How to believe in love again?

[Loveisonlyformovies]

How to dare to believe in love again after gotten your heart crushed into a million pieces?

 

Won't explain how here, since that is in my other thread. But I'm terrified that I won't fall in love again, and if I does, it won't be worth the pain in the end :/

 

Every guy reminds me of my ex in one way or another which makes them obnoxious in my eyes and never good enough. My ex also told me how I'll never be good enough for anyone either and now I'm completely convinced that he's right.

 

The chances that I'd find a guy older than me who's atheist, sober and a virgin seems to be non-existent.

 

I don't have any friends irl because whenever I try to make friends, I get used and stabbed in the back and I've gotten sick of it. I've never had any other relationship than a LDR one, but not even that I was good enough for..

 

I've been asked once in my life, I said no because I felt zero attraction to the person (I can't feel attracted to anyone else since the breakup :/) and then he spent hours trying to convince me to sleep with him because apparently i appear to be that kind of girl.

 

People look at me as if they find me extremely disgusting or thinks I'm insane.

I'm scared of going to college and be the only one who has never had a real relationship or been wanted by anyone for other than just wasting time.

I've always wanted to have a family at early age so have saved up lots of money for ivf treatment just to have a baby on my own because if anyone ever told me "i love you" again I'd know it's just a lie and I'd be left alone eventually no matter what I do.

 

 

I don't need anyone to be complete or to be happy, I just want someone I can trust and to share my life with but I've never seen a relationship with a happy ending in my life.

 

People don't like me, that I know :/

I'm even thinking of skipping college so I can have a baby sooner just so I won't be lonely anymore.

 

My ex treated me so bad and is perfectly happy with his girlfriend since long and is loved by everyone while I'm hurting and am all alone. It's not fair and he keeps telling me that a short-term relationship is better than nothing for me, I just have to sleep with a guy and he might stay a round for a while.

 

 

How to believe in love again? How to dare to trust anyone again? The chances to find someone who loves me for me seem so small and not worth it... What are the odds?

Maybe just telling people i'm asexual (a lie) and become single parent is better? :/

[ZipperZapper]

loveisonlyformovies writes:

 

How to believe in love again? How to dare to trust anyone again? The chances to find someone who loves me for me seem so small and not worth it... What are the odds?

Maybe just telling people i'm asexual (a lie) and become single parent is better? :/

I don't think love exists. Well, maybe it does, but only for a select few. It reminds me of the opening lyrics of that old Monkees song I'm a Believer:

 

"I thought love was only true in fairy tales. Made for someone else, but not for me..."

 

I'm beginning to think they had it wrong in the sense that love really is only true in fairy tales, and it always seems that someone else is able to find it but many are not.

 

It seems to me that if you aren't good looking, and don't have the scintillating personality that could charm anyone, or that 'je ne sais quoi' that seems to make love easy to find for some people, you might as well give up and hope that love finds you when you least expect it.

 

Because if you go looking for it, it seems you surely won't find it, and yet the paradox is that if you don't do anything at all, there's a good chance it won't find you anyway. There seems to be no way for some people to win at the dating game. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

so it's really better to just give up then :/ thanks for answering

[FrostBlaze]

How to dare to believe in love again after gotten your heart crushed into a million pieces?

 

Won't explain how here, since that is in my other thread. But I'm terrified that I won't fall in love again, and if I does, it won't be worth the pain in the end :/

 

Every guy reminds me of my ex in one way or another which makes them obnoxious in my eyes and never good enough. My ex also told me how I'll never be good enough for anyone either and now I'm completely convinced that he's right.

 

The chances that I'd find a guy older than me who's atheist, sober and a virgin seems to be non-existent.

 

I don't have any friends irl because whenever I try to make friends, I get used and stabbed in the back and I've gotten sick of it. I've never had any other relationship than a LDR one, but not even that I was good enough for..

 

I've been asked once in my life, I said no because I felt zero attraction to the person (I can't feel attracted to anyone else since the breakup :/) and then he spent hours trying to convince me to sleep with him because apparently i appear to be that kind of girl.

