sweetpea01 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 I don't consider myself to be one of those girls with little self-confidence, or low self-esteem. I'm a college grad, I'm applying to med school, I have a wonderful family, great friends, I'm attractive (I'm SO not an ego-maniac, I promise!!)....so, why is it that I took back my cheating bf??? It happened about a year and a half ago. (The cheating.) I dumped him when I found out, but he convinced me to take him back. A lot of the trust has been regained...obviously not all of it...but I don't know why I didn't kick him to the curb and move on. He has inconsiderate tendencies...I have to ask him a question 3 times before he'll hear it...he'll get on his cell phone all the time...just stuff that makes me really unhappy and unsatisfied. When I see all THAT stuff, combined with his cheating...I kick myself for being so stupid. I don't know what makes me stay with him. Is it cause the nice stuff he sometimes does gives me hope? Am I scared? Do I not truly believe I can do better? Ahhhhh! I want to break it off...I'm just not strong enough. How did anyone else do it? Sweetpea Link to post Share on other sites
blinkless Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Read your own post. You said it out loud already. You are unsatisfied. Why worry about him, do everything for you, right now anyway. If he really wants you, you will then be sure. Never sell yourself short, and don't settle. You deserve to know where you stand, and this is a dating theory, everyone wants what they can't have. You are either taking the easy path, or you don't think you matter. On the other hand you said he pursued you and won you back. WHY? Once you loose trust though, it's real hard to build on that. I wouldn't even consider working on a questionable relationship unless I had a REAL reason to believe that I would never have to think about again, and then I wouldnt think about again. Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 It's not easy to call it quits on someone you have been with for a long time and care about deeply. But if you're scared of being unhappy without him, just remember that you are probably more unhappy with him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Stylin22 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Why'd you take him back if you couldn't get over his cheating? I don't believe he talked you into it cause you are an independent on your way to med school, you can obviously make your own choices...But if you are going to lump his inconsiderate things in with his cheating, you have hurt you haven't dealt with. That's not only unfair to you(cause you'll never get the happiness you want) but also to him (cause he isn't getting a fair second chance). Figure it out, you in (deal with your feelings about the cheating) or out? That's life in the nutshell...I just don't understand all the stuff about people forcing/talking others into it. Are there really that many loaded handguns out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Because it's easier to hang on to something that's sh*tty and familiar than it is to forge new relationships. Disrespect is disrespect. You're doing it to yourself, he doesn't need to do it to you anymore. What do you want from a relationship? And if he's not giving it to you, it's time to find someone who will. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 ...I have to ask him a question 3 times before he'll hear it... My ex did this, and it's the nastiest habit. Guaranteed to make you feel like a nag just for trying to have a conversation. In time, you'll learn just not to talk to him, to avoid the implied punishment. After 2-10 years of this, you will no longer feel any desire to talk to him - or touch him - or be in the same room with him - etc. ANY breakup, no matter how desirable and necessary, will cause pain. That is a NORMAL part of human psychology - we bond to our SO/partner, even if he/she is a major twit. Dopamine and oxytocin flow, and you WILL experience pain when you separate yourself from him (which you should do ASAP, BTW). As a premed, I am sure you can research this. Also please check out what creates and sustains romantic love by visiting http://www.marriagebuilders.com. You will see that what you have with this fellow does NOT qualify. You are WAY too young to settle. Do be aware that after you separate yourself from him, he is likely to put a major move on getting you back. If so, ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
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