Single again... bored again... men still don't approach....

[Tayla]

Being a player means lying to and deceiving people. In no way did she say anything about that.

 

It does?? Wouldnt that definition apply to politicians and most humans then? I know some sales people that make a living that way! *grin*

 

I stand by my perception and comprehension reading of what the OP stated and how it came off. I politely disagree.

My advice to her is simple, less ego , more regard may entice a potential partner.

[Tayken]

But why have they been conditioned this way? I don't understand. THa'ts how you meet people, by approaching them and talking to them (not just opposite sex, but making friends too).

 

 

 

Tried that. Nothing good on there. (Paid one too, and nothing came out of it. Was online for about 6 months before I closed the account).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Woggle

 

 

 

But I'm not on a rebound. Why do people think that if a girl is horny after a breakup that she's on the rebound? We have needs too...

 

And I do have a mechanical device, but I'm sure anyone can tell you that masturbating isn't the same as having a partner.

 

 

 

THey're FRIENDS lol if I thought they were attractive (and they thought I was) we would have banged already

 

 

 

LOL agreed!

 

 

Now....Anybody will tell you that DENIAL is not just a river in Africa

[lino]

Men are conditioned these days to leave women alone in public and the only men that usually cold approach are jerks that just don't care.

 

This is basically it.

 

Women wanted it this way and now they have it.

[lino]

Yeah but if you're male how do you find a line? Trial and error.

 

You're going to mess it up a lot that's part of the process. And honestly - who cares if a girl gives you the cold shoulder? Gives you something to laugh about later.

 

What most women don't understand (because they don't go through it) is that once a guy gets into nearly triple digits of cold shoulders, it's definitely not something to laugh about.

 

Why is rrejection something to laugh about anyway? If I want to laugh, I'll watch a comedy.

[lino]

Few weeks? Really? Let me know when you've gotten to a few years than I'll have some sympathy. Maybe.

 

Yeah a few weeks of dry spell doesn't deserve a thread opening.

just shows the difference between blokes and women.

[topaMAXX]

It's a bit silly to assume men are intimidated.

 

Come on, you are probably not a super model that men dare not approach.

 

I am just being honest.

 

Even cute girls get passed up and remain dateless for years at a time.

 

It depends where you live, your age, and what your personality is like.

 

Just know that an easy lay is easy to find. I had something like that going with a quality , super hot guy. We talked daily, had an intellectual connection.....

 

I had to ask him though, as he was happy to just be friends and possibly hang out. We both met overseas and lived in the same home country.

 

 

 

 

 

Stop pulling the intimidating card. Few women are THAT good looking and also the hardcore business/law related fields that make a woman intimidating.

You are likely NOT one of those few women who have super model looks and also work in foreign relations or some intimidating, intellectually driven field....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I only ever had ONE guy think that I was above his league. I was a 7/10 at the time. It happens but not often.

 

Most regular women don't have many guys, if any at all, who think they are under the woman's league.....

 

Well said and quoted for emphasis.

 

To the women that complain about not being approached: Maybe you're not worthy of an approach. Ever considered that?

[topaMAXX]

Not knowing you or the men you talk to I can't speak to whether they are the wrong men but I implore you to look at the situation objectively. Are there any common denominators? Perhaps if you see a pattern you can change it & get better results.

 

I find it a bit odd that you initiate conversations & don't get a positive response. My experience is that more than 50% of men respond favorably to me starting a conversation.

 

As for the great balancing act . . . it depends on your priorities & perhaps your budget. If you want to make more time for meeting someone & being active in a group, you need to find shortcuts. I suggest you look into a fluff & fold service for your laundry, perhaps hire a housekeeper & buy ready made meals. If you don't devote some time to meeting somebody you will remain stuck.

 

The bolded has been my experience as well when approaching women.

 

I've made thousands of approaches and can remember maybe a handful of rude responses (and most of those occurred when I was in my late teens and early 20s and not really socially aware).

