Single again... bored again... men still don't approach....

[Esoteric Elf]

And with that comes the usual - men don't approach

See this is the problem. Feminism was fighting for equality, so that women didn't have to be passive anymore and be at the mercy of men's own agenda and...oh wait.

 

Nevermind

[Disillusioned]

Recently single (few weeks). Been going out, dressing up, doing my thing. I've really gotten back into my own flow of things, turned back into myself.

 

And with that comes the usual - men don't approach, men are intimidated, I'm horny, I'm bored, no man to bang or at least have good conversation with (I really enjoy a man's company).

 

I guess i'm half venting half asking for advice. I'm a cute girl (from what I've been told) and I'm always smiles and very friendly. But men still have a hard time asking for my number or even approaching me to begin with.

 

My guy friends tell me it's cuz I'm so open and 'cool' but I have a reeeeeeeeeally hard time believing that. What does a non-slutty girl have to do to get laid around here!? (F-buddies don't work for me... I need some intellect and some kind of emotion to be there for me to get aroused enough to want to bang the guy. Pure looks doesn't do it.)

 

And..?

 

Does fear of getting arrested prevent you from approaching guys?

[Hopeful30]

Men are conditioned these days to leave women alone in public and the only men that usually cold approach are jerks that just don't care.

 

But why have they been conditioned this way? I don't understand. THa'ts how you meet people, by approaching them and talking to them (not just opposite sex, but making friends too).

 

Well, there's always online dating. At least there your intentions are obvious. And you are guaranteed to get approached.

 

Tried that. Nothing good on there. (Paid one too, and nothing came out of it. Was online for about 6 months before I closed the account).

 

How did they get that way? Because women started being unapproachable and putting up their bitch shields, and then by treating any man who did approach, however carefully, as a creep.

 

 

Is there a need to insult her like that? She just wants some guys to come up and talk to her. It's a shame that these days we have created such a climate that people are afraid to even talk to the opposite sex and I think that is the source of her problem. It does not make her a slut.

 

Thank you Woggle

 

1. So you are on a rebound...don't you think taking some time out to reflect on what went wrong with the last one, and then working on those issues before jumping into another one?

 

2. Yes....conservatively or screaming am available come and have me?

 

3. That screams desperate to me, and am sure a mechanical device can be purchased for that task if need be

 

But I'm not on a rebound. Why do people think that if a girl is horny after a breakup that she's on the rebound? We have needs too...

 

And I do have a mechanical device, but I'm sure anyone can tell you that masturbating isn't the same as having a partner.

 

What kind of guy friends are these that don't try to bang you while you're single?

 

THey're FRIENDS lol if I thought they were attractive (and they thought I was) we would have banged already

 

See this is the problem. Feminism was fighting for equality, so that women didn't have to be passive anymore and be at the mercy of men's own agenda and...oh wait.

 

Nevermind

 

LOL agreed!

[hasaquestion]

This and the line between what is considered harrassment and just approaching is very very vague.

 

Yeah but if you're male how do you find a line? Trial and error.

 

You're going to mess it up a lot that's part of the process. And honestly - who cares if a girl gives you the cold shoulder? Gives you something to laugh about later.

[Woggle]

But why have they been conditioned this way? I don't understand. THa'ts how you meet people, by approaching them and talking to them (not just opposite sex, but making friends too).

 

 

 

T

 

Because a twisted brand of feminism has been shoved down's men's throats for the past twenty or so years and has made many of us afraid to even talk to a woman. I genuinely support equality, equal pay, reproductive rights, holding men who are violent towards women accountable and everything but certain radicals have mad every interaction between men and women into some gender war and have convinced many men that is how all women feel. We have become opposing forces in today's climate.

 

The jerks who still go up to women just don't care about being PC and I think that is where some women's attraction to bad boy's comes from. I don't think most women want to be mistreated but they want men who don't aren't deathly afraid to even talk to a woman.

 

Also in general we have just become a very cold and isolated society.

[organizedchaos]

Because a twisted brand of feminism has been shoved down's men's throats for the past twenty or so years and has made many of us afraid to even talk to a woman. I genuinely support equality, equal pay, reproductive rights, holding men who are violent towards women accountable and everything but certain radicals have mad every interaction between men and women into some gender war and have convinced many men that is how all women feel. We have become opposing forces in today's climate.

 

The jerks who still go up to women just don't care about being PC and I think that is where some women's attraction to bad boy's comes from. I don't think most women want to be mistreated but they want men who don't aren't deathly afraid to even talk to a woman.