 

People look at me as if they find me extremely disgusting or thinks I'm insane.

I'm scared of going to college and be the only one who has never had a real relationship or been wanted by anyone for other than just wasting time.

I've always wanted to have a family at early age so have saved up lots of money for ivf treatment just to have a baby on my own because if anyone ever told me "i love you" again I'd know it's just a lie and I'd be left alone eventually no matter what I do.

 

 

I don't need anyone to be complete or to be happy, I just want someone I can trust and to share my life with but I've never seen a relationship with a happy ending in my life.

 

People don't like me, that I know :/

I'm even thinking of skipping college so I can have a baby sooner just so I won't be lonely anymore.

 

My ex treated me so bad and is perfectly happy with his girlfriend since long and is loved by everyone while I'm hurting and am all alone. It's not fair and he keeps telling me that a short-term relationship is better than nothing for me, I just have to sleep with a guy and he might stay a round for a while.

 

 

How to believe in love again? How to dare to trust anyone again? The chances to find someone who loves me for me seem so small and not worth it... What are the odds?

Maybe just telling people i'm asexual (a lie) and become single parent is better? :/

The bolded part, you find plenty of those, there are more thank you think, but probably introverted .

The problem is if you are going to like them or not ^^.

And nah don't give up, you will find someone else aslong as you put yourself out there, OR just work on yourself and someone will notice.

I met all of my X's without even looking for a partner, it just happened after we started randomly talking and they hit on me. Uhm most of them i initially met online at some group conferences or w/e.

 

Another thing about the bolded phrase. YOu sure that is what you want?

I had women state they wanted that, when they got it, they realize they didn't actually want it, cuz most men that fit that description are not "sexually appealing" to them...w/e long story.

 

Why must he be a virgin if i may ask? ^^ curious. And there are plenty of them .

[Loveisonlyformovies]

I'm very sure that i want it. For a while i thought i would manage anyway so got together with a person who's now my ex, but just those things teared us apart and i just couldn't stand it at all. But the odds of finding someone like that is way too small :/

 

He must be because I was completely disgusted that my ex weren't, and he had still only been with one girl before... and there might be, but not in my part of the world, obviously :/

[d0nnivain]

The fact that you say you are scared to go to college makes me think you are young.

 

People don't actually think you are insane. You are a teenager / young adult & the world around you is changing. You are growing up. That's a lot of process & you are only coming into yourself.

 

At your young age, it is possible to find a guy who is a virgin just like you. Although you are an atheist, I suspect you will find more virgins connected to religion. There are chastity groups out there.

 

Go to college. Learn. Try new things. That process will help you become more self assured, more worldly, & more secure in who you are. Once that personal growth process happens you will better be able to see the possibilities in the world & you will be self confident enough to risk love again.

 

It is a scary proposition because when love ends it does hurt but the rewards when you find something steady & Genuine are amazing. Don't give up.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

there really isn't though, i dont know anyone (who doesn't have a mental disorder) and no one i've asked knows a virgin older than me who's not really religious :/

 

I think that's why i still hold on to my ex, because i honestly don't believe that the person i look for is out there because keeps telling me such person doesn't exist and it has led to the point where i care for nothing. I mean, why improving myself if i wont find what i seek? It really feels hopeless

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, you're young, very young. And that is not meant to be a slant but a fact and one that is important to make because I think EVERY teenager, male or female, has gone through these feelings. It's normal to have doubts and have moments of feeling lonely or even depressed. At that age, we make bad decisions and exercise poor judgement most of the time because we're still learning about ourselves!

 

Second, even though it's normal to have fears and doubts and insecurities at your age (hell, we have them at ANY age!), it's equally as important to remember that YOU have the power and control to do something about it. Don't like the direction your life is going? Then change the it! STOP PLAYING VICTIM! Sitting back and feeling sorry yourself because everything seems to sucks in your life isn't going to make your life better on any level. I guarantee it!!

 

The other very disturbing thing I read in your post is your comment;

 

I'm even thinking of skipping college so I can have a baby sooner just so I won't be lonely anymore.

