It's been three months since she dumped me, why am I still crying?

[rester]

I don't know why but today is such a drag.

 

I woke up around 8 and I was just angry and didn't want to get out of bed at all. I stayed in bed as long as I could and finally got out at 8:30.

 

I just feel hopeless, tired and angry. I'm hungry but don't want to eat, or I don't want to bother with cooking. I have my math class in 2 and a half hours.

 

There is just nothing about today that makes me feel I should have gotten out of bed. I didn't have this feeling at all yesterday.

 

I also realized that all my dishes are dirty (no dishwasher) and there are pots and pans on my stove. I just don't have any motivation to clean. I used to always have an issue with doing my dishes, but I would grudgingly do them for her, or knowing that she was coming over. But now that she'll never come to my place again, why bother keeping it clean?

 

Keep it clean for yourself, somedude. Treat yourself as kindly as you treated her. It feels good afterwards and keeps you busy.

[somedude81]

Wow, I took a nap and feel so much better.

 

I probably didn't sleep at all last night because whatever was holing me down is gone.

 

Yeah I'll clean up today as it is starting to bug me. Though it was more fun keeping my place clean knowing that she was coming over.

Edited March 11, 2014 by somedude81

[pickflicker]

i love to clean because it is great mindless activity.

 

With music. Always with music.

[Itspointless]

Well actually cleaning and and a clean house helps you get your mind in a better state. Usually your surroundings mirror your state of mind. A messy house will drag you down as it also messes with the pleasure being there.

[pteromom]

Oh, that sucks. I was hoping that one would get used to the pain. Maybe it doesn't take as long to heal the second time around?

 

No, but pretty soon you start learning not to throw your heart into the fire until you have a good idea whether it will warm you or burn you.

[pteromom]

A woman doesn't want to be with a man who needs her to make him complete. A woman wants to be with a man who is already complete and compliments her. You have to compliment each other. Otherwise, you become a user...until you suck them dry and then they bail, unable to bear the weight of you on them any longer.

 

This is so very true!

 

SD, pay attention to this.

[somedude81]

Hmm, I wonder if the reason that I'm crying so frequently now is that deep down I'm understanding that it's truly over?

 

As much as I wish she would contact me and we would reconnect, I know that it's not going to happen. So I feel like I'm mourning her as if she died.

[pickflicker]

Hmm, I wonder if the reason that I'm crying so frequently now is that deep down I'm understanding that it's truly over?

 

As much as I wish she would contact me and we would reconnect, I know that it's not going to happen. So I feel like I'm mourning her as if she died.

 

Possibly. I don't think reliving it on here is helping either. Throwing yourself into study might me a good distraction...

[somedude81]

Possibly. I don't think reliving it on here is helping either. Throwing yourself into study might me a good distraction...

All I'm doing is expressing my thoughts and feelings and trying to get some understanding.

 

And no, studying will not be a good distraction for me. I don't even have enough energy to play video games, there is simply no way that I can try to struggle through math problems.

 

Seriously, how is doing something I hate supposed to make me feel better when I'm emotionally devastated?

[pickflicker]

All I'm doing is expressing my thoughts and feelings and trying to get some understanding.

 

And no, studying will not be a good distraction for me. I don't even have enough energy to play video games, there is simply no way that I can try to struggle through math problems.

 

Seriously, how is doing something I hate supposed to make me feel better when I'm emotionally devastated?

 

Because just because the world kicks us in the face doesn't mean we give up our responsibilities. Some people have to go to work, some have to raise their kids, you have to do your study.

 

If you fail again - then what? And what else do you require in terms of understanding.

Edited March 12, 2014 by pickflicker

[Imajerk17]

All I'm doing is expressing my thoughts and feelings and trying to get some understanding.

 

And no, studying will not be a good distraction for me. I don't even have enough energy to play video games, there is simply no way that I can try to struggle through math problems.

 

Seriously, how is doing something I hate supposed to make me feel better when I'm emotionally devastated?

 

Somedude let me tell you a story.

 

When my first girl broke up with me in college I was devastated. And I was also this close to flunking out. I didnt see the point in continuing my studies as physics or whatever was cold and dry and didn't keep me warm at night like a woman would. I craved A the girl who broke up w me. She was a girl wayyyy out of my league at the time but I somehow attracted her long enough to be my first "everything".

 

What got me to snap out of it--maybe 3 or 4 months after she ended it, was hearing how she found a great job in DC (she was a graduating senior I was a junior at the time). This while I was meeting with my advisor trying to find a way to just stay in school. That humiliated me to no end and lit a fire.

 

I ended up graduating in 4 years after all. My GPA was shiat but I did it. What got me to move forward was self-respect.

