Single again... bored again... men still don't approach....

[Teraskas]

In my country (Canada) 80% of adults are in relationships so the 8 out of 10 figure seems pretty accurate. I don't know how it breaks down demographically though so it's possible the numbers are lower for younger adults. Every guy I know has spent way more time in relationships since their late teens than being single though, so anecdotally that number feels pretty accurate.

 

20% is still a lot of single ladies though (all the single ladies in fact).

 

Seems that my sample group wasn't too far off then.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Then again out of the 20% who actually are single, they are either: emotionally unavailable, have the bad boys syndrome, are too picky, generalise and distrust the male gender as a whole, want generic hookups, only interested in being 'friends', claiming there is no spark and moving on to the next guy they can find, etc.

 

I feel as if life is genuinely trolling me.

Not generalising women with the stuff I said above, but all that has been from personal experience.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet a woman from the 20% who doesn't suffer from the stuff mentioned above, lol.

Either I'm really cursed, or just a ghost...

[Hopeful30]

Seems that my sample group wasn't too far off then.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Then again out of the 20% who actually are single, they are either: emotionally unavailable, have the bad boys syndrome, are too picky, generalise and distrust the male gender as a whole, want generic hookups, only interested in being 'friends', claiming there is no spark and moving on to the next guy they can find, etc.

 

So basically what you're saying is that no beautiful single woman is datable. That's quite the generalization, and it's extremely inaccurate. Not one single, beautiful woman I know is like this. This just sounds like excuses for men who don't try or can't get one.

[organizedchaos]

Seems that my sample group wasn't too far off then.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Then again out of the 20% who actually are single, they are either: emotionally unavailable, have the bad boys syndrome, are too picky, generalise and distrust the male gender as a whole, want generic hookups, only interested in being 'friends', claiming there is no spark and moving on to the next guy they can find, etc.

 

I feel as if life is genuinely trolling me.

Not generalising women with the stuff I said above, but all that has been from personal experience.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet a woman from the 20% who doesn't suffer from the stuff mentioned above, lol.

Either I'm really cursed, or just a ghost...

 

Or, you are just too damn nice?

[Teraskas]

So basically what you're saying is that no beautiful single woman is datable. That's quite the generalization, and it's extremely inaccurate. Not one single, beautiful woman I know is like this. This just sounds like excuses for men who don't try or can't get one.

 

I didn't say 'beautiful women', I said women in general.

From personal experience, they either have someone or are single and don't want anything serious.

Fact of the matter is still that I am CONSTANTLY encountering this, yet not one woman who is available. Sure, a few women who I know are single at this time, but they've just gotten out of relationships and naturally they aren't interested. (I asked btw.)

 

And don't give me that 'excuse for men who don't try or get one' line.

I am MORE than putting myself out there, and trying when possible compared to the very few remaining single male friends who sit passively and just wait for something to happen to them.

[Teraskas]

Or, you are just too damn nice?

 

 

Possible, but doubtful as I barely disclose anything about my 'nice' nature to women in the initial 'dating phase'.

Then again, there's the difference between being a genuinely nice, respectful and well mannered guy and a full on doormat.

Of those I am the former, plus one with confidence at that.

If anything, I am not even given a chance to prove that I am 'nice'.

Edited April 5, 2014 by Teraskas

[topaMAXX]

Seems that my sample group wasn't too far off then.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Then again out of the 20% who actually are single, they are either: emotionally unavailable, have the bad boys syndrome, are too picky, generalise and distrust the male gender as a whole, want generic hookups, only interested in being 'friends', claiming there is no spark and moving on to the next guy they can find, etc.

 

I feel as if life is genuinely trolling me.

Not generalising women with the stuff I said above, but all that has been from personal experience.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet a woman from the 20% who doesn't suffer from the stuff mentioned above, lol.

Either I'm really cursed, or just a ghost...