 

Also in general we have just become a very cold and isolated society.

 

No, I disagree. It's just a bunch of doormats who don't see woman as an equal and put them way up high on a pedestal. So high they are afraid to talk to them, like they're royalty. It's another human being. There is no harm in walking up to someone and saying "hello". That's not being a bad boy, it's not being a player. It's basic human interaction. Grow a pair. And talk to them.

[Teraskas]

No, I disagree. It's just a bunch of doormats who don't see woman as an equal and put them way up high on a pedestal. So high they are afraid to talk to them, like they're royalty. It's another human being. There is no harm in walking up to someone and saying "hello". That's not being a bad boy, it's not being a player. It's basic human interaction. Grow a pair. And talk to them.

 

While I do agree with the statement of 'growing a pair and talking to them', I oppose the idea of men being considered a bunch of 'doormats'.

Personally, I see women as every bit my equal and treat them respectfully, I don't place them on a pedestal before or after having met them.

(Only time I do that is in a relationship, but that's beside the point atm.)

 

My friends , and even 2 posters on here told me that I'm considered a catch and any woman would be lucky to land me.

Personally, it's taken me a LOT of time to reach that point from my own mindset.

Yet, when I approach women just to make conversation (or from my perspective to get it to progress to something more: I.e. : Date, Relationship) I get looked down upon by them.

I can literally read they face as if they're thinking 'WHY does this guy even have the nerve to approach me, does he not know I'm in a relationship ?!'

The relationship part I overheard her saying, while I was sitting at a table drinking my coffee writing down things on a notepad.

(Memory loss issues if folks must know before they get all judgemental: Got it because of a bad case of hayfever. )

 

I've begun noticing this kind of behaviour more and more.

I mean, how am I supposed to progress things further if I get looked down upon like this ?

I usually compare it to the 'Real life ignore mode of OLD.' xD

I swear, it would be SO much easier if people were wearing an "Amulet Of Mara" as in Skyrim to display their single status. Would save me a lot of wasted effort, lol. ^^

Edited March 10, 2014 by Teraskas

[Woggle]

No, I disagree. It's just a bunch of doormats who don't see woman as an equal and put them way up high on a pedestal. So high they are afraid to talk to them, like they're royalty. It's another human being. There is no harm in walking up to someone and saying "hello". That's not being a bad boy, it's not being a player. It's basic human interaction. Grow a pair. And talk to them.

 

I agree with you but the misandrists I speak of don't want an equal relationship between men and women. They want an adversarial relationship between the genders.

[ltjg45]

No, I disagree. It's just a bunch of doormats who don't see woman as an equal and put them way up high on a pedestal. So high they are afraid to talk to them, like they're royalty. It's another human being. There is no harm in walking up to someone and saying "hello". That's not being a bad boy, it's not being a player. It's basic human interaction. Grow a pair. And talk to them.

 

Talking to them and getting friends tend to be effortless for me.

 

Actually getting a woman in a relationship with me? Whole another problem right there. Like Teraskas has said, I have seen only 3 different kind of responses from women that I get enough balls to approach:

1. They get angry. (Easily the most common)

2. They tell me they have a boyfriend. I tend to leave that alone regardless if that was the truth or not.

3. They go silent or give me some other reason why.

 

I only got 2 women that has shown any positive feedback and the first has a boyfriend while the second was going on maternity leave shortly (just my luck, of course). With the second one, I don't get a positive vibe from her either to continue perusing her.....not to mention she is a single mother.

 

*sigh*

[d0nnivain]

Hopeful

 

 

What are you doing & where are you looking? Do you look approachable -- smile, eye contact etc. or are you closed off & looking like don't talk to me.

 

 

You can approach men more subtly. Many have been conditioned that the cold approach doesn't work & it's creepy but as a woman you hold a lot of power. Make eye contact, smile, & flip your hair. If that doesn't work, speak first. A simple Hi or nice weather should be enough of an ice breaker / invitation for many men. You don't have to go guns blazing & offer to buy him a drink or initiate a date. Just initiate the conversation.

 

 

IF OLD doesn't work for you, have you tried MeetUp.com, joining clubs/groups / activities that interest you or checking out whose around in your normal day? Try Speed Dating. Go to a singles event. There are tons of special interest ones out there. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers so I could take my dog. He also helped me to feel more secure. Plus he was a big Dalmatian who always commands a lot of attention & made me more popular then the women with pocket dogs. lol I never got around to it but there were wine dinners that looked interesting & another group that set you up with somebody to play golf. Even if there was no love connection I figured I would have been able to enjoy the experience.

