Going out on a date "I have to pray about it"

[irc333]

Gentlemen: Ever met a Christian woman at your church or some social event where you ask them out...and their response is, "I have to pray about it?"

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian, but I've never really bought this line of thought as going out on a date as something to pray about.

 

I usually think it's a "blow off" more so than a legitimate way to pray for something where there is no need to?

[M30USA]

Gentlemen: Ever met a Christian woman at your church or some social event where you ask them out...and their response is, "I have to pray about it?"

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian, but I've never really bought this line of thought as going out on a date as something to pray about.

 

I usually think it's a "blow off" more so than a legitimate way to pray for something where there is no need to?

 

I'd tend to agree with you.

[pureinheart]

Gentlemen: Ever met a Christian woman at your church or some social event where you ask them out...and their response is, "I have to pray about it?"

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian, but I've never really bought this line of thought as going out on a date as something to pray about.

 

I usually think it's a "blow off" more so than a legitimate way to pray for something where there is no need to?

 

It could be genuine, although given the context I'd say it's leaving options open. I really think a more direct response would be in order.

 

When I was dating, if you could call it that, I knew who I wanted to go out with and who I didn't. Unfortunately, not once did I let God into "my" decisions. Praying about something like this would be the right thing to do, but as a response to a request- well, I wouldn't say that out loud.

[Allumere]

It could be genuine, although given the context I'd say it's leaving options open. I really think a more direct response would be in order.

 

When I was dating, if you could call it that, I knew who I wanted to go out with and who I didn't. Unfortunately, not once did I let God into "my" decisions. Praying about something like this would be the right thing to do, but as a response to a request- well, I wouldn't say that out loud.

 

There are those Christians that literally won't fart unless God tells them (so they think). It is an awful crutch and totally not how things work. These ultra-conservative Christian women (I don't even like to say that...lets say extremist) that are still single because in their mind, each man that has entered their life isn't the one God intended because of a list that THEY have chosen as qualifiers for perfection verses looking at the gift brought into their lives and accepting all the flaws as they do their own. Ok, climbing down from soap box...

[pureinheart]

There are those Christians that literally won't fart unless God tells them (so they think). It is an awful crutch and totally not how things work. These ultra-conservative Christian women (I don't even like to say that...lets say extremist) that are still single because in their mind, each man that has entered their life isn't the one God intended because of a list that THEY have chosen as qualifiers for perfection verses looking at the gift brought into their lives and accepting all the flaws as they do their own. Ok, climbing down from soap box...

 

Very well said …and you know I've never really understood this mentality because if a person is mostly under the direction of the Spirit, it comes natural. if you have the mind of Christ then you will make correct, Godly decisions most of the time, so what need is there to pray about every single little thing…to me it's just common sense.

[Allumere]

Very well said …and you know I've never really understood this mentality because if a person is mostly under the direction of the Spirit, it comes natural. if you have the mind of Christ then you will make correct, Godly decisions most of the time, so what need is there to pray about every single little thing…to me it's just common sense.

 

 

 

Exactly. It really isn't something I understand. I am the first to admit I am not the strongest of Christians (guilty of laziness in the past verses belief...been working on it) but I guess I view those extreme measures as a lack of faith, full of fear and lacking confidence. Sure there are all kinds of test put before us but as you said, if someone is under the direction of the Holy Spirit good or right decisions will be made (even when sometimes it doesn't feel that way).

[irc333]

Yeah, I live in an area that's quite extreme. There are some Christian faiths that honestly believes that traditional dating shouldn't be allowed unless it's chaperoned (usually by the parents).

 

I knew of this one woman, college aged told me that her and her boyfriend never can go to the movies or some traditional dating activity, but they both have to be at HER parents house, supervised.

 

I know of another woman that won't kiss until marriage.

 

Exactly. It really isn't something I understand. I am the first to admit I am not the strongest of Christians (guilty of laziness in the past verses belief...been working on it) but I guess I view those extreme measures as a lack of faith, full of fear and lacking confidence. Sure there are all kinds of test put before us but as you said, if someone is under the direction of the Holy Spirit good or right decisions will be made (even when sometimes it doesn't feel that way).