 

This is, without an ounce of doubt, the worst thing you could do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, please, please, PLEASE don't be so naive to think that getting knocked up for the sake of having a child so you'd never feel lonely again is the answer to all your prayers because I'm here to tell you THAT IT'S NOT! Especially to a mother that has no education. Talk about setting yourself up for a world of pain and struggle and heartbreak and having to depend on others to get you through life. Do you really want that for yourself? Do you think that's fair for your unborn child?? Please think long and hard about this because it is an absolutely terrible idea right now not to mention a ridiculously selfish one.

 

I've read your post several times now and I dare say that you might benefit with some therapy or counselling or anything that will allow you some introspection. You clearly have some major self-esteem issues which might explain why you are where you are today. It would also explain why you ended up with such a horrible ex who you seem to STILL let f**k with your emotions. Why are you still in contact with this idiot??

 

You need closure on that past relationship (and anything else that has jaded you) and realize that not every man you see is a reincarnate of your last boyfriend. At the same time, if you continue to act like a victim and let the things he's said and done to you (and anyone else for that matter), you WILL continue to attract similar men into your life. It's Law of Attraction 101, look it up.

 

Bottom line is that we ALL have our own crosses to bare and baggage we carry around with us that can and will taint things if we're not aware of it. You're story is not that unique I'm afraid, particularly at your young age.

 

Want to make your life better? Stop doing what you've been doing. RELAX. You wreak of desperation and that is incredibly unattractive and also cat-nip for questionable men with shady agendas. Take a break from all of this and try to focus on working on yourself for a change. Aren't you tired of all this bulls**t?? Again, you have the power to be and do anything you want but you have to do the work first. Stop thinking that having the right boyfriend or having a baby is going to fill the gaping hole in your heart because it won't. Only YOU can do that. I promise you that when you start working on yourself, things will fall into place just as they should.

 

When you know better, you do better. It's just a fact of life.

 

Good luck!

Edited March 29, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Firstly, I want a baby fro IVF treatment, besides, this is Sweden, the system is really good here so I'd be able to support the baby.

 

I need closure on that relationship, I've been trying to figure out how for a year now. NC with him didn't lead to closure so i keep contact in hope something bad will happen to him and i can get my closure.

 

I'm not playing the victim. Stop thinking of having a baby? It's what I really want in my life, all my other dreams in life aren't time-limited and i can pursue them later in life but something will still be missing in my life until i have my own family.

 

I do want to make my life better, but i honestly don't see the point with it when I wont get the life I want. Most people on here have even explained how impossible it will be to find a good decent guy who's a virgin, and if i aleady know now that i can't have that part in my life at all, the other parts doesn't seem to matter to me. And my age makes me even more stressed out about it since the chances of finding such person decreses daily :/

 

I'm in therapy and there's nothing wrong with my self-esteem.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Loveisonlyformovies

[Michelle ma Belle]

Well then it looks like you have all the answers. If that is the case, I'm not sure why you felt the need to post on here and ask for all of us take the time and energy to read your story and offer up some good advice if you've already got it all figured out.

 

What exactly are you asking from us? Because based on the questions you asked;

 

How to believe in love again?

How to dare to trust anyone again?

The chances to find someone who loves me for me seem so small and not worth it... What are the odds?

Maybe just telling people i'm asexual (a lie) and become single parent is better? :/

 

I think they were answered as best as they could be given what little we know about you and your situation. Whether or not you like the answers is another thing all together.

 

Good luck.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

the answers i got proved that it's better to give up on love, everyone says i wont find what i seek

that's the only advice i wanted and a way to get closure since it tears me apart

[Michelle ma Belle]

Is that what you're reading? Because that is NOT what I'm seeing at all on here. Go back. What I see are people letting you know that perhaps it's best you let go of wanting to be in a relationship so badly and concentrate on other things for a change.

 

The other thing I see are people letting you know that being so particularly about what you want in your next partner MIGHT be more challenging (wanting a virgin) BUT it's certainly NOT impossible for heaven's sake. At the same time, if you think having a virgin boyfriend will guarantee unconditional love, I'm afraid you will be greatly disappointed.