 

 

Another good technique is telling people you know that you are open to being set up.

[organizedchaos]

While I do agree with the statement of 'growing a pair and talking to them', I oppose the idea of men being considered a bunch of 'doormats'.

Personally, I see women as every bit my equal and treat them respectfully, I don't place them on a pedestal before or after having met them.

(Only time I do that is in a relationship, but that's beside the point atm.)

 

My friends , and even 2 posters on here told me that I'm considered a catch and any woman would be lucky to land me.

Personally, it's taken me a LOT of time to reach that point from my own mindset.

Yet, when I approach women just to make conversation (or from my perspective to get it to progress to something more: I.e. : Date, Relationship) I get looked down upon by them.

I can literally read they face as if they're thinking 'WHY does this guy even have the nerve to approach me, does he not know I'm in a relationship ?!'

The relationship part I overheard her saying, while I was sitting at a table drinking my coffee writing down things on a notepad.

(Memory loss issues if folks must know before they get all judgemental: Got it because of a bad case of hayfever. )

 

I've begun noticing this kind of behaviour more and more.

I mean, how am I supposed to progress things further if I get looked down upon like this ?

I usually compare it to the 'Real life ignore mode of OLD.' xD

I swear, it would be SO much easier if people were wearing an "Amulet Of Mara" as in Skyrim to display their single status. Would save me a lot of wasted effort, lol. ^^

 

I don't know your state of mind when approaching, or what kind of vibe you're giving off when approaching. Plus, only approach if you're given clear indication she's interested! A smile from her, eye contact, etc. That way you know there's interest. Someone who's reading a book, on her laptop, etc generally means she's not going to be open to or appreciate someone disturbing her. If she's sitting next to you and something happens that strikes up a conversation, great, go with it. If you're in an electronics store and she's eyeing up a laptop, give her some friendly advice. Seize an opportunity. You don't HAVE to make one - that will generally result in getting struck down.

[Teraskas]

I don't know your state of mind when approaching, or what kind of vibe you're giving off when approaching. Plus, only approach if you're given clear indication she's interested! A smile from her, eye contact, etc. That way you know there's interest. Someone who's reading a book, on her laptop, etc generally means she's not going to be open to or appreciate someone disturbing her. If she's sitting next to you and something happens that strikes up a conversation, great, go with it. If you're in an electronics store and she's eyeing up a laptop, give her some friendly advice. Seize an opportunity. You don't HAVE to make one - that will generally result in getting struck down.

 

I'm generally always myself in those situations.

I don't expect anything. (Other than a good conversation which potentially could lead to something more. I have no interest in ONS & FWB and all that.)

Cool, calm, no pressure, relaxed.

I only approach those who did give me a signal of interest though.

Or if she was reading something, I tend to examine it from a distance.

If I happen to know the book (and she's not reading in it) I'll be sure to strike up a conversation regarding that to get things going.

That's what confuses me most about the whole thing.

Why bother giving signals of interest when you're not interested at all ?

Seems like an ego boost thing to me, lols. ^^

Edited March 10, 2014 by Teraskas

[Jethro]

Few weeks? Really? Let me know when you've gotten to a few years than I'll have some sympathy. Maybe.

[Keenly]

You are just going to have to keep doing the approaching then, if they won't approach but you really want it.

 

Some men like myself just don't approach. Its not how we are wired.

[hasaquestion]

There you have it OP, no one's approaching you because they are "waiting for signals". Just bat your eyelashes for 12 hours straight.

[ZipperZapper]

Talking to them and getting friends tend to be effortless for me.

 

Actually getting a woman in a relationship with me? Whole another problem right there. Like Teraskas has said, I have seen only 3 different kind of responses from women that I get enough balls to approach:

1. They get angry. (Easily the most common)

2. They tell me they have a boyfriend. I tend to leave that alone regardless if that was the truth or not.

3. They go silent or give me some other reason why.

 

I only got 2 women that has shown any positive feedback and the first has a boyfriend while the second was going on maternity leave shortly (just my luck, of course). With the second one, I don't get a positive vibe from her either to continue perusing her.....not to mention she is a single mother.

 

*sigh*

 

What I find a lot of women do is they won't give out any signals of interest, and/or put up their bitch shields so that the message is clear: 'stay away, creep.'