 

Most women are either receptive, dismissive, or give me the "deer in the headlights" look. Never outright rude though.

[Leigh 87]

Well said and quoted for emphasis.

 

To the women that complain about not being approached: Maybe you're not worthy of an approach. Ever considered that?

 

 

 

Well plenty of cute women get overlooked unless they have cool stye or something about them that stands out and a guy happens to take a liking to.

 

That's how I get approached. ... a guy will comment on my outfit and my sense of style. It stands out enough to get noticed. .

 

If I am honest with myself, I wouldn't ever get approached if I wore no make up and had my hair in a messy ponytail. With a bland outfit.

 

I wear cute dresses, have my hair very long... I have 80 bags (I collect them)

 

I have fun with my outfits. Guys sometimes notice. .

 

Plus I'm friendly and not loud or over the top, personality wise.

[jba10582]

I wasn't going to respond to this thread but, a thought crossed my mind when reading your title and if this helps okay,(and if not or if the OP never wants to approach a guy, that is okay),

 

but, in accessing my own memory of girls approaching me (it doesn't happen often btw), I have mostly been taking off guard, and I think it may be taken as not being receptive, but rather it was more likely a case of really doing something else I was focused on, almost where it was abrupt and complete change of thought patterns and I did not immediately start conversing too much back, so much of them gave up really quickly...one actually turned into about a 4-5 month relationship where we had met at a pool hall quite some time ago (3 exes ago), but I was probably in a more receptive mode at that time.

[hasaquestion]

What most women don't understand (because they don't go through it) is that once a guy gets into nearly triple digits of cold shoulders, it's definitely not something to laugh about.

 

Why is rejection something to laugh about anyway? If I want to laugh, I'll watch a comedy.

 

I'm a man. Rejection is a numerical reality. You're interested in 15% of the people you meet, she's interested in 15 of the people you meet, that's a 2.25% chance of overlap.

 

So not only is getting rejected normal, but it is essential to figuring out where boundaries are. What to say, and what not to say. Practice makes perfect. Go for it see what happens and adjust accordingly.

 

In most pursuits of life, paralyzing fear of failure is effectively fear of success. This one is no exception.

[hasaquestion]

If anything, fear of rejection is an opportunity. It creates a competitive advantage for those who can get over it. A guy who shoots himself in the foot is one less you have to worry about "outdoing".

 

Meanwhile people like the OP are sitting around in Au Bon Pain or whatever waiting for someone fun and to whom they are somewhat attracted to say hi.

[Bruce Leigh]

and I'm always smiles and very friendly. But men still have a hard time asking for my number or even approaching me to begin with.

 

My guy friends tell me it's cuz I'm so open and 'cool' but I have a reeeeeeeeeally hard time believing that.

 

Are you open and cool, smiling and friendly with everyone you speak to?

If you are this way with everyone, male or female, then it may be hard for the men to distinguish between you having an interest in them, to you being interested in them.

It can go the other way too of course.

And i have seen both scenarios a few times over the years.

[lino]

I'm a man. Rejection is a numerical reality. You're interested in 15% of the people you meet, she's interested in 15 of the people you meet, that's a 2.25% chance of overlap.

 

So not only is getting rejected normal, but it is essential to figuring out where boundaries are. What to say, and what not to say. Practice makes perfect. Go for it see what happens and adjust accordingly.

 

In most pursuits of life, paralyzing fear of failure is effectively fear of success. This one is no exception.

 

not sure where your numbers come from but I haven't rejected 85% of the women that I met. A guy would have to be Rod Stewart level to reject that many women!

 

A pretty (or even average) girl though, can easily discard 85% of the dudes she meets.

 

AlsoI've never met a guy who's scared of success with a woman.

[hasaquestion]

not sure where your numbers come from but I haven't rejected 85% of the women that I met. A guy would have to be Rod Stewart level to reject that many women!