 

Don't forget unrealistically picky. This is usually more true of older women (30+) since younger girls usually are able to get the guys that they all desire (good looking bad boy).

[Babolat]

My guy friends tell me it's cuz I'm so open and 'cool'

I can relate to this. The woman I am currently seeing is very attractive. Tall, blond, great body, a head turner when she walks into places. She is bubbly, funny, quirky, charming, extrovert, very social, makes you feel good when around her, alwasy smiling and laughing, asks you questions (I watch her interact with people) and engages you in a conversation.

 

She recently said "men never ask me out". She's been single for 3 years and I met her online. I thought "this is ridiculous, you are amazing, why would men not ask you out". She has male friends, I have met some of them, most are married. My best guess is they are either intimidated by her or see her as a freind, a buddy type. Maybe this is the vibe you give off.

[Babolat]

As I said in your intimidation thread, it's very possible that men think that you're too good to be true (pretty, friendly, single) so they don't bother..

 

This...I have only read the first page of this post so apologies in advance if this has already been discussed.

[Babolat]

I can relate to this. The woman I am currently seeing is very attractive. Tall, blond, great body, a head turner when she walks into places. She is bubbly, funny, quirky, charming, extrovert, very social, makes you feel good when around her, alwasy smiling and laughing, asks you questions (I watch her interact with people) and engages you in a conversation.

 

She recently said "men never ask me out". She's been single for 3 years and I met her online. I thought "this is ridiculous, you are amazing, why would men not ask you out". She has male friends, I have met some of them, most are married. My best guess is they are either intimidated by her or see her as a freind, a buddy type. Maybe this is the vibe you give off.

I'll add the woman i am currently dating is super intelligent, smart, went to Ivy League schools and was an attorney, so maybe this intimidates men, too. On top of all that, yeah she does have super model looks, I'd call her that all american girl sexy look. She even won "Best bod on the beach" in college. .

 

I'm not sure I would have approached her, in fact I know I would not have, had we not met OLD. I remember when I first saw her I was like "Holy crap, that is her?"

 

My ex gf was the same, and I met her through OLD too. Though she did get hit on a lot.

Edited May 1, 2014 by Babolat

[Frank2thepoint]

New question:

 

Do men think beautiful women are arrogant? Not by any display of behaviour, but do they assume she must be just because she's so beautiful and probably knows it?

 

And if you do think she is arrogant, is that why you don't approach? Cuz you assume arrogance means b*tchy and rude?

 

This highly depends on the location. I've cold approach a couple of beautiful women on the streets of NYC in the past, and I've gotten the look of "why are you talking to me?" I've cold approached one beautiful girl in Upstate NY. She was friendly, smiled, but politely turn me down. Sometimes I hate NYC, so I no longer cold approach here because many just have a chip on their shoulder and are arrogant.

[thecrucible]

Isn't the biggest reason that men don't approach because they're not looking to hook up? I mean if I'm out with my friends, I'm just enjoying myself not thinking about finding men to date. Also when you approach someone you know nothing about them, whether they're single or not, whether they're straight or gay..so with cold approaches you don't really know what you're getting into.

 

 

I sometimes get men approach me and I assume it is friendly conversation and mostly that is what it is - and they might add me on facebook afterwards. I don't have a problem with being flirty so I must not be their type for whatever reason. I try not to say yes to most guys if they ask me out as I don't want to be accused of being a tease. I actually like the majority but it's usually some practical reason such as they work with my dad, or they're too old for me, or I've dated one of their friends or something...