 

Clearly women who do this are trying to filter out guys they don't find attractive, because isn't it amazing how fast those shields go down when a really attractive guy walks up to them? If the room was filled with really good-looking men, a strategy like this would be smart.

 

However what happens in reality is that men find such women unapproachable and so they don't approach. So, the end result of being nasty to men in an attempt to find the perfect man is that the strategy backfires, and the woman has few or no men approaching. That translates to a lot fewer dating opportunities.

 

Then we hear the oft-repeated banshee wail: "Where are all the good men?" They were right in front of you, ladies, but they weren't perfect enough so you turned them away and made sure that they felt bad about themselves for even trying to approach.

 

But I'm just pontificating here, since I've given up on women and dating.

[Hopeful30]

Also in general we have just become a very cold and isolated society.

 

Define we? North America? Certain cities?

 

I live in North America, so if that's the kind of society you are referring to then yes, I agree with you. I travel alot, and I've noticed that other 'societies' are far warmer and I get approached way more when I travel. But I can't travel just to get laid lol!

 

Hopeful

 

 

What are you doing & where are you looking? Do you look approachable -- smile, eye contact etc. or are you closed off & looking like don't talk to me.

 

 

You can approach men more subtly. Many have been conditioned that the cold approach doesn't work & it's creepy but as a woman you hold a lot of power. Make eye contact, smile, & flip your hair. If that doesn't work, speak first. A simple Hi or nice weather should be enough of an ice breaker / invitation for many men. You don't have to go guns blazing & offer to buy him a drink or initiate a date. Just initiate the conversation.

 

 

IF OLD doesn't work for you, have you tried MeetUp.com, joining clubs/groups / activities that interest you or checking out whose around in your normal day? Try Speed Dating. Go to a singles event. There are tons of special interest ones out there. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers so I could take my dog. He also helped me to feel more secure. Plus he was a big Dalmatian who always commands a lot of attention & made me more popular then the women with pocket dogs. lol I never got around to it but there were wine dinners that looked interesting & another group that set you up with somebody to play golf. Even if there was no love connection I figured I would have been able to enjoy the experience.

 

 

Another good technique is telling people you know that you are open to being set up.

 

Of course I'm being open and friendly It's just how I am in general, there's no even trying I often even strike up a conversation with a random guy like "Oh that looks good! What are you drinking?" or something like if I accidentaly bump into them I smile, apologize and say something like "So crowded in here!". It usually takes, but its always friendly chatter and never ends up with anything more.

 

Maybe I'm doing this with the wrong men?

 

Also, as much as I agree with your advice, sometimes there's just no time to do all those things. By the time you work your full-time week, plus do other homely things like laundry, cleaning, cooking and other things. Being part of an active club or common events take lots of time and energy and it's hard to balance everything at once.

 

There you have it OP, no one's approaching you because they are "waiting for signals". Just bat your eyelashes for 12 hours straight.

 

Haha!

 

 

Then we hear the oft-repeated banshee wail: "Where are all the good men?" They were right in front of you, ladies, but they weren't perfect enough so you turned them away and made sure that they felt bad about themselves for even trying to approach.

 

Now I never said there weren't any good men. I know there are plenty of great men. Thing is... well your'e right. In my case, I'm just not attracted to them.

[Tayla]

Is there a need to insult her like that? She just wants some guys to come up and talk to her. It's a shame that these days we have created such a climate that people are afraid to even talk to the opposite sex and I think that is the source of her problem. It does not make her a slut.

 

Woggle, we are to stay on topic with the Op's message lest we be warned by the moderator.

 

The op clearly states ( her words) 'i'm horny' . She point blank is being real that she is looking for satisfaction without doing the work. Which is how a player behaves. No real investment or regard. I stand by my observation. Not an insult. Even support her for her player mentality... Shes keepin it real for her life choices.

[Woggle]

Define we? North America? Certain cities?

 

I live in North America, so if that's the kind of society you are referring to then yes, I agree with you. I travel alot, and I've noticed that other 'societies' are far warmer and I get approached way more when I travel. But I can't travel just to get laid lol!

 

 

 

.

 

North America mainly. People are just miserable anymore.

[organizedchaos]

Woggle, we are to stay on topic with the Op's message lest we be warned by the moderator.

 

The op clearly states ( her words) 'i'm horny' . She point blank is being real that she is looking for satisfaction without doing the work. Which is how a player behaves. No real investment or regard. I stand by my observation. Not an insult. Even support her for her player mentality... Shes keepin it real for her life choices.

 

Being horny hardly makes one a player. She just has needs, like we all do, and wants them to be met. Not by a random hookup either.