 

A pretty (or even average) girl though, can easily discard 85% of the dudes she meets.

 

Also I've never met a guy who's scared of success with a woman.

 

That was just an example. Don't take the numbers too seriously.

 

That said I don't think you have to be Rod Stewart to be uninterested in 85% of the women out there. 50% of American women are overweight, so that means being interested in 30% of the remainder. I think a lot of pretty "average" men would discard 85% of the women they meet, just like with the women.

 

The number of guys I've met who are truly incapable of talking to women is something else. If they wanted to be good at it, maybe they'd give it a try.

[Hopeful30]

not sure where your numbers come from but I haven't rejected 85% of the women that I met. A guy would have to be Rod Stewart level to reject that many women!

 

A pretty (or even average) girl though, can easily discard 85% of the dudes she meets.

 

But that's kind of a given. Biologically women are pickier in general, because out of a swarm of men, they have to pick ONE to be the best to mate with, have a baby, raise a child etc etc. That's 9 months of pregnancy and raising a child, and she's not just going to pick ANY guy. She HAS to be selective because this decision will stick with her for the rest of her life (baby wise, genetically wise for her children etc)

 

Versus a guy who doesn't need to be picky. He just needs to implant his seed to ensure that his genes will be passed on, and any fertile female he is slightly attracted to will do. It's not a lifelong decision for him (nor a physical or emotional one at that - a.k.a he doesn't need to carry the child, his body won't endure changes, his emotions would go out of whack because of hormones etc).

 

So to me it kinda makes sense that a women will be more selective. Even if she doesn't want children etc etc, it's ingrained. We have to be more selective for the best outcome (both for our own stability, our children, DNA etc).

 

Men just need to find a fertile womb that will carry his baby to full term, hence why the most fertile women are the most attractive (minus other preferences of course).

[Keenly]

But that's kind of a given. Biologically women are pickier in general, because out of a swarm of men, they have to pick ONE to be the best to mate with, have a baby, raise a child etc etc. That's 9 months of pregnancy and raising a child, and she's not just going to pick ANY guy. She HAS to be selective because this decision will stick with her for the rest of her life (baby wise, genetically wise for her children etc)

 

Versus a guy who doesn't need to be picky. He just needs to implant his seed to ensure that his genes will be passed on, and any fertile female he is slightly attracted to will do. It's not a lifelong decision for him (nor a physical or emotional one at that - a.k.a he doesn't need to carry the child, his body won't endure changes, his emotions would go out of whack because of hormones etc).

 

So to me it kinda makes sense that a women will be more selective. Even if she doesn't want children etc etc, it's ingrained. We have to be more selective for the best outcome (both for our own stability, our children, DNA etc).

 

Men just need to find a fertile womb that will carry his baby to full term, hence why the most fertile women are the most attractive (minus other preferences of course).

 

You have way oversimplified the male aspect of this.

[Hopeful30]

You have way oversimplified the male aspect of this.

 

Well then explain it to me. Am I wrong that women are pickier than men? So far in all my threads and other posts, men seem to emphasize that women are the pickier ones, and that men aren't as critical when it comes to choosing a mate.

 

If I'm wrong, I would be more than happy to hear the alternative.

[hasaquestion]

Well then explain it to me. Am I wrong that women are pickier than men? So far in all my threads and other posts, men seem to emphasize that women are the pickier ones, and that men aren't as critical when it comes to choosing a mate.

 

If I'm wrong, I would be more than happy to hear the alternative.

 

I don't think women are "pickier" than men. Based on what I've read about it here, I do suspect online dating creates a "pickier" environment. When you have "access" to more people its easier to justify burning through them based on details.

[Bruce Leigh]

So far in all my threads and other posts, men seem to emphasize that women are the pickier ones, and that men aren't as critical when it comes to choosing a mate.

 

If I'm wrong, I would be more than happy to hear the alternative.

