Attracting Girls and My Physical looks...???

[Stay_Gold]

Guy here and I have a problem attracting the kind of girls I would like to attract. I would like to attract the "girly girl" type women. I always end up attracting the big boned/thick "tomboyish" type women. This has caused some problems because sometimes I will find out that these tomboy type girls will actually be bisexual or have had lesbian relationships in the past.

 

 

I know I should not be shallow and be able to accept these women for what they are and see past their history/orientation.

 

 

I believe the problem lies in my looks and physical attributes. I believe I don't come across as masculine enough in my looks and persona.

 

 

Physically:

1. My facial features are not as masculine as the "average dude". I have a small, feminine type nose. Little to no brow ridge. Little facial hair. I can grow a mustache and chin stubble but I can not grow a beard or goatee.

2. My body is not all that muscular. It tends to be more on the soft side and not as firm as I would like.

3. My hands look more feminine and a lot of girls have commented that I have "girly" hands and it hurts me when they say this.

4. I do grow hair on my legs/thighs, pubic and armpits.

5. The only masculine features I have are big/deep jawline, moderately broad shoulders and good torso/leg proportions. My legs look more masculine than my upper body but thats because I also do a lot of jogging.

 

 

Reason for all this is my parents genes/looks. My dad is like me and has more feminine type features. My mom on the other hand...is very big boned and thick. Sometimes...she looks more masculine than my dad. She also acts more "fatherly" and somewhat wears the pants in the house when it comes to family dynamics.

 

 

Mentally/Emotionally:

1. Even though my looks are somewhat feminine...I believe my character, personality and hobbies to be VERY MASCULINE. I like and play sports as much as any average guy out there. I also do alot of snowboarding, fishing and am into firearms just like any masculine guy. I also DJ. I also listen to hiphop/rap and general mainstream music. NO LOVIE DUBIE SONGS for me.

2. I am a very emotional/sensitive kind of guy. I used to cry at little stuff that did not matter much. Because of this I took up smoking.

3. When out pursuing women at parties/clubs/bars...I am a little bit shy and reserved. On average...I am not a loud person...except when alcohol is present.

4. I tend to approach women softly and not aggressively like a "bad boy".

 

 

After all this...I have resorted to things I would not consider doing to try and look "even more masculine" like: Smoking, Drugs (weed) and drinking alcohol to access.

 

 

Another problem that arises is...because I attract the more big boned tomboy type girls...they end up reminding me of my mom. It scares me because I feel like I am dating my mom. I broke up with this one chick because everything about her reminded me of my mom and was a MAJOR TURN OFF.

 

 

The only solutions I have left are:

1. Work out to build more muscle on my upper body.

2. Plastic Surgery to try and masculinize my facial features more like Rhinoplasty (nose) and brow ridge enhancement.

3. Dress and act more masculine.

4. Try and exude more confidence and alpha male traits in my every day interactions and when out pursuing women.

 

 

HELP...!?!?!?!?

[ctxinfl]

Yes to #1, #3, and #4. As for #2, really? Plastic surgery? Concentrate on putting on some muscle, try a different set of clothes (I did this...worked wonders), and have confidence in yourself.

[FitChick]

Do you look like Jack Black?

[Tayken]

Probably more like BlackJack

[Stay_Gold]

Haha...I am nothing like Jack Black.

 

I'm asian if that helps at all.

[oldshirt]

Guy here and I have a problem attracting the kind of girls I would like to attract. I would like to attract the "girly girl" type women. I always end up attracting the big boned/thick "tomboyish" type women.

 

 

This might mean that the competition is a little too stiff for the prettier girls and you are getting the leftovers.

What I suspect is really happening though is you are choking up around the girly-girls where as you are more relaxed and more comfortable and confident around the tomboys and so you are being more open and flirty and such around them.

here's some advice to address both, try to be as groomed and styled and well dressed and looking as sharp as you can and try to be as awesome and accomplished as you can to make yourself a better catch.......and while you are doing that, try to treat the girly-girls the way you do the tomboys and try to act like yourself and be comfortable and flirty with them as you are the tomboys.

 

 

 

 

This has caused some problems because sometimes I will find out that these tomboy type girls will actually be bisexual or have had lesbian relationships in the past.

 

 

 

I was in the exact same situation as you in my early 20s. I was dating a tomboy that turned out to be a lesbian. If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried to work it so that we could each have girlfriends on the side and have 3ways and such with other women. It would've been win-win for each of us.

....just say'n ;-)

 

 

I know I should not be shallow and be able to accept these women for what they are and see past their history/orientation.

 

 

 

Not having the right chemistry and compatibility with someone is not being shallow.

 

I believe the problem lies in my looks and physical attributes. I believe I don't come across as masculine enough in my looks and persona.

 

 

 

It's usually something you are completely blind to and have no idea about. For all you know, you may be trying to overcompensate for your self-perceived lack of masculinity and are coming off as a d!ck.