 

 

Besides, most of the guys who cold approach are players anyway. I get sleaze bags walking up to me and saying "Fancy a f***?" or asking me if I want to have sex with him down some alley-way. It really sucks. Then I get guys touching parts of my body I don't want them to touch on the odd occasion. A few months ago I ran into a guy in the bar...I had a bf at the time. He was much older than me. He started trying to grind me and I told him to go away because I had a bf but he followed me to the bathroom and was waiting when I got out. He grabbed my arm (which hurt) and started to pull me towards him but I managed to run away. Creepy as anything, right?!? [i actually shared some sexual assault experience with an ex and he basically decided I must have been gagging for it. So it's lose-lose...some men judge you as trash just 'cause some other creep hits on you]

 

 

At this stage, it'd be kind of cool to have a guy come up to me and just ask me questions about me and be interested in my soul you know...I don't get that rubbish attention because I'm really slutty, or because I ask for it. It'd be refreshing to have someone come up and talk to me in a gentlemanly way.

 

 

My conclusion is men will do and say anything to women to get their penis wet. And that men approaching you is not always what it's cracked up to be. Real positive attention and interest in you as a person is much preferable to some awful PUA type.

[El Brujo]

Recently single (few weeks). Been going out, dressing up, doing my thing. I've really gotten back into my own flow of things, turned back into myself.

 

And with that comes the usual - men don't approach, men are intimidated, I'm horny, I'm bored, no man to bang or at least have good conversation with (I really enjoy a man's company).

 

I guess i'm half venting half asking for advice. I'm a cute girl (from what I've been told) and I'm always smiles and very friendly. But men still have a hard time asking for my number or even approaching me to begin with.

 

My guy friends tell me it's cuz I'm so open and 'cool' but I have a reeeeeeeeeally hard time believing that. What does a non-slutty girl have to do to get laid around here!? (F-buddies don't work for me... I need some intellect and some kind of emotion to be there for me to get aroused enough to want to bang the guy. Pure looks doesn't do it.)

 

So... are you afraid men will arrest you if you think in 180-degree terms and approach them instead? Many of the best guys need a woman who can do some breaking through.

[ZipperZapper]

Tell your friends they need to actually put in some effort and approach.

 

Women are all for equality, but when real equality doesn't suit them, or it doesn't favour them, they shy away from it.

[R3d]

Men are conditioned these days to leave women alone in public and the only men that usually cold approach are jerks that just don't care.

Is this actually true now?

[Potz4prez]

Is this actually true now?

 

Well, I don't know about the jerk part, but they definitely don't care. That's part of the charm

[ltjg45]

Is this actually true now?

 

The sheer majority of couples I have seen happen to be with males that I can't stand whatsoever and women who happens to be, at the least, semi-attractive.

 

These also happen to be the guys that makes these women single mothers too, as well.

 

So it is somewhat true.

[Absinthe]

Seems that my sample group wasn't too far off then.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Then again out of the 20% who actually are single, they are either: emotionally unavailable, have the bad boys syndrome, are too picky, generalise and distrust the male gender as a whole, want generic hookups, only interested in being 'friends', claiming there is no spark and moving on to the next guy they can find, etc.

 

I feel as if life is genuinely trolling me.

Not generalising women with the stuff I said above, but all that has been from personal experience.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet a woman from the 20% who doesn't suffer from the stuff mentioned above, lol.

Either I'm really cursed, or just a ghost...

 

ahaha, no buddy, they are just not that into you. Simple.

 

I wish more dudes would pick up that book. Flip the genders. It is the SAME ADVICE.

[irc333]

Is this actually true now?

 

This is why the Meetup site is better than cold approaches, with Meetup you at least you have a REASON to approach. Simply introducing them into the group if they're new.

[chir]

Hey. .hopeful 30.. i read your first post and of course some

really hurtful replies that came after it. Just want to drop by and said

i totally understand how you feel. Is the same for me.

 

If you had been part of a couple and now single.. i am sure being horny

is not desperate. . .. It is normal. .i guessed you are just puzzled why

attractive as you are. Guys are just not approaching you, maybe you look

cold, you tried to look friendly yet without compromising your own boundaries and

make it look like you are 'easy' hence attracting men just out for

Sex..