[Tayla]

Let me put this part on the table....That lady is somewhat misguided. (okay done with that part!)

 

My bro is married to a wife that prayer is her refuge. He jokes and say...So honey Did you pray what we are going to have for dinner tonight? And if so which apostle made it? (He does it in a funny way) Than she goes...your right, there is a time to do and a time to pray...So lets eat and pray it doesnt burn !

[crederer]

I have no problem with people being religious but if someone said that to me I'd think she was a total whack job.

[FredRutherford]

Yeah, I live in an area that's quite extreme. There are some Christian faiths that honestly believes that traditional dating shouldn't be allowed unless it's chaperoned (usually by the parents).

 

I knew of this one woman, college aged told me that her and her boyfriend never can go to the movies or some traditional dating activity, but they both have to be at HER parents house, supervised.

 

I know of another woman that won't kiss until marriage.

That does seem a bit unusual.

 

People do need to be more responsible in dating, like dating only people you would consider marrying (not just for fun or casual encounters), but the no-kissing-before-marriage deal or such tight supervision can have unintended consequences.

[FredRutherford]

Unfortunately, you'll find Christian women just as ambivalent, selfish, snotty, gossipy, judgmental, condemning, picky and as stuck-up as other girls.

 

As a young Christian in college, recall trying to date some of them.

 

"I'm a Christian, you're a Christian. Let's go out !!!"

 

Was the darndest thing, couldn't get any of them to be interested in me.

 

Saw one in the college dorm cafeteria carrying a book by Dr. James Dobson, which immediately identified her as a Christian.

Had been trying to ask her out before so though me identifying with that book.... and her faith... might help.

No way. Absolutely refused.

 

Why, I'll never know.

 

Saw her maybe 10 years later in my early 30's when I was in another state @ a professional event.

Wanted sooooo much to ask her why she didn't accept my dating invitations, but decided against it as I was in a committed dating relationship with another woman that was pointing toward (& consummated in) marriage, so no need to satisfy my ego hunger then

 

Saw her Facebook page years later and it appears she had some trouble in her life, ala depression, a gay son, etc. She was also morbidly obese.

 

Things could've been so much different for some of these "church girls" who wore blinders that made them ignore us man "good Christian men" in their midst.

We "good guys" wouldn't press them for sex, mistreated them, abused them or done anything to jeopardize their Christian faith.

Many had big regrets about surrendering their Christian innocence to the wrong type of guys, the pagan fornicators who soon bolted after they got what they wanted....

Their loss. Their sinful choices....

[InnocentMan]

Looks like the big man in the sky thought the OP was a 'wrong un', judging by the lack of follow up info. Tough break when even god starts c*ck-blocking you.

[Keenly]

I'd run simply because that's exactly what my mom would say.

[irc333]

I've recently met a Christian woman in my Meetup, but I hate to say it, but she has major issues....curses like a sailor in non-church get togethers and can be rather rude.

 

I recall having a conversation about how our birthdays are in the same month, and she goes, "How old will you be?" and I told her....and she said, "Oh...that's OLD!!" I kind of blew it off by joking about about my age, but she repeated the phrase, "That's OLD!" a second time after I joked around about it.

 

There were other occasions where she made "digs" or passive aggressive crap she threw my way. I didn't want to call out her un-Christian-like antics in front of the group of friends here, but I did come very close.

 

Plus , her son is a thug (tends to get in trouble)....so I guess characteristics flow down the family gene.

[FredRutherford]

You get my IM, irc333?

 

I quoted one of your LS posts on another board...

 

Survey: 42% would not date a virgin. - Page 7 - Christian Forums

The "I must have sex before marriage in order to find out if we're sexually compatible" excuse to HAVE sex is popular these days and is also infecting the church, as this guy, who seems like a nominal Christian interested in dating Christian women, notes:

Men, if you're an older virgin, lie to her and pretend you're experienced - Page 3 - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Originally Posted by Irc333:

I had recently met a Christian woman in her 40's, and she had gotten out of a 5 year relationship with a man she's been having pre-marital relations with......I'

m

not entirely experienced myself either, but [sIZE=3][COLOR=Red]

sometimes I pick Christian women because they might NOT take issue with my lack of experience and the willingness to "hold off" until it's special.