 

And then there are countless women on here who say the exact opposite to your own conclusion, spread across too many threads to mention.

 

This is one of many issues that women and men will never agree on.

 

Pickiest person i know is my brother, still a bit of a running joke amongst my circle of friends. Seen him turn down quite a few lookers too but he somehow finds something "wrong with them"

Infuriating to say the least

[Woggle]

It seems there are a lot of people who have no standards whatsoever when they decide who will father or mother their child for that matter so I don't think kids are really a reason for being picky.

[topaMAXX]

not sure where your numbers come from but I haven't rejected 85% of the women that I met. A guy would have to be Rod Stewart level to reject that many women!

 

A pretty (or even average) girl though, can easily discard 85% of the dudes she meets.

 

AlsoI've never met a guy who's scared of success with a woman.

 

We do reject most women that we see....just not in the way they reject us.

 

Generally, a rejection from a guy is either not approaching them at all or not trying harder when they play hard to get. I've found that many women become interested once you show them that you are really interested in a confident way.

 

But I agree with you in that I believe hasaquestion is actually female.

[topaMAXX]

It seems there are a lot of people who have no standards whatsoever when they decide who will father or mother their child for that matter so I don't think kids are really a reason for being picky.

 

From what I've seen, most women are very picky (even if they don't have a reason to be) and most men settle down with the first woman that will have them.

[lino]

That was just an example. Don't take the numbers too seriously.

 

That said I don't think you have to be Rod Stewart to be uninterested in 85% of the women out there. 50% of American women are overweight, so that means being interested in 30% of the remainder. I think a lot of pretty "average" men would discard 85% of the women they meet, just like with the women.

 

The number of guys I've met who are truly incapable of talking to women is something else. If they wanted to be good at it, maybe they'd give it a try.

 

I'm not in the USA but my country is also high up there in obesity figures and I still don't know ANY guy that has rejected 85% of women. Even really big ladies men.

 

Yeah of course... it's surely just due to them not talking to women. Have you ever known a guy that is continually shot down? I dont think you have, talking this way.

 

But that's kind of a given. Biologically women are pickier in general, because out of a swarm of men, they have to pick ONE to be the best to mate with, have a baby, raise a child etc etc. That's 9 months of pregnancy and raising a child, and she's not just going to pick ANY guy. She HAS to be selective because this decision will stick with her for the rest of her life (baby wise, genetically wise for her children etc)

 

Versus a guy who doesn't need to be picky. He just needs to implant his seed to ensure that his genes will be passed on, and any fertile female he is slightly attracted to will do. It's not a lifelong decision for him (nor a physical or emotional one at that - a.k.a he doesn't need to carry the child, his body won't endure changes, his emotions would go out of whack because of hormones etc).

 

So to me it kinda makes sense that a women will be more selective. Even if she doesn't want children etc etc, it's ingrained. We have to be more selective for the best outcome (both for our own stability, our children, DNA etc).

 

Men just need to find a fertile womb that will carry his baby to full term, hence why the most fertile women are the most attractive (minus other preferences of course).

 

Sorry but I'm definitely not some caveman simply looking to 'spread my seed' I'd like to think there's a bit more complexity to a human male than that. Perhaps if you stop chasing these types you'll not go a few weeks 'dry' poor baby.

 

You have way oversimplified the male aspect of this.

 

Come on man, you should know better!

We're all just massive unevolved primates trying to plug as many holes as possible in our measly life span...

 

It seems there are a lot of people who have no standards whatsoever when they decide who will father or mother their child for that matter so I don't think kids are really a reason for being picky.

 

Hey it's biology man!

All those fragile women have spent countless hours selecting that drug dealer or violent criminal to best look after them while their body changes.

None of those guys would desert them when they need them most... it's biology!

 

We do reject most women that we see....just not in the way they reject us.

 

Generally, a rejection from a guy is either not approaching them at all or not trying harder when they play hard to get. I've found that many women become interested once you show them that you are really interested in a confident way.

