Permenthri Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 It happens he has another girl that he sees when he is not with me. Because "I work too hard" and don't give him enough attention. She is there for him when I am not. I asked why he did not tell me. Why I had to find out seeing them together. He said because I would have divorced him and he loves me. He will be mine only when I am done studying and have more time for him. But for now he needs someone when he can't have me. I think it is sad that he felt that way and could not tell me. But I do not feel it is the end of my life. I do not understand why some women get crazy mad and want to hurt the other girl. She is just a girl. She likes him like I do. Now I have to choose. He wants too much and I think when I have my finish my studies he will be the same. I will leave when I have done my fieldwork and go home to write up. I do not want a many who is so clingy. I do not want a man who resents my work. He can find other girls who want to be home. I will find someone who wants a strong woman. Or I will just be a strong woman on my own. It is not a big deal. I do not understand why the girl I was with when I saw him with his other girl was so upset. She kept holding me, telling me she was sorry, that it was not fair to me. Other girls also feel they must help me through the "bad time". It is just what it is. He wants different to what I want. Why is that such a crisis? Why do they not believe I am fine? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 It happens he has another girl that he sees when he is not with me. Because "I work too hard" and don't give him enough attention. She is there for him when I am not. I asked why he did not tell me. Why I had to find out seeing them together. He said because I would have divorced him and he loves me. He will be mine only when I am done studying and have more time for him. But for now he needs someone when he can't have me. I think it is sad that he felt that way and could not tell me. But I do not feel it is the end of my life. I do not understand why some women get crazy mad and want to hurt the other girl. She is just a girl. She likes him like I do. Now I have to choose. He wants too much and I think when I have my finish my studies he will be the same. I will leave when I have done my fieldwork and go home to write up. I do not want a many who is so clingy. I do not want a man who resents my work. He can find other girls who want to be home. I will find someone who wants a strong woman. Or I will just be a strong woman on my own. It is not a big deal. I do not understand why the girl I was with when I saw him with his other girl was so upset. She kept holding me, telling me she was sorry, that it was not fair to me. Other girls also feel they must help me through the "bad time". It is just what it is. He wants different to what I want. Why is that such a crisis? Why do they not believe I am fine? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Infidelity effects everyone differently. I saw my H with another woman years ago before we got married and it broke my heart. I wasn't mad at the girl per se, but I was pissed at my H. Since there were rumors that he was screwing more than one girl, I had to get tested for std's every 6 months for awhile. I was humiliated because everyone knew about it except me. Unfortunately, since I mainly rug swept the whole ordeal, I cheated on him 10 plus years later. Yes, very unhealthy coping mechanism. I don't know, I think cheating is a pretty big deal. It damages everyone involved, it destroys families, trust, etc. You should thanking your lucky stars that you have friends who want to help and support you through it. There are a lot of people who don't have a support system. You seem pretty young so I'm sure that's a big part of your perspective. Imagine being in your 30's, 40's or 50's and have invested half your life with someone who's betrayed and stabbed you in the back. There are posters here who feel like they are too old to start over. I'm glad you're leaving him and focusing on school. Best wishes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I gave up a lot for the sake of my wife, marriage, and family. Frankly, all of my efforts and decisions for 18 years were investments in that future. To find out that my wife was playing single and blowing about $100 a week on hotels while keeping me committed to her was a pretty egregious violation on our agreement, to say the least. I wasted the better years of my life on someone that couldn't keep a commitment and I can't get those years back. As well, my kids are now from a broken home and that wasn't what we agreed to either. That's kind of a big deal to me. It doesn't sound like you're quite as invested. As for the 'other woman,' I can understand you not having as much animosity towards her. Your agreement wasn't with her; it was with your husband. I saw my wife's other man as just a guy that was willing to sleep with her. It was her job to keep her legs closed. Regardless, unless these 'other people' were doing so unknowingly, it doesn't speak well for them that they would help participate in the betrayal of another person. Personally, I find them equally culpable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 I do not understand why the girl I was with when I saw him with his other girl was so upset. She kept holding me, telling me she was sorry, that it was not fair to me. Other girls also feel they must help me through the "bad time". It is just what it is. He wants different to what I want. Why is that such a crisis? Why do they not believe I am fine? Many people take betrayal very hard. If you are one of the lucky ones that it doesn't affect. Just be happy about it and get on with your life. You are like that person that gets into a huge car crash and walks away with out a scratch. (Everyone else in the pileup is ether dead or mangled lol) Your friends are worried for you, or if they are not very good friends maybe they were hoping to watch the drama occur and you aren't giving them a good show. Either way, just be happy that this does not look as if it's going to be a major deal in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 You could possibly be in the shock or denial stage or you could just not really care that much. No matter what surely you can understand that others react differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Zimber Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 You could possibly be in the shock or denial stage or you could just not really care that much. No matter what surely you can understand that others react differently. Or a robot. She likes him like I do Seriously, you never said you love him. You make it sound like it's more of an inconvenience than a loss. It's likely not your schedule or your strength that caused him to cheat, but living in what seems to be a loveless marriage for him. Clearly you've settled at some point. In the future, don't settle. You're missing out on a lot! Z 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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