Johnsmith1003 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 So my whole childhood I have been bullied over and over. It would range from my parents and two sisters, to school peers, to job bosses and whatnot. I just realize today that when someone snaps at me, I get infuriated at them. This wasn't a secret, but what has been discovered is it's because it sends me back to when I was bullied. When someone offers constructive criticism in a kind manner, I take it in stride. It makes me happy. When any others criticize me without any reason or rather unnecessarily rude, disrespectful or baseless without reason (well even if there is reason but rudeness is still prevalent) I lose my mind. I found out this holds its roots in my childhood. How do I overcome hating people for doing ANYTHING to me that's anything other than kindness? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 So my whole childhood I have been bullied over and over. It would range from my parents and two sisters, to school peers, to job bosses and whatnot. I just realize today that when someone snaps at me, I get infuriated at them. This wasn't a secret, but what has been discovered is it's because it sends me back to when I was bullied. When someone offers constructive criticism in a kind manner, I take it in stride. It makes me happy. When any others criticize me without any reason or rather unnecessarily rude, disrespectful or baseless without reason (well even if there is reason but rudeness is still prevalent) I lose my mind. I found out this holds its roots in my childhood. How do I overcome hating people for doing ANYTHING to me that's anything other than kindness? You were traumatized and are reactive to that, specifically anything that resembles bullying. I would suggest getting therapy if you can in order to deal with the trauma. The thing is, is that people should not be rude to you in the first place, but it does happen. Some people are hardwired into being rude, it's a part of their personality. Others could be having a bad day (for whatever reason, like illness and such) and are just cranky, not really meaning to be rude. I'm hypersensitive to this also, and sometimes I'll read a situation wrong, meaning my filter is off and I'll go off especially if I'm really stressed or don't feel good. One quick way to overcome hating others is to rewire your mind, meaning be aware and analyze your thought patterns when becoming angry. Tell yourself the truth over and over, have it ever present in your mind- something like, "I will not go off and will walk away". It's hard at first, but it does work in time- eventually your thoughts will go immediately to walking away and being silent, it will be automatic. (((((((hugs)))))) hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnsmith1003 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 You were traumatized and are reactive to that, specifically anything that resembles bullying. I would suggest getting therapy if you can in order to deal with the trauma. The thing is, is that people should not be rude to you in the first place, but it does happen. Some people are hardwired into being rude, it's a part of their personality. Others could be having a bad day (for whatever reason, like illness and such) and are just cranky, not really meaning to be rude. I'm hypersensitive to this also, and sometimes I'll read a situation wrong, meaning my filter is off and I'll go off especially if I'm really stressed or don't feel good. One quick way to overcome hating others is to rewire your mind, meaning be aware and analyze your thought patterns when becoming angry. Tell yourself the truth over and over, have it ever present in your mind- something like, "I will not go off and will walk away". It's hard at first, but it does work in time- eventually your thoughts will go immediately to walking away and being silent, it will be automatic. (((((((hugs)))))) hang in there... Wow this was some great advice. I do try to 'shove it off' but it just makes me angrier that I didn't do anything to stop their angry tirade. My doctor put me on Klonopin as a sedative/muscle relaxant etc and it seems to do nothing other than make me down. He also referred me to a counselor, which I'll be thankful when we finally make an initial appointment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I have this problem. I find it helpful to a) practice being more assertive and b) remember that it's not about me, it's about them. Not standing up for yourself will make anyone feel powerless and like a helpless victim, which is a ****ty feeling. It's normal to feel angry about that. Once you stand up to people more often, I think a lot of the anger will start to fade and it will be easier to feel compassion for the other person. It's good to have compassion for ourselves too. Link to post Share on other sites
mea_M Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 So my whole childhood I have been bullied over and over. It would range from my parents and two sisters, to school peers, to job bosses and whatnot. I just realize today that when someone snaps at me, I get infuriated at them. This wasn't a secret, but what has been discovered is it's because it sends me back to when I was bullied. When someone offers constructive criticism in a kind manner, I take it in stride. It makes me happy. When any others criticize me without any reason or rather unnecessarily rude, disrespectful or baseless without reason (well even if there is reason but rudeness is still prevalent) I lose my mind. I found out this holds its roots in my childhood. How do I overcome hating people for doing ANYTHING to me that's anything other than kindness? Oh it's so easy to beat yourself up on this because you're conditioned from past trauma to react. Bullying leaves deep scars. So what your feeling and how you're reacting is normal due to you're conditioning early on. A change of your thought process is needed to look at the kindness that does exist in this world. It's not going to happen overnight, but it can happen in time. Therapy may be helpful. My best to you! Mea :-) Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I think you might find that even being aware of what is going on will be helpful. When you get angry you will know why- that awareness does wonders. Link to post Share on other sites
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