Single again... bored again... men still don't approach....

[lino]

Which is why saying "men don't reject women as much as women reject men" is patently absurd. Of course men don't reject women. Its the man who walks up to the woman. Why would a man approach a woman, and then turn her down? That's silly.

 

 

 

It's only that way because society expects it so, not because men want it that way and prefer it like that. Not the majority anyway.

 

 

Of course the women want it that way, it means they don't have to do a thing other than smile or wink at a bloke!

 

 

There was a topic in here not long ago started by a female member who asked out a guy on facebook (not even face to face!) and following silence from his end for a few days she was carrying on as though the world was ending and vowed never to ask a guy out again! Of course, due to the nature of this place she was pampered all round.

 

 

If genders were reversed?...

 

 

You seriously think the lonely men on here and in the real world wouldn't kill to have some females throw them a bone and come to them for once? You're kidding yourself if you don't... Or you live in a very different world to me.

 

 

Most men DON'T HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY to reject women because no women ever extend them an invite for a date. How in God's name can you reject something which doesn't occur? Do you get it or not?

 

 

No invite = nothing to possibly reject, meaning no rejection takes place. Not that hard eh?

 

 

I'll use myself as an example to further explain.

 

 

Of the 10 women I've been semi-seriously/seriously been involved with, on only one occasion did I do the initial approaching. The rest initially approached me (indirectly though, through a friend or relative).

 

 

I rejected none of them. I accepted their advances/approaches and each of them dumped me later on except the 10th, who is now my girlfriend of several years.

[hasaquestion]

You seriously think the lonely men on here and in the real world wouldn't kill to have some females throw them a bone and come to them for once? You're kidding yourself if you don't... Or you live in a very different world to me.

 

I hear you. But loneliness is hardly exclusive to males.

 

Just like there is a subset of men who are lonely, there is a subset of women who are lonely.

 

There's tons of women out there who are overweight, plain, homely looking... who wish someone would walk up to them and flash them a big grin and ask them how their day is going.

 

23% of American women between 20 and 29 have a BMI above 30. Yeah, they are definitely sitting around rejecting men left right and center:laugh:

 

Lonely people in general wish someone would throw them a bone. C'est la vie. Its not a gendered problem.

[Hopeful30]

 

Lonely people in general wish someone would throw them a bone. C'est la vie. Its not a gendered problem.

 

Not just "ugly" people are lonely. Beautiful women are quite lonely too. I have a few gorgeous friends who don't understand why men are afraid to approach them (apparently cuz beauty is intimidating?) and are so lonely, wishing the same, that a guy would just come up to them and say hi, how are you?

[Imported]

Not just "ugly" people are lonely. Beautiful women are quite lonely too. I have a few gorgeous friends who don't understand why men are afraid to approach them (apparently cuz beauty is intimidating?) and are so lonely, wishing the same, that a guy would just come up to them and say hi, how are you?

 

This is what I always find funny about many women.

[Keenly]

Not just "ugly" people are lonely. Beautiful women are quite lonely too. I have a few gorgeous friends who don't understand why men are afraid to approach them (apparently cuz beauty is intimidating?) and are so lonely, wishing the same, that a guy would just come up to them and say hi, how are you?

 

Tell your friends they need to actually put in some effort and approach.

[jba10582]

Not just "ugly" people are lonely. Beautiful women are quite lonely too. I have a few gorgeous friends who don't understand why men are afraid to approach them (apparently cuz beauty is intimidating?) and are so lonely, wishing the same, that a guy would just come up to them and say hi, how are you?

 

imo a "hi how are you with a smile" is nothing more than being polite. Now, you could probably develop some acquaintance level relationship that way if you see them enough..seems to have very often here, but its not having the key ingredient of intent that you want. It's more just acknowledging another human being. Maybe in a large stressed out city downtown or something, because I don't get that doesn't EVER happen.

[Tayken]

I don't wear skanky dresses. I wore a DVF wrap dress in a rich pink and white 3D looking pattern today. Long, to the knees. With my chest area pronounced but I wouldn't say that being able to see the shape of a womans boobs was necessarily skanky. It was not low cut enough to be considered unclassy.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe the OP wears skanky clothes. Who knows. Many men don't approach women who can't dress appropriately.