[/COLOR][/sIZE]

 

But since she had an ongoing 5 year relationship where she was sexually active with her boyfriend,

I'

m

starting to wonder if she'd be okay or think it's great that I'

m

not a player like her ex was.

 

(he even cheated on her, they had been broken up for a year)...

so

I figured with her bad experience with a boyfriend that slept around, she would find my attributes attractive.

I hadn't mentioned anything about my lack of experience in that department....but her having been in a more secular relationship with a man, I'

m

not

so

sure.

Isn't this all screwed up?

Look @ the example that Christian girl's behavior sets for that guy, who likely was a bigger Christian in the past....

Dummy he was to think Christian women would be good....

[todreaminblue]

Gentlemen: Ever met a Christian woman at your church or some social event where you ask them out...and their response is, "I have to pray about it?"

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian, but I've never really bought this line of thought as going out on a date as something to pray about.

 

I usually think it's a "blow off" more so than a legitimate way to pray for something where there is no need to?

 

 

if they are christian then shouldnt that be a sign that they are being truthful.....

[irc333]

Hi Fred R., you still hangin' out with Gilbert...now HE's a bad influence. LOL j/k....well, kinda if you've watched most of the episodes.

 

Anyhow, I recall having an interest and was very attracted to a woman that was an active Christian, wouldn't even skip a Sat. night for Women's Bible Study. WE started spending time together and getting romantically intimate...but she revealed to me that she wasn't looking for anything serious with me.

 

So it seems as if she was looking for a friends with benefits situation...I refused having sex with her based on that, but I was kind of shocked a Christian woman would even CONSIDER such an arrangement.

 

I ended my relationship/friendship with her pretty quickly considering that. We still keep in touch occasionally online, but that's about it.

 

Another woman I recall from POF and met her on Meetup, a very active member of the church, the church organist, involved with the group. Very nice woman, a good mother, conservative, and dresses modestly.

 

We didn't date because our personalities clashed, but we spent time talking to each other at Meetups.

 

She told me she never really elaborated on her Christianity in her profile because she figured men would see her as "Ugg, a crazy a Bible thumper" and skip over her profile. She figured it would be best found out by getting to know her face-to-face...organically.

 

She's currently with a not so active....well, he doesn't proclaim himself anything. Hasn't set foot in a church since he as a child.

 

Him being Christian isn't a real priority for her because he treats her well, they are compatible, and a great many other things....and I suppose being Christian in a mate is just a nice perk and not all that important.

 

He stays home to play golf on Sun. mornings, she goes to church. Of course, I hear this happening with married couples, too. SO I guess it's moot. Women tend to be the reverent ones in the family more so than the men.

 

 

 

You get my IM, irc333?

 

I quoted one of your LS posts on another board...

 

Survey: 42% would not date a virgin. - Page 7 - Christian Forums

The "I must have sex before marriage in order to find out if we're sexually compatible" excuse to HAVE sex is popular these days and is also infecting the church, as this guy, who seems like a nominal Christian interested in dating Christian women, notes:

Men, if you're an older virgin, lie to her and pretend you're experienced - Page 3 - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Originally Posted by Irc333:

I had recently met a Christian woman in her 40's, and she had gotten out of a 5 year relationship with a man she's been having pre-marital relations with......I'

m

not entirely experienced myself either, but [sIZE=3][COLOR=Red]

sometimes I pick Christian women because they might NOT take issue with my lack of experience and the willingness to "hold off" until it's special.

[/COLOR][/sIZE]

 

But since she had an ongoing 5 year relationship where she was sexually active with her boyfriend,

I'

m

starting to wonder if she'd be okay or think it's great that I'

m

not a player like her ex was.

 

(he even cheated on her, they had been broken up for a year)...

so

I figured with her bad experience with a boyfriend that slept around, she would find my attributes attractive.

