Why is my ex sending me messages??

[rosannnnnnnnaaaaa]

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago even thought i was still in love with him, when I felt him being distant and losing interest, and he never fought for me in the few months after i ended it.

 

Recently, over the past month, hes invited me to a party at his house, always asking my friends how im doing and sent me a fb message asking if we could 'kiss, make up and be friends' and to go out that night with him and his housemate for drinks. I ignored it for a week and then replied 'is this a joke?' he didn't reply.

 

Then a few days ago I ran into his best friend on the high road near my house, and we had a little chat for a bit, and the next morning i awoke to a message sent to me at 2 am from my ex, saying that he'd been self destructing the last few months, and apologizing multiple times for not talking to me, not that it was an excuse and that he really wants to be friends, and then invited me over to his house and said he would cook us a nice meal and we can catch up, finished by him saying he understands if i don't want to, repeating again that he was sorry and hadn't been himself.

 

What should I make of this text? its been 6 months! my friends think he wants me back but i am unconvinced, and would really like a guy's advice on this. I'm also really scared that if i do go and catch up ill start getting feelings for him again and then it'll be heartbreak all over again when he wants to be "just friends"

 

I don't really want to be friends with him, but I am curious as to why hes suddenly changed his mind about us communicating, and I feel like if I don't go I'll always think what if.. you know? And this guy was my first love, so I guess i'll always have some kind of feeling for him, and maybe a little part of me wants him to want me again. Am i reading too much into this? I literally haven't spoken to him in 6 months.. I don't understand why this has changed and hes started trying to build a bridge.

 

Why is he messaging me all of a sudden 6 months later after the split? Doesnt that seem extremely odd and longwinded? Could my friends possibly be right that he's still into me or do you all think its probably more a just friends situation?

 

Any thoughts? Guys? Girls? Would really mean a lot to me.

Thanks

[toolforgrowth]

The main thing that stuck out for me was that he said he wants to be friends, but you said that you do not. If I were you, that would cause me to decline his invitation. You said that you don't want to get reattached and be hurt again, and that's perfectly valid.

 

I get having residual feelings for a first love, but because someone is a first love doesn't mean they're the best love for you. Pay attention to what it is he did not say, which was that he wanted to get back together with you. Also consider the fact that he's been self-destructing lately; that tells me that he's looking for support from you, which begs another question: what happens when he's all better and doesn't need validation anymore?

 

So because of all that, I would politely decline. If you are genuinely curious as to the possibility of working things out, you can observe his reactions after declining. If he insists friends is all he wants, then continue NC. If he says he still has feelings, then at that point you'd have a decision to make. To give you an example, recently one of my ex girlfriends (who kind of always held a place in my heart) told me she still has feelings for me, has been doing a lot of self-improvement since we broke up, and has been making genuine attempts towards a possible reconciliation. I never really considered trying again with her before, but now she's really got me thinking. She's doing all the right things and there is no pressure, which makes things a lot easier.

 

I guess my point is you'll know if he wants to get back together with you or not (and if you're unconvinced, trust your instincts), and to not let the "what ifs" get to you. Think about what it is you really want and focus on the future. If it was meant to be, it'll happen.

[Kevin_D]

Isn't it quite obvious? YOU dumped HIM. He had done his homework and knew that the best way to carry on is to keep the distance. He also knew that successful reconciliations seldom happens within the first months.

 

So now he has improved himself, worked out, got new female friends and feels like he can give it a shot without fear of rejection.

 

Something tells me that you're going to find a way to hurt him again, though.

 

and he never fought for me in the few months after i ended it.

 

I don't know, this doesn't sound too promising. You dump your boyfriend and then seem disappointed that he doesn't "fight" for you?

 

I'm also really scared that if i do go and catch up ill start getting feelings for him again and then it'll be heartbreak all over again when he wants to be "just friends"

 

Wait, what? You said that YOU ended it? And now you are afraid that you will be heartbroken? How old are you guys?

[travelonic]

 

I don't know, this doesn't sound too promising. You dump your boyfriend and then seem disappointed that he doesn't "fight" for you?

 

What exactly does that mean, I am curious... not trying to derail the thread, but this has always been a suspect phrase for me. My ex accuses me of not fighting after **** hit the fan for us - long story that I've talked about ad nauseum - I cooled off at the recommendation of my friends, and then over two occasions in the following month I spilt my guts over what was going on - but given the circumstances behind what was going on **IN MY CASE** it was futile to say or do any more - I said what I had to say and had to let it be... which makes me suspect of accusations of not fighting, since I did fight - or I feel lie it, but I knew when to quit, and suspect that in a lot of cases - not all, of course - something similar occurs.

[rosannnnnnnnaaaaa]

I didn't hurt him.. he hurt me..

 

I'm 20 and hes 22.

I remember him sitting me down and saying we need to talk about something... I just had that gut feeling - to which I was right I could feel him leading into ending it but he couldn't say it... So I did the hard work and ended it for us. I didnt want to. It was the most painful thing I've ever had to do.

 

So yeah, I'm justified in being upset that he didnt fight for me at all, and I hope that explains a bit more.

[Kevin_D]

I didn't hurt him.. he hurt me..

 

I'm 20 and hes 22.

I remember him sitting me down and saying we need to talk about something... I just had that gut feeling - to which I was right I could feel him leading into ending it but he couldn't say it... So I did the hard work and ended it for us. I didnt want to. It was the most painful thing I've ever had to do.

 

So yeah, I'm justified in being upset that he didnt fight for me at all, and I hope that explains a bit more.

 

Okay, I understand now. Sorry if I was being rude.

 

In that case, I think you should be extremely cautious. Personally, I wouldn't see him right now. If he really wants you back, he won't give up that easily. But it's your choice. Take care.