 

 

 

There's a funny show on about people who, due to the way that they dress, miss out on dating, rarely get approached and get generally avoided by people.

 

 

In Bold: You can say that again.....No decent man will want to be walking along with someone that looks like he just picked up from around the corner.....

 

There really is no reason for anyone to dress like a SLUT (things on display, a skirt/dress that you have to pull down every second, shoes you can barely move in)...unless of course they crave attention and they are desparate...cos that is what is being projected.

[GemmaUK]

I never id flash the flesh anyway and I'm no good in mega high heels, never was.

 

I find that I get approached more the less dressed up I am.

Combats and a t-shirt or jeans works.

 

Dresses etc are nice but I get more attention from men in casual gear where my bod is very much all covered up.

 

Yes I am 45 but I also do still get approached.more now than I ever did to be honest.

[Salvatore85]

Not just "ugly" people are lonely. Beautiful women are quite lonely too. I have a few gorgeous friends who don't understand why men are afraid to approach them (apparently cuz beauty is intimidating?) and are so lonely, wishing the same, that a guy would just come up to them and say hi, how are you?

 

Why do we have to approach? Why can't women take charge?

[NYC-BigKat]

Recently single (few weeks). Been going out, dressing up, doing my thing. I've really gotten back into my own flow of things, turned back into myself.

 

And with that comes the usual - men don't approach, men are intimidated, I'm horny, I'm bored, no man to bang or at least have good conversation with (I really enjoy a man's company).

 

I guess i'm half venting half asking for advice. I'm a cute girl (from what I've been told) and I'm always smiles and very friendly. But men still have a hard time asking for my number or even approaching me to begin with.

 

My guy friends tell me it's cuz I'm so open and 'cool' but I have a reeeeeeeeeally hard time believing that. What does a non-slutty girl have to do to get laid around here!? (F-buddies don't work for me... I need some intellect and some kind of emotion to be there for me to get aroused enough to want to bang the guy. Pure looks doesn't do it.)

 

 

Um...why don't u do some of the approaching? That would help a lot.

[Salvatore85]

Um...why don't u do some of the approaching? That would help a lot.

 

Exactly. Was out with some friends last night, female walks up and sits next to me, just asks if she can buy me a shot. It was great, broke the ice and we ended up exchanging numbers.

[lino]

I hear you. But loneliness is hardly exclusive to males.

 

Just like there is a subset of men who are lonely, there is a subset of women who are lonely.

 

There's tons of women out there who are overweight, plain, homely looking... who wish someone would walk up to them and flash them a big grin and ask them how their day is going.

 

23% of American women between 20 and 29 have a BMI above 30. Yeah, they are definitely sitting around rejecting men left right and center:laugh:

 

Lonely people in general wish someone would throw them a bone. C'est la vie. Its not a gendered problem.

 

It is most definitely a gender problem when it is solely one gender who has the onus placed on them of doing all the leg work purely because society says so.

 

No ifs or buts.

 

Why do we have to approach? Why can't women take charge?

 

 

You do realize this is the equivalent of asking 'why can't alcohol be good for my liver?!?'

[Teraskas]

It is most definitely a gender problem when it is solely one gender who has the onus placed on them of doing all the leg work purely because society says so.

 

No ifs or buts.

 

 

You do realize this is the equivalent of asking 'why can't alcohol be good for my liver?!?'

 

I find it ironic that in this world filled with an infinite amount of invisible societal conventions and dictats, that men should be deadlocked into the role of initiating simply because 'society says so'.

 

As an example, I have seen an increase of women being the ones to propose. All because they wanted to, and were ready, without any added pressure from the guy.

 

If that as an example is happening, why couldn't it become more frequent with regards to the aspect of women initiating in dating ?

I have respect for women who initiate, regardless of success or rejection as the end result.

If anything, the current social norm for women in which they just collectively passively sit on their rear and wait for everyone else to initiate and approach them does nothing more than foster the female majority's entitled attitude.

In many ways I've found it similar to the comparison of a princess who is used to receiving everything instantly without having experienced the fact to put work into something to achieve it.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Teraskas

[Keenly]

I find it ironic that in this world filled with an infinite amount of invisible societal conventions and dictats, that men should be deadlocked into the role of initiating simply because 'society says so'.

 

As an example, I have seen an increase of women being the ones to propose. All because they wanted to, and were ready, without any added pressure from the guy.