 

Physically:

1. My facial features are not as masculine as the "average dude". I have a small, feminine type nose. Little to no brow ridge. Little facial hair. I can grow a mustache and chin stubble but I can not grow a beard or goatee.

2. My body is not all that muscular. It tends to be more on the soft side and not as firm as I would like.

3. My hands look more feminine and a lot of girls have commented that I have "girly" hands and it hurts me when they say this.

4. I do grow hair on my legs/thighs, pubic and armpits.

5. The only masculine features I have are big/deep jawline, moderately broad shoulders and good torso/leg proportions. My legs look more masculine than my upper body but thats because I also do a lot of jogging.

 

 

Reason for all this is my parents genes/looks. My dad is like me and has more feminine type features. My mom on the other hand...is very big boned and thick. Sometimes...she looks more masculine than my dad. She also acts more "fatherly" and somewhat wears the pants in the house when it comes to family dynamics.

 

 

 

After all this...I have resorted to things I would not consider doing to try and look "even more masculine" like: Smoking, Drugs (weed) and drinking alcohol to access.

 

 

DUMB! there is hardly anything more unattractive than a guy trying to be an ass in a pathetic attempt to look cool. That will turn off everyone and assure you that you won't succeed.

If you have a passion for collecting Star Wars action figures and go to every Star Wars convention there is wearing an Ewock costume, you stand a better chance of landing a chick than you do by trying to drink and smoke and do weed because you think it will make you look cool. Somewhere out there is a chick that has a thing for Star Wars geeks in Ewok costumes. There isn't a chick on the planet that is into guys that drink, smoke and do drugs to get chicks that aren't really drinkers or smokers.

 

 

 

Another problem that arises is...because I attract the more big boned tomboy type girls...they end up reminding me of my mom. It scares me because I feel like I am dating my mom. I broke up with this one chick because everything about her reminded me of my mom and was a MAJOR TURN OFF.

 

Why are you even going out with women that you aren't attracted to in the first place??? don't do that again. The only thing that's a bigger DLV than drinking and smoking to attract chicks is a guy who goes out with chicks that he's not into.

 

If you had never had a date in your life, I would tell you to loosen up and go out with someone you weren't head over heels for just so you could get the life-experience of going out on dates.

 

But on the other hand, if you are experienced in dating, then only pursue those people that you are actually interested in and pass on the others.

 

 

 

 

 

The only solutions I have left are:

1. Work out to build more muscle on my upper body.

 

 

YES!

2. Plastic Surgery to try and masculinize my facial features more like Rhinoplasty (nose) and brow ridge enhancement.

 

 

That's dumb.

3. Dress and act more masculine.

 

 

Groom like it's the solution for war and world hunger. Dress in clean, well-fitted clothes in perfect condition. Dress and style in a manner that is a natural and comfortable style for you that is somewhat contemporary and not something completely out of date.

Be assertive and expressive. Be competent and confident in all that you do but be very very careful with trying to act more masculine. Usually whenever a guy tries to act more masculine, 9 times out of 10 he ends up acting more like a jerkwad.

 

4. Try and exude more confidence and alpha male traits in my every day interactions and when out pursuing women.

 

 

 

OK here's where you need to change your mindframe. Stop pursuing women. period. Knock that off.

Pursue your life goals and passions with the best of your ability and pursue the best version of your true self as you can. When you do that, the women will come to you.

 

 

HELP...!?!?!?!?

 

 

 

Basically same advice here as on your other thread.

[oldshirt]

.... I do want to address something I said in my previous post to clarify it a little bit better and put it into more practical and nuts and bolt terms.

 

 

When I said to stop pursuing women and to pursue your own goals and passions and to pursue the best version of yourself, I realize that is pretty esoteric and out there.

 

 

But let me show some nuts and bolts examples. Lets say your life's dream is to be a garbage man. Many people will knock that idea and tell you how that is the quick road to failure and despair. But lets examine it further. Let's say you pursue it with passion and give it your full creativity and style and you become the best garbage man in town and earn the respect of all the people in the physical refuse industry. Then lets say you find something creative and original to do with all the garbage that is cool and is of benefit to the world around you. then you form your own garbage company build a better mouse trap and become 'successful.'

 

 

Some chick is going to be awestruck by that and think you are hot. She is going to think you are hot because you pursued a passion and made your mark on the world even though you did it by picking up other people's garbage. that's how it works. You can apply that principle to anything.

 

 

Now when I talk about pursuing the best version of yourself. That can mean a million things like learning new languages and cultures. Pursuing sports or bodybuilding or mountain climbing. It can be doing charity work or saving seals or helping disabled veterans. It can be pursuing a passionate hobby like photography or becoming involved in animal rescue or environmental issues.

 

 

Really about the only passion and hobby that doesn't impress any chicks is pursuing chicks or sitting on the computer playing video games or watching porn. about any other active and beneficial hobby you can think of, there are some chicks that are into it.

 

 

If you pursue those with passion and demonstrate skill and confidence in it, someone will take notice.

 

 

Pursue your best self and someone will take notice and be drawn to you. Pursue someone else, and they will likely flee away from you.