Double standard.

[NGC1300]

If a woman is down and out, or feeling sad or unconfident about something, men are supposed to comfort her and be there for her.

 

If a man shows any lack of confidence, or negative emotion, he will be abandoned by the woman.

[anne1707]

Disagree totally. I am there for my husband just as much as he is there for me.

[oldshirt]

that is correct. Don't show any lack of confidence or negative emotion to any woman you want to have any kind of romantic/sexual relationship with or any woman that might have the ability to set you up with a woman you might want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with.

 

 

If you absolutely have to have someone to whine and moan to, that is what your grandma, your sister, counselors, clergy, bar tenders, life coaches and therapists are for.

[NGC1300]

Disagree totally. I am there for my husband just as much as he is there for me.

 

 

Woman who are insecure are still regarded as women.

 

Men who are insecure are degraded, and sometimes called "boys".

[NGC1300]

that is correct. Don't show any lack of confidence or negative emotion to any woman you want to have any kind of romantic/sexual relationship with or any woman that might have the ability to set you up with a woman you might want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with.

 

 

If you absolutely have to have someone to whine and moan to, that is what your grandma, your sister, counselors, clergy, bar tenders, life coaches and therapists are for.

 

Exactly.

 

It's no wonder suicide rates are 4x higher for men. Women can cry on every shoulder in sight while men have to hide their emotions or else they will be ridiculed and abandoned.

 

I've given up on much of the world, especially women. It's not worth trying to live up to their ideals when they themselves have to put in so little effort.

[oldshirt]

Disagree totally. I am there for my husband just as much as he is there for me.

 

 

 

And this brings up a good point. Women will tell you that they are there for you and that you should confide your weak underbelly and fears and concerns with them. .....and to be honest they are being sincere at the time.

 

 

The catch is if you do show any fear or insecurity or negativity, they will lose sexual attraction and desire for you. Show enough of it and they will lose all desire for you for good.

 

 

Woman want to see that you can handle whatever storms come your way and that you slay whatever dragons are trying to burn down the castle. When you whine and moan, they lose some of that respect and admiration and they can't desire that which they don't respect and admire.

 

 

So the rule of thumb to remember is if you want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with someone, show no fear...ever.

 

 

If you need someone to talk to and whine and cry on their shoulder, it's either you mom, your grandma, a trusted male friend/relative or a professional. Never a woman you want to desire you.

 

 

Yes it is a double standard and unfair. There are a lot of those in the world. some bite women in the butt and some bite men.

[oldshirt]

Exactly.

 

It's no wonder suicide rates are 4x higher for men. Women can cry on every shoulder in sight while men have to hide their emotions or else they will be ridiculed and abandoned.

 

I've given up on much of the world, especially women. It's not worth trying to live up to their ideals when they themselves have to put in so little effort.

 

 

 

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on now and then. You just have to pick and choose who's shoulder you do it with.

 

 

Never cry on the shoulder of a woman you want to have desire you and never cry on the shoulder of someone who will use that as ammunition against you.

[Woggle]

In many cases yes but not with my wife. Showing my vulnerability to her though was the most frightening thing I ever did in my life.

[oldshirt]

Woman who are insecure are still regarded as women.

 

Men who are insecure are degraded, and sometimes called "boys".

 

 

 

no, they're called pussys.

 

 

 

 

we all have our own set of insecurities and fears and hurts and boo boos. no one is exempt from that. The challenge of being a man is not to have a lack of insecurity and fears but rather to deal with them and manage them appropriately.

 

 

Whining and moaning to your girlfriend is not an effective and appropriate way to manage your worries. If your worries are effecting your productivity in life, then seeing a therapist is the appropriate way to deal with it.

 

 

If you hear something that goes bump in the middle of the night in the house, hiding under the covers whining to wife that you are afraid an intruder is going to come in and kill you both in your bed and kidnap and rape the children is not an effective and appropriate way to deal with the fear and situation. Handing her the phone to call 911 while you grab a gun and flashlight to go protect the kids and blow the intruder away is.