 

You have a very negative attitude which isn't helping.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[Loveisonlyformovies]

But i want kids early in my life, so why focus on other things that i don't want?

If my ex gets kids before me than that will break me apart

 

i don't believe it will guarantee that, had explained it in another thread on here,

 

I do have a negative attitude because everything has fallen apart in my life and it feels hopeless

[Michelle ma Belle]

But i want kids early in my life, so why focus on other things that i don't want?

If my ex gets kids before me than that will break me apart

 

i don't believe it will guarantee that, had explained it in another thread on here,

 

I do have a negative attitude because everything has fallen apart in my life and it feels hopeless

 

I thought the whole point of this thread was about you wanting and believing in LOVE again NOT how can you find a virgin and get pregnant ASAP? Did I miss something?? Geez Louise, this is becoming a VERY frustrating dialogue and I'm about to tap out because there is simply no getting through to you. Ugh.

 

What do you want? To fall in love or have a baby?

 

I'm sorry that you have had a run of really bad luck and bad experiences, honestly I am but again, you're not the only person who can say that. There have been others that have had it worse than you can somehow they've managed to find love and have it all in the end.

 

And what do you care if your ex has kids before you do?? He has nothing to do with you. Your obsession with having child as means to fill some void you have is very troubling to me.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i want both of it, and i dont believe someone can truly love me for who i am, that they'll only care for sex or let it matter too much

[Michelle ma Belle]

i want both of it, and i dont believe someone can truly love me for who i am, that they'll only care for sex or let it matter too much

 

How long have you been in therapy?

[Loveisonlyformovies]

years, and my therapist also says i cant expect a guy to stay if i dont sleep with him within a few months, and that's not the kind of guy i look for

[Michelle ma Belle]

years, and my therapist also says i cant expect a guy to stay if i dont sleep with him within a few months, and that's not the kind of guy i look for

 

You need a new therapist. Seriously. Whatever "work" you've doing with this person has clearly done you no good whatsoever. I'm sorry to be so blunt but it's painfully obvious. It's such a shame.

 

At this point, I'm officially done with this thread. There is nothing more I can say and even if I could, I doubt it will make any difference to you.

 

I sincerely wish you the best regardless.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

It sounds to me like all you need is time. Not another relationship, a baby, or whatever other fantasy ideas you have that you think will fix your personal issues. You haven't even attended college yet. Do you know what all entails in raising a child?? I do. I have 4 of them. They're not puppies there for companionship. It's the most difficult thing you'll ever do in your life and thinking you can easily do it by yourself for no other reason than you want one is ridiculous and selfish. People do IV because they have no other options, not because it seems like an easy option. Babies are no quick fix to anything. They are a lifelong commitment that pushes back every other plan you may have once had for yourself because your life is no longer priority.

 

You have a lot of maturing and growing up to do. Work on yourself. Stop worrying about your ex and other people. Find happiness with yourself. Once you do that, all other things will fall into place.

[Teraskas]

years, and my therapist also says i cant expect a guy to stay if i dont sleep with him within a few months, and that's not the kind of guy i look for

 

I'm sorry, but this 'therapist' sounds like a complete tool and a huge idiot.

I'm starting to wonder where this guy got his certificate from.

Anyhow, there are HEAPS of good guys out there who are still single.

(Myself included. )

I don't know your situation, but perhaps introspection on your end is needed.

For all we know, these guys have either been put in the friendzone by you or have been rejected.

Something which might also work better is to find a guy from your neighbourhood, rather than a LDR.

 

At this point what you need isn't a child, or another relationship, but rather: Time to work on yourself, time to rebuild your confidence.

A single mom is going to have a MUCH tougher time in dating than a woman who doesn't have kids at your age.

I don't know about the laws where you live, but I wouldn't be comfortable with the financial (nor the moral) obligation of supporting and raising a child which isn't mine to begin with.