 

Thats not to say I didnt still hurt. I ran into her the following summer and she blew me off. I was so upset I nearly threw up that evening. But I knew my only chance was for me to move forward w my life.

 

See what I'm getting at here?

[Grumpybutfun]

Hmm, I wonder if the reason that I'm crying so frequently now is that deep down I'm understanding that it's truly over?

 

As much as I wish she would contact me and we would reconnect, I know that it's not going to happen. So I feel like I'm mourning her as if she died.

 

Yes, I think it is registering. Sorry, man. Look at it like this...if you find someone new, she will be very impressed with a man with a higher education degree....whatever it takes to get you out of bed and into classes and working on yourself and your life, that is what you are going to have to do. If you have to give yourself an hour each morning, afternoon, and night to cry and beat pillows and wank off to Victoria Secret magazines, do it. Like I told my son after his first break up, I don't care what you do as long as you do your work, respect yourself, gather the tools and knowledge to support yourself financially and emotionally, and know that you are going to find better and be better in the future. Crying isn't a bad thing, but losing sight of who you are where you want to go is a tremendous mistake. First breakups are tough, but they make you realize that you can make it through some tough experiences.

Nothing wrong with grieving,

G

[somedude81]

Thankfully the crying is starting to taper off, but exhaustion seems to have taken over. I just can't seem to get enough sleep. Though for some reason it feels like it's a mental exhaustion and not physical. Almost like something is pressing me down and squeezing my brain. All I want to do is lie down. The only time I actually feel good is when I'm interacting with girls. Then once I get home, I feel like I want to hibernate.

 

Today in my business class the topic was motivation. For a brief period of time the professor talked about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The basic premise is the less fulfilled a need is, the more motivating it is. The needs that predominate are the lowest level needs that are unmet.

 

The needs the motivate me the most and dominate my thinking are intimacy, love and sex. When those needs are not being fulfilled, I can't focus on anything else. Doing well in school falls under the achievement tier, and honestly I don't care about it. I can't care about it. I can barely put in minimal effort.

 

When I was with my GF, I worked my ass off to pass a really hard class. I was only able to pass that class because she was with me. Now that I'm single, there is no way I can put in that level of effort.

 

I wish there was something I could do to get my ex back. I would do anything she wanted. But the only thing she wants of me is to leave her alone. That kills me. Every night I wish for death.

 

She was the first person in my life who was not family to give me any sort of support. She was the first for so many other things it's ridiculous.

 

Why is there nothing I can do to get her back when I didn't do anything to actually wrong her? I don't understand why she never gave me a second chance.

[pickflicker]

Thankfully the crying is starting to taper off, but exhaustion seems to have taken over. I just can't seem to get enough sleep. Though for some reason it feels like it's a mental exhaustion and not physical. Almost like something is pressing me down and squeezing my brain. All I want to do is lie down. The only time I actually feel good is when I'm interacting with girls. Then once I get home, I feel like I want to hibernate.

 

Today in my business class the topic was motivation. For a brief period of time the professor talked about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The basic premise is the less fulfilled a need is, the more motivating it is. The needs that predominate are the lowest level needs that are unmet.

 

The needs the motivate me the most and dominate my thinking are intimacy, love and sex. When those needs are not being fulfilled, I can't focus on anything else. Doing well in school falls under the achievement tier, and honestly I don't care about it. I can't care about it. I can barely put in minimal effort.

 

When I was with my GF, I worked my ass off to pass a really hard class. I was only able to pass that class because she was with me. Now that I'm single, there is no way I can put in that level of effort.

 

I wish there was something I could do to get my ex back. I would do anything she wanted. But the only thing she wants of me is to leave her alone. That kills me. Every night I wish for death.

 

She was the first person in my life who was not family to give me any sort of support. She was the first for so many other things it's ridiculous.

 

Why is there nothing I can do to get her back when I didn't do anything to actually wrong her? I don't understand why she never gave me a second chance.

 

You'll likely go through life with one or more needs not being met at one point or another. Nut all my needs are meet on a daily basis. That's why you focus on the other things that can be done, until the other needs can be met.

 

That's not a unique problem, all life is like that.

Edited March 18, 2014 by pickflicker

[somedude81]

You'll likely go through life with one or more needs not being met at one point our another. Nut all my needs are meet on a daily basis. That's why you focus on the other things that can be done, until the other needs can be met.

 

That's not a unique problem, all life is like that.

I know I won't be able to fulfill all of my needs.

 

It's just that these major needs that have to be fulfilled or I can barely function.

 

Without a doubt, I can say that if I had a girlfriend back in my early 20's and stayed with her, I would have been done with school by now. I would have been less depressed, have had more motivation to study, received support, be able to dig in when things got tough and simply be able to focus more on school without getting tired as quickly.