Then you can see a therapist to deal with Post Traumatic Stress you suffered after you delt with the situation appropriately.

[Radu]

Disagree totally. I am there for my husband just as much as he is there for me.

 

He's your husband, a LTR, off-c you got to know each other very well.

 

Things change though when you are dating.

I hate to say but the OP is spot on for the early times of dating.

If you get to engagement/marriage, things are different though.

[AnneT1985]

I'm really sorry if that was your experience! That is certainly not the case in many relationships. Best of luck to you!!

[oldshirt]

He's your husband, a LTR, off-c you got to know each other very well.

 

Things change though when you are dating.

I hate to say but the OP is spot on for the early times of dating.

If you get to engagement/marriage, things are different though.

 

 

 

They're really not different. Obviously over time some things are going to seep through the cracks and your spouse will realize that some concerns or insecurity do exist but the cost is higher to just walk away like someone would in the early stages of dating.

 

 

The damage being done by showing fear/insecurity etc is the same. A ring on a finger does not stop that.

[man_in_the_box]

If all you do is being a whiny depressed sack of sadness then yeah I can imagine.

 

But if your LTR fails because you show some human side every once in a while... Then you have a pretty pathetic partner. It's all relative.

[KathyM]

Women are attracted to confident, courageous men who can handle their life well. That doesn't mean that he can never show a vulnerable side. I think women are attracted to men who are able to open up to them and be vulnerable at times. One thing that attracted me to my husband was that, although he was physically strong and confident, courageous and had his life on track, he also had a sensitivity that he showed at times, like when he was describing his grandparents and got tears in his eyes because he loved them so much. They were a very important part of his life. I considered that ability to be vulnerable and show tenderness as something very sweet and it made me love him more, and made me want to comfort him. Although the traits of strength in a man are important and give a woman a sense of security and admiration, that doesn't mean that he can never show weakness. Women don't expect a man to be inhuman and without feelings. I think they want men to allow themselves to be vulnerable and show feelings

 

 

Women, OTOH, ARE the weaker sex physically, and are more emotional and irratic because that is the way they were wired. I don't think insecurity, lack of competence and having a screwed up life is attractive to either gender. Physical weakness is definitely not attractive in a man, but is accepted in a woman.

[NGC1300]

Women, OTOH,.....are more emotional and irratic because that is the way they were wired.

 

Everyone assumes that, but again, isn't it just because men learned they had to hide their emotions?

 

Suicide rates are 4x for men. They're just as prone to depression and emotional issues as women.

[carhill]

I had that problem with my wife when I was caregiving. As a result I told her, directly, that 'there's me and there's God and that's the only entity I feel I can talk to' so I did and got rid of her. Feel much better now. Save for a few glaring exceptions, my historical life experience in general, with thousands of women, mirrors the OP. In general, they love a man to be sensitive to their issues but not sensitive to his own.

 

I saw what that did to my father, killing him before his time due to unhealthy choices in how to cope with that, so now choose to be alone. Perhaps that doesn't solve the support issue but at least I don't have to listen to their problems and drag myself into that maelstrom. Done!

[Taramere]

Everyone assumes that, but again, isn't it just because men learned they had to hide their emotions?

 

Suicide rates are 4x for men. They're just as prone to depression and emotional issues as women.

 

More women attempt suicide, but men are more likely to use violent methods which have a higher success rate which is a primary reason for the differing death by suicide rates. Researchers also believe women are more likely to seek help through the appropriate channels. For instance, calling a specialist helpline or going to see their doctor (or telling family/friends who will encourage them to get emergency help).

 

You've mentioned suicide a few times, which makes me wonder whether you have some suicide ideation at the moment. If so, I would really encourage you to make an appointment to see your doctor. I'm not convinced that a public internet forum is the best method of dealing with serious depressed feelings....though there's no reason why you can't combine professional help with a forum like this to get more everyday forms of support.

[Allumere]

Exactly.

 

It's no wonder suicide rates are 4x higher for men. Women can cry on every shoulder in sight while men have to hide their emotions or else they will be ridiculed and abandoned.

