24 year old and my past is full of dirt. Want to come clean to you guys and change.

[youcanever]

Alright,

 

Here is my story. Before you read, many of you may find it "hey, that's not dirt", but I feel like dirt. So bear with me.

 

I am 24 year old. I've lost my virtinity to an escort when I was 17. And then 2 days later I banged another escort too. I was ****in 17.

 

Then I had my first gf when I was 19. It was a LDR. It took like 2.5 years and we saw each other face to face only 3 weeks. Then I cheated on her with an escort. I was 21 and I wanted sex so much, just couldn't handle it.

 

Then I had my second gf. It was 5 months relationship, and she cheated on me. I wrote her new bf all things about what she loves on bed, how bad she is at blowjob etc. It was horrible. I was in so much agony.

 

Then I met my 3rd gf. Because of my jealousy towards girls because I was cheated, I was jealous to my new gf. I was 23, she was 19. We had on and off, painful relationship for 5 months. She broke up with me last june. It was so painful for me because sex was great with her. She was only 19, so fresh. Only had 1 year relationship before me. She broke my heart by saying get out of my life, it killed me but kept promise. Full NC. Then she contacted after 2.5 months, I told her not to contact me. Then she contacted 4 months later again which is 5 weeks ago. I was over her and proposed her to be FWB. She accepted but changed mind last min. Then I offered friendly meeting. She accepted and we hooked up. Then I proposed a relationship. She rejected and it hurt me again. I told her not to contact me ever again. And it has been 4 weeks with NC. I am still angry to her.

 

My biggest dirt is, I've been with almost 15-16 escorts till now. And that is why I am in so much cc debt. I even been with 2 more yesterday. That is why I feel like dirt. My libido is too high, I just want to f whatever I see. That is also why my relationships ended as you see. Cheated first one. Second one cheated. Third one left because I was jealous of her nonstop and she got away.

 

I just wanted to come clean with you. Because I need a motivation to change myself. I need to control my libido.

 

I have a date with a wonderful girl this tuesday. But I don't respect myself, how can she respect me and love me. I will go to that date and do my best to chill out.

 

I want to rebirth and start fresh. Yes, I still want to be ladies man and be with gorgeous girls but I also want to be my bestself. I am 24 year old, working full time as mechanical engineer, also studyin on my master degree on automotive engineering, hitting gym. That is all. Takes my whole time. What else I can do?

 

Give me some motivation and your advices.

 

And sorry for the long post. I don't think I should put cliffs because that is a whole heart pour out.

[regine_phalange]

I'm not sure whether the problem is your libido or your impulsiveness (I'm not being critical, just pointing out something else for you to consider). I don't know why you may be so impulsive, there can be many explanations that only a proffessional can help you find. The fact that you feel aware and worried is more than half the battle, so no worries, if you truly want to fix it, you will fix it.

[GoreSP]

Sounds like you are human. Welcome to the club.

 

 

Learn the art of masturbating, my friend.

 

Or get a realdoll?

[topaMAXX]

Advice:

 

1) Stop getting hookers.

2) Get out of credit card debt.

3) You're still young. Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

If you find yourself still having these kinds of issues by the time you hit your late 20s, seek help.

[Robert Z]

I think the first thing is to stop demonizing yourself for being sex crazy.

 

The next thing is to take a break from the escorts. It takes about a week to come down after seeing one. After that it is easier. I suggest setting a goal of going no less than one week between visits. And then bump it up to two.

 

I know. I've seen about 20 escorts. I've been seeing a sugar baby for a year now but in the beginning it was more than wild. And in the beginning my sb was an escort! That's how we met.

 

I have seen men lose control as you have. The only solution is to force yourself to take control and start pacing yourself. The next thing is to understand that you may have a problem but you aren't dirty. You are just a man. It happens. Look at it as a biology issue and not a morality issue.

 

 

PS. I knew a guy who not only saw two escorts in one evening, three hours each, one actually showed up as the other was leaving!!! And he was 70 years old at the time.

Edited March 9, 2014 by Robert Z

[Allumere]

I'm not a dude so I can't understand the drive at your age. You aren't evil or scum so first forgive yourself. Next I'd follow the advice given...kick the escort habit and get out of debt. If you are really struggling without the sex then I'd suggest you speak with a therapist to see where your really fall in the spectrum. Now the biggest thing you need to do is change your view of women, specifically when it comes to relationships. Sex ain't what it is all about and although you may know that, you aren't acting it. Again, a therapist may help change how you view dating. If you are or were religious at all then you may want to lean on that as well for healing, focus and control of physical impulses.

[melell]

Also not a guy, but I see this as no different than anything we want to change.

 

You just have to do things differently, make different choices.

 

It happens to me all the time, I get in a rut or habit that holds me back, and I can start feeling a little distressed about it- especially with things that seem to never go away.

 

The only thing that puts an end to it is doing things differently, and to that that you have to be mindful of the behavior that isn't productive for you. If you think seeing escorts is a problem then make the decision to not see them- don't over think it, just put all of your efforts into avoiding seeing them.

 

We all have things that we want to change, or that we feel pull us down, impulses etc. it really is the human condition. You are not a bad person at all- anyone that wants to change, and tries to change for the better is the best type of person imo.

 

Good luck op

[Hello_is_it_me]

It's good that you want to change. When we're young we all do stupid things that we can learn from. And as the other posters said in regards to high libido - yep, masturbate. No shame in it at all.