 

you just want a guy whom you can first get to know.. and see where it goes..and hopefully

You will live to tell a beautiful story of how this charming stranger lay eyes on you

... boy meet girls.. became best friends ...fall in love. . Lives happily ever after. .

 

I guessed as much as we may want it.. Most people don't see it our way.. maybe love is just a myth in this cynical world.

[c57dood]

The main issue a lot of people miss is that these actions should not be considered "approaching". It is more of a dance, a mating ritual if you will.

 

Except, it is not as simple as women giving off receptive signals and men doing all the initiating. Both sexes dance with each other in a mixture of receptive/pursuant natures that bounce off one another and that's how you get "chemistry" or "clicking".

 

I believe the reason men do not approach women as often anymore are purely resource and economic reasons. Once one man's income at a manual labor job was enough to support an entire family. Now, one man's income often isn't even enough to support himself. And so, because of his greatly diminished ability to provide he is much more wary of finding a serious relationship.

 

TL;DR Men do not approach as much these days because of depressed wages and wayward inflation.

[Potz4prez]

I can get behind that theory. And bitches still want us to cover the bill on a date -.-

[Woggle]

Another thing is men get mixed messages about this. There are women who go on and on about street harassment and how women should just be left alone and then you have women like the OP complaining that men won't approach. It leaves men feeling confused and many just don't bother.

[Imported]

I was lap swimming today at a completely different pool than the one I usually use. As I was approaching an end, a girl comes up and sits at the end of my lane with her feet in the water, looked like she was pointing at her vagina and making mouth movements. I didn't really hear her, but assumed she was just asking if it was OK she sits there. I said, 'hey, no problem' durring my turn and continued swimming. I did four lengths and she stayed there the whole time. I was thinking and planning while swimming and decided next length back, I was stopping for a break at her end and start a conversation.

 

Luckily her boyfriend or husband showed up before I did that!@!!! Phew! That could have been really awkward lol.

 

 

OP, you don't have to approach guys yourself. You don't even have to be brutally obvious about it. You do need to make a guy wonder....maybe yes...she is interested. Somehow. Those are the girls I usually approach. Not the ones that are oblivious to me. And yes, sometimes I can tell someomen might be interested, but are going out of their way to appear not interested for whatever reason....already has a guy or fear...or worse....thinks they shouldn't have to do anything and the guy should do everything and take 100% of the risk blind. It's usually like pulling teeth with them. Not going to bother. I want a girl that likes me, knows she likes me and wants to work towards us getting to know each other.

[Coolsbreeze]

Trust me being all smiles and open and very friendly will get you the attention that you seek, good guys looove that about women its like catnip to the good fellas.

[firmness]

This is a super long thread, so I am not sure if someone else said this or not.

 

In the same way that some women will be attracted to a guy, and possibly date him, who they feel deep down inside is a player - so too can men do the same.

 

The challenges with the issue of the player-type are many - and conflicting:

 

1. They might not actually be players.

2. They may be great in the beginning, but we all get old. A beautiful woman will always have options. The divorce rate in America (with 70% of them being initiated by women) is a HUGE indicator that men are pretty much expendable. With an attractive woman, this possibility goes through the roof. And it is not men's fault that this happens.

 

3. Too many of the messages floating around in our popular culture today tell you "YOLO, explore, do new things, find yourself, experience life!" etc. These are all good pieced of advice. However if you are married and wake up one day and find out - "Holy crap, I never YOLOed!" and you know where that leads. Men know this about women, and stay away when they sense that she is "searching". Who wants to be someone's stepping stone? This is rampant and abusive, but somehow celebrated.

 

I could go on, but these are the basics. Fear of cheating, fear of being disposable, and fear of being left behind - all about the same - are what will keep men away from you. At least the good/smart ones.

 

There are plenty of bad boys out there to give you a thrill. Despite your protestations, this will always be a looming threat to your long term security with a man. It is just where we are these days.

 

That is one aspect of the pattern I am seeing anyway.