 

I've given up on much of the world, especially women. It's not worth trying to live up to their ideals when they themselves have to put in so little effort.

 

 

 

I am sorry that has been your experience. As a woman I don't feel that way at all. One of the things that attracted me to the last two gents I dated was that they were able to be vulnerable and share the pain of what had happened in their past. One was in an abusive relationship, from verbal to physical abuse and he talked about that very early on in the relationship. He even went so far as to ask that no matter what that I don't yell at him. This guy is no wimp. He is success in his job, is willing to take risk, is a great dad, and when not injured loves mixed martial arts, crossfit competitions and running. I don't know, I think it takes more strength and smarts to be vulnerable, ask for help, and admit you can't be all things then pretend. To his advantage, he did seem comfortable in his own skin and being a very strong Christian I think that worked to his advantage....but he wasn't afraid to express frustrations or even insecurities. He simply accepted those things as being where he was in life and things to work on. If I didn't get that I think he would have punted me from the beginning.

[KathyM]

Everyone assumes that, but again, isn't it just because men learned they had to hide their emotions?

It's both nature and upbringing. Men produce more testosterone, which makes a person more aggressive. The hormones women produce make them more emotional. Men are also socialized to be more independent and not to show weakness. Women are not. Women are socialized to be the tender nurturers that make for a good mother.

Suicide rates are 4x for men. They're just as prone to depression and emotional issues as women.

Actually, women attempt suicide more than men and are more prone to depression than men. Men are more successful at the attempt because men use more lethal means.

[NGC1300]

Researchers also believe women are more likely to seek help through the appropriate channels. For instance, calling a specialist helpline or going to see their doctor (or telling family/friends who will encourage them to get emergency help).

 

Yes because of the societal stigma of men "seeking help".

 

Thanks for proving my point.

[NGC1300]

Actually, women attempt suicide more than men and are more prone to depression than men. Men are more successful at the attempt because men use more lethal means.

 

All those "attempts" by women are simply for attention, cry for help, etc.

 

Men succeed more because they actually wanted to die.

[topaMAXX]

If a woman is down and out, or feeling sad or unconfident about something, men are supposed to comfort her and be there for her.

 

If a man shows any lack of confidence, or negative emotion, he will be abandoned by the woman.

 

This applies to western women.

 

Non-western women are very supportive and kind.

[topaMAXX]

It's both nature and upbringing. Men produce more testosterone, which makes a person more aggressive. The hormones women produce make them more emotional. Men are also socialized to be more independent and not to show weakness. Women are not. Women are socialized to be the tender nurturers that make for a good mother.

 

Some of the best women that I've ever met in my life that it was "cute" when I showed emotion. The ones that ditched right away when I showed my emotions proved to be low quality (if I kept in contact with them after that, they let their guards down and showed me who they really were)

 

Actually, women attempt suicide more than men and are more prone to depression than men. Men are more successful at the attempt because men use more lethal means.

 

When men attempt suicide, it because they are actually trying. Women are usually just trying to get attention with suicide attempts.

[Bruce Leigh]

I don't think it is the show of emotions that women might find weak and find you less attractive, it would more likely be the frequency of the showing of emotions.

 

If a man has repressed these emotions over a certain length of time, his partner says why cant you open up to me, he does and the flood gates are opened.

Women should be wary of this happening, as the guy could then be seen as a drama queen !!

[oldshirt]

 

 

. One thing that attracted me to my husband was that, although he was physically strong and confident, courageous and had his life on track, he also had a sensitivity that he showed at times, like when he was describing his grandparents and got tears in his eyes because he loved them so much.

 

 

.

 

 

 

That's not really an apples to apples comparison. Showing deep emotion such as love and compassion etc is not a sign of weakness. Loving and caring about your grandparents is not fear or insecurity.

 

 

The OP is talking more about things like showing fear and insecurity etc. I guarantee you if your husband was getting teary-eyed and expressing worry over gas and electric bill, you would not be feeling a strong loving connection with him.