I hadn't mentioned anything about my lack of experience in that department....but her having been in a more secular relationship with a man, I'

m

not

so

sure.

Isn't this all screwed up?

Look @ the example that Christian girl's behavior sets for that guy, who likely was a bigger Christian in the past....

Dummy he was to think Christian women would be good....

[FredRutherford]

Looks like the big man in the sky thought the OP was a 'wrong un', judging by the lack of follow up info. Tough break when even god starts c*ck-blocking you.

Nope. Doesn't sound that way.

Not every gal is going to be interested in every guy that approaches her & vice-versa.

What are you? Some kind of player that only wants one thing?

[irc333]

What I can't stand, is someone who makes you believe they share the same convictions as YOU do...thus reinforcing an interest in getting said person better, only to have them back peddle because they found the bigger, better, deal...that they some how went "ga-ga" over a guy that didn't share the same convictions as you do.

 

They were willing to compromise on their beliefs because their interest or attraction for someone else, they were willing to make an exception and let's say "go out on a Sat night for someone else (break their Sat. night 'stay at home' tradition, but not you"

[TheFinalWord]

What I can't stand, is someone who makes you believe they share the same convictions as YOU do...thus reinforcing an interest in getting said person better, only to have them back peddle because they found the bigger, better, deal...that they some how went "ga-ga" over a guy that didn't share the same convictions as you do.

 

They were willing to compromise on their beliefs because their interest or attraction for someone else, they were willing to make an exception and let's say "go out on a Sat night for someone else (break their Sat. night 'stay at home' tradition, but not you"

 

Just wondering, not trying to be harsh, but...

 

Do you believe you have ANY role to play in these failed dating relationships? It seems you have been on so many dates, and yet it is always the woman that has some issue. In my experience, it takes two people to fail at a relationship.

 

If these women are so weak in their convictions, aren't you glad you found out so you don't have to waste time?

[irc333]

Just wondering, not trying to be harsh, but...

 

Do you believe you have ANY role to play in these failed dating relationships?

 

Yeah, I think online dating may have played a factor here. Yes, even the Christian sites only because people there feel no obligation to you. No face time.

[angel.eyes]

It's very easy to blame external factors--every woman, venues used to meet, etc. That's a cop out. Perhaps a little self-reflection might be useful. I, for one, focus much of my energy on how I might improve, how I could treat others better, what I might do differently, etc.

 

From your posts, you seem harshly critical of every single woman, of OLD, etc. Perhaps take some of that effort and negative energy and refocus it in more productive ways? What you're doing hasn't worked for you. I'm sure that's frustrating. If you want a different outcome, you will have to change and improve, instead of expecting everyone around you to change. You will have to take a good hard look at your own role in your interactions.

[irc333]

It's very easy to blame external factors--every woman, venues used to meet, etc. That's a cop out. Perhaps a little self-reflection might be useful. I, for one, focus much of my energy on how I might improve, how I could treat others better, what I might do differently, etc.

 

From your posts, you seem harshly critical of every single woman, of OLD, etc. Perhaps take some of that effort and negative energy and refocus it in more productive ways? What you're doing hasn't worked for you. I'm sure that's frustrating. If you want a different outcome, you will have to change and improve, instead of expecting everyone around you to change. You will have to take a good hard look at your own role in your interactions.

 

Right, I'm pretty much forgoing online dating altogether and going the way of real life interaction, being around positive and supportive people as well lately.

 

So that has been working for me.

[UpwardForward]

I'm not criticizing those who pray regarding all aspects of their life. And God's Word directs that.

 

But I think Marriage is something to go into prayer about. Dating would be if the individuals feel comfortable with being around each other.

 

Perhaps she should have said: I will get back to you about it. If taken by surprise, sometimes people like to think about it first.

[angel.eyes]

I'm rooting for you to find someone special irc! I know it's hard when you're repeatedly frustrated. You just have to believe it will happen and stay positive....easier said than done sometimes, I know. (Unfortunately, negativity just drives people away.)