peruano99 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) I live in my dad's house for the moment, but every single day he finds a little thing and argues for 1 to 2 hours every day. I just can't handle this anymore, so I am thinking of moving and living in my University campus. I can get a job and help me with studies, but I just can't continue living with a toxic father anymore...Can anyone offer advice? Thank you. Honestly, I have been dealing with his constant screaming for the past 10 years. Ever since I was a kid, he abused my mother first, cheated on her, and abandoned us when I was a baby. Now, he is a better man, but his temper is uncontrollable. He just screamed at me outside all loudly for everyone to hear. I cannot take this stress anymore and I would be happier paying my own rent for living at my university than living in his house for free. Edited March 9, 2014 by peruano99 Link to post Share on other sites
dragon_fly_7 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 If you have the money to buy yourself an apartment, go for it. Sometimes it is annoying to be every time I hear my parents argument and at times if my mother in her rage, asks for a divorce. I know it's not happening, not anytime soon because the arguments have always been the same ever since I was a kid. I do plan on moving out too once finishing my career. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 have you ever talked to him yourself about his problems? i dont mean just told him while drunk to not drink anymore. but really talked about it? its not always easy as a guy talking to your dad about his problems but sometimes thats the only way to go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peruano99 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I mean, I talked to him, but he has anger management problems. I think he just takes his frustration on me and my mother whenever she visits. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I mean, I talked to him, but he has anger management problems. I think he just takes his frustration on me and my mother But do you think you made it clear to him? It's hard to admit for some people they are wrong. There's probably something bothering him and I think he has to talk about it. Do you know anything that might caused him being angry? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I grew up in a pretty bad household also. Parents went through divorce. Dad is now remarried and a lot better than he was when I was much younger, but for years some of the only things I could do, was to completely compromise and let him have his way. Once you do finally gain independence and move out, the dynamic change significantly, at least in perception, because I am not dealing with him all the time. I know what you are going through and those things can get under your skin because your family, if they are not coping well can be toxic. After years of being independent you change yourself and grow thicker skin or go through a bunch of crap yourself and it doesn't get to you as much any more. I had a conversation with my mom this past weekend, where she actually told me she was sorry because she knew I had been seeing a counselor and had mentioned to her that she had pushed education on us so much that I probably followed a path that probably more for security than for true passion. I told her that I had no regret for THAT at all and even though things in your childhood affect you (me), that at some point no matter what kind of (disadvantage) of any kind that had happened, you have to become a responsible adult and must work to make your own positive changes and improvements... things you control or can create to make better or harmonious around you, no matter how little power you actually have or seem to have at first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
John316C Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 leave become strong. be the father ur father couldnt be to you... to him if u want to change him. u can also start getting really interested in abuse and talking about articles u read etc... eventually it will sink in. but it will take a few years... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peruano99 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 Thanks for the advise everyone, I have decided to join the Air Force Reserves because I would like to help my country and become a doctor for the Military. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Has your uni got a counselling service? If so, please go and talk to them. It is possible the uni has support services for people who are being bullied or harassed, which sounds like the case for you. Talking this out with them would be a good start and help you to work through your options. I don't think you should feel it's your duty to put up with this or to stay with him. It sounds like his behaviour towards you is very emotionally damaging. He might need help himself, but it might be better if that came from social services, someone independent who he can't blame like he does you. Good luck with finding out what's best for you. No-one deserves to live with fights like that every day. It's so stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
Pineappls Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Moving out is better if you are grown. And what about having a serious convo. With him about all of this?Even if you are moving out anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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