message is directed AT someone. You are in essence, "in their face". Tweeting or Facebook, on the other hand is a way to express yourself and allowing those who aren't interested to simply disregard the message if they wish. There is no reason for them to think that you are singling them out. The same applies to pictures of kids (and pets). If someone posts on Instagram, FB or Twitter, I don't necessarily feel an obligation to respond. i have the option of whether or not to even see them. when someone sends an email, however, I feel that I'm being personally "ordered" to pay attention. That's just how I feel. Take it for what it's worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It sounds to me that the ones who reacted negatively don't pay attention to their own kids in those scenarios and they took your email as telling them how to parent. You might have gotten a better response if you had left off the story about yourself and just emailed the link and mentioned that you enjoyed reading the story and they may too.. Also.. if you emailed it to 50 people did you BCC everyone or did you send out the email showing everyone's email addys? I despise people who publish my email addy in that fashion, it is rude and have asked many people to not include me in their email blasts because of it. In the end you did nothing wrong but would adjust what you send off to your friends.. if it was FB I'd bet that nobody would have responded negatively either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Also.. if you emailed it to 50 people did you BCC everyone or did you send out the email showing everyone's email addys? I despise people who publish my email addy in that fashion, it is rude and have asked many people to not include me in their email blasts because of it. Good question. No I didn't BCC with this particular email or when I send pics or stories of my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 I side with Tailor2000's advise. Seems that folks do interpret things differently. Despite the article or objectivity of the sender. Sorry that your thoughtfulness was ill received. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Sorry that your thoughtfulness was ill received. Thank you Tayla Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 LOL, I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but your e-mail read like one of those annoying things people post on Facebook: pictures of their pets/ugly kids/flowers/what they're about to eat, articles they found "interesting," political rants, fundamentally inaccurate inspirational messages, Crossfit. The truth is that nobody really cared - which is why it was generally ignored - and some took it as look-at-me and holier-than-thou. On top of it, you sent as a e-mail, which is more personal. If it were me, I would have only sent it to someone close to me, who would have genuinely been interested in the article and my experience. There's no way all 50 of those people qualify, probably 5 at the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 I just wanted to update this...I am considering sending some family members an interesting article about our society working too much because they spend too much on nonessentials and are missing important things. I don't work a lot and they do so might this be a bad idea and could I be coming across as pompous? I just thought it was an interesting read to contemplate. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 I just wanted to update this...I am considering sending some family members an interesting article about our society working too much because they spend too much on nonessentials and are missing important things. I don't work a lot and they do so might this be a bad idea and could I be coming across as pompous? I just thought it was an interesting read to contemplate. I think that would just be repeating the same mistake tbh... Why not keep that article in mind next time you are at a family gathering and just bring the subject to the table, using some of the arguments in the article to support your own ideas? And try to respect the others; I'm a fulltime working mom and I have to in order to support my kids. And no, it's not because I need to give them designer clothes or expensive holidays; it is just to be able to give them the basics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThursdayChild Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 thanks TAV Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I think you made an excellent point about actually caring about your child, not just providing for them physically. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I would not send anyone articles of this nature. It's not up to you to be concerned with how other people raise their children or how often they work. Especially not enough to actually express it passive aggressively (this may not be your intent but likely how it could come across) to others. Worry about your parenting, your work life and you...unless of course you witness abuse or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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