[Woggle]

Being a player means lying to and deceiving people. In no way did she say anything about that.

[Leigh 87]

It's a bit silly to assume men are intimidated.

 

Come on, you are probably not a super model that men dare not approach.

 

I am just being honest.

 

Even cute girls get passed up and remain dateless for years at a time.

 

It depends where you live, your age, and what your personality is like.

 

Just know that an easy lay is easy to find. I had something like that going with a quality , super hot guy. We talked daily, had an intellectual connection.....

 

I had to ask him though, as he was happy to just be friends and possibly hang out. We both met overseas and lived in the same home country.

 

 

 

 

 

Stop pulling the intimidating card. Few women are THAT good looking and also the hardcore business/law related fields that make a woman intimidating.

You are likely NOT one of those few women who have super model looks and also work in foreign relations or some intimidating, intellectually driven field....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I only ever had ONE guy think that I was above his league. I was a 7/10 at the time. It happens but not often.

 

Most regular women don't have many guys, if any at all, who think they are under the woman's league.....

[d0nnivain]

 

Maybe I'm doing this with the wrong men?

 

Also, as much as I agree with your advice, sometimes there's just no time to do all those things. By the time you work your full-time week, plus do other homely things like laundry, cleaning, cooking and other things. Being part of an active club or common events take lots of time and energy and it's hard to balance everything at once.

 

Not knowing you or the men you talk to I can't speak to whether they are the wrong men but I implore you to look at the situation objectively. Are there any common denominators? Perhaps if you see a pattern you can change it & get better results.

 

I find it a bit odd that you initiate conversations & don't get a positive response. My experience is that more than 50% of men respond favorably to me starting a conversation.

 

As for the great balancing act . . . it depends on your priorities & perhaps your budget. If you want to make more time for meeting someone & being active in a group, you need to find shortcuts. I suggest you look into a fluff & fold service for your laundry, perhaps hire a housekeeper & buy ready made meals. If you don't devote some time to meeting somebody you will remain stuck.

[Hopeful30]

Not knowing you or the men you talk to I can't speak to whether they are the wrong men but I implore you to look at the situation objectively. Are there any common denominators? Perhaps if you see a pattern you can change it & get better results.

 

I find it a bit odd that you initiate conversations & don't get a positive response. My experience is that more than 50% of men respond favorably to me starting a conversation.

 

Well one thing is that when I go out dressed casually, I get approached more, but when I actually try to look nice, I get approached less. Perhaps I give off the high maintenance vibe when I wear really expensive clothes and jewellery? Cuz I def get approached (I think?) more when I'm just in jeans and flats. But the things is, I'm not a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal. I have beautiful clothing and I love to wear it. I'm a stylish person and I'm confident like that. It's who I am and it's unfair that it comes off as high maintenance, cuz it's just clothes, it doesn't define how I am as a person.

 

Also, the conversations always get positive feedback. I never said I didn't get responses, I just said that I never get asked for my phone number afterwards (or other contact info etc). And the reason I said perhaps I go after the wrong men, is because maybe they are in a relationship which is why they don't ask but still are friendly enough to engage in conversation.

 

I just think it's unfair that a man's unwillingness/fear leaves women wondering why the hell they are still single. Doesn't matter how this happened, who is to blame and why we are like this. It just sucks that men don't approach for whatever reasons and women are such bitches when they do. I don't understand society. It's no wonder everyone is cold and rude. They ain't getting laid!!

Edited March 11, 2014 by Hopeful30

[d0nnivain]

That makes more sense. They talk but don't follow up. Your reasoning may be correct that they are polite but in relationships. Some how you have to subtly telegraph your interest. Find a clever way to ask if he's dating someone. It doesn't even have to be that clever but by asking you are signalling your willingness to date him should he ask.

 

I met a man at a singles event. It turned out he needed my professional services & asked me for my card. When I gave it to him, I said I'd be happy to help him if he called but I'd be happier if he called for personal rather than work reasons. He did call & ask me out. At dinner he confessed that if I hadn't said that he would never have had the courage to call because he thought I was out of his league. Sometimes men need to be hit over the head with the proverbial 2x4 but you still have to take care not to emasculate them.

 

As for the clothes -- I'm high maintenance & proud of it. Be yourself. If you aren't a jeans & flats kind of girl, wear what you like. However, you need to be dressed for the venue / occasion. A Chanel suit doesn't work at the corner bar unless that corner happens to be in Paris or NYC.