BadActor Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Married 22 years. Wife had affair 6 years in. Got past it. I had an affair 10 years in. Thought we got past it. Now I find wife on Dating sites. I found out just by doing a deep search of her name. (I search my family name regularly to see if there is any weirdness out there). I have made that mistake only once. With two kids now I don't know where to go or what to do. I was disturbed to find her profile on a local hookup sight. I am a mess. I thought we would have grown past it but I now find I can't do it anymore. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Why would you want to stay with someone that posted to dating sites? She can't be trusted. Plain and simple. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Well, you both cheated and apparently your wife is not interested in a monogamous relationship. It's time to openly discuss with her having an open relationship where you are both free to see others, or decide that you want monogamy, in which case I would suggest ending the relationship and finding monogamy with someone else. It's obvious your wife isn't interested in monogamy, since she is a serial cheater. I don't believe it's wise to spend time and counseling money to try to change someone to be something they are not and don't want for themselves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Have you talked to her about what you found? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 she used her real name on a dating site? I don't know what to tell you. That would be a dealbreaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Time to: 1. Get tested for STD's. You have no idea how many dates she has gone on. 2. See an attorney to understand your options. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 She had an affair 6 years in.......that you know about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 The fact as a previous poster mentioned that she used her real name indicates that she does not care if you found out and does not care if this may threaten your marriage and family. She simply does not care. Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 she used her real name on a dating site? I don't know what to tell you. That would be a dealbreaker for me. Now that you mention it, that seems strange to me too. Perhaps the OP can clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Uhm, no offense but, what marriage? She cheated 6 years. You cheated for a decade. I think this relationship wasn't healthy for any of you two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Uhm, no offense but, what marriage? She cheated 6 years. You cheated for a decade. I think this relationship wasn't healthy for any of you two. I don't think he cheated for a decade. I think he cheated during the 10th year of their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
i am gutted Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I don't think he cheated for a decade. I think he cheated during the 10th year of their marriage. ten years into marriage too..... not had one for ten years. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Sounds like you have some serious confronting to do. You did it once, but your discovery seems to indicate she has or is doing it multiple times. The only way you can be sure what she wants it to drag it out into the open before u come to any conclusions or possible course of action. I would talk to lawyer ASAP before you do anything, but I would not go to any therapy for yourself or jointly until you blow this up or at least seriously disrupt it. It does sound like she wants to be sexually active with others and if that is a deal breaker for you, you cannot let the fact that you have children allow you to rug sweep this or it is only going to get worse. Bite the bullet and confront and not in nice guy mode. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadActor Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I had never wanted to have an A and I thought that maybe I should have forgiven for her A. Sometimes people slip. My A was for a month. I don't know how long hers was/were actually for. I am so confused and messed up. I love my kids so much and I don't want to put them through the strife of this ordeal. I am so numb. I did believe in forgiveness, but now I feel like I cheated myself. I am a reasonable guy. I feel that when my A came out that she had to get even. I just don't know. I could keep typing but I can't keep my thought stream clear enough. Much gratitude for your input. Truly now I don't feel she was ever honest with me as much as I with her. Even during my A. I was a wreck. It was not like me at all but apparently It was because It happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadActor Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Sounds like you have some serious confronting to do. You did it once, but your discovery seems to indicate she has or is doing it multiple times. The only way you can be sure what she wants it to drag it out into the open before u come to any conclusions or possible course of action. I would talk to lawyer ASAP before you do anything, but I would not go to any therapy for yourself or jointly until you blow this up or at least seriously disrupt it. It does sound like she wants to be sexually active with others and if that is a deal breaker for you, you cannot let the fact that you have children allow you to rug sweep this or it is only going to get worse. Bite the bullet and confront and not in nice guy mode. I truly only wanted to be faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadActor Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 ten years into marriage too..... not had one for ten years. You are correct. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadActor Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 She had an affair 6 years in.......that you know about. Right, that I know about. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Confront your WW with your new proof. Then do not let her rug sweep. Get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. Both of you have not learned to deal with both of your affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 For all you know it could be someone who made advances that she rejected who made the profile to get back at her (because seriously, who would use their real name on a hookup site?). You certainly don't know anything until you talk to her. Best to calm down before assuming the worst. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BadActor Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 No, SHe has her name and is friends with another POS friend of hers. Anyone hear of MEETME.com? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Reply on her profile with your real name, tell her you have an appointment with a lawyer(save copies of everything first) and that you need to discuss your relationship and shared parenting with her. See what she does. You really do need to talk to a lawyer, you need to protect your children. Change your banking, make sure your finances are safe. Expose anyone that has replied to her profile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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