 

If that as an example is happening, why couldn't it become more frequent with regards to the aspect of women initiating in dating ?

I have respect for women who initiate, regardless of success or rejection as the end result.

If anything, the current social norm for women in which they just collectively passively sit on their rear and wait for everyone else to initiate and approach them does nothing more than foster the female majority's entitled attitude.

In many ways I've found it similar to the comparison of a princess who is used to receiving everything instantly without having experienced the fact to put work into something to achieve it.

 

While I agree that women should get with the times a little bit more, and that a lot of them hide behind this tradition to avoid facing rejection or simply because of cowardice, I'll also say that you wouldn't want to get rid of any societal norm that worked to your advantage either.

[quidproquo89]

Is there a need to insult her like that? She just wants some guys to come up and talk to her. It's a shame that these days we have created such a climate that people are afraid to even talk to the opposite sex and I think that is the source of her problem. It does not make her a slut.

I don't think we need insults on here, having said that sometimes telling it as it is can come across that way. There is a bit of a problem as you say, that people in bars/clubs often don't approach or even look at the other sex. Seems like a lot of people want to preserve their dignity/self respect - nothing stings more than approaching somebody, getting the cold shoulder and standing there feeling like an idiot and that everyone has noticed and is judging.

[Woggle]

Let's be honest the reason some women don't want to approach has nothing to do with tradition but everything to do with fear of rejection. They know damn well how brutal some women can be towards men they are not interested in and they don't want men rejecting them that harshly.

[Hopeful30]

Let's be honest the reason some women don't want to approach has nothing to do with tradition but everything to do with fear of rejection. They know damn well how brutal some women can be towards men they are not interested in and they don't want men rejecting them that harshly.

 

Ive covered this many times in this thread. I've done the approaching before, but it's a turn off if I have to do it because the man is too afraid to. A huge part of the attraction is a man who has the initiative and balls to approach, period.

 

And yes, traditional gender roles also apply. If a man is too "modern" or "new age" to approach, then he probably thinks I should pay for my portion of the bill and hold my own door too. No thanks. If a man isn't man enough to approach, then he's probably lacking courage and initiative in other areas too. That's just how I would see him.

[hasaquestion]

I find it ironic that in this world filled with an infinite amount of invisible societal conventions and dictats, that men should be deadlocked into the role of initiating simply because 'society says so'.

 

As an example, I have seen an increase of women being the ones to propose. All because they wanted to, and were ready, without any added pressure from the guy.

 

If that as an example is happening, why couldn't it become more frequent with regards to the aspect of women initiating in dating ?

I have respect for women who initiate, regardless of success or rejection as the end result.

If anything, the current social norm for women in which they just collectively passively sit on their rear and wait for everyone else to initiate and approach them does nothing more than foster the female majority's entitled attitude.

In many ways I've found it similar to the comparison of a princess who is used to receiving everything instantly without having experienced the fact to put work into something to achieve it.

 

But where you are wrong is that assuming that all this is a bad thing for men. Its not.

 

In a more "efficient" world where women approach men, Hopeful30 wouldn't be sitting around waiting for a man. She would have approached a guy who she finds handsome, but who was too shy, and found out he's a nice guy. And the less handsome guy who actually has balls is the one who is worse off.

 

The fact that men are expected to approach is an opportunity for men. It weeds out competition for you.

[Teraskas]

But where you are wrong is that assuming that all this is a bad thing for men. Its not.

 

In a more "efficient" world where women approach men, Hopeful30 wouldn't be sitting around waiting for a man. She would have approached a guy who she finds handsome, but who was too shy, and found out he's a nice guy. And the less handsome guy who actually has balls is the one who is worse off.

 

The fact that men are expected to approach is an opportunity for men. It weeds out competition for you.

 

True to a point, but I wasn't assuming it to be a bad thing by itself.

When in my opinion it becomes a bad thing is when despite initiating, having a good approach, etc. you're still getting rejected countless times.

Such things make me lose hope in all honesty.

Truth told, it makes me wonder when the next encounter ISN'T going to be a rejection, lol.

To me at that point it seems as if women consider being approached nothing more than an ego boost.

[Imajerk17]

Well, these "societal norms" are more than just that.