 

But I agree with you in that I believe hasaquestion is actually female.

 

Sorry, if there's no invitation being turned down, it isn't a rejection. Just because I walk past 20 women a day and ask none of them out, doesn't mean I'm rejecting them. Piss weak argument.

 

When a girl gets turned down on multiple invitations SHE extended, I'll have all the sympathy in the world.

 

This topic itself is proof how little women deal with rejection.

Half the men (probably more) would feel like they won the lottery if they knew a few weeks is the longest dry spell they'll ever have yet the OP is acting like a few weeks without sex means her vagina is slowly sealing itself shut. Boo f*cken hoo.

 

From what I've seen, most

women are very picky (even if they don't have a reason to be) and most men settle down with the first woman that will have them.

 

This I strongly agree with. I know several guys who have married a girl they have no interest in but was their forst girlfriend, purely because they fear growing up lonely and miserable.

All of them are still miserable.

[topaMAXX]

But that's kind of a given. Biologically women are pickier in general, because out of a swarm of men, they have to pick ONE to be the best to mate with, have a baby, raise a child etc etc. That's 9 months of pregnancy and raising a child, and she's not just going to pick ANY guy. She HAS to be selective because this decision will stick with her for the rest of her life (baby wise, genetically wise for her children etc)

 

Versus a guy who doesn't need to be picky. He just needs to implant his seed to ensure that his genes will be passed on, and any fertile female he is slightly attracted to will do. It's not a lifelong decision for him (nor a physical or emotional one at that - a.k.a he doesn't need to carry the child, his body won't endure changes, his emotions would go out of whack because of hormones etc).

 

So to me it kinda makes sense that a women will be more selective. Even if she doesn't want children etc etc, it's ingrained. We have to be more selective for the best outcome (both for our own stability, our children, DNA etc).

 

Men just need to find a fertile womb that will carry his baby to full term, hence why the most fertile women are the most attractive (minus other preferences of course).

 

The issue with this is that women are not all that selective about who they have children with. They have sex with the guys that turn them on, get knocked up, have children, and then the government rewards them for it.

 

Most women make awful decisions when it comes to who they have sex with.

Many do not mate with guys that would be the best fathers and husbands. They mate with the guys that turn them on the most.

 

Your argument suggests that women mate rationally, which is, by far, the furthest from the truth.

[Hopeful30]

The issue with this is that women are not all that selective about who they have children with. They have sex with the guys that turn them on, get knocked up, have children, and then the government rewards them for it.

 

Most women make awful decisions when it comes to who they have sex with.

Many do not mate with guys that would be the best fathers and husbands. They mate with the guys that turn them on the most.

 

Your argument suggests that women mate rationally, which is, by far, the furthest from the truth.

 

lol Well I agree on that one, so many people who are not fit to be parents have babies. But that's the whole biological thing again... if you are extremely attracted to a person, then it means your genes want to get together and make an offspring. Women have to be pickier because one offspring takes nearly a year, whereas a man can make so many more offspring within the same period of time thus he isn't required to be as selective.

 

And again this is a generalization. SO many women don't have kids because they can't find the right man. How many attractive and successful women you know who get knocked up? Not many. Most 'knock ups' are just the average females that men actually approach and are not intimidated or fearful. (In other words, the average women get laid far more than the beautiful, successful ones, thus their chances of getting pregnant obviously increase.)

 

So back to square one. Successful and beautiful females are often single and babyless because men, for whatever reason, don't approach. Those that get "knocked up" are the ones who are approachable or that men do not fear to approach, a.k.a not extremely successful and attractive women. Which is kinda contradictory if you think about it. Shouldn't the most successful and beautiful women be the most desirable? I guess not since men rarely approach them and would rather go the easy route with the girl next door (or whatever that expression is lol).

Edited March 14, 2014 by Hopeful30