amaysngrace Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 have had therapy for months and there's nothing they can do on this matter at all^^ they can't exactly help me to revenge on him. and i'm rather dead than ever using any drugs at all, that is to kill the small dignity i still have left Counseling only helps if you want it to help. You need to be receptive for it to work. Revenge? Yea no counselor is going to help you plot revenge on your ex. Counseling isn't about him. It's about YOU and the way you process your feelings associated with the very unhealthy way you internalize every interaction between you and him and then end up beating yourself up over it. And I'm sorry to say but you have no dignity left right now. You have no pride either. You won't tell him good bye. You have no self-respect. Stop pretending that you do. Any self-respecting person would not tolerate the way this guy treats them and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 I do know that, but I also know no other person will threat me better. He's blackmailing me and I can't go to the police, he has already made clear I can't hurt him in any way but he has enough to destroy my life whenever he wants. Only by making him see that i'm more than good enough for him I can delete him permanently without being haunted by it and he can't hurt me anymore. That so many people in my life also blame his behavior on me and how much I deserve it isn't really helping either. Everytime I make some personal progress a random thought of him or him coming back, ruins all that I've worked for. Even now when I had blocked him and stopped checking up on his profiles, he came back using a fake account just to get in touch with me and just that was enough for me to miss a week of school :/ If i mean so little to him and he's so happy with her, then why does he keep coming back when he knows we'll only end up arguing about them? It makes no sense to me Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 He does it because you allow it. Repeat: He does it because you allow it. Stop being a victim. Stop blaming him. You answered him back after knowing the FB account was him. You answered his call. Stop acting like you're an innocent victim because you're not. You want revenge? Tell him to kiss your ass and to have a nice life. Tell him to enjoy your pictures because they look a lot better than the stupid bitch he's screwing. Tell him you don't need the pictures. You get to see how cute you are every day. Then block him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 This is awful to read. OP, it's your fault that you keep in contact with this guy. He sounds atrocious at best. This is about you. Why do you think you are so low that you would actually want him in your life? Go NC immediately, and work on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 but my mind won't get any piece until that bastard knows i'm better than he'll ever deserve because he thinks he's flawless and the perfect boyfriend. Now he's actually blackmailing me so don't have much choice than just put up with it :/ How in the world do you think you are going to force him to believe that you are better than he deserves? You can't control what he thinks. How is he blackmailing you? Did I miss something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 He is threatening to use a very personal thing against me. if i can't even be good enough for him, how can i ever be good enough for anyone who's better than him? :/ I'm obviously horrible as a girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 if i can't even be good enough for him, how can i ever be good enough for anyone who's better than him? :/ I'm obviously horrible as a girlfriend This is an interesting point, and I have struggled with it myself. It really has more to do with you. Why would you chase and pine after a man that has treated you like sh*t? Why would I chase after a man that did not fully appreciate me? It has nothing to do with the guy and everything to do with yourself. One of my friends is a counselor, and she was telling me about her divorce. This was years ago, and I was actually still with my ex at the time. She said that her first husband treated her so badly that she wasn't even allowed to buy new underwear. When she was moving out, she was packing up her things and looking at all of her underwear with holes in them and all of her clothes that were old. People were telling her how awful her ex husband was, but she realized that she did all of this to herself. She said she took responsibility right then and there. She stayed with an asswhole who treated her badly and ended up cheating on her. She is such a vibrant person, and she tempered part of herself to be with this man. He left anyway. She completely changed her life from that point on. She is now remarried and is loving life. She took charge of her low self-esteem. I'm saying all of this to make you realize that you are in charge, and your actions reflect you. I've had to deal with these same issues, and it's no fun. I've had to realize my part in my own problems. Why did I stay with a guy who did some pretty bad things? Why indeed. I guess I thought that was all I deserved and that I couldn't do any better. I'm slowly coming to some different conclusions, but, first, you need to start NC. You don't need him to make you happy. You really don't. You have so much more power than you realize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 because i want to prove myself good enough for him and maybe he'll regret what he put me through.. like a way to reverse the rejection :/ Someone asked me out (first time i've ever been asked out) some days ago but when i told him i wouldn't sleep with him during that date, then he told me he didn't wanna see me, and he's at my school. (not high school, adult school for us who never finished high school). So i find it really hard to believe something better than my ex will come around... I have decided to take two weeks time out from social media because i need to focus on myself without hearing how i'll never be good enough for my ex again. But I've realized I'm only trying to get myself together because i want to prove something to him, i know my own worth, but i just need him to know it too.. Sicne he got back in touch he keeps talking about how happy he is and how great girlfriend she is.. He's trying to force me to apologize to him for calling his gf ugly, but she really is ugly O.o I asked him if he could block me during these two weeks, since i asked everyone else to not write to me since that would support me, but he refuses and tells me to block him during this period instead... I told him that if he cares about me then he'd do this favour but he refuses just told me to get a boyfriend and getting a life and kept insulting me.. i told him if he didn't do this for me then i'd be gone. but i just can't block him i can't focus on me because i only think of him :/ I've tried NC for months before but it didn't make me feel better because i was thinking of him and his gf constantly, i just want closure and prove myself better than her but everyone tells that will never happen and now i dont know what to do he deserves the pain he caused me and karma wont bring it to him :/ Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) Stop the "no i can't block him" and do it. Ignore him. I