Who cares if you or your ex have children first ? Last time I checked, such goals in life aren't a competition.

From what I've read he sounds like a complete douchebag who should be launched at the sun.

Do yourself a favour and cut ties with this guy altogether, he is FAR from worth it.

 

So long story short: Take the time to work on yourself and rebuild your confidence. If you eminate desperation, then only guys similar to your ex will be attracted to that.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Teraskas

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i know how to find happiness with myself, that has never been an issue for me, i just think it means more when sharing with someone else

 

Since parents can choose IVF and it's what i want, i know I'm perfectly capable of raising kids on my own and i'd give them the childhood i never had. The child would be mine, I'd just buy the sperm.

 

 

 

And no, I'm not looking for a relationship with someone from my own country since i plan to move from here pretty soon, and i dont want anyone keeping me here or stopping my dreams

[rubberman]

How to dare to believe in love again after gotten your heart crushed into a million pieces?

 

Won't explain how here, since that is in my other thread. But I'm terrified that I won't fall in love again, and if I does, it won't be worth the pain in the end :/

 

Every guy reminds me of my ex in one way or another which makes them obnoxious in my eyes and never good enough. My ex also told me how I'll never be good enough for anyone either and now I'm completely convinced that he's right.

 

The chances that I'd find a guy older than me who's atheist, sober and a virgin seems to be non-existent.

 

I don't have any friends irl because whenever I try to make friends, I get used and stabbed in the back and I've gotten sick of it. I've never had any other relationship than a LDR one, but not even that I was good enough for..

 

I've been asked once in my life, I said no because I felt zero attraction to the person (I can't feel attracted to anyone else since the breakup :/) and then he spent hours trying to convince me to sleep with him because apparently i appear to be that kind of girl.

 

People look at me as if they find me extremely disgusting or thinks I'm insane.

I'm scared of going to college and be the only one who has never had a real relationship or been wanted by anyone for other than just wasting time.

I've always wanted to have a family at early age so have saved up lots of money for ivf treatment just to have a baby on my own because if anyone ever told me "i love you" again I'd know it's just a lie and I'd be left alone eventually no matter what I do.

 

 

I don't need anyone to be complete or to be happy, I just want someone I can trust and to share my life with but I've never seen a relationship with a happy ending in my life.

 

People don't like me, that I know :/

I'm even thinking of skipping college so I can have a baby sooner just so I won't be lonely anymore.

 

My ex treated me so bad and is perfectly happy with his girlfriend since long and is loved by everyone while I'm hurting and am all alone. It's not fair and he keeps telling me that a short-term relationship is better than nothing for me, I just have to sleep with a guy and he might stay a round for a while.

 

 

How to believe in love again? How to dare to trust anyone again? The chances to find someone who loves me for me seem so small and not worth it... What are the odds?

Maybe just telling people i'm asexual (a lie) and become single parent is better? :/

 

Tried to send you PM but it didn't work so I'll post here instead.

 

I've read some of your posts and must say I feel for you. LDR is something that usually never works out in the long end. It's hard not seeing the person all the time, whenever you want to. My girlfriend of 1 year dumped me little over a month ago. We had a ldr for almost 6 months. And for me when she moved away was the hardest part. But believe me you will feel better, you just have to accept that time will heal it. If you want to talk here or on PM just say so. I'm Swedish aswell but I'm writing in English, hope that is OK !

 

Kim

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i doubt i'd ever get to know someone that well if it wasn't an LDR at first, i wouldn't ever consider dating, you dont really get to know a person on a deep level then.

 

i wish i could believe that, but so far the past 15 months time hasn't healed anything at all, only made the scars deeper so far

[rubberman]

i doubt i'd ever get to know someone that well if it wasn't an LDR at first, i wouldn't ever consider dating, you dont really get to know a person on a deep level then.

 

i wish i could believe that, but so far the past 15 months time hasn't healed anything at all, only made the scars deeper so far

 

 

Life is about taking chances, if you choose not to there is a possibility MR won't show up. Why would you never consider dating if i may ask?

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i just wouldn't. it's just not who i am.