 

Trying to do this on my own has been a complete joke.

 

I also really wonder what kind of person I'd be like if I spent the past 10 years in healthy relationship(s)

[pickflicker]

I know I won't be able to fulfill all of my needs.

 

It's just that these major needs that have to be fulfilled or I can barely function.

 

Without a doubt, I can say that if I had a girlfriend back in my early 20's and stayed with her, I would have been done with school by now. I would have been less depressed, have had more motivation to study, received support, be able to dig in when things got tough and simply be able to focus more on school without getting tired as quickly.

 

Trying to do this on my own has been a complete joke.

 

I also really wonder what kind of person I'd be like if I spent the past 10 years in healthy relationship(s)

 

And you're going to end up just projecting those inadequacies onto the girl your dating. You went help yourself. You can't make someone date you, bout you can get your degree.

 

If you're not functioning, you need to seek help. I'm wondering if your BU hasn't given you PTSD. You know that can be treated, medically? Beta blockers, I recall. PTSD is not just a psychological illness, it actually changes your brain's physiology.

Edited March 18, 2014 by pickflicker

[somedude81]

For a while I thought I may have gotten some from of PTSD from the breakup. While it's nothing as extreme as I've seen in the movies and TV, I feel that my brain has been screwed up. I went to bed at 10, and here I am now 4am writing this post. I can count the number of times I've slept through the whole night since the breakup on one hand.

 

I have triggers that can cause me emotional pain and I'll very briefly start hyperventilating. But I never lose track of where I am and relive the memories.

 

There is no doubt that the break up and what happened afterwards was traumatic to me. I felt like my world ended I had no reason to go on living. Frankly I still feel that way, but that's probably my depression.

 

There's basically two things I want in the world now, my ex back, or sleep. Unfortunately i can't have either.

[somedude81]

Wow.

 

I've been going over some of my old threads again. And I found the one where I was getting advice from the forum, on what to say to her before we started dating.

 

One of her emails to me was about her ex at the time, shortly after she dumped him

"Thanks, I'm still emotionally drained from all of it. The worst part is, he's still trying to talk to me and fix it. And I don't want to. Luckily, I have great supportive friends and co-workers that have been awesome."

 

Amazing how it's come full circle, and it's as if she said that about me to somebody else.

 

I think I ignored a lot of red flags about that girl, and it might have been a mistake jumping into a relationship with her so soon after she broke up with her BF. But it was the happiest time of my life and I simply can't regret being with her.

 

It's just so shocking that all the things she's said about her ex to me, she could be saying things very similar but about me to another guy right now.

[MidwestUSA]

Wow.

 

I've been going over some of my old threads again. And I found the one where I was getting advice from the forum, on what to say to her before we started dating.

 

One of her emails to me was about her ex at the time, shortly after she dumped him

"Thanks, I'm still emotionally drained from all of it. The worst part is, he's still trying to talk to me and fix it. And I don't want to. Luckily, I have great supportive friends and co-workers that have been awesome."

 

Amazing how it's come full circle, and it's as if she said that about me to somebody else.

 

I think I ignored a lot of red flags about that girl, and it might have been a mistake jumping into a relationship with her so soon after she broke up with her BF. But it was the happiest time of my life and I simply can't regret being with her.

 

It's just so shocking that all the things she's said about her ex to me, she could be saying things very similar but about me to another guy right now.

 

 

 

You might want to make note of the "supportive friends and co-workers" part. I'll give your ex one thing; she sounds emotionally healthy, rational, and insightful. (Okay, three things )

 

 

I do hope you've deleted all texts and emails you exchanged with her.

[somedude81]

You might want to make note of the "supportive friends and co-workers" part. I'll give your ex one thing; she sounds emotionally healthy, rational, and insightful. (Okay, three things )

 

 

I do hope you've deleted all texts and emails you exchanged with her.

Emotionally healthy, rational and insightful?! Ha ha, yeah right.

 

More like, she runs from her problems, refuses to work on a relationship when she's unhappy, and keeps her feelings to herself. Then there was the whole bit about her lying to me at the end of our relationship. She was very immature about it.

 

And then she was feeling so guilty about how the relationship ended, that she didn't want to face me at all. She started to treat me like I was the bad guys, who did something to hurt her, when she was the one who wasn't able to deal with her feelings. She was also very stubborn and unwilling to talk about the relationship once it ended. Kept saying that I was annoying her, when I needed closure.

 

It never occurred to me that how she was treating her ex at the time, was how she was going to treat me, when it was my turn to be dumped. Hell, I bet that she suddenly sprung a breakup on him as well. I wish I could attach a warning label to her so other guys could see what they are getting into if they want to date her.

Edited March 28, 2014 by somedude81