asked him if he could block me during these two weeks, since i asked everyone else to not write to me since that would support me, but he refuses and tells me to block him during this period instead... I told him that if he cares about me then he'd do this favour but he refuses just No. Stop the mind games with him to see if he still cares, he does not, and if he ever changes his mind, you don't deserve him for his behavior. He is just trying to make you jealous and feeding his ego, there is no point in you trying to prove him anything. The guy is a prick, a prick you never met, a prick that has all the gaps filled in by your imagination that makes him look like the one, when he isn't. YOU NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY, get over him. Sorry, i know a girl in a similar situation, knows the dude for 3 years(online) and never met, he always found excuses, i mean really? They finally broke up but she won't quit on him either, i swear the imagination does all the work for her/you. And they are like 3hours aways by car. When i liked someone in my first and only LDR, i drove to her after 1 month. I told her clearly, people are different IRL then on the internet, i want to get to know the real you, blabla. Best way to get over someone is to find someone else, go do that. You dwell to much on this guy. PS: Fix your low self-esteem that's why you think the way you do and cling to this guy. If you had more, you wouldn't put up with this. Edited March 29, 2014 by FrostBlaze Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 i can't find someone better though, they all seem to be worse in one way or another, with my ex i settled for less than what i wanted, but what i want simply doesn't seem to exist Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 i can't find someone better though, they all seem to be worse in one way or another, with my ex i settled for less than what i wanted, but what i want simply doesn't seem to exist It's pretty clear you can't find better because you settle for little. You're probably damaged from all the crap men you've been with. Your picker is skewed. Only a person that has poor self esteem and lacks self worth would make a statement like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 I've bigger ego than most people on here and i know exactly what i'm worth, problem is that others doesn't if a guy isn't sober, atheist and virgin, i find him repulsive, and i can't find someone like that and i certainly will never settle for anything less than that again Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Good luck finding him then, they are rare. In refference to your other topic, without mental issues or fat, just late bloomers, because they were not interested in a relationship till 20 etc. (Such as myself, i never cared, barely now did i get some interest thanks to my ex, showed me what i'm missing xD so i'm putting myself out there). There are those types, but it's really rare ^^, cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 then maybe i just shouldn't put any effort in finding such person since with my luck, it's most likely impossible :/ Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Perhaps you should ^^, if you are gonna just act like that, give up then. CHances are you are going to go "by" them anyway. Rare as they are, and new to the dating thing, they will likely lack in experience consequently Confidence and not come off as very attractive compared to other men, so you probably don't even notice them . The harsh truth. So, when going to a club with your girl friends, check out the most unatractive guys in the club or w/e. They are what you are looking for "over 20, virgins, maybe atheist". just kidding btw... or am i?xD Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 this really does affect me a lot, even to the point where i given up on school and began eliminating all sorts of contacts out of my life. I don't go clubbing, i rather stay home watching a disney movie and i seldom pay attention to what other girls consider as "hot" or "perfect guy" :/ Link to post Share on other sites
FrostBlaze Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 THen how do you meet men, Online dating? Excluding work and if you are at university or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 i met my ex randomly on a social network. other than that i don't, i hate going out alone and people stop being my friends after getting what they want from me so can't really say that i have any left. So basically only school and training, but those guys look at me like i'm werd +half are married or engaged, the rest in relationships. I'm the only one in my class who's not married and/or have kids, and they aren't much older than me :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 A bigger problem occured... Finally decided to follow one of your advice and permanently delete my ex from my life. so i unfriended him first yesterday to see if he'd notice, but he didn't since he's busy screwing his ugly gf during weekends... so i searched for his name today so i could block him, but facebook says we have 2 friends in common. Thing is, that we have no mutual friends at all, we dont even live in the same country, which must mean that either he has turned some of my friends against me, or (also most likely) he uses more fake accounts to stalk me with, but since his page doesn't allow anyone to add him, i cant see the who the mutual friends are either. so how to find and delete them too? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 OP,everything you wrote makes me think this guy is a catfish..look it up. He isn't real. This is just someone playing with you and your emotions. Go NC ASAP and talk to your parents about what happened so you can get some support. Also, get in counseling because you are easy to manipulate and fool. Good luck, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 he is real, he's with his gf in belgium, but apparently he find some sick pleasure in making me feel bad, i have blocked two accounts from him already, discovered this just now and it really bothers me but cant see who these two friends are either, i'm trying to go NC, that was my point, but i want to remove his other accounts too and i dont know which name he uses for them... My mum already knows about him, she thinks i should work on myself and i'll find better than him but people on here still convinced me no guy is interested in me more than getting me into bed, or at least have that as main interest... I'm in counseling but i dont talk about my ex since i rather only focus on my own life and not his when i'm there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 is it ever impossible to get a second chance? is it ever too late? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Is this about the guy you wrote about in your other threads? If so, yes, it is impossible, and you need to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 would be easier if i could get revenge though. But maybe I judged him too hard. I'm asking in general, either it's possible or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I remember your threads. No, it would not be possible to get a second chance. It would be best to start living your life and moving away from this. Link to post Share on other sites
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