 

Women are the ones who get pregnant. Until that changes, women are going to keep on insisting that "he likes me enough" to put himself out there first. When women put it this way it does sound like feminine entitlement, but look at it this way: If she gets pregnant by a dude who "just isn't that into her" she is kind of screwed (pun intended). So women tend to be wired to act in this self-protective mechanism.

 

BUT that said, waiting for a man to approach isn't working for Hopeful. Cold-approaching is something men have been conditioned to avoid doing--in fact cold-approaching was never how people got together anyway. Most couples get together because they are in the same social circle or something, and nowadays it's Match. At the end of the day Hopeful has to take responsibility for her own happiness--either keep on waiting or be willing to do more of the upfront work. A man doesn't "owe" her an approach or anything.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Woggle]

Why is it that the only tradition some women want to keep are the ones they benefit from? We have had a few decades now of women rejecting tradition but now since they are being asked to sometimes risk rejection and ask men out or pay for their own meal they all of a sudden want to throw feminism out the window?

[Hopeful30]

Why is it that the only tradition some women want to keep are the ones they benefit from? We have had a few decades now of women rejecting tradition but now since they are being asked to sometimes risk rejection and ask men out or pay for their own meal they all of a sudden want to throw feminism out the window?

 

That's an overgeneralization. You are assuming we wouldn't return certain gender roles without even asking. That's another assumption right there, that if a woman wants a traditional man then somehow she wants best of both worlds and wont do traditional gender roles herself...

[lino]

Let's be honest the reason some women don't want to approach has nothing to do with tradition but everything to do with fear of rejection. They know damn well how brutal some women can be towards men they are not interested in and they don't want men rejecting them that harshly.

 

That's pretty much it.

Just another smokescreen to cover the countless double standards. 'You have to do this, but I don't have to do it for you!'

 

Ive covered this many times in this thread. I've done the approaching before, but it's a turn off if I have to do it because the man is too afraid to. A huge part of the attraction is a man who has the initiative and balls to approach, period.

 

And yes, traditional gender roles also apply. If a man is too "modern" or "new age" to approach, then he probably thinks I should pay for my portion of the bill and hold my own door too. No thanks. If a man isn't man enough to approach, then he's probably lacking courage and initiative in other areas too. That's just how I would see him.

 

No problem in thinking like that but then don't complain that there are no good men around. You're surrounded by them but are infinitely picky.

[lino]

That's an overgeneralization. You are assuming we wouldn't return certain gender roles without even asking. That's another assumption right there, that if a woman wants a traditional man then somehow she wants best of both worlds and wont do traditional gender roles herself...

 

What are traditional female gender roles these days?

Serious question.

[ltjg45]

When a woman wants a "traditional man", she wants a man that will take full responsibility in finances, control of the household, and basically every event that takes place within the family. With this, a "traditional woman" is expected to keep the house clean, watch over the children, and keep the man in question happy.

 

At least that is what I am understanding.

 

In which case, I am not a traditional man. I was born and raised at a time where my mother has worked. My father was being a man-child to his wife, who also worked for 15-20 years in a row at a hospital. Therefore traditional values was never forced on me (not like my family cared about me to begin with).

 

And, frankly, I prefer it that way. I don't look at every attractive woman I see and immediately approach them. In fact, I look to see if she is looking at me before I decide if I want to approach. At least give me some signal that she wants to be approached. If I don't see it, I don't bother.

 

When I look for a potential partner, I am not looking for the completely submissive woman that wants a man to completely dominate her in every way. We got enough of those guys out there so if you are looking for one, I am sure you can find them. They stick out like a sore thumb.

 

I am looking for a woman that is willing to go 50/50 with me. She is willing to work, pursue a career if she likes, have her own interests, and is willing to spend time with me whenever that happens. It helps if she has self-respect and not let the guys she doesn't want excite and control her. I am looking for a woman that have no issues going after what SHE wants. If she has the desire and chase to go after a top-end career, then what is the difference to her doing the same to go after the men she wants? Even if she doesn't want to directly ask out the men she desires, sending out clear-cut signals of interest would do wonders instead.

 

Any woman that classifies herself as a "traditional woman" would be getting a pass from me because I am not a "traditional man" and the society we are living in doesn't support that either.

 

We are living in the age of equality and, at the least, I respect it for what it is.